Is he doing this push-pull messaging on purpose?

[Calmandfocused]

10 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Ok so I just read the recent posts.   This (bolded) was a major piece of information to leave out!

When you declined his invite, did YOU offer an alternative day you would be available?

Yes of course he could have asked you, BUT there are many men these days who when a woman declines his invite, expect her to offer alternative day.  That is what I always did, when interested.

Not sure what to think now.  It is possible he is intentionally not asking, believing since he asked for second and you declined, the ball is in your court.  

Possibly.  There are men who truly do think this way.  

I agree with this. He would have expected responsiveness, compromise and an indication from you that you are keen to see him again. You didn’t do that. Maybe his conclusion was therefore that you’re not that interested in him. It’s possible. 
 

Also based on what you’ve told us about his and your busy lifestyles, maybe there’s a clash between availabilities, and he’s questioning whether you’d be a good fit on that basis? I know I’ve refused dates with men before where it’s clear from the offset that our schedules just will not mesh. There’s no point in these instances. 

[Acacia98]

1 hour ago, Calmandfocused said:

I agree with this. He would have expected responsiveness, compromise and an indication from you that you are keen to see him again. You didn’t do that. Maybe his conclusion was therefore that you’re not that interested in him. It’s possible. 

Even taking that into consideration, his behavior is childish. A more mature guy would either have proposed another date or simply stopped communicating altogether. In future, she should definitely try what you're suggesting. As for this particular guy, I wouldn't bother with him any more.

[miss2017]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Keep in mind it's One date.

You are still both talking to and meeting others.

There's no relationship going in.

If he annoys you, tell him you are not a match and delete and block him.

Continue to talk to and meet others. This seems like a one and done situation where he just lost interest.

Now today he sent me a message saying he hasn’t been ok. Just that, nothing else. I haven’t responded. 

Not sure if he really is telling the truth or just trying to keep me hooked.

Edited December 6, 2020 by miss2017

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

Now today he sent me a message saying he hasn’t been ok. Just that, nothing else. I haven’t responded. 

Not sure if he really is telling the truth or just trying to keep me hooked.

Free yourself from the nonsense. Delete and block him.

That way you won't waste time trying to decode random rubbish 

No one is "keeping you hooked". It's as simple as a tap on the block button.

[elaine567]

You are a single woman, stay away from "busy" fathers. Dating is hard enough without having to take HIS kids and an ex into consideration too. 
If you are both "too busy" to even make a second date, then how do you think that will play out long term?
Add in the inconsistent push - pull texting then why waste your time with that garbage? 
 

I would also be a bit suspicious of the next day meet with no alternative offered.
This is what attached men do, they take advantage of some free time when the other half is away but cannot then promise other days/nights.
I guess he had a two day free slot to fill and you were "It"...   once you turned him down, he knows he then has to wait to find another time when he can get away, so he cools it down.

[miss2017]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Free yourself from the nonsense. Delete and block him.

That way you won't waste time trying to decode random rubbish 

No one is "keeping you hooked". It's as simple as a tap on the block button.

Yes of course, going to do that. I want someone positive, consistent, the opposite of this shyt. All the attraction I felt for him on our date is gone.

[miss2017]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

You are a single woman, stay away from "busy" fathers. Dating is hard enough without having to take HIS kids and an ex into consideration too. 
If you are both "too busy" to even make a second date, then how do you think that will play out long term?
Add in the inconsistent push - pull texting then why waste your time with that garbage? 
 

I would also be a bit suspicious of the next day meet with no alternative offered.
This is what attached men do, they take advantage of some free time when the other half is away but cannot then promise other days/nights.
I guess he had a two day free slot to fill and you were "It"...   once you turned him down, he knows he then has to wait to find another time when he can get away, so he cools it down.

Yes I suspect he might be attached. Although I found him on Facebook and he is there as single, and with family members, etc.

But he also said to me that he got divorced 2 years ago and there were some holiday photos with the ‘ex’ from last summer. So I’m thinking they probably got back together. And the ‘so busy with my kids’ is actually an excuse.

Anyway I’m fed up of him already with this stupid messages.

[Watercolors]

6 hours ago, miss2017 said:

Yes I suspect he might be attached. Although I found him on Facebook and he is there as single, and with family members, etc.

But he also said to me that he got divorced 2 years ago and there were some holiday photos with the ‘ex’ from last summer. So I’m thinking they probably got back together. And the ‘so busy with my kids’ is actually an excuse.

Anyway I’m fed up of him already with this stupid messages.

To note: nothing people post on their social media accounts (this includes all platforms) is even close to the real truth of their lives. Anything you see digital is a slant of the truth. No one tells the truth online. To believe that they do, is to set yourself up for disappointment. 

[Ruby Slippers]

I would have lost interest long ago. If early dating including communication and planning isn't easy and fun, I move on.