Author ThereSheGoes Posted December 18, 2020 Author Posted December 18, 2020 12 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: This is likely a reason people aren’t choosing your for long term. Super spontaneous and “rest of my life” relationship don’t really match. Forever relationships tend to be characterized by traits like reliability, dependability, consistency etc. Super spontaneous is also super unpredictable. When I say "super spontaneous" I mean....midnight hikes. Suddenly going to the beach. Random road trips. Suddenly deciding to have dinner in another city. All things I have done in the past two nights, to the surprise of friends and family. LOL. When I get bored, I want an adventure, so....I just leave. I would think guys would be into that? Not spontaneous in the way that I'm unreliable. Lol. I still have to be responsible, and I make sure that all my ducks are in a row before popping off to who knows where.
poppyfields Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said: I didn't mean literally, lol. I meant as, I'm fascinating and fun enough that I can entertain them for a little while, and then they move on. I try not to come on too strong in the beginning, which has been both successful and failure for me in the past. I don't mean that I'm giving them a list of expectations and expecting them to live up to them. Lol, somehow I knew you'd return retracting that statement. No worries. And I never meant to suggest you were giving them a list of expectations, it can all be quite subtle and unintentional. Maybe just the vibe they get, I mean you did say it -- "you can't 'get' them to do" it didn't come from nowhere. Anyway, just something to ponder and consider, that's all. Most people have no idea how they come across or appear to others. Edited December 18, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Shining One Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 1 hour ago, ThereSheGoes said: When I say "super spontaneous" I mean....midnight hikes. Suddenly going to the beach. Random road trips. Suddenly deciding to have dinner in another city. All things I have done in the past two nights, to the surprise of friends and family. LOL. When I get bored, I want an adventure, so....I just leave. I would think guys would be into that? Having dated women like this, I can say it's exciting at first, but it becomes exhausting, especially if she has gendered expectations. Some personal examples: What she says: Let's take a road trip. What I hear: Drive us somewhere far away in your car. What she says: Let's have dinner in another city. What I hear: Drive us to that city so I can drink my expensive martinis while you have to take it easy since you have to drive us back. What she says: Let's go for a late night walk. What I hear: Drive us to this nice place to walk late at night since I can sleep in tomorrow even though you are on-call and have to be up early. With that being said, dating spontaneous women who are willing to put in half the effort to make things happen can be a lot of fun. 2 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 4 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said: No, I'm the one initiating the conversation after 2 to 3 months. Ok great. Have the exclusive conversation earlier and definitely if things get physical.
Weezy1973 Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 On 12/17/2020 at 5:43 PM, ThereSheGoes said: When I say "super spontaneous" I mean....midnight hikes. Suddenly going to the beach. Random road trips. Suddenly deciding to have dinner in another city. All things I have done in the past two nights, to the surprise of friends and family. LOL. When I get bored, I want an adventure, so....I just leave. I would think guys would be into that? Like I said, spontaneous as you describe here also means unpredictable. While some men I’m sure would be into it, at least at the beginning where it might seem exciting, many that are looking for long term would not like it that much. It strikes me as a symptom of someone that has trouble regulating their emotions. You feel bored and to alleviate that you take off as the feeling of boredom is unacceptable. Long term relationships don’t have the same excitement as the early honeymoon stages of the relationship. And if you get bored with it? Perhaps men are sensing that you’re not really long term material if you always need to be stimulated. 1
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