How do you feel about this?

[Fair]

Having someone know you like them?

If I even think someone I like knows I'm attracted to them outside of someone who has shown an interest in me first, I always feel humiliated. It always feels like a lowly position to be in....  I'd rather die than run into that person on the street or have them catch me looking at them or something.  It's different if they've already made it known that they like me first... other than that.... I don't want anyone even guessing how I feel. It puts them in the power position and makes me feel pathetic unless and until I know the feeling is mutual.

Is this weird? Other people always seem so bold with their emotions. Does anybody else struggle with this?

 

Edited December 1, 2020 by Fair

[redbaron007]

On 12/1/2020 at 1:09 PM, Fair said:

Having someone know you like them?

If I even think someone I like knows I'm attracted to them outside of someone who has shown an interest in me first, I always feel humiliated. It always feels like a lowly position to be in....  I'd rather die than run into that person on the street or have them catch me looking at them or something.  It's different if they've already made it known that they like me first... other than that.... I don't want anyone even guessing how I feel. It puts them in the power position and makes me feel pathetic unless and until I know the feeling is mutual.

Is this weird? Other people always seem so bold with their emotions. Does anybody else struggle with this?

 

Maybe it's a male thing but I feel exactly the opposite. A few years ago when I became newly single, I found myself in a town with absolutely no social circle. If I saw an attractive woman sitting by herself at a cafe or shopping at a Whole Foods, I would strike up a conversation. In 99% of cases, the woman would either have a steady boyfriend, or be married (I once asked one lady why she isn't wearing a ring - she happened to be a cheesemaker at a dairy w/ no jewelry allowed). So I would sometimes run into some of them at a different location - maybe a Target, or at the gym. They always recognized me and would smile, and I would smile back. In fact, I would feel that I'm in a "power position" as you say, because I was bold enough to approach them, without worrying about the outcome. So my suggestion to you is the same: be bold with your emotions. So what if your feelings are not reciprocated? You were bold enough to acknowledge them. Men who are confident will appreciate that quality in you.

[It'sSmiley]

I'd rather them know instead of keeping it to myself.

[Foxhall]

Its about changing your outlook I suppose,

getting to a mindset that it is great for them that you fancy them rather than apologising for it.

I probably have similar mindset to you over the years, does one ever really change their outlook- probably not, 

but they have a right to achieve their dreams and find attractive partners too

[dramafreezone]

I don't know that I've ever quite felt the way you do about liking someone.  I used to naively think that unless I actually told a woman that I liked her that she didn't know.  As a 41 year old man I know that women have a sixth sense about knowing when a man likes them whether he says it or not.  Had I known how intuitive women were about this, maybe I would've been more embarassed in the past.

Now, it doesn't mean anything.  Just because I like someone doesn't mean that it's anything more than what I see on the outside.  I don't develop crushes anymore because I know that this person has flaws and is not the ideal woman that men tend to create in their head.  Also, I don't believe in "the one," so this person I like is just one of millions that I would like just as much.

Lastly, I place the women who I feel like me back as higher status than the ones that don't.  That's probably a bit arrogant, but I do think the women that see how awesome I am are generally better people, and I just don't get hung up on women that aren't interested in me.  Maybe start thinking like that and you'll find it easier interacting with the opposite sex.

Edited February 5, 2021 by dramafreezone