Emmylou_H Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 (edited) Hello. So I posted back in September about this guy from my past that I reconnected with. He had said he wanted to hang out but months went by and we didn’t arrange to hang out and I didn’t hear from him. I mustered enough courage to reach out to him again a little over a week ago and we messaged each other back and forth for over a week until I finally asked him if he wanted to hang out. He said he would and would even drive to my city to see me. I suggested he come over to my friend’s place and hang out the next day and he agreed to do it. He came over to her house and we all had great conversation that went on for hours. My friend went to bed and it was just the two of us. Eventually he asked me to come over to the couch he was on and lay next to him. We started making out and eventually making out lead to other things. We hooked up for 5 hours straight, with some breaks of cuddling and talking in between. He told me he wasn’t planning on coming over to hook up but that he couldn’t stop kissing me. It all felt so amazing and now I am left wondering what to do next. I have a history with him but we have never quite gotten to this level before. He seems more mature than when we were hanging out about 7 years ago. He told me he likes me and I asked if we would see each other again and he said we would and provided me some dates when he is available. I wonder if he is thinking about me and what he is thinking. This was Monday night/Tuesday morning. I don’t know how to interpret all of this and I really don’t know what to do next. Edited December 2, 2020 by Emmylou_H
Happy Lemming Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 55 minutes ago, Emmylou_H said: ...and provided me some dates when he is available. Sounds like you both enjoyed yourselves, so pick a date (from the list provided) and set up your next get together. Just out of curiosity, you said he drove to your city; can I ask how far a drive we are talking about?? (1 hour, 3 hours, 5 hours??)
Happy Lemming Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 10 minutes ago, Emmylou_H said: It is 1 hour 15 min away That's not bad... Now if the guy had to drive 5+ hours, then I'd start to worry that the distance would be too far, but this distance component is not going to be a problem. So have you picked a time/date for your next get together?? Can you suggest something in your city that he might find interesting?? (provided Covid-19 has not closed it)
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 3, 2020 Author Posted December 3, 2020 Well we decided it might be cool if I went to his place next time but it would be a week from now. I’m kind of shy and I’m afraid to reach out to him just yet to ask. I have a fear of rejection in the back of my mind.
Happy Lemming Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 28 minutes ago, Emmylou_H said: I have a fear of rejection in the back of my mind. He likes you... He told you his schedule... He wants to see you again... Strike while the iron is hot!! Call him tomorrow and set up the next date!! You can do this!! 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 Why did you meet at a friend's house? Are either of you living with people or in other relationships? Where would you like this to go? Hookups? FWB? Casual dating? A relationship? 2
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 3, 2020 Author Posted December 3, 2020 @wiseman2 That is an excellent question. So I am actually living with a partner I haven’t been sexually active with in a long time, and we are essentially friends living together due to rent costs, which is complicated. He lives with two other guys and he said I could come over but they are always around and he didn’t want me to think he was just leading me to his bedroom to hang out. I haven’t told him about the details of my living situation because I’m afraid he won’t be cool with it. I honestly didn’t think we were going to hook up and I don’t think he did either, so I didn’t go into details about my life. I’m afraid to talk about this with my current partner because I’m worried this won’t go anywhere and I’ll just be spilling the beans for nothing.
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 3, 2020 Author Posted December 3, 2020 @Wiseman2 and to be honest I would like it to go somewhere eventually because I have had feelings for him all this time but I’m also willing to go with the flow. I want to find a way to be chill and just let things happen but I’m worried if I sit back and let him take the wheel nothing will move forward.
stillafool Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 29 minutes ago, Emmylou_H said: I’m afraid to talk about this with my current partner because I’m worried this won’t go anywhere and I’ll just be spilling the beans for nothing. So basically you're already in a relationship and cheating? 3 2
Happy Lemming Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 41 minutes ago, Emmylou_H said: So I am actually living with a partner I haven’t been sexually active with in a long time, and we are essentially friends living together due to rent costs, which is complicated. Are you paying any rent at your current situation?? Have you signed a lease?? What is complicated?? You either have a lease and are paying rent (accordingly), you don't have a formal lease but are paying rent to the main leaseholder/landlord or you are not paying any rent?? I think you need different living arrangements if you want to pursue this new guy. Can you find a different room mate situation or small apartment??
poppyfields Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 (edited) 16 hours ago, Emmylou_H said: I wonder if he is thinking about me and what he is thinking. This was Monday night/Tuesday morning. I don’t know how to interpret all of this and I really don’t know what to do next. Emmy, what you do is live your life same as before you hooked up. Try to not have any expectations. Detach from the outcome. To me this sounds like a ONS, I'm sorry. I had what I expected to be a ONS with my ex and he contacted me at 7:00 am the following day and we scheduled a date for that night. Were together six years thereafter. The fact you have not heard from him since is not a good sign imo. Sure he gave you a bunch of dates but only when you asked if you'd be seeing other again. Please don't ask this question especially after a hook up. Let HIM be wondering if you will be seeing him again. Let HIM be the one to ask. If he intended to see you again, instead of giving you a bunch of available dates, he would have locked down a date since he knew his schedule and availability. Anyway, jmo and hope I'm wrong and he reaches out. But until he does, IF he does, simply live your life same as before you hooked up. No expectations. I would not advise chasing him by reaching out first. Good luck Emmy and keep us posted! Edited December 3, 2020 by poppyfields 1 1
Happy Lemming Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 8 minutes ago, poppyfields said: If he intended to see you again, instead of giving you a bunch of available dates, he would have locked down a date since he knew his schedule and availability. But we don't know if SHE knew her schedule when he provided the dates/times he was available. Although, I don't think a 1 hour and 15 minute drive is much of a trek, he may need to do some planning in order to make the drive. Now if the next date is going to be at his location and she is going to do the drive out to him, she needs to communicate that to him. It seems like we are splitting hairs, here... Just both of them sit down with their calendars and pick a time, date and place for the next get together. Hopefully they can plan a nice date (if Covid-19 restrictions are not a factor). Dating doesn't have to be this complex. I had one long distance relationship and we just both sat down with our calendars and made plans, accordingly. Easy-peasy!! 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 It seems like you’re chasing this guy and making everything easy for him. Take a step back and see if he initiates anything on his own. That’s the only way to know if he really has interest in you as a person. 5
poppyfields Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 (edited) 32 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: It seems like you’re chasing this guy and making everything easy for him. Take a step back and see if he initiates anything on his own. That’s the only way to know if he really has interest in you as a person. 100% agree. In the meantime, view this as a ONS and continue living your life, talking to and meeting other guys, same as before you hooked up. @lemming, sure they can both sit down with their calendars but he needs to contact her in order to do that. He already knows she'd like to see him again. As such I would not advise her to initiate and chase, especially after a hook up. Not smart. Edited December 3, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 3, 2020 Author Posted December 3, 2020 (edited) Before he left he said he would see me the next time we hang out. So I think he is interested in that. He isn’t a one night stand type, trust me. He is really open and caring and I know he would appreciate if I shared my feelings. But I’m also not sure if he is looking for anything right now because we didn’t discuss that. I told him I have no expectations for him but at the same time it would be so amazing to see him again. I wonder how long I wait until he reaches out to me. I thought it was a good thing for me to be upfront and ask him if I would see him again because I want to be more transparent and vulnerable because he literally said that is how he falls in love with people. But I don’t know if he was applying that to me or he was referring to past relationships. I’m not sure why he would have put so much passionate, honest energy into me that night if he didn’t have some sort of feelings for me. Plus he flat out told me he likes me after I said I like him. Edited December 3, 2020 by Emmylou_H
introverted1 Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 4 hours ago, Emmylou_H said: @wiseman2 That is an excellent question. So I am actually living with a partner I haven’t been sexually active with in a long time, and we are essentially friends living together due to rent costs, which is complicated. Maybe he doesn't want further entanglement with someone who is living with a partner. 3
Happy Lemming Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 51 minutes ago, Emmylou_H said: I wonder how long I wait until he reaches out to me. I think the ball is in your court?? Correct?? He gave you a list of dates/times he was able to come see you, so isn't he waiting for you to pick from that list?? Or am I confused about the list of dates/times??
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 3, 2020 Author Posted December 3, 2020 He doesn’t know about my living situation and I didn’t talk about it because it wasn’t appropriate to do so at the time. It was really a spontaneous thing that happened and I’m afraid to even mention it to either party because it might not end up going anywhere. If he were to express that he is interested in pursuing things I would then have a conversation about it. But right now I don’t want to get my hopes up and let myself think this will become anything substantial, even if that is deep down what I want. He suggested we hang out sometime between Dec. 8 to the 13th. So idk if I wait for him to ever respond or not.
smackie9 Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 (edited) Awww girl, cheating isn't a solution. Have an open honest conversation and breakup with BF. Get this all cleared away before the week is out. You don't have to tell new guy yet because you two are not official and technically still able to date others. Not good bringing your friends into it and possibly lying for you. Be fair, and just do it. Edited December 3, 2020 by smackie9 2
introverted1 Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 So you want to money branch from your current partner to this guy? Are you sure your friend hasn't already told him that you are in a relationship with someone else? Why does he think you had to meet at a 3rd party's house rather than at your own? 2
Author Emmylou_H Posted December 3, 2020 Author Posted December 3, 2020 I am not sure I know exactly why I went through with the hookup. It all seemed so surreal and unusual and kind of like a dream. And if it isn’t going anywhere I don’t want to cause drama with my partner for nothing. I don’t think it would be the best for him to hear right now and also we have had a past of hooking up with other people and I just know it’s best to not say anything about this time because it might have just been a one off. I made a poor excuse that my roommate isn’t cool with people coming over during covid. My friend knows the situation and she supports me through it and I know she didn’t tell him. Having him over at her place was supposed to imply it was a friendly catch up kind of hang out. Like I said I had NO idea he was going to initiate physical contact, much less for that extended period of time.
Happy Lemming Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 58 minutes ago, Emmylou_H said: And if it isn’t going anywhere I don’t want to cause drama with my partner for nothing. Sounds like you are looking for some type of guarantee that the new guy will work out, before you cut ties to the current guy. People are not washing machines, they don't come with a guarantee... 4 2
Happy Lemming Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 5 hours ago, poppyfields said: @lemming, sure they can both sit down with their calendars but he needs to contact her in order to do that. 1 hour ago, Emmylou_H said: He suggested we hang out sometime between Dec. 8 to the 13th. @poppyfields He already did that, she needs to look at her calendar and see what date will work for her. 1
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