First Date Ended Early Because of Emergency!

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, kiwistwbry said:

Deal in facts. I think I have been, have you?

The guy cut short the date because his friend said he was contemplating suicide.

Based on this we can assume ‘the why’ for not hearing from him despite his assertion to do so.

I have dealt with plenty of uninterested guys and let them be. Guys I actually liked. This situation is completely different and can’t be compared. 

Which is the reason for me reaching out anyway.

Sooo I think I have known what to text all along, but allowed my second guessing to get in the way.

And I will send it when the time is right.

One thing I've learned is to not trust or believe the words of a man you chatted on-line with and met once, briefly.  Huge mistake. 

People can "say" anything they want, and often do, doesn't make it true.  

Judge by this actions.  What are his actions?  None.  

You have to know that no matter what this guy has going on, it takes 10 seconds to send a text.  And if he were interested he would be doing so.  

That's what interested men do no matter how busy they are or what they have going on.

I'm sorry to be so blunt but stop making excuses for him and move on.  It's been four days, this is done. 

You had one brief meet.  Treasure the memory if you want, but best to move on and not give this a second thought.  

That would be smart. 

If/when he ever reaches out, decide what to do then 

Edited December 2, 2020 by poppyfields

[kiwistwbry]

So I’ve realized that when I made this post it would have been better to phrase it differently.

“Should I reach out before he does, because of the reason he ended the date short? And if so, what do I say?”

Whether he is a recovering addict or a suitable partner is irrelevant. The point is he ended the date short for a potentially serious reason. And now I haven’t heard from him. The facts.

This is a perfect cause (guy ends date short due to emergency) & effect (haven’t heard from him like he confirmed) situation that deserves empathy. 

If reaching out to him before he does makes me look desperate or needy, just because I’m female and he’s male, then so be it. My text will show him someone cares. Could be something he hasn’t experienced much in life.

It will open up the lines of communication if he’s wanting the same thing. Who knows, maybe we met not to date, but to give support to one another as struggling single parents. I don’t believe in coincidences.

I feel a simple, friendly text is appropriate. He knows I didn’t pass judgment and accepted his suggestion for a next time. If that happens then I can decide how to move forward, either with a friendship or relationship. Win-win scenario in my opinion.

I’m willing to bet that recovered addicts are probably some of the most genuine people you will ever meet. They’ve been through hell and still made it through. 

I’ll be texting this when the time is right. Thanks everyone for your time! Sumguy  

”Hey Eric! I know we simply met over coffee, just hope you and your friend are okay :-)”

Edited December 3, 2020 by kiwistwbry

[poppyfields]

OP,  first off I am sorry for this post.  It is quite direct (and perhaps harsh) which is not my usual style but I feel at this point, it's necessary.

Firstly, why in the world are you so quick to believe what I personally believe to be an outrageous story told to you by a virtual stranger?   You do not know this man, he is a stranger, why are you so quick to believe the words of a stranger you had one short meet with?  I am not understanding that.

Second, are you familiar with what goes on in today’s dating environment re OLDing and first meets?  Do you realize the extent some men (and women) will go to in order to cut the meet short when necessary?  I have heard stories from both men and men of being told the most outrageous stories to cut a date short.  I know men who conspire with their friends prior and ask that they send a text or call claiming some emergency giving them a plausible excuse to leave, when necessary.

One guy I knew had his teenage son call during every first meet claiming some emergency situation, and if the guy was having a good time and wanting to stay, he would ignore it, but if he wanted to leave, he’d show the text to the woman (just like your guy did), politely excuse himself, give her some BS that he had a good time, give a hug, and leave, never to be heard from again.

That is reality! 

So again, why so quick to believe his “words.”  He is a stranger.  Judge by his “actions,” which at this point are non-existent.  You can only trust words when followed up by action.  It took me a long time to learn that, but it's so true and so necessary otherwise you will be eaten alive by OLDing.  In this case, there was no follow up and no action.  

I am sorry if this sounds mean, I truly am.  But your BS meter needs some fine tuning in my humble opinion.

That said, let’s say this outrageous story is true.  He still would have reached out if he were interested.

I would strongly advise you to not send that text.  I have seen my brothers and his friends get a good laugh when women do stuff like what you're planning to do.

If you wish to hang on to this, wait for him to reach out to you, please.

Again, I apologize to be so blunt, but I am only trying to be real with you..  

All the best.

Edited December 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[Trail Blazer]

If you want to send the guy a friendly text message, I don't see a problem with that.  He probably hasn't had too many people in his life show him much compassion or empathy.

However, that's where I would leave it.  I would not entertain dating a man like this. 

Yes, he may have been dealt poor cards in life that set him up poorly for adulthood.  If he's turned his life around that is commendable as well.

At the end of the day, though, you have a child and your child's welfare is the most important consideration. 

It's just too big a risk to introduce a man into your child's life with a history of substance abuse and a very questionable circle of friends/associates.

I would proceed with extreme caution.  Luckily it sounds like he's not interested anyway.  However, be sure to decide how you wish to proceed before texting him.  

If you do text and he does reply, be sure to let him know that it was a courtesy text and that you're not interested in pursuing anything further (if that's what you do decide) so he doesn't get any ideas.

 

[Trail Blazer]

11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

OP,  first off I am sorry for this post.  It is quite direct (and perhaps harsh) which is not my usual style but I feel at this point, it's necessary.

Firstly, why in the world are you so quick to believe what I personally believe to be an outrageous story told to you by a virtual stranger?   You do not know this man, he is a stranger, why are you so quick to believe the words of a stranger you had one short meet with?  I am not understanding that.

Second, are you familiar with what goes on in today’s dating environment re OLDing and first meets?  Do you realize the extent some men (and women) will go to in order to cut the meet short when necessary?  I have heard stories from both men and men of being told the most outrageous stories to cut a date short.  I know men who conspire with their friends prior and ask that they send a text or call claiming some emergency giving them a plausible excuse to leave, when necessary.

One guy I knew had his teenage son call during every first meet claiming some emergency situation, and if the guy was having a good time and wanting to stay, he would ignore it, but if he wanted to leave, he’d show the text to the woman (just like your guy did), politely excuse himself, give her some BS that he had a good time, give a hug, and leave, never to be heard from again.

That is reality! 

So again, why so quick to believe his “words.”  He is a stranger.  Judge by his “actions,” which at this point are non-existent.  You can only trust words when followed up by action.  It took me a long time to learn that, but it's so true and so necessary otherwise you will be eaten alive by OLDing.  In this case, there was no follow up and no action.  

I am sorry if this sounds mean, I truly am.  But your BS meter needs some fine tuning in my humble opinion.

That said, let’s say this outrageous story is true.  He still would have reached out if he were interested.

I would strongly advise you to not send that text.  I have seen my brothers and his friends get a good laugh when women do stuff like what you're planning to do.

If you wish to hang on to this, wait for him to reach out to you, please.

Again, I apologize to be so blunt, but I am only trying to be real with you..  

All the best.

I agree with pretty much all of this, however, I feel that if OP genuinely believes the story and is concerned, a quick text can't do any harm.

If this guy us a total @$$hole and is sitting there with his buddies ready to laugh then that is a very poor reflection on those individuals and not OP's propensity to be empathetic to fellow human beings.

I think OP should give a man like this a wide berth in terms of engaging any further from a dating perspective.  But a quick text could mean a lot to someone in his shoes if he's a genuine person.

[poppyfields]

20 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

I agree with pretty much all of this, however, I feel that if OP genuinely believes the story and is concerned, a quick text can't do any harm.

If this guy us a total @$$hole and is sitting there with his buddies ready to laugh then that is a very poor reflection on those individuals and not OP's propensity to be empathetic to fellow human beings.

I think OP should give a man like this a wide berth in terms of engaging any further from a dating perspective.  But a quick text could mean a lot to someone in his shoes if he's a genuine person.

You're right TB.  If her only motive is to express concern and caring, then it won't matter if he ignores, or laughs with his friends about it.  

It won't matter one iota what he thinks about it as long as her true and only motive is to express concern.  Very good point. 

I s'pose I was only trying to spare her from further disappoint assuming she was reaching out hoping to get something going.

And I s'pose too, one never knows.  Perhaps he's afraid to reach out because he cut the date short and fears being rejected.  It's a stretch but possible.  Some guys really are that insecure.

Thanks TB and good luck OP, keep us posted!

Edited December 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

OP, do you remember the story about James Frey who wrote the book "A Million Little Pieces" years ago?  

It's tells the story of the author, James Frey, a 23-year-old alcoholic and abuser of other drugs and how he copes with rehabilitation in a twelve steps-oriented treatment center.

While initially promoted as a memoir, it later emerged that most of the events described in the book never happened.  It was a literary forgery, he made it all up.  Or most of it.

This book originally received tons of praise, Oprah Winfrey selected it for her book club and it shot to no. 1 on the NY Times best seller list.

I read it when first released in 2003 or 2004 as a true story, a memoir. I was about half way through before saying to myself that this guy was lying through his teeth, no way did these things happen, no effing way.  

Not sure how I knew but I just knew.  I even told my family at the dinner table.  I wrote Oprah Winfrey a letter!    

My brothers thought I was nuts but it irked me so bad that this guy was receiving so much praise when I knew he was bullshyting!  

A few years later, turned out my perception was correct, it was a literary forgery.  Full of lies and embellishments.

I hope this man is genuine OP.  But I have a bad vibe just like when I read James Frey's book.

If he were telling the truth, he would not have to "prove" it to a  virtual stranger by showing you confidential, extremely sensitive and personal text messages from a good friend.  That's just beyond the pale imho.

A man telling the truth would say "I am so sorry Xxxxx, I have an emergency but I'm enjoying spending time with you, let me take you to dinner Friday" or something along those lines.  That sounds believable.

Not feeling like he has to "prove" he is "not" lying by showing you sensitive and private texts, you are a stranger who he's meeting for the first time.  Something sounds very off about.  

And this hoodie over his head thing, I cannot even imagine that ever happening unless he is outdoors and cold.  

I dunno, it all just sounds too weird.  

Anyway, nuff said from me.  I've said my piece, good luck. 

 

Edited December 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[kiwistwbry]

33 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

And this hoodie over his head thing, I cannot even imagine that ever happening unless he is outdoors and cold.  

Well, we are experiencing a pandemic over here in Washington State. The coffee shop was offering outdoor seating only, and without heaters unfortunately.

It was cold and I was wearing my coat too. My guess is mid 40’s when we met. A breeze also started picking up when he felt the need for his hood.

Edited December 3, 2020 by kiwistwbry

[ShakeShake]

OP you are making this all way more complicated than it needs to be.

If you want to send a message asking how he and his friend are then just do it. Why are you waiting x amount of days? If he is interested in you, then sending it today or next week will not change the fact he is interested. If you just want to be polite and are genuinely concerned, again what is the point of waiting?  It's just a message. Takes 30 seconds. You are making it into some BIG act. It's not. 

You say you are waiting to see if he messages first but it's been 4 days already. I don't know any man who if they are interested in a woman after a first date, would just let time pass by without a care in the world that you can easily meet someone else. An interested man would make sure to contact you again asap and set up another date or at least keep the communication flowing.

As has been mentioned you really need to focus more on his actions not just his words. He should not have even gone on the date if there was a chance of cutting it short like that. Either way, he is not interested in you like you are in him.

Regardless, if you want to message him, just do it!

[Acacia98]

15 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Or the idea she's thinking of a potential date when he said he would contact her but has not.   Comes off as desperate and having little self-respect.

I would advise to not chase a man who has not kept his word in following up.

That's a valid point from the standpoint that OP is romantically interested in him (which she is). But I wanted to focus on OP's sense that this guy genuinely had a friend who was suicidal and she wanted to show compassion because she had had an experience that made her able to relate. If the friend attempted suicide (that means he may be dead or alive), then the guy must be in anguish. I think he would appreciate the kindness of a relative stranger checking in. But if that relative stranger then suggests wanting to date, it will seem like the expression of sympathy was just a pretext to communicate with him and she doesn't actually care about his feelings. So I'm coming at this from the perspective that the person who matters most is the guy and that we should humanize him and empathize with him. I think this was OP's initial view, expressed in her first posts, before the back and forth convinced her to also approach things from the romantic angle.

If the guy is actually romantically interested in OP but got caught up in all the chaos surrounding his friend's situation, then one day, when he's able to, he will likely initiate communication and ask her out again. He would feel comfortable doing so because he would know, from her reaching out to check on him, that she was sympathetic about his situation.

Edited to add:

OP, if you're going to communicate with the guy to express sympathy (and nothing more), the timing of your message doesn't matter. 

Edited December 3, 2020 by Acacia98

[kiwistwbry]

5 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

That's a valid point from the standpoint that OP is romantically interested in him (which she is). But I wanted to focus on OP's sense that this guy genuinely had a friend who was suicidal and she wanted to show compassion because she had had an experience that made her able to relate. If the friend attempted suicide (that means he may be dead or alive), then the guy must be in anguish. I think he would appreciate the kindness of a relative stranger checking in. But if that relative stranger then suggests wanting to date, it will seem like the expression of sympathy was just a pretext to communicate with him and she doesn't actually care about his feelings. So I'm coming at this from the perspective that the person who matters most is the guy and that we should humanize him and empathize with him. I think this was OP's initial view, expressed in her first posts, before the back and forth convinced her to also approach things from the romantic angle.

If the guy is actually romantically interested in OP but got caught up in all the chaos surrounding his friend's situation, then one day, when he's able to, he will likely initiate communication and ask her out again. He would feel comfortable doing so because he would know, from her reaching out to check on him, that she was sympathetic about his situation.

THANK YOU.

[Wiseman2]

Is there a marked difference between communication before and after meeting in person?

Keep in mind both of you are talking to and meeting people. It seems after your in person meet, he ghosted, unfortunately a common thing.

Try not to allow a social justice crusade to derail you from the simple facts of OLD and first meets.

He knows your contact info,  he never followed up. Take it for what it's worth, but often this means low interest or he met another he'd rather pursue.

If you want to socialize more with fellow single parents, join some groups and clubs, etc.

This guy is certainly not the only single parent you've met or will meet.

When selecting who you wish to communicate with and meet, simply choose people with kids.

 

 

[poppyfields]

9 hours ago, kiwistwbry said:

Well, we are experiencing a pandemic over here in Washington State. The coffee shop was offering outdoor seating only, and without heaters unfortunately.

It was cold and I was wearing my coat too. My guess is mid 40’s when we met. A breeze also started picking up when he felt the need for his hood.

Ok that make sense!  The way you posted the hoodie situation earlier made it sound like something shady but that he explained.  And when I originally asked you said "your guess is as good as mine."

So I got a different impression.  Not sure why you even mentioned the hoodie if that's all it was.

And while I wouldn't, send the text.  You will forever be second guessing yourself if you don't.

Best of luck!

 

 

Edited December 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[kiwistwbry]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Not sure why you even mentioned the hoodie if that's all it was.

 

 

 

On 12/1/2020 at 3:23 PM, kiwistwbry said:

One thing worth mentioning as a general post with possibly some helpful info...as I just pieced them all together thinking about everything.

He told me he got up for work at 4:15 and his shift was from 6-2. Because of this he went to bed early those nights by 7:00-7:30. Often times while texting he would be dosing off and would mention it to me with a heads up in case he stopped texting.

Halfway through the date he was getting cold and put up his hoodie, while explaining to me why he was doing it. Just as he explained why he had to cut the date short.

Both with the texting and date he prolonged them while also saying he wished he could continue but he couldn’t and explained why.

On the date he told me the situation but then stayed with me for another 20-25 minutes talking about other stuff. He would do the same with texting.

So maybe, as terrible as it looks, he wasn’t actually trying to throw his friend under the bus by giving private info. It just seems like he prefers giving a heads up by explaining why, no matter the situation.

The qualities he looks for in a person listed on his profile is honesty and trustworthy, so maybe he thinks he’s providing the same thing in return with all the heads up and explanations.

This is why the hood was mentioned originally.

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, kiwistwbry said:

 

This is why the hood was mentioned originally.

I see, so he was cold.  Makes sense.  

I don't think anyone thought he was throwing his friend under the bus.  

Assuming his story is true, it was an invasion of his friend's privacy re a very personal sensitive situation that should have remained private between them.

You were a stranger he was meeting for the first time, this was absolutely uncalled for and unnecessary 

There should be no need to "prove" to a stranger why you need to leave, prove that you are not lying.   

Unless of course he was lying, the texts were fake and used as a way to cut the date short. 

As I said earlier not uncommon.  I've heard some outrageous stories from friends used on them during first meets.  I won't get into but they were pretty outrageous.

I would consider this to one of them, and the fact you have not heard from him since points to that as well.

JMO I could be wrong.  

If I may ask, fake or not fake, why did you even read the texts?  I would not have.  They were private, and none of my business.  I would have declined reading and accepted he needed to leave and left it at that.  

Also, if your intention is to express concern, why wait?  

Anyway, no need to respond, just questions to ask yourself.  

 

 

[kiwistwbry]

52 minutes ago, kiwistwbry said:

One thing worth mentioning as a general post with possibly some helpful info...as I just pieced them all together thinking about everything.

He told me he got up for work at 4:15 and his shift was from 6-2. Because of this he went to bed early those nights by 7:00-7:30. Often times while texting he would be dosing off and would mention it to me with a heads up in case he stopped texting.

Halfway through the date he was getting cold and put up his hoodie, while explaining to me why he was doing it. Just as he explained why he had to cut the date short.

Both with the texting and date he prolonged them while also saying he wished he could continue but he couldn’t and explained why.

On the date he told me the situation but then stayed with me for another 20-25 minutes talking about other stuff. He would do the same with texting.

So maybe, as terrible as it looks, he wasn’t actually trying to throw his friend under the bus by giving private info. It just seems like he prefers giving a heads up by explaining why, no matter the situation.

The qualities he looks for in a person listed on his profile is honesty and trustworthy, so maybe he thinks he’s providing the same thing in return with all the heads up and explanations.

 

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is there a marked difference between communication before and after meeting in person?

That’s exactly what I wondered just the other day. To see if there was a difference in the way he communicated before we met and during our date, and there wasn’t. In fact, there were actually a lot of similarities. 

Including him giving me a heads up when he was on the way (he even left early) to our date and describing the vehicle he drove.

I can’t imagine him just ghosting considering how he communicated all the way up until he had to leave to check on his friend. 

It’s because in the short time I knew him he acted the exact same way, hence why I am genuinely concerned. This is not normal behavior based on my experience of him up until he left after the date. 

The last heads up was that he would text me later. Then nothing. I would think he’d get back to me even just to say it’s not going to work. Based on all the other considerate behaviors he showed.

Even opened the door for me entering and leaving the cafe. Ghosting is the exact opposite of considerate behavior. It’s not adding up and this is why I’m texting just to make sure he’s okay.

I know it seems like such a coincidence for all this to just happen on our first date, but like SumGuy said, maybe his “jealous” friend heard about the date, or perhaps this is a regular occurrence for Eric, and I think there could be a lot of truth to these possible theories.

I mean, he did tell me how his friend has done this before, especially during the holidays. Could also make sense why his other friends wouldn’t check on this friend after Eric asked them. They’re tired of being jerked around by this friend crying wolf.

Eric tried to see if other friends could check on this friend. That also tells me he didn’t want to end the date short.

Edited December 3, 2020 by kiwistwbry

[poppyfields]

On 11/29/2020 at 9:04 PM, kiwistwbry said:

The negatives were he kept checking his watch, then his cell phone. It was really turning me off, but halfway through the date he told me a friend of his was acting suicidal, and that he wished he could stay longer, but that he also might have to cut the date short to go check on him since the other friends weren’t going to. He even showed me the text conversation on his phone while reading it out loud. 

Just read this^ again and I agree these were all big negatives and would have turned me off as well.

You seem overly-focused on this "hug." 

I would move away from that and focus on the above.  Nothing good or positive there, I'm sorry.

This will be my last post, all the best.

.

[kiwistwbry]

24 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Just read this^ again and I agree these were all big negatives and would have turned me off as well.

You seem overly-focused on this "hug." 

I would move away from that and focus on the above.  Nothing good or positive there, I'm sorry.

This will be my last post, all the best.

.

Overly focused on the hug. Nope, not at all. Just noticed he gives genuine hugs, compared to all the other guys, including the ones who don’t even hug on first dates.

And yes, turned off before he explained what was going on. Nothing wrong with a check in text on my part, which is why I’ll still be doing that.

Because I’m not sending a text to seek validation.

So even if he doesn’t reply, I’ll be totally fine knowing I at least showed some empathy with what I believed to be a true emergency. 

I also won’t consider myself as desperate or needy for doing so. This is only about showing compassion.

Edited December 3, 2020 by kiwistwbry

[Versacehottie]

38 minutes ago, kiwistwbry said:

 

That’s exactly what I wondered just the other day. To see if there was a difference in the way he communicated before we met and during our date, and there wasn’t. In fact, there were actually a lot of similarities. 

Including him giving me a heads up when he was on the way (he even left early) to our date and describing the vehicle he drove.

I can’t imagine him just ghosting considering how he communicated all the way up until he had to leave to check on his friend. 

It’s because in the short time I knew him he acted the exact same way, hence why I am genuinely concerned. This is not normal behavior based on my experience of him up until he left after the date. 

The last heads up was that he would text me later. Then nothing. I would think he’d get back to me even just to say it’s not going to work. Based on all the other considerate behaviors he showed.

Even opened the door for me entering and leaving the cafe. Ghosting is the exact opposite of considerate behavior. It’s not adding up and this is why I’m texting just to make sure he’s okay.

I know it seems like such a coincidence for all this to just happen on our first date, but like SumGuy said, maybe his “jealous” friend heard about the date, or perhaps this is a regular occurrence for Eric, and I think there could be a lot of truth to these possible theories.

I mean, he did tell me how his friend has done this before, especially during the holidays. Could also make sense why his other friends wouldn’t check on this friend after Eric asked them. They’re tired of being jerked around by this friend crying wolf.

Eric tried to see if other friends could check on this friend. That also tells me he didn’t want to end the date short.

oh girl, this is the most convoluted explanation of all the maybes of what it could be when the most likely answer is staring you straight in the face.  Most likely: not interested, ghosting.  How do you think other people's ghosting go down? 

The less likely scenarios could be true but the most likely one you are avoiding accepting. did you text him your altruistic text yet? 

Edited December 3, 2020 by Versacehottie

[kiwistwbry]

9 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

oh girl, this is the most convoluted explanation of all the maybes of what it could be when the most likely answer is staring you straight in the face.  Most likely: not interested, ghosting.  How do you think other people's ghosting go down? 

The less likely scenarios could be true but the most likely one you are avoiding accepting. did you text him your altruistic text yet? 

It looks like you know both me and this guy very well then. 

[kiwistwbry]

1 hour ago, Versacehottie said:

oh girl, this is the most convoluted explanation of all the maybes of what it could be when the most likely answer is staring you straight in the face.  Most likely: not interested, ghosting.  How do you think other people's ghosting go down? 

The less likely scenarios could be true but the most likely one you are avoiding accepting.

But if you must know. It’s just my way of confirming for myself why my text showing concern is necessary in this unique situation. And it was my reply to a specific question.

Edited December 3, 2020 by kiwistwbry

[stillafool]

TBH OP, his whole reason for leaving "friend in an emergency situation and no one will show up but him so he has to go" sounds like bs people use to end a date early.  If this weren't the case he would have found 3 minutes to contact you later that same night to let you know what went on to make sure you weren't thinking his excuse was bs.  Given the fact that it's been 4 days and still no word from him is telling you what you need to know.  Don't send a text because it makes you look desperate.

Edited December 3, 2020 by stillafool

[poppyfields]

16 minutes ago, stillafool said:

TBH OP, his whole reason for leaving "friend in an emergency situation and no one will show up but him so he has to go" sounds like bs people use to end a date early.  If this weren't the case he would have found 3 minutes to contact you later that same night to let you know what went on to make sure you weren't thinking his excuse was bs.  Given the fact that it's been 4 days and still no word from him is telling you what you need to know.  Don't send a text because it makes you look desperate.

Absolutely agree, I wrote a big long post about why it didn't sound plausible at all.  It was ignored. 

Oh well...

 

 

Edited December 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[balletomane]

OP,  I'm getting the impression that the reason you aren't sending this text is because you're scared he's uninterested, and if he doesn't reply by inviting you on a date you'll have to face up to that. By postponing it, you get to continue thinking about him and analysing his behaviour and motives, instead of being pushed to move on.

If this desire to text him is motivated purely by concern and compassion, there's no need to wait until you feel the moment is right. The moment is always right for compassion. Send it. It really is that simple.

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, kiwistwbry said:

. Ghosting is the exact opposite of considerate behavior. 

Exactly. Now you are seeing a more extended version of the real him rather than whatever happened on the brief coffee date.

Keep in mind it's important not to get overinvested during texting and brief coffee meets.

Unfortunately one-and-done meets are quite common.

Don't take it personally. You're both still talking to and meeting others.