Started talking to someone awesome . but .

[Fox Sake]

 

After 5 years on my own I thought it was worth mentioning that I started talking to someone. She seems pretty amazing , accepts/respects  my lifestyle and my life choices etc et.  That’s quite hard to find these days. But I think I now know why ...

BUT... she said she used to be a stripper ...no big deal I thought , we’ve all done things in our past to make ends meet. Then she drops the bomb that she’s thinking of doing some paid subscriber webcam stuff but doesn’t know.... not sure how I feel about that but I’m leaning strongly towards “not compatible”. 

for all the awesome qualities I do look for in someone , there’s a few things missing from this and I just don’t know how to proceed. 
 

she can’t take or give a compliment in the 4 weeks we have been chatting , which in itself is kind of awkward and leaves you wondering where you stand. I also have a funny feeling she’s heavily interested in my dual nationality too, as she wants to move away to ozz within the next 2 years and knows I hold a passport for there. I might tell her today that if it took 5 years , would it be a deal breaker? That should give me some insight.
I had a message yesterday saying “chat another day. Didn’t get to bed til 10am” cos she was out partying, which I didn’t reply to. And a message today asking how I am. 
 

not quite sure what to make of all this! What I wrote doesn’t really look good. It’s all quite negative. I mean there are good points too , as it takes a lot for me to even consider someone long term , but these are the things that are bugging me right now. Any constructive dragging welcome haha  

 

 

[Versacehottie]

Honestly, based on what I know of you here on LS and what you posted about here, I'm sure you can do better.  I think your concerns are really valid. 

Even if you have no judgement about her past, her potential for wanting a chance to move to Australia, the fact that she can't give or take a compliment is troubling.  You're a pretty open communicator (maybe more so than a lot of guys) and I think this would have you feeling unfulfilled--especially since you already do.  Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

She can have great qualities & still be broken.  Perhaps do a pros & cons list.  Then think long & hard about whether you want to be with her if nothing ever changes.   Understand one thing will change:  she will age / lose her looks & then not be able to make money with her body.  What happens then? 

[Ruby Slippers]

It's up to you whether you want to date someone who's cool being a sex worker. There are lots of them these days, with OnlyFans giving an easier platform to do it than ever before. The fact that you also get a feeling she's interested in you for visa/citizenship benefits isn't surprising - this is a woman who's perfectly comfortable trading her body/sexuality for money and other benefits.

Personally, prostituting oneself in any way is a hard no for me. I also think you can do better.

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, Fox Sake said:

She seems pretty amazing , accepts/respects  my lifestyle and my life choices etc etc.  

Are your life style/life choices difficult to accept?

[Fox Sake]

@Versacehottie Thank you for those words. You’ve echoed some of what was on my mind, and they’re pretty big concerns to be honest. The lack of communication is a big deal. No one can survive a fulfilling relationship like that. 

@d0nnivain you’ve also made some good points. I think the fact is, the first thing I said about her on here, serves enough as a pros and cons. I just don’t think that’s the kind of thing I could put up with! 
 

@Ruby Slippers I think I was okay with it cos it was in her past, like 8 years ago. What threw me off was her wanting to be a sex worker again, major turn off. The last part of your first paragraph also was a bit of a warning sign for me. Thank you 

[Fox Sake]

1 minute ago, elaine567 said:

Are your life style/life choices difficult to accept?

Hmmm...For some people. I wouldn’t exactly call it your average ...

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, Fox Sake said:

Hmmm...For some people. I wouldn’t exactly call it your average ...

Then perhaps you do need to take that into consideration.
But is a hard partying, webcam girl with her eye on your passport the best you can do?

Look out for abuse, sex workers often have a history of sexual abuse which can make forming stable relationships hard for them

[ShyViolet]

It sounds like there are too many "problems" with this girl.  But you don't need to make an all-or-nothing decision now, you can keep talking to her a little longer and see how you feel.

[Fox Sake]

7 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Then perhaps you do need to take that into consideration.
But is a hard partying, webcam girl with her eye on your passport the best you can do?

Look out for abuse, sex workers often have a history of sexual abuse which can make forming stable relationships hard for them

It’s not the best I can do. But jeez is life taking its time! I think my post was made more out of disappointment than confusion.  Maybe some confusion there too actually. Can’t read her very well and I normally see straight through people. 
 

5 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

It sounds like there are too many "problems" with this girl.  But you don't need to make an all-or-nothing decision now, you can keep talking to her a little longer and see how you feel.

I know but it doesn’t seem to be a very strong start and there’s some issues that are already causing me problems. Great girl , poor choices. 
I’ll sit on it for a few days and think about it , but one way or another it needs to be talked about or walked away from eventually, and right now I’m not feeling the most comfortable with it 

[ShyViolet]

57 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

I know but it doesn’t seem to be a very strong start and there’s some issues that are already causing me problems. Great girl , poor choices. 
I’ll sit on it for a few days and think about it , but one way or another it needs to be talked about or walked away from eventually, and right now I’m not feeling the most comfortable with it 

Trust your instincts.  Probably best to stay away from this one.

[Fletch Lives]

Have you met her yet?

[Fox Sake]

13 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

Have you met her yet?

No, she’s about 5 hours away 

[smackie9]

Your internet scammer can be thousands of miles away or right next door. The red flags are everywhere, and I agree with the others, you can do way better than this.

[contel3]

2 hours ago, Fox Sake said:

Hmmm...For some people. I wouldn’t exactly call it your average ...

I have a bit of a past too. Many people do. The way she is right now, bad communication, webcaming and all....is that something you could a 100% accept and embrace long term? If the answer is no, you've got your answer.

I wouldn't worry too much about the passport issue though. Many of my friends have a thing for australians, doesn't mean they're doing it for the visa. Some people are just attracted to people of a certain nationality. Also, when I started dating my boyfriend I knew I'd be moving to where he's from soon. So I kept an eye open for people from that area.

Edited December 4, 2020 by contel3

[Fletch Lives]

A couple of internet dating tips:

You should decide how far you want to travel for dates. 

Try to date local (and local depends on the individual) and meet within a couple of weeks. You really don't get to know a person until you meet face-to-face. Plus, this helps weed out the scammers and tire-kickers.

[poppyfields]

33 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

Try to date local (and local depends on the individual) and meet within a couple of weeks. You really don't get to know a person until you meet face-to-face. 

I agree Fletch.  Things can change drastically once you meet in person, they may be better looking in person, worse looking in person or the physical energy isn't there in person, the third happening more often than not even when OLDing locally.   

If it concerns you FS, hop on a plane and meet her face-to-face.  Gauge the vibe.  Discover is she's real or being real with you.

That said, I agree with others you can do better. 

Edited December 4, 2020 by poppyfields

[Fox Sake]

Things have progressed as I started putting my cards on the table. She doesn’t want to do camera work, apparently it was just a suggestion, but whatever.   I think it’s safe to say that it isn’t going to work! She wants to leave as soon as the borders are open  lol 

 

[Miss Spider]

Oh, foxy. “I’m in love with a stripper“ just popped into my head. 

 

I’ve known a few people that worked in variations of the sex industry as friends etc. They are cool people and I have nothing against their life choices. However, I think it takes a particular type of personality. I can’t even pinpoint exactly what it is, but I do know that there is a common denominator. I think it you may be correct that you just are not compatible with that type of person. I’m sure you can find someone better for you. You’re just so great. 

[Trail Blazer]

I dunno, bro... I know I certainly wouldn't be comfortable dating someone like her.  I'd definitely have a fling, but she doesn't sound at all like a girl I'd want to bring home to Mom.

Everyone is different.  I don't know too much about you except for a very broad perception I've gleaned having read some of your posts.  You seem a little too straight-laced for a girl like her.

Besides all that, I find it quite concerning that she's taken a keen interest in your dual-passports.  She wants to head down under and you might be the gatekeeper to her getting there?  Hmmm...

As others have said, I think you can do better!

[Versacehottie]

7 hours ago, Fox Sake said:

It’s not the best I can do. But jeez is life taking its time! I think my post was made more out of disappointment than confusion.  Maybe some confusion there too actually. Can’t read her very well and I normally see straight through people. 
 

I know but it doesn’t seem to be a very strong start and there’s some issues that are already causing me problems. Great girl , poor choices. 
I’ll sit on it for a few days and think about it , but one way or another it needs to be talked about or walked away from eventually, and right now I’m not feeling the most comfortable with it 

Bolded great girl, poor choices.  When you pick someone to be in a relationship with their poor choices typically impact your life... that's why it pays to choose carefully.  Like you said it's not a strong start for long term compatibility, even though she has something you like personality or attraction.  But life choices and how she manages her life, well that's another thing.  You might just be getting to the stage where you have some of the basics but that anything further requires  better alignment of life choices  

[Ami1uwant]

10 hours ago, Fox Sake said:

 

After 5 years on my own I thought it was worth mentioning that I started talking to someone. She seems pretty amazing , accepts/respects  my lifestyle and my life choices etc et.  That’s quite hard to find these days. But I think I now know why ...

BUT... she said she used to be a stripper ...no big deal I thought , we’ve all done things in our past to make ends meet. Then she drops the bomb that she’s thinking of doing some paid subscriber webcam stuff but doesn’t know.... not sure how I feel about that but I’m leaning strongly towards “not compatible”. 

for all the awesome qualities I do look for in someone , there’s a few things missing from this and I just don’t know how to proceed. 
 

she can’t take or give a compliment in the 4 weeks we have been chatting , which in itself is kind of awkward and leaves you wondering where you stand. I also have a funny feeling she’s heavily interested in my dual nationality too, as she wants to move away to ozz within the next 2 years and knows I hold a passport for there. I might tell her today that if it took 5 years , would it be a deal breaker? That should give me some insight.
I had a message yesterday saying “chat another day. Didn’t get to bed til 10am” cos she was out partying, which I didn’t reply to. And a message today asking how I am. 
 

not quite sure what to make of all this! What I wrote doesn’t really look good. It’s all quite negative. I mean there are good points too , as it takes a lot for me to even consider someone long term , but these are the things that are bugging me right now. Any constructive dragging welcome haha  

 

 

How difficult is finding someone that has similarities?

everyone has some skeleton in the closet 

I can understand her thinking of this if she can’t find work.

 

the issue of complements .... everyone has their own style.

 

fir mei don’t give them out like candy. I give them out when they truely mean it. If you haven’t met yet is part of the problem.  She’s guarded and might want to keep some distance until you two meet.

[Ellener]

9 hours ago, contel3 said:

I have a bit of a past too. Many people do. The way she is right now

The past is the past, but what someone is doing right now...that's different.

Until you've met in person you won't know whether there is even any attraction.

[hokage240sx]

if you haven't met her in person, I would worry about her trying to scam you. If you have ever been to a strip club you know they specialize in persuasion, they know how to get what they want out of a man. I would look out for her asking you for money over the internet or anything like that. --who knows though, she could be a really good person, I wish you the best. 

[Fox Sake]

15 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Oh, foxy. “I’m in love with a stripper“ just popped into my head. 

 

I’ve known a few people that worked in variations of the sex industry as friends etc. They are cool people and I have nothing against their life choices. However, I think it takes a particular type of personality. I can’t even pinpoint exactly what it is, but I do know that there is a common denominator. I think it you may be correct that you just are not compatible with that type of person. I’m sure you can find someone better for you. You’re just so great. 

That has to be the most cringe and hilarious title! Thankfully I can say it didn’t get to that stage hah! You’re right tho , the alarm bells did start going off when I found out about her line of work.  Thank you so much for your support! 

 

13 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

I dunno, bro... I know I certainly wouldn't be comfortable dating someone like her.  I'd definitely have a fling, but she doesn't sound at all like a girl I'd want to bring home to Mom.

Everyone is different.  I don't know too much about you except for a very broad perception I've gleaned having read some of your posts.  You seem a little too straight-laced for a girl like her.

Besides all that, I find it quite concerning that she's taken a keen interest in your dual-passports.  She wants to head down under and you might be the gatekeeper to her getting there?  Hmmm...

As others have said, I think you can do better!

I wouldn’t be comfortable either. That’s why I called it a day last night and pulled the pin. The eyeing up of my nationalities game me the fear  and seemed a little transparent. Even more so with what I found out about her time frames. 
 

13 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

How difficult is finding someone that has similarities?

everyone has some skeleton in the closet 

I can understand her thinking of this if she can’t find work.

 

the issue of complements .... everyone has their own style.

 

fir mei don’t give them out like candy. I give them out when they truely mean it. If you haven’t met yet is part of the problem.  She’s guarded and might want to keep some distance until you two meet.

it’s tough! I wouldn’t exactly call me your average kind of guy with common goals and standings.  I totally agree about compliments too. I just noticed that the one I did give her was totally ignored and then told she doesn’t like them cos she doesn’t want to have to say thank you to people .... crazy. rude. crazy crazy! 
 

10 hours ago, Ellener said:

The past is the past, but what someone is doing right now...that's different.

Until you've met in person you won't know whether there is even any attraction.

I think I got enough on her personality to know that it’s not even worth the meeting! Looked like chocolate cake...tasted like sh*t! 
 

8 hours ago, hokage240sx said:

if you haven't met her in person, I would worry about her trying to scam you. If you have ever been to a strip club you know they specialize in persuasion, they know how to get what they want out of a man. I would look out for her asking you for money over the internet or anything like that. --who knows though, she could be a really good person, I wish you the best. 

I Wouldn’t  ever let someone put me in that position sending them money or anything. I’m a little too wise for that , And am very happy to stand my ground and not let people walk n me with advantageous desires. Bit, as far as scamming goes, she was definitely after an Ozzie to suit her lifestyle wishes and I was probably convenient. Even if she is a good person, she isn’t the one for me