Author Emmylou_H Posted December 3, 2020 Author Posted December 3, 2020 I am just worried this was just a ONS like some people are suggesting. If it is I don’t want to cause chaos for nothing. I’m starting to get more confused and upset the more I think about all of this.
Happy Lemming Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Emmylou_H said: I am just worried this was just a ONS like some people are suggesting. I don't give my schedule to a one-night stand... I say "I'll call you next week" and never follow through. Moreover, this guy is not a stranger... You already know him and you already slept with him. Just call him and stop putting yourself through all of this angst. Edited December 3, 2020 by Happy Lemming 1
Happy Lemming Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 8 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: What is complicated?? You either have a lease and are paying rent (accordingly), you don't have a formal lease but are paying rent to the main leaseholder/landlord or you are not paying any rent?? You never answered my question about your rental situation?? The only problem I see is if you signed a long term rental contract/lease and want to leave.
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 4, 2020 Author Posted December 4, 2020 @Happy Lemming we are in a lease and I need to be in this town until I graduate in May. I don’t want to drum up any drama because I am in a Master’s program and I really am not able to take on additional stress right now. I also see the person I live with as a good friend and the last thing I want to do is hurt him for no reason. I liked the guy I met up with for years and well before I was with my partner now. I never stopped liking him, which adds a more complicated layer to all this. He makes me want to grow and change and go back to the excitement I used to feel about life. Basically he makes me want to improve myself and become a better person. Right now I am just feeling depressed and worried that he won’t ever reach out and if I will I will get rejected somehow. Maybe I’m really just overthinking all this but I have a past that is filled with romantic rejection so it seems logical for me to be concerned.
Happy Lemming Posted December 4, 2020 Posted December 4, 2020 You are correct... this whole situation is quite complicated. 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 4, 2020 Posted December 4, 2020 6 hours ago, Emmylou_H said: @Happy Lemmingwe are in a lease and I need to be in this town until I graduate in May. Is the BF you live with supporting you? Do you both work? Eventually trysts with this guy will become difficult because he has roommates and you live with your BF. The most important person to be honest with is yourself. That means knowing you met at a friend's place for a reason and knowing very well sex didn't "just happen". Unfortunately many of the musings in your posts seem like rehearsals for cheating. "We're like roommates", "Sex just happened", etc these are lines you tell yourself. These are lines you're rehearsing in your mind to eventually tell your lover and your live-in BF. 3
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 4, 2020 Author Posted December 4, 2020 (edited) @Wiseman2 yes I appreciate the call out surrounding my language. I suppose I am preparing myself for a conversation down the line but again right now I am treating this like a one-off thing or a fluke and therefore I’m not expecting it to ever happen again. Maybe that is just me protecting my heart but the more I think about it the more I want to be in denial that this will go anywhere, even though deep down I would pursue the other guy in a heartbeat. My BF now and I have had an “unsure” relationship for years now and we aren’t sexually active. I tend to not call him my partner when talking to friends and everyone I know is confused if I am even seeing someone. We both work and split everything 50/50. He is a good person but being with this other guy showed me all the things I am missing in this relationship and it’s making me reevaluate my current status quo. Edited December 4, 2020 by Emmylou_H
poppyfields Posted December 4, 2020 Posted December 4, 2020 (edited) On 12/2/2020 at 4:40 PM, Emmylou_H said: Well we decided it might be cool if I went to his place next time but it would be a week from now. I’m kind of shy and I’m afraid to reach out to him just yet to ask. I have a fear of rejection in the back of my mind. Sweetie this sounds like the makings of a FWB situation, is that what you want? I realize covid hinders many activities, but certainly he knows how to make a date and plan something fun out of the house, even if it's a picnic in the park or something? Back at his place next time? Translation, let's have sex again back at mine. I know Happy Lemming disagrees with me about this but no I do not think you should reach out even though he gave you available dates. An interested man follows up and asks you out on a date, not give you available dates for another hook up and leaves it to you to reach out. Unless you both agreed you would contact him. How did you leave it? After he gave you available dates, did he tell you to contact him after checking your schedule? I'm confused about that part. Edited December 4, 2020 by poppyfields 2
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 4, 2020 Author Posted December 4, 2020 @poppyfields well we didn’t arrange anything formal. I kind of asked if I would see him again in between our “session” if you will. He said he would “see me next time” before he left. He is definitely a go with the flow type. I’m thinking he will reach out closer to the time when he gave me his availability but at the same time I’m not wanting to get my hopes up. I would be OK with FWB if we could find a better way to communicate that but we haven’t really just sat down and talked about it, either. I’m still confused why he would put all this beautiful energy into me and not care about me after? Like I really honestly wonder if he has thought about me since. It’s so hard because we have a history so as others have mentioned he isn’t a stranger.
smackie9 Posted December 4, 2020 Posted December 4, 2020 19 hours ago, Emmylou_H said: I am just worried this was just a ONS like some people are suggesting. If it is I don’t want to cause chaos for nothing. I’m starting to get more confused and upset the more I think about all of this. The writing is on the wall that you need to move on from your BF. I don't see what is so terrifying, are you that insecure??....you know you can't keep doing this sort of stuff. I think it would be much more satisfying to end it with your BF rather than sneaking around behind his back, unless you get some thrill out of it. 2
Fletch Lives Posted December 4, 2020 Posted December 4, 2020 (edited) Ok so the love all died with your ex but you are still roommates for convenience. I guess you'll just have to see if you get another date, to see how it all pans out. There are a lot of roommates involved though, you might have to get a hotel room, lol Edited December 4, 2020 by Fletch Lives 1
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 4, 2020 Author Posted December 4, 2020 @smackie9 Yes I agree that I am fairly insecure and this is something I really need to be working on, that is for sure. Again I have dealt with a lot of rejection in the past so I’m always feeling like I can’t fully go all in with someone romantically because I don’t want to risk getting hurt. It also affects my confidence and makes me wonder if this guy even likes me. It would just be so difficult to end things with who I am with now but I see what you are saying that it may need to happen.
smackie9 Posted December 4, 2020 Posted December 4, 2020 Just a tip: having a man doesn't give you worth or a life. That's your job to do that for yourself. 1
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 5, 2020 Author Posted December 5, 2020 Sooooo I told my current partner about this and we broke up. The guy still hasn’t reached out and I’m feeling very lost. I know it’s good to be alone but at the same time I am feeling confused and wondering if there is a purpose for everything that happened.
Miss Spider Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 (edited) Not sure why you told him about that. Therightwaytomonkeybranch.exe has stopped working... Edited December 5, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Wiseman2 Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Emmylou_H said: Sooooo I told my current partner about this and we broke up. The guy still hasn’t reached out and I’m feeling very lost. I know it’s good to be alone but at the same time I am feeling confused and wondering if there is a purpose for everything that happened. What did you tell him? Do you need to live together until the lease expires? What compelled you to tell your BF? Where you hoping to get his attention in order to restore lost intimacy and affection? How can you " breakup"if you are still living together? This will be quite awkward until you can move out. Now it's just complicated matters by creating a rift where you live, yet you can't really date quality men while living with a BF. Hopefully you'll sort things out with the apt/lease, etc. You need to be alone. It's important not to create this much collateral damage because you're confused and starved for affection. Edited December 5, 2020 by Wiseman2 1
Calmandfocused Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 (edited) Any dating experience thats based on multiple deception and betrayal from the start has very little chance of developing into a relationship IMO. My advice is finish your studies, get a job, move out, cut ties with your current partner, have some time on your own for reflection and growth.... then start dating again. You’ve a long way to go before you’re ready for dating/ a relationship IMO. Edited December 5, 2020 by Calmandfocused 2
Happy Lemming Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 8 hours ago, Emmylou_H said: The guy still hasn’t reached out and I’m feeling very lost. So call him up... At this point, what do you have to lose... 2
Happy Lemming Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 8 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Therightwaytomonkeybranch.exe has stopped working... Is that a batch file?? Can it be edited like an autoexec.bat file??
poppyfields Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Emmylou_H said: Sooooo I told my current partner about this and we broke up. >>So I am actually living with a partner I haven’t been sexually active with in a long time, and we are essentially friends living together due to rent costs.<< This^^ was taken from an earlier post. How to you "break up" with a friend? What did you tell him? Did you move out? Sorry, something isn't jiving, can you clarify? I'm sorry about hook-up guy. At this point you have nothing to lose by reaching out. My take is he's only wanting a FB and since you said you're okay with that, then why not shoot him a text, and arrange another hook up at his? Edited December 5, 2020 by poppyfields 2
smackie9 Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 8 hours ago, Emmylou_H said: Sooooo I told my current partner about this and we broke up. The guy still hasn’t reached out and I’m feeling very lost. I know it’s good to be alone but at the same time I am feeling confused and wondering if there is a purpose for everything that happened. You are an independent woman now congratz! That's a big first step. You are a free bird so reach out to dude and see where it takes you. 2
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 5, 2020 Author Posted December 5, 2020 Yes my current (now ex) partner and I have certainly had a confusing relationship. I see him as more of a friend and definitely have a different kind of love for him. I have been feeling really stuck here and I’m literally just waiting on this program to finish to leave this place. I am ready for change and yes I agree I am not in the place to be dating again anyway. I would just like to casually see where things go with this guy but also still haven’t reached out yet, either. I’m kind of waiting until I get all my thoughts together to see what is the best plan of action. I’m pretty overwhelmed with a lot of emotions at this point. As a reminder I really was not intending for us to hook up I truly wanted to approach our hangout as a friendly interaction but it essentially turned into intense physical/emotional interaction and now I’m having a hard time believing something like that holds no meaning for the other person.
Miss Spider Posted December 5, 2020 Posted December 5, 2020 (edited) Does he know about your situation with your partner? That you live with him? Sorry if I missed that. I wouldn’t tell guys that you’re living with a partner/ex. Just refer to him as a roommate if you have to. I have a friend who was roommates with her ex for a long time. They were way over, just renting a house together. Sounds awkward, but she dated and is married now Edited December 5, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 5, 2020 Author Posted December 5, 2020 8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: What did you tell him? Do you need to live together until the lease expires? It's important not to create this much collateral damage because you're confused and starved for affection. I told him about what happened. He knows I have had feelings on and off about this guy since before we were dating. I am not sure what our living situation looks like right now. I told him I don’t think this will go anywhere because I am worried the other guy won’t be interested in seeing me again and I’ll just be getting my hopes up. Again I would be ok with FB but I just need to communicate that to him, which is a conversation I haven’t had with him yet. I’m genuinely concerned that I haven’t heard from him yet tbh. So I don’t want to jump the gun and get happy or hopeful just yet. I wonder if you could explain further what you mean about collateral damage?
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