What to do about him?

[Lilia1099]

I have been speaking with a guy for a couple of months.

He is actually a co worker and we got on well and then began to meet up.

we have met up outside work twice, I wasn’t really looking for anything serious and after a few drinks, I did sleep with him.

this was also my choice.

now as I said, I wasn’t looking for anything serious, just casual and see what happens.

He always text and called me daily, always initiating. 

The last few days have been odd, as he didn’t respond to my last message a few days ago. It wasn’t an open ended question or anything, but still.

I am a bit confused as he was really chasing me. 
 

When I am super busy with work and life, I do have a habit of not responding for a good few hours to texts.. however I do always respond. Did he take this a sign of no interest and ultimately decided the same?

Or has he developed no interest now off his own accord?

I have gone full radio silent, as I’m not into the checking in or double texting. If he wants to speak to me, he knows where I am.

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, Lilia1099 said:

He is actually a co worker 

we have met up outside work twice, I did sleep with him.

hedidn’t respond to my last message a few days ago. 

 If he wants to speak to me, he knows where I am.

Do you see each other at work?

You claim it was "nothing serious", so it seems he viewed it as just hooking up also.

Are you expecting a BF level of communication?

[ExpatInItaly]

Did you tell him you weren't looking for anything serious? 

Did you do any of the initiating, or did you leave it all to him?

[Lilia1099]

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you see each other at work?

You claim it was "nothing serious", so it seems he viewed it as just hooking up also.

Are you expecting a BF level of communication?

We actually both work from home now, so no.

I went in to it as nothing serious, but I guess I’ve kinda started to like him.

Not bf level at all, but I find it odd how this weekend he switched up the communication after I took a while to get back to him on Thursday.

prior to this weekend he would call me daily, send pics, vids, text etc 

[Lilia1099]

4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Did you tell him you weren't looking for anything serious? 

Did you do any of the initiating, or did you leave it all to him?

No we never really fully discussed it, he asked me the second time we went out if I have a boyfriend or if I’m seeing other people, to which I said no.

I haven’t actually done any of the initiating because he always has and our conversations never come to an end, if that makes sense?

the last message I said was sort of in agreement to something he said. Normally he would respond but this time he didn’t.

[Wiseman2]

Ok, skip the rules and text and set up a date. The response will tell you all you need to know.

[Lilia1099]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, skip the rules and text and set up a date. The response will tell you all you need to know.

Normally I wouldn’t initiate as the balls in his court now but I guess I could.

Do guys test interest with this? 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Lilia1099 said:

Normally I wouldn’t initiate as the balls in his court now but I guess I could.

Do guys test interest with this? 

It's not a test. It's not a relationship.

Put things in perspective. It's not a "who holds out longer on texting" game.

If you want to see him, send a text and suggest that. 

[Miss Spider]

I would say he lost interest. Few hours without texting doesn’t put an interested guy off. Oh well, you had fun 

Edited November 29, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Maldives]

Yep I think it has something to do with your response time 

[Lilia1099]

1 hour ago, Goodguy05 said:

Yep I think it has something to do with your response time 

I feel like this could be the case too.

I responded after around 6 hours later on Wednesday and Thursday because work got kinda crazy and I had stuff to do.

[Lilia1099]

2 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I would say he lost interest. Few hours without texting doesn’t put an interested guy off. Oh well, you had fun 

This could also be true, just find it odd how it happened without reason and after my replies got longer and longer 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 minutes ago, Lilia1099 said:

This could also be true, just find it odd how it happened without reason and after my replies got longer and longer 

The reason might be something you're not aware of, such as interest in a different woman. 

 

[poppyfields]

5 hours ago, Lilia1099 said:

I wasn’t really looking for anything serious and after a few drinks, I did sleep with him.. He always text and called me daily, always initiating. The last few days have been odd, as he didn’t respond to my last message.

I am a bit confused as he was really chasing me. 

To me this is pretty obvious.  His main focus/goal was getting you into bed, so chased hard. 

Once he got you into bed (and so easily), his goal was accomplished so no need (or desire) to continue chasing.  It's the risk you take when choosing to have sex with a man so soon.   

Well, actually, it could happen even if you had waited, but chances are greater when having sex so early on.

A man who is into you is not going to lose interest because you did not text for six hours, that is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard.  Or one of.

You texted last, he is ignoring you.  And immediately after sex for the first time? 

I'm sorry the writing is on the wall here; I think you maybe need to chalk this one up. I'm sorry.

JMO

 

 

Edited November 29, 2020 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, Lilia1099 said:

 find it odd how it happened without reason and after my replies got longer and longer 

Unfortunately he doesn't want to advance the relationship through chitchatting/relationshipping after what you both agreed was a hookup.. 

[poppyfields]

28 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

To me this is pretty obvious.  His main focus/goal was getting you into bed, so chased hard. 

Once he got you into bed (and so easily), his goal was accomplished so no need (or desire) to continue chasing.  It's the risk you take when choosing to have sex with a man so soon.   

Well, actually, it could happen even if you had waited, but chances are greater when having sex so early on.

A man who is into you is not going to lose interest because you did not text for six hours, that is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard.  Or one of.

You texted last, he is ignoring you.  And immediately after sex for the first time? 

I'm sorry the writing is on the wall here; I think you maybe need to chalk this one up. I'm sorry.

JMO

To add - what did you say in your longer than usual text message after sex?  

This might have something to do with why he's disappeared depending on what you said.  

He may have assumed you had certain relationshippy-type expectations and that turned him off.

Who knows, it's anyone's guess.  But do nothing and continue talking to and meeting other guys.  

Edited November 29, 2020 by poppyfields

[Lilia1099]

35 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

To add - what did you say in your longer than usual text message after sex?  

This might have something to do with why he's disappeared depending on what you said.  

He may have assumed you had certain relationshippy-type expectations and that turned him off.

Who knows, it's anyone's guess.  But do nothing and continue talking to and meeting other guys.  

There have been times where I never responded to him, he double text me etc.

I also forgot to add, a guy friend who has a long standing crush on me left a comment on my Instagram which really could have been taken the wrong way.

I have a feeling he has saw this comment too.

I could be wrong, but he was very into me and we had long standing communication way after the sex and never actually spoke about sex after. Just everyday stuff and his life etc.

but yes you could also be correct as I wasn’t taking it seriously at first and kinda let him know that.

I guess over the last week this changed and I have grown to like him a little more.

[Lilia1099]

Just now, Lilia1099 said:

There have been times where I never responded to him, he double text me etc.

I also forgot to add, a guy friend who has a long standing crush on me left a comment on my Instagram which really could have been taken the wrong way.

I have a feeling he has saw this comment too.

I could be wrong, but he was very into me and we had long standing communication way after the sex and never actually spoke about sex after. Just everyday stuff and his life etc.

but yes you could also be correct as I wasn’t taking it seriously at first and kinda let him know that.

I guess over the last week this changed and I have grown to like him a little more.

The last message I sent him was very short, about three words just agreeing that we should see each other soon as he suggested he wants to go out to dinner.

I just replied ‘yeah sure, we shall’ I never set a date etc

[Lilia1099]

1 minute ago, Lilia1099 said:

The last message I sent him was very short, about three words just agreeing that we should see each other soon as he suggested he wants to go out to dinner.

I just replied ‘yeah sure, we shall’ I never set a date etc

And just to be clear by longer replies, I meant the time it took me to respond increased as I have been busy.

what I wrote in the text was brief :)

[ExpatInItaly]

3 minutes ago, Lilia1099 said:

The last message I sent him was very short, about three words just agreeing that we should see each other soon as he suggested he wants to go out to dinner.

I just replied ‘yeah sure, we shall’ I never set a date etc

Eh, that sounds kind of lackluster on your part. 

If he'd been the one reaching out and putting in effort to communicate and you respond with that, I can't say I blame him for wondering if the interest was really mutual and perhaps exploring other options. 

[Versacehottie]

Here's just a simple questions of logistics...are you in the US?  If so, is it possible that Thanksgiving and spending time with his family/home friends changed up his "usual"?

[elaine567]

Women who never initiate and take ages to respond are seen as not interested by most men.
Men may chase, men may show massive interest, but there is a limit,  if nothing  or  very little is coming back the other way, then they get fed up and often go find someone else to chase...

[Lilia1099]

6 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Here's just a simple questions of logistics...are you in the US?  If so, is it possible that Thanksgiving and spending time with his family/home friends changed up his "usual"?

I’m not in the US, however it was his friends birthday on Friday and I know they went out. I guess this makes some sense too

[Lilia1099]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Women who never initiate and take ages to respond are seen as not interested by most men.
Men may chase, men may show massive interest, but there is a limit,  if nothing  or  very little is coming back the other way, then they get fed up and often go find someone else to chase...

I get so confused as I hear a lot of advice on how it’s better to be chased!

i am a naturally very reserved person and admittedly, I like to be chased by guys.

I struggle to break this cycle or actually convey any emotions unfortunately and I feel this may be happening now, amongst other potential reasons mentioned above. 

[elaine567]

Nothing wrong with wanting to be chased but you have to give them some encouragement, else  they will stop.
Yes some guys will carry on regardless and try to bulldoze you, but you need to avoid those...