I Think My Ex Spoiled Me for Future Relationships.

[ThereSheGoes]

On 12/1/2020 at 12:54 PM, Ruby Slippers said:

. I also think a lot of men feel there's a shortage of feminine women to date. I can't tell you how many men have raved about the simple fact that I wear dresses on dates. I look around and see pretty much all the other women in jeans and stuff.

I get that too! Like, a lot. Lol. It's almost like a....shock? Like, you wear dresses?! No Jeans?!

No. Lol. I haven't worn jeans in 6 or 7 years.

Blake actually told me he never met a woman who wore so many dresses, and honestly, I don't think he liked it. LOL. But then again, because he had been living a particular lifestyle for over a decade, he was used to seeing his partner and other women around him dressed in a particular kind of way. What I like to call, the Suburban Mom uniform. Lol.  Leggings, oversized sweater, scarf, knee high boots, sunglasses,  starbucks in hand. Minimal to no makeup, hair in a bun or in tousled curls.Thats what (he said, not me) he grew accustomed to and thats what he ultimately found beautiful.  But I do think men like to see women walk confident in her femininity.  So it's whatever makes you feel the most feminine and gorgeous, at the end of the day.

[ThePhoenixStillRises]

I don't think that your experience spoiled you.  I think that it has allowed you to be able to know what you want in the future...the traits that are important to you.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  It's called learning from our mistakes...or even growing up.  As you meet someone and get to know them, you may compromise on some of the things on your list because there may be other traits that you like even more.  Good luck on finishing your degree...and be proud of yourself for not wanting to rely on a guy to support you.  In the end, it will pay off for you.

[Caauug]

2 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said:

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog.

But....why did you do that to him yourself? That whole scenario sounds like something that could have gone a million other ways, but that.

And it sounds like somewhere in your relationship, there was a major break down. You just don't go from loving someone, working mutually together, to.....throwing $10 at your partner and his dying pet.

Looking back it was a power trip she was on, or a Crap Test, she had control of the money. She bought herself a ^$5K fur coat but would not give me enough to properly care for my dog. ie: "How far can I push you before you push back?" or "How strong are you still?"

WE had accomplished heaps together on our own, her post secondary school, me duel trade, 2 cars and a rural starter home. Only debt was the mortgage. 

Like I said, it was the beginning of the end. I will never leave myself open like that again. I was young, foolish and naïve. Love is not like in a Disney Movie.

[Caauug]

3 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said:

2. Yes, I want him to pay for every date.  And it's not because I feel entitled to his money. His money is his money and my money is my money...….. But this is a gesture, that I personally find not only to be selfless, but also, FOR ME, shows assertiveness. He can protect me and he can provide entertainment, and show some level of responsibility. I am attracted to control and responsibility. 

A "Crap Test", plain and simple. 

 

3 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said:

I'm tired of being with men who want me to cater to them within the relationship, as if I was a man. I'm not afraid of catering to my partner. When it's out of love, its something that comes natural, and it doesn't feel like you're giving up anything, because there's a mutual give and take.  I want to feel protected, I want to feel guarded, I want to feel like he has my back.  If he does that for me, I'll be the safest place he would ever know.

Your tired of catering to men in a relationship. Your not afraid to cater to your partner. You don't want to give up anything, but it's give and take..... Looks like you are straight down the line what you want there!!! 

You want to feel protected, guarded and has your back? Protected against what? All the dragons have been slayed eons ago.... Protected from yourself? But isn't that controlling? It's not controlling until it is... 

What happened to equality? You know that 50/50 thing women have been fighting for at least 80 yrs.... You have to be protected, guarded and he has to have your back but what are you doing for him? You know as a "Mutual give and take"? He is paying for all the dates.... Oh that's right, you can clean, bake and rub body parts..... 

4 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said:

4. 99% percent of my past sexual experiences was not for my pleasure. It was for theirs. Thats why I felt like I was giving up so much. He wanted me to take on a male role, while also giving him my femininity, and my body.....

99%??? There is only one thing in common that is at fault in that 99% failure rate. That is you. 

Don't blame anyone else. You are attracting/picking the wrong guys. Your fault, you have to change you. Or are you trying to change the guys into someone you don't want? Are you trying to mother them and then they are slotting you into that role that you do not want to be??? What ever, the failure rate is too high to blame anyone else. 

I could go on but Admin will likely again cull this post, LS has turned into a feel good only type forum.....

[Trail Blazer]

4 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said:

5. Blind-Sided, I didn't mean to hurt you. I can only imagine what dating is like for single dads like you and Blaze. Being out there in those streets, with women who are less than sincere. And I can understand that as I get older, my chances of finding a single, childless man, let alone with the personality traits I'm looking for.....thats going to be a tall order to fill. I would just PREFER not to date a man with kids. For reasons I've already listed.......and I've dated men with children before.

I've had many women unmatch me after they realized I had kids.  Even though I'd list it on my dating profile where possible, often women wouldn't see it on the swipey apps if they only swiped one way or another and didn't read my profile.

It's your prerogative to not date men with kids.  Everybody has different things that are important to them.  Despite having kids, I was not compatible with many women in a lot of ways.  And that's fine.  We can't be everything to everyone.

I was lucky enough to meet a gorgeous woman on Bumble who had no children of her own (which didn't bother me either way), didn't want any of her own (which suited me perfectly) but loves kids and was more than happy to step into that stepmom role.

As I've mentioned previously, I also have an anything but nine-to-five job.  Some women (seemingly like yourself) do not like that.  Living where you do, you will find a lot of workers in my boat; working away for weeks on end in the oil and gas fields.

My girlfriend is an extremely busy and independent person.  It suits us perfectly that I'm away for weeks on end.  However, when I'm back home for weeks on end, (and owing to the decent salaries made in the O&G industry) I can be as spontaneous as I like (Covid-19 permitting).

4 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said:

Thanks everyone for your replies! I've been caught up with studying lately, it's finals week, and I have been hitting the books. Sorry for the delay.

I can empathize with this!  My girlfriend is about to graduate Veterinary Medicine and has been buried in the books for a fair while.  She's been stressed as hell!

Good luck with your exams!

[Highndry]

On 11/30/2020 at 10:15 PM, ThereSheGoes said:

I've been in many relationships, where for me, I had no sexual desire for my partner. I liked them as a person, but there were so many times I avoided them when it came to sex, because I just wasn't interested. This partly goes back to not feeling respected and protected, but also......they f*cking sucked, dude.

I'm just curious - what sucked about them? And, how are you not interacting with them in the bedroom to get your needs met? It's pretty sad that you've been so disappointed. Furthermore, I can't even imagine dating a woman who I wasn't interested in having sex with. In fact, I wouldn't.

[Blind-Sided]

14 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said:

1. I'm not looking for a man to take care of me. I'm not looking to be wined and dined. I don't want a man to give me money and pay my bills. (that would defeat the point of spending all this money on a degree, right?)  I've never ACCEPTED money from a man before. I just want my future partner to be Okay financially.

2. Yes, I want him to pay for every date.  And it's not because I feel entitled to his money. His money is his money and my money is my money.

........

5. Blind-Sided, I didn't mean to hurt you. I can only imagine what dating is like for single dads like you and Blaze. Being out there in those streets, with women who are less than sincere. And I can understand that as I get older, my chances of finding a single, childless man, let alone with the personality traits I'm looking for.....thats going to be a tall order to fill. I would just PREFER not to date a man with kids. For reasons I've already listed.......and I've dated men with children before.

Sometimes there would be drama in the mix; He was still in love with the mother of his children or he was so disgusted by her that he would go on these horrible rants. I don't want that. But a lot of the time.....he just didn't have time for me. I had to fit in where I could in his life. And between job, kids, their needs, his needs, and just the every day stuff..........there was no space for me. I'm not a woman that needs your constant interaction, but 1 or 2 dates a week.....with some texts sprinkled through out.....I wouldn't think that would be a lot to ask for in dating or in a relationship.

I prefer a single man, with no kids, with a nine to five. Maybe not exactly a nine to five specifically, but some sort of routine to the hours that he works.

To me... #'s 1 and 2 are a little contradictory.  He must pay for dates, but you don't want his money?  OK... I get it in the early stages of dating.  I also feel that that man should pay for the date... that's just a traditional position.  AND... the man shouldn't be giving you any money for your bills.   But I can say this... if you are enjoying time with a guy, and you have gone out a few times... it's HIGHLY appreciated when the woman pays.  When my GF and I were just starting to get together... I think the third or forth time we got dinner... toward the end... she said she was going to pay.  I told her she didn't have to, but she insisted.  It's made me feel good, and made me feel like she wasn't just looking for someone to pay for a good time. Oh... also, one time (before she was officially my GF) we were at a used book store, and I picked up a physics book to buy.  When we got up to the register... she took it from me, and said she wanted to buy a nerd book for me. LOL At this point now... it's about 50/50.  I paid for dinner last night, but she is bring over a few things for me to make dinner tonight. 

To point #5... Thanks.  But like I said... I do understand.  It was a real worry point for me.  I went on a few dates with women of my age, (I'm 49 now) or even slightly older... and I have to admit... I wasn't really attracted to them. I know that's horrible, but it's the truth. BUT, they are the ones who didn't mind kids. Most of the younger women I went out with, (8 to 10 years younger) if they didn't have kids... they didn't want to deal with kids. (But we still had some nice dates)  My current GF really didn't start as someone I was "Dating" per se.  She was a friend of a friend, and I worked with her mother when I was a research chemist. (20 years ago, and my one friend still works with her mother) So, she kind of knew me.  She was also going through a rough patch, and we had a few group outings, and then I asked her out on Valentines day to go to a local brewery for an anti-date/anti-holiday outing. She was happy to go.  We sat there for 4 hours, and the conversation didn't stop.  After that... we hung out every few days, and eventually, she voiced her concern about my kids.  I told her she would never have to be "Mom".  She then said... "What if you are traveling, and I need to take them to a school or Girl Scout event?"  I told her... their real mom lives 10 Min up the street... and if I was traveling for work... they would be with her. At that point, I think she realized that the kids were less of an issue than she was thinking. (FYI... she is 21 years younger than me)

I can understand the potential issue with drama with the mother of his kids.  But to be honest... that can be an issue with ANYONE who has ever had a relationship... EVER !!  I can't tell you how many times I've read a post here about someone going on a rant about the ex... or they break up because someone when back to their ex.   SO to that point... you should put it out of your head.  

Anyway... once again... just my random thoughts. 

Edited December 3, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you don't seem to be over Blake. Why did you two break up?

[Blind-Sided]

13 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said:

I get that too! Like, a lot. Lol. It's almost like a....shock? Like, you wear dresses?! No Jeans?!

No. Lol. I haven't worn jeans in 6 or 7 years.

Blake actually told me he never met a woman who wore so many dresses, and honestly, I don't think he liked it. LOL. But then again, because he had been living a particular lifestyle for over a decade, he was used to seeing his partner and other women around him dressed in a particular kind of way. What I like to call, the Suburban Mom uniform. Lol.  Leggings, oversized sweater, scarf, knee high boots, sunglasses,  starbucks in hand. Minimal to no makeup, hair in a bun or in tousled curls.Thats what (he said, not me) he grew accustomed to and thats what he ultimately found beautiful.  But I do think men like to see women walk confident in her femininity.  So it's whatever makes you feel the most feminine and gorgeous, at the end of the day.

I will admit... my current GF wears dresses often... and I really like it. 

[Shining One]

I suppose one could argue that I've been spoiled by the various egalitarian women in my life. I've certainly come to expect more from women (at least when it comes to determining who is relationship-worthy) as a result of their influence.

Edited December 3, 2020 by Shining One

[CollinW]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately you don't seem to be over Blake. Why did you two break up?

Because he was tired of her not contributing to the relationship. 

[Mrin]

"I really liked him but he always wanted to pay when we went out on a date so I dumped him," said no woman ever. 

Suck it up dudes. If you can't pick up the tab you shouldn't be dating. Seriously, I can't believe this is still a debate. 

[Miss Spider]

It’s better to be picky early. It’s easier to never get into a relationship than it is to leave a bad one

Alright, so about this Blake guy.. You said he was a “friend”? Is this a “friend with benefits”? Or literally just a friend? And he is the bar that you are holding up guys you date to. I can see some problems emerging from that.  It’s not that I  see your list as outrageous or that it describes a guy anything akin to mythical being, but depending, it might be hard to find in a particular package(along with standards that you’ve left off your list but exist nonetheless, like compassion and a sense of humor etc etc)  So yeah, you might  just be  looking at it too idealistically/parameters set too narrowly .  I think I’d a trap that one can to fall into with ease with OLD. Also, wth with dogging pho????

 

 

 

 

Edited December 5, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Weezy1973]

On 12/3/2020 at 4:36 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately you don't seem to be over Blake. Why did you two break up?

Yes, also wondering this. 
 

And this shows the real problem of unicorn hunting. Even when you get one, like you did with Blake, there’s a good chance it won’t work out. 

[Trail Blazer]

On 12/4/2020 at 2:31 PM, Mrin said:

"I really liked him but he always wanted to pay when we went out on a date so I dumped him," said no woman ever. 

Suck it up dudes. If you can't pick up the tab you shouldn't be dating. Seriously, I can't believe this is still a debate. 

Just how long is a guy supposed to keep it up? 

When casual dating, going on first dates, sure, I'll pay.  However, when exclusively dating, why should a guy always pick up the tab? 

A guy should pay his fair share, but when exclusively dating, I appreciate when she gets it every now and again.  

[poppyfields]

@ThereSheGoes, my take on all this?    Until you get over "Blake," no man is going to suit you.  You will forever be comparing every man you meet with him and no one will measure up. 

Now to your list.

Physical and sexual attraction is a given!  Not even worth mentioning.  If there is no attraction, then it's a straight next.  Doesn't even belong on a list, its just a given. 

Just out of curiosity, why were you even dating men you had no sexual attraction to?  I'm not understanding that.  And allowing them "access" to your body because they paid for a nice dinner?  In my world, that's called prostitution.

Re salary, you can avoid this issue by surrounding yourself with career-oriented successful men.  I met my fiance on Elite singles, but ya gotta be careful there too because wealthy successful men can be demanding and entitled.  But the men there will meet your $50k requirement at least, but you will still have to do some weeding out. 

I hear ya re masculine/feminine but to me, these qualities come from within, not from wearing dresses or him opening doors for you. 

My fiance and my previous boyfriends love my feminine nature/energy, it's what initially attracted them.  But I rarely wear dresses, except on special occasions when called for.

High end tight-fitting jeans, sheer flowy blouse with camisole underneath and heels will get any red-blooded male fired up, trust me on that!  

Your no kids requirement is fair and definitely belongs on any list.  It's not unreasonable imo and many men have that same requirement.

Another poster mentioned emotional connection and I agree.  That is actually one of my first requirements.  Mutual chemistry/energy/connection, that's where it all begins at least for me.

My sense is you felt that with Blake and you've got him up on a pedestal, not because of his salary or because he paid or opened doors, but because you felt that connection with him.  And until you get over him for good, no man is ever gonna measure up.

What happened with him anyway?  Why did you break up?

 

Edited December 5, 2020 by poppyfields

[Fletch Lives]

You'll forget your dating grocery list if you meet a new person you are attracted to. Except the gentlemanly stuff and cloths. And maybe the money. Oh, forget it!

Just remember, it's all about the shoes, all about the sauce, and all bout dat bass!

[Fletch Lives]

duplicate

Edited December 5, 2020 by Fletch Lives

[poppyfields]

15 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

Just remember, it's all about the shoes...

Lol, I know that was a joke, but I once dumped a guy because of his shoes! 

No joke, he was like 6 feet and wearing "lifts" on his shoes.

For some reason, I simply could not get past that. 

 

Edited December 5, 2020 by poppyfields

[ThereSheGoes]

Hi all!

Finals are over and I can now respond promptly! (or mostly promptly) @Trail BlazerThank you! It was rough, one of my finals had 100 questions on it, and another I studied 221 questions, just to get in to the exam and see only 50 being listed. But I did reasonable well, and I shall be ending this semester with a mediocre A. Lol. Wishing your girlfriend a speedy exam week! I know I was counting down the days.

 

Now.

How did me and Blake 'break up'.

So, technically, we were never together. Even though, his actions stated otherwise. What he would be present me to the world as, would say otherwise. But in private, when we would talk about our relationship, he would call me his friend and talk about how he valued our 'friendship.'

Our 'friendship' was very quick, lasted for about 4 or 5 months. We met online. Instant chemistry. It was a very emotional time, looking back.

Anyway, we had gone on a vacation and came back to Quarantine. (Which is why I was at his apartment for a few weeks.) After that, I came home. Three days after being back at home, he called me, stated he was in my neighborhood, and wondered if I wanted to get some takeout and have a picnic. I said sure.

I live with my mother and my grandparents. My mom, naturally so, was very concerned about the virus, and when I told her I was going out, she told me that if I left, I would be locked out of the house and that I would be unable to return until this virus situation was fixed. Well, this was back in April. We had no idea how long this would last. And though I felt like Blake was reluctant to have me leave his home, I really didn't want to spend another three weeks at his place.

So I told him about the situation, and why I couldn't see him. He got upset. He stopped talking to me for a few days. (I knew that he wanted more than a picnic as well. So, I think that is why he also got upset, because he was being denied sex.)

He called me afterwards and was like, I've been acting childish, yadda yadda. Okay. Beef squashed. But three or four days later, I missed two calls of his, by accident. I never missed his calls. I had my phone in my room, and I was down stairs cleaning and cooking. Again, he got distant, he got cold, communication started to dwindle. After four days of this, of him ignoring my texts (We would text each other all day, and then talk on the phone all night, and now suddenly....one very distant text a day and no phone calls) He texted me a picture of him on a boat with a bunch of Good Ol Boys and bikini clad ladies on the lake. And my city was still in Lockdown. So that night, after all of the freezing me out,  I texted and asked if I could schedule a time to get my lingerie from his place. He knew what it meant when I said I was getting my things.

He IMMEDIATELY called me, after ignoring me for four days, and stated that if I could come over and grab my clothes, then I could come over and hang with him. I said no, and asked if Thursday was okay. Because he didn't just want to 'hang out'. I felt disgusted that after the way he treated me, he would assume that I would just sleep with him. But he agreed to Thursday being fine.

The next morning, I woke up to a very short text, saying: "Look, I had a lot of fun with you, but it's just not working out. I'll mail you your things."

Things got a little messy afterwards, as he he kept contacting me for obvious sexual reasons. I called him, demanded an apology for treating me like I was a random slut (which I got) and then hung up on him. Last time I spoke to him was in June.

 

In a way, I am not over him.  I felt a lot for him. It had been 10 years since I met a guy that made me feel like I could fall for them. He was also the first man that was successful at helping me to achieve an orgasm with them. I rarely ever masturbate (I honestly don't have the time or energy these days) but when I do, afterwards, a flood of memories of him would come rushing in. And I'll start to cry. It only ever happens after I have masturbated, and no other time. So yes. I still have feelings for him and I'm still hurt over the situation. It's only been 8 or 9 months.

But I felt like he used me. He wanted the perks, but didn't want the monogamy. At the same time, I knew that he didn't want a relationship, and I shouldn't have allowed myself to get carried away. I should have treated him like a friend, and not accept and engage in the behavior that spelled otherwise.

 

I never said that Blake was a good man. He isn't. He's selfish, he's narcissistic, he was controlling and he had lot of insecurities which were tied to his own ego and his self worth. I don't want another Blake. But 'dating' Blake made me realize the things that I want in my future partner. Blake isn't the standard, he's just the acknowledgment, that hey, that thing that you kinda been wanting but thought that maybe it was asking for too much, yeah, that ACTUALLY exists and you can find it.  Someone who has some traditional morals and characteristics, but is interested in living a modern lifestyle, along with kindness, generosity, so on and so forth. The two can exist simultaneously, I'm living proof of it. I'm a woman who likes to cook, clean, and take care of my loved ones, whose also educated and values being independent.  

[miss2017]

I am on that same boat!

Before my ex, nice and attracted were my pre requisites. Then my ex showed me what a real gentleman is, how a man spoils a woman and provides for her in so many ways, sex was amazing, he made good money too, had values, showed his emotions openly, etc.

He has raised the bar a lot. Now I know why in the past I used to chase men and never felt good. Because a real man who is interested will clearly show and a woman doesn’t need to make great efforts for it. 

It didn’t work between us for some incompatibility reasons, but he helped me feel like I should be treated and I cannot go lower than that now.

I think it’s a good thing as I used to date losers before and that’s over.

The only thing I would advise you is to forget that guy. He is part of the past.

Know your standards but let the Universe surprise you. You can meet someone much better than your ex!

Edited December 5, 2020 by miss2017

[ThereSheGoes]

So, to the sex thing.

I have always been able to have a relationship with someone who I didn't find necessarily physically attractive, but I liked their character. That doesn't ALWAYS mean that I will have sexual attraction to them. And to be honest, I never valued sexual attraction, until a few months ago. I viewed it as being shallow, Which, in reality, it is. But it's also biology, and I can't help who I am attracted to.

 

Now, the reasons why some of these guys sucked and why I lost sexual attraction to them, was because of a number of things. I didn't like that they didn't have much care in their appearance or personal hygiene, I didn't like how whiny they could be. Some of them complained a lot, some of them worried a lot. Some of them looked for me to take control of every situation, and basically wanted me to 'parent' them in situations. If it was late and I was leaving there place, there was no thought of, oh, it's three A.M. and she's catching an Uber in front of my apartment complex and I live in the very back, MAYBE I should walk with her, just to make sure she doesn't get shanked.

There was no care, no sincerity, just a lot of 'You're supposed to be responsible for this relationship because I don't know how to be a man.' And then demand sex. For instance, with my last (official) ex boyfriend, we dated for about 7 or 8 months. Out of that 8 months, we only had sex 5 times. Those five times were awful. Not only was the technique and general care not present, I had lost attraction for him, physically. Due in part to realizing that he didn't care about his appearance. And then he would nag me about how we weren't having enough sex, and that 'I should be able to have sex with my girlfriend.' Never asked if I wanted to have sex with him. It was always about him.

Then started saying that I should start paying for dates (Which I was like, how....because I was unemployed at the time. I was unemployed when he met me. Its not like I had started paying for dates, and here I was no longer paying. I was NEVER paying for our dates, because I HAD NO MONEY.) and would constantly talk about my future income,  and how we could move in together, and I could take care of us, and how with my money we could go here and there, and we'll just have this grand life because......I'm making the money. Never once did he state that he was going to leave his factory job and get something more inline with his degree. That is so.....feminine to me.

So of course, I broke up with him.

He's the most recent example of........what I DON'T want.

ALSO. Access to my body means:  You want me to have sex with you, because you believe as my boyfriend its your right to have sex with me. But I'm not getting any kindness or warmth, feelings of protection, ANYTHING from you. It's like I'm just here to better YOUR life.

He could take me to this really expensive Brazilian place in my town, but if I feel like he hasn't earned the right to enjoy my body, he isn't going to. I need to WANT to have sex with a man. How do you do this? Romance me. Treat me well. Be a gentleman. Be genuine about how you feel. Don't just expect for me to give it up because I'm out with you, or you're my boyfriend. Being able to have access to my body is a privilege, not a right. Blake earned the privilege by romancing me, and showing that he supposedly cared.

Edited December 5, 2020 by ThereSheGoes

[Miss Spider]

“Women don’t care about sexual attractiveness like men do“ seems pretty antiquated. I am with you,  girl.

[poppyfields]

@ThereSheGoesand @miss2017you ever see the movie "Kate and "Leopold"?  If not, I highly recommend.

You will LOVE Leopold (Hugh Jackman) I promise you!!   Men in today's dating environment could learn a lot from him, but they won't, sadly.

@ThereSheGoesI have no idea where you're meeting these bozos but wherever it is, get rid. Try a higher quality website like Elite. 

I've never once met or dated what you describe, it sounds god  awful.  I'd rather not date anyone and be alone. 

Congrats on your "A"!!

Edited December 5, 2020 by poppyfields

[ThereSheGoes]

On 12/2/2020 at 9:04 PM, Caauug said:

A "Crap Test", plain and simple. 

 

Your tired of catering to men in a relationship. Your not afraid to cater to your partner. You don't want to give up anything, but it's give and take..... Looks like you are straight down the line what you want there!!! 

You want to feel protected, guarded and has your back? Protected against what? All the dragons have been slayed eons ago.... Protected from yourself? But isn't that controlling? It's not controlling until it is... 

What happened to equality? You know that 50/50 thing women have been fighting for at least 80 yrs.... You have to be protected, guarded and he has to have your back but what are you doing for him? You know as a "Mutual give and take"? He is paying for all the dates.... Oh that's right, you can clean, bake and rub body parts.....

 

 

Protection is more than physical, and a man can show that in many ways. One way, by paying for dates, it's shows that he can provide for me and that he's responsible.  I don't understand why this is so hard to imagine? He isn't giving up anything. It's a give and take. I'm not asking him to take me on vacations and to foot the bill.  Which, I think WOULD be an entitled thing to say. I don't want a sugar daddy.

I understand this is 2020, but why must everyone be out on their own, even within relationships? Why must he think about himself,  but I must constantly think about him and the relationship, while simultaneously making sure I'm okay? Shouldn't we both be in to protecting EACH other, and we BOTH should be aware of the relationship? Otherwise, it would seem lopsided.

I understand that as adults, we have a lot of baggage. A lot of people have let us down. But not everyone is out here trying to snatch and steal. Not everyone is trying to screw you over. Good people are still left in the world. You just have to be vulnerable enough to let them show you.