miss2017 Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 (edited) I met this guy online a month ago. We started texting everyday and seemed to have a lot in common. We met in person one week ago, he invited me for dinner and it was really nice, we kissed at the end of the date and he said he wanted to see me again soon. So we continued to text each other the following couple of days and then he abruptly changed. He would send a good morning text to me, I would respond and he would take many hours to respond back, when before he would respond in minutes. Initially I though he could be busy, or maybe even met someone else, but then his behaviour the next few days led me to believe he is doing it on purpose. There was one day (2 days ago) where he sent me a message asking how I am, I responded and asked him back and didn’t respond to my message, although he was online on Whatsapp many times. Then he read my message but still didn’t respond and left me on read. Next day he said sorry for not responding sooner and said his brother in law’s grandmother has died.... Then yesterday afternoon he sent me a message asking how I am and asking if I missed him!? I only responded to how I am and asked him the question back, and up until now (one day later), he hasn’t read my message although again, he has been online. I feel like he is playing games, and I just feel put off by this. His question asking me if I missed him was what showed me he is doing it on purpose to see if I chase him. Because I find this ridiculous and hate playing games and I like straight forward communication, I am leaning back and not doing anything. I feel he will end up ghosting me because I am not reacting like he would like too. So my question to you guys is, am I right and he is playing games? Or has he just met someone else and is keeping me on the shelf? Should I ask him directly what’s going on or should I just ignore him? Thank you! Edited December 5, 2020 by miss2017
Happy Lemming Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 Unless there are Covid-19 restrictions, I'm wondering why he hasn't asked you out on a second date. It is Saturday here -- date night. Brother-in-law's grandmother died?? That is the first time I've heard that one. 7
Author miss2017 Posted December 5, 2020 Author Posted December 5, 2020 8 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Unless there are Covid-19 restrictions, I'm wondering why he hasn't asked you out on a second date. It is Saturday here -- date night. Brother-in-law's grandmother died?? That is the first time I've heard that one. He said last week he was having his kids this weekend and couldn’t meet, although he could be making plans already for when we are available and he isn’t. Yes, that thing about the brother in law sounded like BS to me.
Versacehottie Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 Did you use current photos or the ones where you were 33 lbs less? In your thread where you wondered why you didn't get a second date, lots of people told you that was probably the reason. You were hesitating on using currently accurate photos because you claimed you were going to lose weight--lots of people told you to either put dating on hold if you didn't want to use accurate photos or use accurate photos. I'm going to guess you did what you wanted to anyway and since you've been talking to him a month, he probably got your old, inaccurate photos---so please refer to the thread where you received answers for that if you really want to know. oh, and I know you will say "but he contacted me after and he kissed me on the date". Maybe he was already there and just rolled with it but in general it's a letdown and bait and switch tactics on your end that is why guys are disappointed and disillusioned. I think, in part, you need to be honest and real with yourself and in turn with the guys you are dating--which starts with giving/showing current, accurate photos. Push-pull in this case because you are someone who has shown interest and he can get physical with; it might be something he wants in his back pocket. Also lots of people are not confrontational in terms of saying why they are not into you 1 1
Author miss2017 Posted December 5, 2020 Author Posted December 5, 2020 Just now, Versacehottie said: Did you use current photos or the ones where you were 33 lbs less? In your thread where you wondered why you didn't get a second date, lots of people told you that was probably the reason. You were hesitating on using currently accurate photos because you claimed you were going to lose weight--lots of people told you to either put dating on hold if you didn't want to use accurate photos or use accurate photos. I'm going to guess you did what you wanted to anyway and since you've been talking to him a month, he probably got your old, inaccurate photos---so please refer to the thread where you received answers for that if you really want to know. oh, and I know you will say "but he contacted me after and he kissed me on the date". Maybe he was already there and just rolled with it but in general it's a letdown and bait and switch tactics on your end that is why guys are disappointed and disillusioned. I think, in part, you need to be honest and real with yourself and in turn with the guys you are dating--which starts with giving/showing current, accurate photos. Push-pull in this case because you are someone who has shown interest and he can get physical with; it might be something he wants in his back pocket. Also lots of people are not confrontational in terms of saying why they are not into you I sent him accurate and current photos of me exactly like I am now. He loved it and he said he likes curvy women. So no that was not the issue at all in this case. There was a lot of chemistry between us that is why he kissed me. 1
Watercolors Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 Dating is not rocket science. If he hasn’t already asked you out for a second date and is just breadcrumbing you with WhatsApp text messages, then no, he’s not interested in seeing you in person for a second date. How many threads exist (countless) where the OP complains that the person they went on one date is texting and texting with them, but isn’t asking them out again, and the OP over-analyzes the person’s motives b/c the person hasn’t asked them out a second time. So, my opinion is: nope, he’s not interested in seeing you in person again or he would have asked you out for a second date on the night of the first date. I’m old school. That’s how I roll. 4 1
Versacehottie Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 I'm impressed! Good for you! From your other thread it did not look like you were willing to do this. Well ok, maybe he didn't feel "enough" of a spark but still wants the option or is commitmentphobic or playing the field. I think if he is bold as to ask if you "miss" him when he is doing a hot/cold dance, you should playfully joke with him about it or ignore. Keep the relationship in the real world, including with his behavior toward you. If it's too inconsistent and you don't want to continue, you should do exactly that. Good luck
Watercolors Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 (edited) 17 minutes ago, miss2017 said: He said last week he was having his kids this weekend and couldn’t meet, although he could be making plans already for when we are available and he isn’t. Yes, that thing about the brother in law sounded like BS to me. Look, he would have asked you out already for a second date, despite events happening that involve him, outside the realm of his dating life. Since he hasn’t asked you out again and is stringing you along, you are over analyzing his read/not read behavior on a social media app. That isn’t healthy for you to do because it won’t change his low interest level in you. Guys are simple minded. If they like a woman, they will ask her out again and won’t complicate matters. My advice to you is just delete and block him. He had his chance and you two had a nice first date. But first dates and kissing/hugging on them means NOTHING. If he doesn’t ask you out for the next date while you’re on the first date with him, he’s not going to ask you out again. I’m sorry I know that’s hard to hear but that’s the most simple explanation. Don’t convolute it with “but he..” excuses for him. He would have asked you out again already but he hasn’t and he isn’t. And he’s definitely keeping you as a backup option, by stringing you along via text message, asking you if you miss him. Frankly that behavior is high schoolish and immature. And its as transparent as a car windshield. If you can’t see through his scheming, then you are giving him way too much power over you. He’s a cad. Just delete and block the douche bag already. Make yourself available to more mature guys who will ask you out the proper way and won’t string you along via online communication, playing hot and cold with your feelings. Edited December 5, 2020 by Watercolors 2
Happy Lemming Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 14 minutes ago, miss2017 said: He said last week he was having his kids this weekend and couldn’t meet, although he could be making plans already for when we are available and he isn’t. Yes, that thing about the brother in law sounded like BS to me. If I knew I was unavailable for the weekend, I'd tried to do a small Thursday date. I'll cut him some slack for the weekend, because he has his kids, but he should have come up with some type of alternative. Unless he was particularly close to this grandmother (through the brother-in-law), I'm not buying he was affected by her death. I mean he may need to make an appearance at the viewing (if there was one), but other than that, I can't see why it would affect his life in any way, shape or form. 1
Watercolors Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 9 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: If I knew I was unavailable for the weekend, I'd tried to do a small Thursday date. I'll cut him some slack for the weekend, because he has his kids, but he should have come up with some type of alternative. Unless he was particularly close to this grandmother (through the brother-in-law), I'm not buying he was affected by her death. I mean he may need to make an appearance at the viewing (if there was one), but other than that, I can't see why it would affect his life in any way, shape or form. I said the same thing. Events in his life outside of scheduling dates with the OP should in no way interfere with his ability to do that. His excuses are just that...excuses. And, those excuses and his breadcrumbing the OP with “do you miss me text” are meant to keep her emotionally invested and hooked on him, since he kissed her on their first date. Guys who do this are multidaters with OLD. It’s as common as an STD. That’s why moving forward OP, you should not emotionally invest in ANYTHING the next guy does or says to you on your first date with him. Save the emotional investment for a mutual connection. A few flirty texts and some kissing means nothing in the long scheme of dating, when it happens at the very beginning. I’m GenX. I hate OLD and I gave it a shot for 5 years with horrible results. I’m a cynic with OLD. I’d rather use that monthly fee money for investment in savings account for emergencies, travel goals, or whatever but not to pay some website or app to connect me to available single men who multidate, come with serious baggage, lie, and are often losers.
Chilli Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 lt could be nothing he might've just been busy and now he has he's kids , that alone can often take some organizing through the wk. And maybe he's really close to the brother in law who knows. Just sayin . Wouldn't right it off yet see how things go next wk but yeah if there's no change he's probably just not that into it.
Happy Lemming Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 3 minutes ago, Watercolors said: I’m GenX. I hate OLD Same here... I did give it a shot (many years ago) and was quite disappointed (too many games). I went back to "real life". 1
Author miss2017 Posted December 5, 2020 Author Posted December 5, 2020 Hi guys, thank you for your replies. I forgot to mention that 2 days after we met, he asked me if I wanted to go out on a date with him next day but I had things planned and could not meet him that day. That’s when things fizzled between us and the inconsistent texting started. I don’t know if he took it as rejection but I seriously busy that day and it wasn’t an excuse. I also like to plan things more in advance rather than ‘let’s meet tomorrow’. Anyway, this is weird behaviour from him.
Happy Lemming Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 2 minutes ago, miss2017 said: Hi guys, thank you for your replies. I forgot to mention that 2 days after we met, he asked me if I wanted to go out on a date with him next day... So he did try to plan a second date before he got his kids this weekend... OK, I'll give him some credit for trying to plan a mid-week date. In that case... maybe call him next week and provide him with your schedule, see if he bites??
Watercolors Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 4 minutes ago, miss2017 said: Hi guys, thank you for your replies. I forgot to mention that 2 days after we met, he asked me if I wanted to go out on a date with him next day but I had things planned and could not meet him that day. That’s when things fizzled between us and the inconsistent texting started. I don’t know if he took it as rejection but I seriously busy that day and it wasn’t an excuse. I also like to plan things more in advance rather than ‘let’s meet tomorrow’. Anyway, this is weird behaviour from him. As I’ve said, if he wanted to ask you out again he would have. Apparently, you being busy on the day he asked you out again, somehow prevents him from asking you out on an alternative day? Sorry my dear but you have a game player here. A normal response from him would have been, “oh you’re busy that day? How about this day instead? “ But he didn’t respond that way. And he’s been keeping you on the back burner meanwhile via text, checking to see if your’e still hooked on him (which you are, correct)?
Author miss2017 Posted December 5, 2020 Author Posted December 5, 2020 1 minute ago, Watercolors said: As I’ve said, if he wanted to ask you out again he would have. Apparently, you being busy on the day he asked you out again, somehow prevents him from asking you out on an alternative day? Sorry my dear but you have a game player here. A normal response from him would have been, “oh you’re busy that day? How about this day instead? “ But he didn’t respond that way. And he’s been keeping you on the back burner meanwhile via text, checking to see if your’e still hooked on him (which you are, correct)? At this moment my level of hooked on him is on the verge of going to block and delete him.
Watercolors Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 Just now, miss2017 said: At this moment my level of hooked on him is on the verge of going to block and delete him. Smart woman. Just stop wasting your time on him. Nothing is preventing him from asking you out other than he’s just not interested and he’s a weanie for not telling you the truth.
poppyfields Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Watercolors said: My advice to you is just delete and block him. This^^. I never expected a man to ask me out for second at the end of first, but they did very soon thereafter. Not the BS this turkey is doing, geez! My read on this is he's playing games, messin with ya, stringing you along, take your pick. And his "do you miss me" crap? Lol. After the way he'd been taking ages to respond and ignoring? I would have laughed (to myself) and blocked and deleted right then. Another one bites the dust, big fat NEXT. Edited December 5, 2020 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 (edited) 59 minutes ago, miss2017 said: I forgot to mention that 2 days after we met, he asked me if I wanted to go out on a date with him next day but I had things planned and could not meet him that day. That’s when things fizzled between us and the inconsistent texting started. I don’t know if he took it as rejection but I seriously busy that day and it wasn’t an excuse. I also like to plan things more in advance rather than ‘let’s meet tomorrow’. Anyway, this is weird behaviour from him. Ok so I just read the recent posts. This (bolded) was a major piece of information to leave out! When you declined his invite, did YOU offer an alternative day you would be available? Yes of course he could have asked you, BUT there are many men these days who when a woman declines his invite, expect her to offer alternative day. That is what I always did, when interested. Not sure what to think now. It is possible he is intentionally not asking, believing since he asked for second and you declined, the ball is in your court. Possibly. There are men who truly do think this way. Edited December 5, 2020 by poppyfields 2
Lotsgoingon Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 If you have to ask, then the answer is yes. You write, So my question to you guys is, am I right and he is playing games? Or has he just met someone else and is keeping me on the shelf? These are the same thing to me. 1
Miss Spider Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 (edited) “Playing games“ implies that they care enough to at least put some thought into it in an attempt to up your interest. Nay, I don’t think that’s what is happening here though. I don’t think many men use the method of ignoring a woman that they are interested as a first resort. If you aren’t showing enough interest maybe. But if you are showing interest, they wouldn’t think of it. Edited December 6, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
ShyViolet Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 You've only gone one date with this guy and he's already this flaky..... seems not worth all this trouble. People not answering texts is something that drives me crazy. 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 8 hours ago, miss2017 said: We met in person one week ago, he invited me for dinner and it was really nice, Keep in mind it's One date. You are still both talking to and meeting others. There's no relationship going in. If he annoys you, tell him you are not a match and delete and block him. Continue to talk to and meet others. This seems like a one and done situation where he just lost interest. 1
Author miss2017 Posted December 6, 2020 Author Posted December 6, 2020 8 hours ago, poppyfields said: Ok so I just read the recent posts. This (bolded) was a major piece of information to leave out! When you declined his invite, did YOU offer an alternative day you would be available? Yes of course he could have asked you, BUT there are many men these days who when a woman declines his invite, expect her to offer alternative day. That is what I always did, when interested. Not sure what to think now. It is possible he is intentionally not asking, believing since he asked for second and you declined, the ball is in your court. Possibly. There are men who truly do think this way. Yes I did. I said to him I can meet next weekend and he said he can’t because he’s got his kids. And he then offered no alternative day and has been doing this texting thing since.
Author miss2017 Posted December 6, 2020 Author Posted December 6, 2020 4 hours ago, ShyViolet said: You've only gone one date with this guy and he's already this flaky..... seems not worth all this trouble. People not answering texts is something that drives me crazy. Me too! It feels very high school to me, not something a mature person would do: ignoring texts on purpose.
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