poppyfields Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 1 minute ago, Lilia1099 said: In terms of what I want, I’m not really sure. It is super unhealthy but I guess to be chased until I can make a decision on what I want out from this. Not sure how "unhealthy" that mindset is but it reflects a self-entitledness that will turn many good men off. I was giving you the benefit of doubt earlier re your lackluster text response. But if you intentionally responded that way as a game, hoping he would see you as a challenge and chase harder, then that's pretty messed up. When I am interested in a man, I like him to be the pursuer too in early stages but there is a big difference between preferring a man initiate and pursue and intentionally behaving in ways hoping he will chase you, while you sit back and decide if you even like him. Wow.
Crazelnut Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 12 minutes ago, Lilia1099 said: In terms of what I want, I’m not really sure. It is super unhealthy but I guess to be chased until I can make a decision on what I want out from this. in the meantime, I don’t know to manage my responses well So basically, you did communicate how you feel -- lukewarm and noncommittal. It's really not fair to this guy to expect him to chase you when you don't know if you're really even interested in him. 3
poppyfields Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 (edited) 34 minutes ago, introverted1 said: There are so many better ways to accept a date than to say "yeah sure, we shall": I'd love to! That sounds great. There's a Thai place I've been wanting to check out. Do you like Thai food? Yes, I'm free Wednesday and Thursday; does one of those work? Yes, l'm looking forward to seeing you again. And other variants. Why is it considered "coddling' to give a man a clear indication of interest? Agree, those are great responses. However, she did accept his date invite or suggestion to go out, isn't that clear interest too? Text messaging can be so ambiguous. Someone can be rushed or distracted and might not respond as enthusiastically as they otherwise might had they not been rushed. Or any number of other reasons. But they responded accepting. Thank goodness the men who were interested in me understood that and did not dump me because of it. I recall early stages with my fiance, my responses were sometimes rushed and may have come off cold. Not intentionally I was busy at work or engaged in some other activity that distracted me. He didn't get all bent about it and dump me. I am remembering one time he texted back teasing me about it, which made me smile and we had a laugh. Different strokes I guess. Edited November 30, 2020 by poppyfields
poppyfields Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 14 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: So basically, you did communicate how you feel -- lukewarm and noncommittal. It's really not fair to this guy to expect him to chase you when you don't know if you're really even interested in him. I agree with you Crazelnut.
elaine567 Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 6 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Someone can be rushed or distracted and might not respond as enthusiastically as they otherwise might had they not been rushed Taking hours to respond is not rushed...
CollinW Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: What would have been the "correct" or "acceptable" response? Should she have put an !! at the end? "yeah sure!! - same words, different punctuation. Or perhaps if Lila did same. "Yes we shall!!" Or maybe all caps "YES WE SHALL!!" lol, would that be more acceptable to a man's liking? I dont know, it seems kinda silly. Why not go on the actual date and gauge interest that way? In person? Again, many people suck at text message and can come off cold. Re dropping a woman because her text response accepting wasn't warm or enthusiastic enough, how into her were you to begin with? I mean to drop her because of that? I'm sorry I just don't get it. You're making excuses for her behavior. In today's environment many men aren't going to fight through unenthusiastic and unreciprocated behavior as its seen as aggressive and inappropriate. It may seem daunting but in 2020 women have to communicate like adults. 2
poppyfields Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: Taking hours to respond is not rushed... No that's not rushed but maybe they didn't have their phone with them or were in a meeting, or working out or doing yoga like I often am. Jmo but a secure confident person understands this and doesn't get bent and dump them because of it.
elaine567 Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 Just now, poppyfields said: No that's not rushed but maybe they didn't have their phone with them or were in a meeting, or working out or doing yoga like I often am. Jmo but a secure confident person understands this and doesn't get bent and dump them because of it. A secure confident person will not put up with lukewarm disinterest either... 3
poppyfields Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 6 minutes ago, CollinW said: You're making excuses for her behavior. In today's environment many men aren't going to fight through unenthusiastic and unreciprocated behavior as its seen as aggressive and inappropriate. It may seem daunting but in 2020 women have to communicate like adults. My response was tongue-in-cheek. Lol See my subsequent response re her self-entitledness. Jmo again but if someone is going to rely on text message to communicate and gauge interest, then a little flexibility and understanding would benefit them greatly.
poppyfields Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 5 minutes ago, elaine567 said: A secure confident person will not put up with lukewarm disinterest either... True but what about hs interest? I'm not seeing clear interest from his side either, it goes both ways. 1
poppyfields Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, poppyfields said: True but what about hs interest? I'm not seeing clear interest from his side either, it goes both ways. Even the way he "suggested" they go out. No set date or time. Ambiguous. Elusive. If she had dropped him, many on this forum would be criticizing him for not asking her out "properly" with set date, time, place. Yet she was supposed to jump with excitement at his "suggestion"? Not quite getting that. The way I see this, they are both lukewarm and should next each other. Edited November 30, 2020 by poppyfields 2
elaine567 Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 30 minutes ago, poppyfields said: However, she did accept his date invite or suggestion to go out, isn't that clear interest too? Is "yeah sure" really a clear sign of interest? It's not... in fact it could be seen as no. Yeah sure (one chance) He is obviously interested as he has been in contact again but I guess if he gets more of the same he is going to disappear... 2
poppyfields Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Is "yeah sure" really a clear sign of interest? It's not... in fact it could be seen as no. Yeah sure (one chance) He is obviously interested as he has been in contact again but I guess if he gets more of the same he is going to disappear... Lol, yeah she responded "yeah sure" to his rather ambiguous and lackluster "suggestion" they go out. After not contacting her for days. He gets bent and drops her, and it's her fault for not responding properly. That's quite a spin. Thank goodness I'm no longer dating is all I have to say. Edited November 30, 2020 by poppyfields 1
elaine567 Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Lol, yeah she responded "yeah sure" to his rather ambiguous and lackluster "suggestion" they go out. After not contacting her for days. He switched tack after she took 6 hours to respond to his messages for 2 days as she was "busy". People are never really so busy they cannot take seconds to send a quick reply to people, they are interested in. She was lucky he even suggested a date and again she responded with an uninterested vibe, 1
poppyfields Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 (edited) One last thing, I think him suggesting they get together is fine. I also think her response was lukewarm. .Might have been more encouraging if she had added "sounds fun" to it - "yes we shall, sounds fun!" Could have made of world of difference. Or not. My experience is that a truly interested man would not be dropping her because of it. Interested men, men who are attracted, do not behave that way, again my experience. That said, the guy has reached out again, so that's a positive. Lilia, play it out! Dont play games to get him to chase. That's effed up. Good solid men can see right through that BS game. Good luck, keep us posted! Edited November 30, 2020 by poppyfields
Author Lilia1099 Posted November 30, 2020 Author Posted November 30, 2020 15 minutes ago, poppyfields said: One last thing, I think him suggesting they get together is fine. I also think her response was lukewarm. .Might have been more encouraging if she had added "sounds fun" to it - "yes we shall, sounds fun!" Could have made of world of difference. Or not. My experience is that a truly interested man would not be dropping her because of it. Interested men, men who are attracted, do not behave that way, again my experience. That said, the guy has reached out again, so that's a positive. Lilia, play it out! Dont play games to get him to chase. That's effed up. Good solid men can see right through that BS game. Good luck, keep us posted! Thank you, I will. Right now, I think he’s playing a game, reaching out then taking long to respond. perhaps he is playing me at my own game, or not interested, which I will accept. thanks for your honest responses though, it’s good to see different thoughts on this.
Wiseman2 Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 If he's not asking you out, he's not that interested. A guy who's interested doesn't ask 'how was your weekend?', he asks when you are free to get together. This isn't about text response times or who texted who first, etc. 1
poppyfields Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 (edited) 41 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: If he's not asking you out, he's not that interested. A guy who's interested doesn't ask 'how was your weekend?', he asks when you are free to get together. This isn't about text response times or who texted who first, etc. Amen brother. Especially since he already suggested it! Think I posted they are both lukewarm. And now according to Lilia, he's playing games. Guess we're in the minority on that though Wiseman, according to most, he's interested and she's not enthusiastic enough.. Like I said, different strokes. Edited November 30, 2020 by poppyfields
stillafool Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 On 11/29/2020 at 12:36 PM, Lilia1099 said: Yup, I agree. I think it bruised his ego a bit that I didn’t set a date, he has always done so previously. It wasn't up to you to set a date. He said you guys should go to dinner so after you said sure the ball was then in his court to make plans. Not yours. I agree with others that is he were really interested he would have said "okay then let's go out Friday night and I'll make reservations. BTW, did he ever ask you to be exclusive? 1
Author Lilia1099 Posted November 30, 2020 Author Posted November 30, 2020 26 minutes ago, stillafool said: It wasn't up to you to set a date. He said you guys should go to dinner so after you said sure the ball was then in his court to make plans. Not yours. I agree with others that is he were really interested he would have said "okay then let's go out Friday night and I'll make reservations. BTW, did he ever ask you to be exclusive? No he didn’t ask about exclusivity just asked if I’m seeing other people. I said no, but I am speaking with other guys. also I’m not really looking for exclusivity until I’m sure I’m really into it.
stillafool Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 49 minutes ago, Lilia1099 said: also I’m not really looking for exclusivity until I’m sure I’m really into it. Well if you aren't really looking for exclusivity he can date and have sex with whomever until/if you guys are exclusive
Allupinnit Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 I think you're setting yourself up to be in a situationship. The intermittent texting, wondering where you stand, the casual sex... 3
ccas93 Posted December 1, 2020 Posted December 1, 2020 (edited) in my experience, "yeah sure" means "I'm saying yes to be nice but I'm hoping you pick up on my lack of enthusiasm and don't have expectations of actually hanging out again, and in the meantime I will be thinking of excuses not to while doing a fade out" as a man, I wouldn't have texted you again if it had been me and you had given me that response. Not condemning you for it, just agreeing that it sounds really lackluster. Edited December 1, 2020 by ccas93 5
Author Lilia1099 Posted December 1, 2020 Author Posted December 1, 2020 10 hours ago, ccas93 said: in my experience, "yeah sure" means "I'm saying yes to be nice but I'm hoping you pick up on my lack of enthusiasm and don't have expectations of actually hanging out again, and in the meantime I will be thinking of excuses not to while doing a fade out" as a man, I wouldn't have texted you again if it had been me and you had given me that response. Not condemning you for it, just agreeing that it sounds really lackluster. I agree. I think that if I was a little more enthusiastic in my response I wouldn’t be here in the first place, so I take full accountability for that. he has been back in touch, but my guess is he is weary on how to play it since my response before. I have made an effort to be more responsive and engaged in my replies since. He seems to be playing the game right back, longer responses etc etc. however I don’t blame him if he felt I wasn’t that in to it.
Author Lilia1099 Posted December 1, 2020 Author Posted December 1, 2020 I have also done some thinking since I started this thread and I have quite a realisation. I am on the fence if I like him and really and truly I think my ego was the only thing annoyed in him pulling away briefly. I know this is a terrible thing to say and feel. I feel like my ego needs to be satisfied by being chased by men, even if I’m not 100% into it. He has traits that he’s shown which has given me the ick a little bit, but ultimately I would be annoyed if he wasn’t hitting me up. has anybody ever felt this way before? I don’t want to be like this and know it is wrong! 1
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