Asked him what he voted and he disappeared.

[Savannah1990]

Hi everyone, 

 

this guy approached me on Bumble and we had a week of great conversations. We had many things in common, we even work in the exact same field. He suggested a date and I said yes. I really liked our contact and was really curious to get to know him irl. So, at one point in our convo, I asked him what he voted. I’m truely interested in that, bc I think political preferences can tell something about someone’s values and outlook on life. I voted Biden and that was really clear to him bc I had a quote of Harris in my photos. He responded to my question with ‘wow, that’s a really personal question!’ I then explained myself that I was just curious, bc of the reasons that I posted here (values, outlook on life and society). 
It’s been 4 days and I never heard of him again. 
was it too personal to ask? 

[Woggle]

He probably voted differently than you did.

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

. He responded to my question with ‘wow, that’s a really personal question!’  

Unfortunately yes very intrusive inappropriate question. Why do you think they have booths for voting?

Keep politics out of dating. It sounds like you're recruiting, polling, selling, debating. No wonder he cut you off.

Save that for your friends.

You can pretty much figure out where someone stands and if they're compatible with you by actually dating then.

If you are that fired up about it, find like-minded people at rallies, in groups,clubs, organizations,etc.

 

[Savannah1990]

25 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately yes very intrusive inappropriate question. Why do you think they have booths for voting?

Keep politics out of dating. It sounds like you're recruiting, polling, selling, debating. No wonder he cut you off.

Save that for your friends.

You can pretty much figure out where someone stands and if they're compatible with you by actually dating then.

If you are that fired up about it, find like-minded people at rallies, in groups,clubs, organizations,etc.

 

O but I am actually politically active for the Democratic Party. So that’s why I might be biased a bit, thinking that asking someone about politics or preferences isn’t very rude but just ‘part of the deal’ and interesting..

[Savannah1990]

40 minutes ago, Woggle said:

He probably voted differently than you did.

That’s an option as well. I’m pretty straightforward about my political preferences and it could be that he didn’t want to share his preference bc he thought it could start a discussion. Which I’m not looking for in this situation. It was just merely curiosity.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

 

 

7 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

O but I am actually politically active for the Democratic Party. So that’s why I might be biased a bit, thinking that asking someone about politics or preferences isn’t very rude but just ‘part of the deal’ and interesting..

Doesn't matter. It's an intrusive question no matter what his leaning is. Maybe he nexted you based on lack of boundaries.

Edited November 29, 2020 by Wiseman2

[schlumpy]

You've already been advised to keep politics out of dating. The reason for that is the older you get the more likely you evolve politically. Even if you match yourself for the moment your political beliefs may change in the coming years from experience which will just put you at odds again. In the long run it's not a very important dating metric.

[basil67]

Savannah, Woggle is probably right that he votes differently to you. Or perhaps he doesn't vote at all.  But if the question is important to you, then it should be asked.  The right man will give the right answer and you'll click.   If he doesn't like the question, then he's the wrong guy.

Schumpy is right that your politics may change again as you get older, but my husband and I both changed our views in the same way as we grew older.   And we've changed in many other ways both similar and different.  We all change as we continue to learn and grow...so all we can do is hope that we stay compatible. 

[Wiseman2]

Why not wait until you meet for coffee and ask a more general question about it?

Chitchatting online is not the place to divulge confidential information. Screams trolling, scammer, etc.

What's so hard about setting up an in person meeting and finding out then were someone is with that?.

What's the point of even asking such a personal question if you don't even know if you like the guy?

You need better dating strategies.

[Miss Spider]

Yes. It’s generally seen as a somewhat presumptuous question to ask someone you’ve never met and have only had a few back-and-forth texts with.  

That being said, there are people that think like you and are fine with it. 
 

I doubt that’s what put him off. I, too, think it was more a case he disagreed with your politics than he disagreed with the question

Edited November 29, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Blind-Sided]

You never talk politics !!!!   What the heck were you thinking??

Here's the deal.....

First, you are absolutely wrong about  " I’m interested in that, bc I think political preferences can tell something about someone’s values and outlook on life. "  The way someone votes has NOTHING to do with values. PERIOD.  Did I mention... PERIOD ??    Sure... it can say about the outlook of life... but nothing on values.  

OK... I have a buddy from college, and I've known him for 23 years now.  He is FAR left, and I'm more right.  (but centered)  About 10 years ago... we started arguing about politics... and it got to the point where were may no longer be friends.  At that point... we went to a local bar, and had a toast, and vowed to NEVER talk politics again.  Our friendship has grown even stronger because of that. 

Anyway... don't bring it up if you actually like a guy.  It's something you can touch on after the relationship is solid. 

Edited November 30, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed political comments in non-political forum.

[ExpatInItaly]

If you're going to ask about politics this early on, you have to expect that some people will see it as too invasive and discount you. 

It comes with the territory of asking about hot-button issues before you've even met someone. 

[Ruby_Red]

I don’t know. Why can’t you ask this question? If they do not want to answer, to me that would mean that they’re not “proud” of whom they voted for. But they should not hold it against you if you asked. It could start a good discussion after all. I, personally, wouldn’t be offended to be asked this question; I mean, you said you’ve had a good talk for over a week. Why is this particular question “too personal”? Haven’t you talked about personal topics all along? 
And why wait to meet in person? If political preference is important to you, why waste your time? 

[HiCrunchy]

I think its important to mention ur leanings as it reveals core values. And even if our leanings change as we age, we can only base our decisions on the present not on a possible future. 

Now, u can mention ur leanings without having to further discuss or argue. Like I can ask what someone's religion is without discussing what they believe.

Op I don't think u did anything wrong. 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Savannah1990 said:

I had a quote of Harris in my photos. He responded to my question with ‘wow, that’s a really personal question!’

So he knew your politics and wasn't adverse to them since he planned to meet. It was the lack of boundaries , clearly.

[Mrin]

Ah politics. I keep running into conservative Trump fangirl women. Talking politics has caused more than a handful of problems. BUT - compatible political beliefs is a part of overall compatibility. So better to raise it early and decide if not being on the same page and "ender" or not. Or figuring out a way to safely navigate around it. 

[lana-banana]

Yeah, "who did you vote for" is just invasive, no matter how innocent your intentions are. "Are you involved in politics/community activism" etc would have gotten you a much more useful answer without being so personal. Do not ask how someone votes.

Edited November 29, 2020 by lana-banana

[poppyfields]

I'm curious what your response would have been had he replied he's a proud Republican?

Would you have graciously accepted this?  OR started debating with him about it?

My guess is he's a Republican and wanted to avoid this.  I have found that people who ask this question have extremely strong opinions and since he knows your Dem, nothing good or positive would result from him answering. 

Putting myself in his shoes, if a man ever asked me this question prior to meeting, no matter which way I go, I'd do same as he did.

Asking this very private question reflects an insensitivity to their personal boundaries imo. 

[Miss Spider]

Well, it’s odd a Republican would match a woman with Kamala Harris quotes in her pics. I know men often don’t read profile content, but they at least scroll through the pictures

Edited November 29, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[poppyfields]

18 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Well, it’s odd a Republican would match a woman with Kamala Harris quotes in her pics. I know men often don’t read profile content, but they at least scroll through the pictures

There are many couples who are opposite in their political thinking.  

For example,, Arnold Schwarzenegger (former Republican governor of CA) married for many many years to Maria Shriver (staunch Democrat from the most liberal political family in US history). 

In my life, my ex was a strong Republican and I'm independent but I lean more to the left 

Why it works?  By keeping politics separate and out of the relationship.  Which is what this guy may have been willing to do, assuming he's Republican.

OP asking this question sent him the message that her partner's political preference is important to her and that most likely she would not be able to keep it separate.

So in his mind, that's a next.  

 

Edited November 29, 2020 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

Yes it’s plausible. US politics is just so divisive these days it can be easy to forget there are still people who don’t think people on the other side are monsters 

[ShyViolet]

I don't think it's wildly inappropriate to ask this question.  Lots of people will proudly tell you who they voted for.  I'm guessing maybe he didn't want to tell you because since you made your political affiliations public, he knows that his are different from yours and he didn't want to get into it.  But for a lot of democrats, being a Trump supporter is a deal breaker.  If I was on a date with a person and they mentioned that they are a Trump supporter, I would walk the hell out.  So if that's important to you, then you might as well find out sooner rather than later.  

I would not have asked who they voted for.  I would just learn their values and political leanings more organically as issues come up.  

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

I would not have asked who they voted for.  I would just learn their values and political leanings more organically as issues come up.  

I'm the same SV, never asked, never would.  Like most things, you discover as you go along.  

[smackie9]

I'm with Wiseman it's no ones business, and it is intrusive to ask. I was taught to never ask, and let them volunteer the information if they choose to, which is fair. TBH I could care less, I think politicians are shady as $^&% no matter what party they represent.

*If politics is an important part of your lifestyle, then an easy fix to this is to mention it in your dating profile.

[OnlyHonesty]

10 hours ago, Savannah1990 said:

someone’s values and outlook on life

You can discover all of the above simply through spending enough time with them.