First Date Ended Early Because of Emergency!

[Crazelnut]

Well, kiwi, it's been 6 or 7 days now, and you haven't heard from him. Bottom line -- you should just let this one go. 

[Miss Spider]

Oh boy... his friend is “suicidal”, huh. I mean, I’ve had friends that mid-way through the date were “going through a hard time and needed my help right now so I had to go“ but never stooped that low to say that they were threatening to take their own life. Yes, this is an excuse he used it to get out of the date. Sorry.. 

Edited December 4, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Saracena]

Yes, when I read the title and OP I was immediately suspicious  it was just an excuse BUT wanted to wait to see how it panned out .

( However, I was more alarmed when I read about hugging a complete stranger (or anyone for that matter) during this pandemic. This would have turned me off completely! I know I would have instinctively pulled back. No way would I have permitted that!

[dangerous]

I can think of two separate first dates I went on where the other party was involved with a "suicide threat" - I discovered both were alcohol abusers!

As some have said here, if there is drama on the first date, that is how the future will be too.

I'd delete and move on. 

[kiwistwbry]

UPDATE (my texts are underlined)

Friday, 12/4 

4:30 PM

- Hey Eric! I know we simply met over coffee. I’m just concerned, and hope you and your friend are okay : )

6:30 PM

- Hey, yeah he's ok. I'm under the assumption he was seeking attention. 

9:30 PM

- Glad everything’s okay. 
Well, I’d still be open to a next time if you are. Would be my treat.

Saturday, 12/5

1:00 PM

- I would enjoy that maybe. Honestly I just wanted to be upfront I didn't really feel like there was a sexual attraction I was looking for so maybe just friends would be more suited. I'm sry I just want to be honest, and upfront w you. 

6:00 PM

- Interesting you say that! I appreciate the honesty. My initial impression was we might not be compatible in a couple other areas, and thought it was worth feeling out more. It would be nice to continue a friendship. We also have single parenting in common. Would be cool to grab a drink sometime.

6:45 PM

- Sounds like a plan. I'm glad you're able to be cool about it. I don't drink alcohol really, but maybe would be fun sometime. 

7:30 PM

- I’m the same actually. It’s just options are pretty limited nowadays. Lol. I’ll be in touch!

7:45 PM

- Ok sounds good to me. 

Edited December 6, 2020 by kiwistwbry

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that. At least you know where you stand and he was straight forward with you.

Don't be friends, he's not interested. If you're a lonely single parent, there are plenty of ways to cope and make friends.

Try not to chase people who are pushing you away, no matter how diplomatically they're doing that.

It would be better to invest your time and energy into those who are mutually interested.

[ShakeShake]

1 hour ago, kiwistwbry said:

snip

Thanks for the update. Nothing surprising there.

Do not be that girl and keep bugging someone who is not interested though. He does not want to meet up with you. Certainly do not contact him to meet up for a drink like you suggested.

Even if you did meet again it's a complete waste of time.

Delete his number and on to the next one. Find someone who matches your interest level.

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, kiwistwbry said:

UPDATE (my texts are underlined)

Friday, 12/4 

4:30 PM

- Hey Eric! I know we simply met over coffee. I’m just concerned, and hope you and your friend are okay : )

6:30 PM

- Hey, yeah he's ok. I'm under the assumption he was seeking attention. 

9:30 PM

- Glad everything’s okay. 
Well, I’d still be open to a next time if you are. Would be my treat.

Saturday, 12/5

1:00 PM

- I would enjoy that maybe. Honestly I just wanted to be upfront I didn't really feel like there was a sexual attraction I was looking for so maybe just friends would be more suited. I'm sry I just want to be honest, and upfront w you. 

6:00 PM

- Interesting you say that! I appreciate the honesty. My initial impression was we might not be compatible in a couple other areas, and thought it was worth feeling out more. It would be nice to continue a friendship. We also have single parenting in common. Would be cool to grab a drink sometime.

6:45 PM

- Sounds like a plan. I'm glad you're able to be cool about it. I don't drink alcohol really, but maybe would be fun sometime. 

7:30 PM

- I’m the same actually. It’s just options are pretty limited nowadays. Lol. I’ll be in touch!

7:45 PM

- Ok sounds good to me. 

That's really honest if raw on the emotions.

Thanks for sharing it here, even when it drew a lot of negativity!

It's a whole new world right now...wishing you good luck and happiness.

[kiwistwbry]

Why not continue a friendship with a guy even if it didn’t work out romantically? Meanwhile we both still date others and know not to mix the two.

I’m actually doing this with another guy. We enjoyed each other’s company but were looking for different things, casual vs. relationship, and it didn’t work out because of that.

[Calmandfocused]

There’s a lot of “maybes” in his responses Op. 

A “maybe” is not an enthusiastic response. He’s letting you down gently. He’s no interest in being friends or otherwise. 
 

Your intentions are good, but you can’t force someone into a position just because you want something. He doesn’t want what you do. You be best just letting this go.
 

Find new friends and a new person to date romantically is my advice. 

[kiwistwbry]

48 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said:

There’s a lot of “maybes” in his responses Op. 

A “maybe” is not an enthusiastic response. He’s letting you down gently. He’s no interest in being friends or otherwise. 
 

Your intentions are good, but you can’t force someone into a position just because you want something. He doesn’t want what you do. You be best just letting this go.
 

Find new friends and a new person to date romantically is my advice. 

I see what you’re saying about the maybe’s. You could very well be right. Perhaps he also just needs time to decide. Could be hung up on the idea for some reason. I’ll give plenty of space (weeks) before getting back in touch with him. Necessary for both of us, I think. I took the same approach with my other guy friend.

And I just went on a date earlier today with a different person, so no problems there! Just not easy finding the right person. All in time I suppose.

Edited December 6, 2020 by kiwistwbry

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that. It must have stung a bit when he told you the attraction is lacking when you were so head over heels. 

The revelation that he used a cheap trick to end the date must have stung also. Not sure why you would chase after his friendship.

What type of dating apps are you using and what type of criteria and screening are you doing?

Some dates may turn into friends, but generally that's not the point of dating apps. Are you seeking a romantic relationship?

Make sure your profile and pics are recent and you screen well for kid friendly/single parents .

 

[d0nnivain]

8 hours ago, kiwistwbry said:

Why not continue a friendship with a guy even if it didn’t work out romantically? Meanwhile we both still date others and know not to mix the two.

I’m actually doing this with another guy. We enjoyed each other’s company but were looking for different things, casual vs. relationship, and it didn’t work out because of that.

To what end?   If you do find somebody to date that person isn't going to tolerate you being "friends" with men you previously went on dates with.  Spending time with these friends eats up time better spent looking for a quality SO.  

Just don't settle for crumbs.  

[Versacehottie]

I still don't think you are quite being honest with yourself (though you were honest with us by posting the conversation with him).  The concern for his friend was just a "reason" to be in touch with him, first and foremost.  Then you go on with your agenda, which is trying to make a case for another date and when he turns that down (the most likely reason he wasn't in touch), you then throw a hail mary with the "friends" thing, which I don't believe is your real intention either.

"we also have single parenting in common" is a poor excuse for "chemistry" which even he has the good sense to turn down.  I'm sorry if this is harsh but I think your own thought process is going to have you going to multiple wrong pathways, lowering yourself completely and doing all sorts of manipulations.  I think you need to start with being real with yourself and look at  this thread to see how much you twisted things in order to hang on, off a one meet coffee date with no follow up.   It's super desperate; I'm imagining part of the reason he did not feel chemistry ON the date is that this vibe was ALREADY in place in the texting beforehand and on the date itself.  Be mad at me for saying it but I'm really trying to point out something that would be helpful for you next time around.

[Crazelnut]

You should've stopped texting when he said there was no attraction. You can't argue or discuss your way into a romance. We all told you he's not interested and to leave it alone. Why on earth would you reach out to him AGAIN in a few weeks and try to be "friends"? He is not interested in you. Period. Pursuing him in ANY capacity is only going to make you look weak and desperate. Every "maybe" in this text exchange is a big sign for you to just leave this alone.

[poppyfields]

10 hours ago, kiwistwbry said:

Why not continue a friendship with a guy even if it didn’t work out romantically? 

What about him makes you believe he'd be a good friend?

He created an elaborate made-up story to end your meet (and if you still believe it was true, you are in utter denial), he did not keep his word about calling when saying he would, so what is it?

Because you are both single parents?  Or because of a few text exchanges prior to the first meet?  

I am so sorry to say this but it was very difficult reading your text exchanges.  Borderline cringeworthy on your part. Reflected a total lack of self-respect.  Desperation. 

He seems like a decent man but unfortunately not interested in you, as a romantic partner or "friend." 

He was trying to let you down gently hoping you would be astute enough to understand that.

I'm sorry, please don't humiliate yourself further, this is done.

Treasure the memory of your ONE very brief meet and be done with it.

The right man is out there, but your heart won't be open to him unless and until you release yourself from the illusion of this man.

All the best.

Edited December 6, 2020 by poppyfields

[kiwistwbry]

Wow, y’all are thinking way too far ahead in this. He mentioned being just friends and I went with it. Whether he said maybe or was enthusiastic with the idea doesn’t matter. If when I reach out again in a few weeks he still declines getting together as friends then I’ll wish him all the best and be done with it. I won’t feel like my image has been tainted whatsoever by doing that. And in the meantime I would’ve continued going out with other guys to try and find a suitable match. 

[Miss Spider]

You  really want to be friends with this guy? OK then. I guess what you’re doing is fine.I know I’ve been more desperate than that when trying for friends. However, he is made it clear he is not sexually attracted. He used an excuse to get out of the date. (Doesn’t like confrontation) He might be  offering friendship  to let you down gently. He doesn’t want to date you. So please, do not try to take the relationship anywhere near that again because it will just make things awkward for both of you. Sorry.

Edited December 6, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[kiwistwbry]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What type of dating apps are you using and what type of criteria and screening are you doing?

Some dates may turn into friends, but generally that's not the point of dating apps. Are you seeking a romantic relationship?

Make sure your profile and pics are recent and you screen well for kid friendly/single parents .

 

Good question. I’m using Hinge and Bumble. I found on Hinge a lot of the guys weren’t looking for anything serious. They also don’t have a way to screen so that made things tricky. Bumble has a screening option based on preferences so I set that up immediately. Pictures are also recent.

Definitely seeking a romantic relationship, but if it turns into friendship instead then I figure why not. Doesn’t stop me from my search for a partner.

I’ve actually matched with 2 other guys that seem to have a lot of potential so we’ll see. Went out with the first one (no kids) yesterday and he was asking me out for another date in the parking lot! So no question on interest there. The second guy (single dad) needs to take a ferry to see me and is willing to do that, so that’s already a lot of effort from the beginning. Good sign, I think!  We’ve made plans to meet next Saturday.  

Edited December 6, 2020 by kiwistwbry

[kiwistwbry]

4 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

You  really want to be friends with this guy? OK then. I guess what you’re doing is fine.I know I’ve been more desperate than that when trying for friends. However, he is made it clear he is not sexually attracted. He used an excuse to get out of the date. I think  he’s offering friendship  to let you down gently. He doesn’t want to date you. So please, do not try to take the relationship anywhere near that again because it will just make things awkward for both of you. Sorry.

Yes friendship only. I’ve already moved on from the romantic relationship idea.

[Miss Spider]

26 minutes ago, kiwistwbry said:

Yes friendship only. I’ve already moved on from the romantic relationship idea.

What is it in particular that is special about this guy were you want his friendship? When I have wanted someone’s friendship, it has always started from a position of seeking friendship . Do you have something rare in common or something linking you that you cannot find in anyone else other than than a someone you had one date with on an app and romantically rejected you?

Edited December 6, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Wiseman2]

50 minutes ago, kiwistwbry said:

The second guy (single dad) needs to take a ferry to see me and is willing to do that, so that’s already a lot of effort from the beginning. Good sign, I think!  We’ve made plans to meet next Saturday.  

Excellent. Enjoy the date. Good you're meeting other single parents.

[kiwistwbry]

1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

What is it in particular that is special about this guy were you want his friendship?

Do you have something rare in common or something linking you that you cannot find in anyone else other than than a someone you had one date with on an app and romantically rejected you?

Although the mutual attraction is not there, we do behave in similar ways, whether good for us as individuals or not, and because of that we have a lot of things in common. Based on our personality traits we are able to understand each other on a fundamental level that I believe could be a positive foundation for friendship. I think whether or not I can find this in someone else is besides the point.

And I don’t think it’s a matter of him being “special”. Because if I think of him in that way then I’ll still be seeking romance.

Edited December 6, 2020 by kiwistwbry

[Miss Spider]

But it is somewhat of a precarious circumstance and things that could be avoided with friendship with someone else. He knows that you like him romantically. That might make him even feel uncomfortable. Also, you were romantically interested in him. You only stopped because he did not reciprocate. Did his lack of reciprocation automatically shut off all the other things that caused you to feel romantically interested in him? I think it needs to be considered in perspective. This is not just two people who wanted friendship coming together for that purpose. This is two people who met on a dating app, were seeking a romantic connection, and one did not feel the same way as the other. Anyway, this is all operating under assumption that he truly wants to be friends anyway. This is typically a peace offering to pad a rejection. He’s on bumble dating, not bumble BFF. 

Edited December 6, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[poppyfields]

How do you feel about the fact he created this totally bogus excuse for cutting the date short?  Complete with elaborate FAKE texts from his so-called "suicidal" friend?

That's about as low as it gets in my world, I would imagine in anyone's world assuming they respected themselves.  

But if you're okay with being treated that way, that is certainly your prerogative.  

That said, I am happy to hear you're back on apps and meeting other guys, have fun!