OnlyHonesty Posted November 29, 2020 Posted November 29, 2020 3 hours ago, Mrin said: Ah politics. I keep running into conservative Trump fangirl women. Talking politics has caused more than a handful of problems. BUT - compatible political beliefs is a part of overall compatibility. So better to raise it early and decide if not being on the same page and "ender" or not. Or figuring out a way to safely navigate around it. I don't think it's about who a person votes for or their political views, but their attitude towards their views and any opposing ones. What would happen if two people had completely different political views, but no associated ego with such views? It would not matter. Therefore the views are not the problem, perhaps the ego associated with it is. 1
SumGuy Posted November 29, 2020 Posted November 29, 2020 13 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: Hi everyone, this guy approached me on Bumble and we had a week of great conversations. We had many things in common, we even work in the exact same field. He suggested a date and I said yes. I really liked our contact and was really curious to get to know him irl. So, at one point in our convo, I asked him what he voted. I’m truely interested in that, bc I think political preferences can tell something about someone’s values and outlook on life. I voted Biden and that was really clear to him bc I had a quote of Harris in my photos. He responded to my question with ‘wow, that’s a really personal question!’ I then explained myself that I was just curious, bc of the reasons that I posted here (values, outlook on life and society). It’s been 4 days and I never heard of him again. was it too personal to ask? It is personal but when you seek to date you are seeking to enter into a personal and hopefully intimate relationship. So reasonable in my view in this situation, very reasonable. There are many other personal things we ask of perspective dates that would not be reasonable to ask say at work, or of just an acquaintance. 1
SumGuy Posted November 29, 2020 Posted November 29, 2020 4 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Well, it’s odd a Republican would match a woman with Kamala Harris quotes in her pics. I know men often don’t read profile content, but they at least scroll through the pictures You are assuming they want to match and connect, they may just want sex. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted November 29, 2020 Posted November 29, 2020 He was looking to date, not debate. Good for him for avoiding drama. 4
major_merrick Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 Not everybody believes that political compatibility is important in a relationship. Obviously, you do. There's nothing wrong with that. But he might not feel the same way, and might not want to date somebody for whom politics is a potential relationship dealbreaker. He might want to cast his secret ballot and let it remain secret, which is his right. For him, it might be a very personal question while for you it is like asking Pepsi vs. Coke. Without asking him, you won't really know. If you liked everything else about the guy, why not send a follow-up message? Just ask if your question was off-putting, or if he's been busy. I don't believe that one necessarily has to "avoid religion and politics" when dating. They are useful tools for narrowing the field. But remember that they do just that - they narrow down your choices. It is up to you to decide how you handle it. 3
Fletch Lives Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 (edited) Dating and relationships are hard enough without bringing politics into it. I'd keep my mouth shut about it. There are more important things to worry about when looking for a match....like integrity, personal problems, sanity, how nice they are, attraction......that's enough to worry about. Edited November 30, 2020 by Fletch Lives 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 If his political stance is important enough to you to bring it up before meeting, that's your business. Some people aren't interested in dating someone with very different political views and that's their choice. I think it's better to screen out people you're not going to get anywhere with early, so no one wastes time/energy/money. 6
stillafool Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 (edited) On 11/29/2020 at 4:08 AM, Savannah1990 said: He responded to my question with ‘wow, that’s a really personal question!’ He's correct. That was an inappropriate question because it's none of your business. You just met. Edited November 30, 2020 by stillafool 2
carhill Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 I remember back when online dating was new and our real e-mail addresses were published and the lady I later married opined early on that she almost didn't respond to my inquiry because my e-mail address sounded like I was a tree-hugging liberal, decidedly the antithesis of her political views. Turned out our families were from the same region of Russia and we both found their names at Ellis Island later after we were married and traveling around. IDK, at my age no looking to get married or raise kids so c'est la vie. Other folks looking for a tight synergy for a LTR or M, perhaps different.
Acacia98 Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 On 11/29/2020 at 5:30 PM, Ruby_Red said: I don’t know. Why can’t you ask this question? If they do not want to answer, to me that would mean that they’re not “proud” of whom they voted for. But they should not hold it against you if you asked. It could start a good discussion after all. I, personally, wouldn’t be offended to be asked this question; I mean, you said you’ve had a good talk for over a week. Why is this particular question “too personal”? Haven’t you talked about personal topics all along? And why wait to meet in person? If political preference is important to you, why waste your time? It is possible that he has had negative experiences with people who ask that type of question. I know I have. So I am very wary of people who can't set aside their partisan colors long enough to have a pleasant interaction with another human. Me, I'd not be thrilled if someone put politics front and center of the "getting to know each other" process. I definitely don't want to talk about that stuff on a date or in a chat. And no, I'm not ashamed of my political choices. I'm just someone who subscribes to basic social etiquette. And it serves me well. It's possible to interact with a larger number of people more pleasantly and at a deeper level if you're not asking questions that make them think a political debate or rant or insult is coming. 1 2
elaine567 Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 On 11/29/2020 at 9:49 AM, Savannah1990 said: O but I am actually politically active for the Democratic Party. So that’s why I might be biased a bit, thinking that asking someone about politics or preferences isn’t very rude but just ‘part of the deal’ and interesting.. The OP is a political animal, so of course she is going to ask. It is important to her. Nothing wrong with that. 6
kismetkismet Posted November 30, 2020 Posted November 30, 2020 I agree with you that knowing how people voted is reflective of your values, and I DO think it affects your compatibility, especially if you're a very political/socially conscious person (which i imagine you are since you had a Harris quote in your profile). I probably wouldn't ask the question so soon out of the gate and would try to get to know their politics/political outlook in a subtler way. But honestly, if it's a deal breaker for you, then you probably saved yourself some time. I think that how important it is depends on the current political context and how starkly different the opposing sides are at the time. There have been some years where I don't think democrat vs republican would be as big of a deal, but right now there are a lot of human rights issues at play, rather than it just being about being fiscally conservative vs not. 1
Maldives Posted December 1, 2020 Posted December 1, 2020 The answer is it wasn't personal to ask but obviously was personal to ask him in this instance hence he has vanished
Starswillshine Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 If someone asked me this, I would assume that the answer would be judged. Whether it is obvious or not that our political leanings are differing or the same. Politics are important to me. However, I value differing opinions, perspectives, open minds. If someone asked this, I would assume this person is judging as some of you are doing in this thread. I would run. Instant ghosted. 2
SumGuy Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Starswillshine said: ... I would assume this person is judging as some of you are doing in this thread. I would run. Instant ghosted. Why assume when if you do not mind discussing difference and value differing opinions just answer and see? Isn't making such an assumption a judgment in and of itself, based on your feelings instead of facts (like and actual conversation)? What do you have to lose except a few minutes of your time?
Starswillshine Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 1 minute ago, SumGuy said: Why assume when if you do not mind discussing difference and value differing opinions just answer and see? Isn't making such an assumption a judgment in and of itself, based on your feelings instead of facts (like and actual conversation)? What do you have to lose except a few minutes of your time? Making that judgement is based on stereotypes, I guess. Which maybe I would be curious as to why that was a question to be asked so soon. And maybe I would follow up with that question. Not many people are asking that question to have an open conversation, in my experience. I would have no problem dating/being with someone who political views are different from mine. People view the role of government in people's lives differently.
basil67 Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Starswillshine said: If someone asked me this, I would assume that the answer would be judged. Whether it is obvious or not that our political leanings are differing or the same. Politics are important to me. However, I value differing opinions, perspectives, open minds. If someone asked this, I would assume this person is judging as some of you are doing in this thread. I would run. Instant ghosted. If you'd ghost, then isn't it true that you don't value the opinions and perspectives of someone who approaches dating differently to you? That you don't have an open mind as to why they'd do this?
Starswillshine Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: If you'd ghost, then isn't it true that you don't value the opinions and perspectives of someone who approaches dating differently to you? That you don't have an open mind as to why they'd do this? Nah, im not compatible with people who judge based on someone's political affiliations. Maybe I would be jumping to conclusions as to why they were asking. In that case, it would be best to inquire why asking.
SumGuy Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 43 minutes ago, Starswillshine said: Making that judgement is based on stereotypes, I guess. Which maybe I would be curious as to why that was a question to be asked so soon. And maybe I would follow up with that question. Not many people are asking that question to have an open conversation, in my experience. I would have no problem dating/being with someone who political views are different from mine. People view the role of government in people's lives differently. Fair enough, but if you answered bet you would know in three sentences if they are the exception or the norm. Frankly for me it would be a very good test right up front on if we are compatible in the ability to converse, how they view differences, how they see the world. Certainly jumping into the deep end, but I'm a great swimmer 2
SumGuy Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 30 minutes ago, Starswillshine said: Nah, im not compatible with people who judge based on someone's political affiliations. Maybe I would be jumping to conclusions as to why they were asking. In that case, it would be best to inquire why asking. I won't judge based on simple affiliation. However, say I met someone who voted for George Wallace, way back in the day. Remember his famous speech were he said... "In the name of the greatest people that have ever trod this earth, I draw the line in the dust and toss the gauntlet before the feet of tyranny, and I say segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever." (the tyranny being desegregation, I can only assume "the greatest people" did not include black people). This got him a lot of votes, was thought to be just natural and logical by those who supported him on this in the day. I just could not date a person who voted for him. To vote for this person, is to vote for segregation, which says a world to me about your values. Let alone the practical implications that follow, if desegregation is tyranny than fighting it is morally right, and gives a green light to beating those who would protest for desegregation, sic dogs on them, etc. So ironic to call desegregation tyranny when the real tyranny enforced by law, and the klan if one got too uppity, was segregation, Goebbels would have been proud. There is plenty of room for reasonable minds to differ on so many political issues, but on some things there is no give, like the belief in segregation...that one group of people just don't have the same rights and freedom of existence because of the color of their skin. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2020 Posted December 2, 2020 Some people like to talk about politics. Many don't, especially in these tumultuous times. It's been a long standing convention that one must not discuss politics or religion early on or in polite conversation. Things can get heated too fast. Who did you vote for is a pretty direct & invasive Q. I can see where it could put somebody off. There are ways to ferret out the same info without being quite so blunt. For example, ask what does he think of the present state of the country?
Snow_Queen Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 I would honestly view this question as a red flag. It says to me if you don’t share my views, I won’t give you the time of day. Before I met my husband, I had relationships with men who were on the far side of the spectrum on political views. These relationships ended for reasons outside of personal views. It’s good to gather an unbiased view of the person before deciding if you’d date them. The truth is, politics rarely enter a relationship in everyday life unless your heavily involved in that. 2
basil67 Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 What if the leadership decisions of the party they vote for have a significant negative impact on you/someone you care about? How do those who respect difference in political choices reconcile this with themselves? 1
Trail Blazer Posted December 3, 2020 Posted December 3, 2020 (edited) I have no issue with asking or being asked the question. For mine, if your religious or political views do not align with mine, we are not compatible. Having said that, I've always stated my political and (non-existent) religious persuasian where applicable, on dating apps. Edited December 3, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility and respect
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