Miss Spider Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 (edited) She’s already shown she’s pretty desperate. She went back to a guy she used to date that she has very little interest in after a few months and some emotional baggage later. If she had more viable options, she wouldn’t of done that Edited December 13, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Author JC90 Posted December 13, 2020 Author Posted December 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: She’s already shown she’s pretty desperate. She went back to a guy she dated that she has very little interest in after a few months and some emotional baggage later. If she had more viable options, she wouldn’t of done that She seems to have absolutely no empathy and is cold and manipulative and selfish. I'm wondering if the lexapro did this to her, or if she's just genetically a sociopath.
Miss Spider Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 (edited) Maybe. But she sounds like she is just a person with some serious issues that is behaving selfishly. You know that saying? “Hurt people hurt people.” You’ve been very clear about how you feel about her. She likes some of what you provide to her, but she does not want to commit to you because she doesn’t like you enough. You are correct that the more empathetic thing would be to consider your feelings through this and let you go. But she may not be capable of that thoughtfulness. That’s not your problem anymore. You played a (very obvious) game, and you lost, but there was no prize to be won anyway. Realize that you don’t even need to play these games with the right person.Forgive her and forgive yourself and find someone that feels the same way about you and you do for them z Edited December 13, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 2
Author JC90 Posted December 13, 2020 Author Posted December 13, 2020 4 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Maybe. But she sounds like she is just a person with some serious issues that is behaving selfishly. You know that saying? “Hurt people hurt people.” You’ve been very clear about how you feel about her. She likes some of what you provide to her, but she does not want to commit to you because she doesn’t like you enough. You are correct that the more empathetic thing would be to consider your feelings through this and let you go. But she may not be capable of that thoughtfulness. That’s not your problem anymore. You played a (very obvious) game, and you lost, but there was no prize to be won anyway. Realize that you don’t even need to play these games with the right person.Forgive her and forgive yourself and find someone that feels the same way about you and you do for them z So you think she legitimately didn't care, and when she saw that snap it just gave her an easy way out? The alternative being she did care and was hurt by thinking I was on a date.
poppyfields Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, JC90 said: So you think she legitimately didn't care, and when she saw that snap it just gave her an easy way out? The alternative being she did care and was hurt by thinking I was on a date. Maybe you missed my earlier post. She did not care if you were on another date, she knew you were not. She knew it was a shyt test, it was blatantly obvious it was a shyt test. That was the final nail in the coffin. My take on it anyway. Shyt tests do not work for this reason. Most people can see right through, and if they were on the fence, it will immediately push them over the side and dump. I'm sorry. Edited December 13, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Miss Spider Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 (edited) She cared in that she felt insulted. Her safe guy was not safe anymore. Her safe guy is playing games. But if you think that she cared because she cares for you and her heart was torn because the guy who poured out his feelings to her and all buy begged her to be exclusive and she said no was on another date, you’re playing yourself. Edited December 13, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 2
Author JC90 Posted December 13, 2020 Author Posted December 13, 2020 1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: She cared in that she felt insulted. Her safe guy was not safe anymore. Her safe guy is playing games. But if you think that she cared because she cares for you and her heart was torn because the guy who poured out his feelings to her and all buy begged her to be exclusive and she said no was on another date, you’re playing yourself. Good. If I did any kind of damage to her sociopath ego at all I'm glad. I wish her the absolute worst
UrbanCamo Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 My advice didn't backfire at all. It worked perfectly. It was a test to see if she actually gave a crap about you and she didn't--she failed. If she gave a crap about you she wouldn't have just assumed you were on a date and immaturely removed you immediately without even trying to talk to you or ask you about it. She's a coward and a child. You're also not exclusive, either of you could do whatever the hell you want. Before exclusivity both parties should assume the other is seeing other people. And you also said you saw her profile on hinge, right? She's a God damn hypocrite. You can't get mad at someone you're seeing non-exclusively for seeing other people when you're talking to other people yourself. That's insane and ridiculous. If she cared she would have asked if you were on a date, let you explain, then talked to you about exclusivity if that's what she wanted. You're mistake was telling her it wasn't a date. You should've told her "yeah I'm on a date. So what? Why are you mad?" Even if she ghosted you after this, at least her ego would've been severely damaged, which she deserves. She didn't even let you know her COVID test was negative lmao and instead just went out with friends. She's garbage OP and I suspect she'll keep using dudes and never be happy. Didn't you say get lost BF cheated on her or something? Well, it's no surprise why he did that now, is it? This is a good thing for you. Good luck
elaine567 Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 3 hours ago, JC90 said: She seems to have absolutely no empathy and is cold and manipulative and selfish. Says the guy who set up a "date" to make her believe you were seeing another woman, and btw you just happened to screw some other woman too behind her back as you were feeling a bit insecure... It's love but not as we know it... The woman has just found out her parents are splitting up and her father probably cheated, so well done for that. Such empathy, such manipulative and selfish, unthinking behaviour, on your part. Knowing she was upset about her father, you decided to pretend you were seeing another woman... How cruel was that? You obviously have no idea how relationships work, nor have you any emotional intelligence. She was correct to dump you the first time and she was correct to dump you the second time too... No woman deserves someone who could be so cruel.
Author JC90 Posted December 14, 2020 Author Posted December 14, 2020 9 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Says the guy who set up a "date" to make her believe you were seeing another woman, and btw you just happened to screw some other woman too behind her back as you were feeling a bit insecure... It's love but not as we know it... The woman has just found out her parents are splitting up and her father probably cheated, so well done for that. Such empathy, such manipulative and selfish, unthinking behaviour, on your part. Knowing she was upset about her father, you decided to pretend you were seeing another woman... How cruel was that? You obviously have no idea how relationships work, nor have you any emotional intelligence. She was correct to dump you the first time and she was correct to dump you the second time too... No woman deserves someone who could be so cruel. Yes this was all completely my fault and she's little miss innocent who did no wrong She totally wasn't using me for emotional support or leading me on or anything for a second time after already breaking my heart 3 months ago. Like I said, if I hurt her I'm glad. Speaking of cruelty, she deserves it for being so unemphatic and cruel. Unfortunately she probably doesn't give a s*** either way because she has no feelings.
Versacehottie Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 Listen, she may or may not have problems, but you have a host of them. It's obvious with the way you are characterizing this when you didn't get what you wanted. I feel bad for you you the pit of pathetic ness is scary really. Isn't it exhausting being so bitter? If she sucks and you can do better, go do it and stop dwelling. You don't seem to have a very good outlook about women. Why is she is sh*tty person because she is unsure about you? or wants to go slow? That happens all the time in dating. You are acting like you're having a complete tantrum and meltdown. It's highly unattractive, sorry, I'm just being honest. All you can control if yourself and this isn't a good look.
Author JC90 Posted December 14, 2020 Author Posted December 14, 2020 1 hour ago, Versacehottie said: Listen, she may or may not have problems, but you have a host of them. It's obvious with the way you are characterizing this when you didn't get what you wanted. I feel bad for you you the pit of pathetic ness is scary really. Isn't it exhausting being so bitter? If she sucks and you can do better, go do it and stop dwelling. You don't seem to have a very good outlook about women. Why is she is sh*tty person because she is unsure about you? or wants to go slow? That happens all the time in dating. You are acting like you're having a complete tantrum and meltdown. It's highly unattractive, sorry, I'm just being honest. All you can control if yourself and this isn't a good look. My problem was falling for a chick who isn't capable of feeling anything for anyone but herself and not caring about anything except her own problems or even who she uses for her own benefit.
lifeoflies Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 On 11/27/2020 at 2:58 AM, JC90 said: This all strikes me as bizarre and I really am not sure what she "wants" from me, which worries me. I was in love with her and thought she was the one at some point, but now I feel very skeptical of her and am even wondering if she's lacking emotions/feelings/empathy or something. Enjoy the sex.
Acacia98 Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 6 hours ago, elaine567 said: Says the guy who set up a "date" to make her believe you were seeing another woman, and btw you just happened to screw some other woman too behind her back as you were feeling a bit insecure... It's love but not as we know it... The woman has just found out her parents are splitting up and her father probably cheated, so well done for that. Such empathy, such manipulative and selfish, unthinking behaviour, on your part. Knowing she was upset about her father, you decided to pretend you were seeing another woman... How cruel was that? You obviously have no idea how relationships work, nor have you any emotional intelligence. She was correct to dump you the first time and she was correct to dump you the second time too... No woman deserves someone who could be so cruel. You seriously think she was not cruel to him? Did he deserve that cruelty? She dumped him by text the first time. He had a very hard time getting over it and starting to move on. Then when he had started moving on, knowing full well that he was so smitten with her and would do almost anything she asked (even if it was harmful to him), she came back into his life and seduced him. Most people would recognize that seducing a dumpee as smitten as he was would trigger certain unrealistic expectations and extreme insecurities on his part. Under the circumstances, a kind person would not reinsert herself into his life once he had started to move on. She'd steer clear of him for his own sake, even if she was having family problems. You don't treat someone like they're disposable when you're bored and think you can do better then come running back into his arms when you encounter emotional turbulence in your own life. OP was immature in his response to her. Absolutely. His actions were manipulative. And his vindictiveness has gone too far. He previously idolized the woman in an unhealthy fashion, and now he's demonizing her in an unhealthy fashion. He should certainly be told that. But it's kind of obvious that he's being too harsh towards her now because he allowed her to walk all over him before. He failed to set any boundaries before. So he's overdoing it now. I don't think playing down the actions of his ex and shining a spotlight on his is the way to go. The only way for him to learn to do better is to recognize what was wrong with HER actions and what was wrong with HIS actions. 2
Wiseman2 Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 6 hours ago, JC90 said: My problem was falling for a chick who isn't capable of feeling anything for anyone but herself and not caring about anything except her own problems or even who she uses for her own benefit. Yes it is. However think with the head on your shoulders next time and you won't tangle yourself up in these kinds of messes. Live and learn. 1
poppyfields Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, JC90 said: My problem was falling for a chick who isn't capable of feeling anything for anyone but herself and not caring about anything except her own problems or even who she uses for her own benefit. No your problem was not that you fell for her, your problem was that you chose to stay with her and after the first dump get back together with her. You act as if you had no choices, no control, no power. You did! Or should have. We might not have any control over we fall for, but we certainly have control over whether or not we choose to remain with them. The signs were all there, and then some! Lord. I kept asking myself, why is JC choosing to remain in this toxic mess? I believe I even asked you. No response. That choice mate, that decision to stay, and then go back, was on you and you alone. You have lots to say about her, she's a narcissist, sociopath etc. Maybe she is, or maybe she isn't. Perhaps what's more relevant at this point is not her and what a "sociopath" you think she is, but rather ask yourself why YOU chose to stay with her, resorting to shyt tests to "get a reaction" etc. from such a sociopathic person. What does that say about you? If there is a lesson to be learned here, learn to make better choices and when you see so many glaring red flags, make the choice to walk away and never go back. That is on you, your responsibility. The best to you moving forward. Edited December 14, 2020 by poppyfields
UrbanCamo Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: No your problem was not that you fell for her, your problem was that you chose to stay with her and after the first dump get back together with her. You act as if you had no choices, no control, no power. You did! Or should have. We might not have any control over we fall for, but we certainly have control over whether or not we choose to remain with them. The signs were all there, and then some! Lord. I kept asking myself, why is JC choosing to remain in this toxic mess? I believe I even asked you. No response. That choice mate, that decision to stay, and then go back, was on you and you alone. You have lots to say about her, she's a narcissist, sociopath etc. Maybe she is, or maybe she isn't. Perhaps what's more relevant at this point is not her and what a "sociopath" you think she is, but rather ask yourself why YOU chose to stay with her, resorting to shyt tests to "get a reaction" etc. from such a sociopathic person. What does that say about you? If there is a lesson to be learned here, learn to make better choices and when you see so many glaring red flags, make the choice to walk away and never go back. That is on you, your responsibility. The best to you moving forward. He chose to stay as much as hardcore drug addicts/alcoholics choose to keep doing drugs/drinking. Love and addition is the same thing, after all. To be honest, it says he was blinded by his love/feelings for her, and that he cared about her and wanted it to work--even with all the issues she presented. That's really it. I sympathize with him because I've been in his situation. It's easy for anyone else to look from the outside in and say "just leave!" Guess what? It's impossible or nearly impossible to actually do that when YOU are the one in the situation. Think about if your significant other, who you're deeply in love with, just suddenly turned into a scumbag (like this girl) and started doing terrible things to you. You think you'd just leave immediately? LOL no f***in chance. You'd be just like OP--a glutton for punishment trying to make it work until you broke. On top of that, the s*** test was a GOOD thing. She FAILED and it got him out. But read my last post for that. Edited December 14, 2020 by UrbanCamo
Miss Spider Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 (edited) I disagree with the assertion that everyone is a doormat. Sure, it might be hard to find a guy with dignity and self-respect to never tolerate stuff like this, but it makes the ones who are all the more respectable. Take some accountability for your actions. You chose to pick up that cr*ck pipe and smoke it Edited December 14, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
poppyfields Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, UrbanCamo said: He chose to stay as much as hardcore drug addicts/alcoholics choose to keep doing drugs/drinking. Love and addition is the same thing, after all. To be honest, it says he was blinded by his love/feelings for her, and that he cared about her and wanted it to work--even with all the issues she presented. That's really it. I sympathize with him because I've been in his situation. It's easy for anyone else to look from the outside in and say "just leave!" Guess what? It's impossible or nearly impossible to actually do that when YOU are the one in the situation. Think about if your significant other, who you're deeply in love with, just suddenly turned into a scumbag (like this girl) and started doing terrible things to you. You think you'd just leave immediately? LOL no f***in chance. You'd be just like OP--a glutton for punishment trying to make it work until you broke. On top of that, the s*** test was a GOOD thing. She FAILED and it got him out. But read my last post for that. We'll just have to agree to disagree. He was not blind, he knew exactly the type of person she was/is, it's written all throughout this thread. Yet he chose to remain regardless. And he needs to own HIS role in that decision and not fall back on the "love is blind" excuse. Because he was not. Again he knew exactly what was happening and chose to stay. What he was was "weak" and I won't fault him for that, we can all feel weak when we love. But it's still no excuse to remain with such a toxic person who lies, manipulates and overall treated him deplorably and with zero respect. When we love and respect ourselves, it is simply not acceptable behaviour. And we leave. And yes it is easy for me to say, I've been there myself! And made the choice to leave. Hardest decision I ever made in my life! But also the best. Edited December 14, 2020 by poppyfields
poppyfields Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 (edited) 48 minutes ago, UrbanCamo said: On top of that, the s*** test was a GOOD thing. She FAILED and it got him out. But read my last post for that. I read your last. I did not feel it was worthy of a response at that time. But now I do. Do you honestly believe a woman or anyone would be so stupid as to believe a shyt test like that? And if a man were in fact dating other women, that HE would be so socially inept as to post it on social media for the other women (or woman) he is dating to see? Of course it was a test, and any woman with two brain cells to rub together would see right through such "test." Lol. And dump him for that, not because she did not "care" that he was multi-dating. Shyt tests are bs. HE failed, not her. I do agree with you about being addicted. I admit I was addicted to my ex. I am probably also addicted to my fiance! Love can be very addicting and hell to kick!! But when we learn to love and respect ourselves first, we do all we can to break the addiction when it becomes toxic and destructive. And leave, get help for it. It IS extremely difficult though, I can attest to that. Edited December 14, 2020 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 39 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: You chose to pick up that cr*ck pipe and smoke it Lol, well said! 1
UrbanCamo Posted December 14, 2020 Posted December 14, 2020 4 hours ago, poppyfields said: I read your last. I did not feel it was worthy of a response at that time. But now I do. Do you honestly believe a woman or anyone would be so stupid as to believe a shyt test like that? And if a man were in fact dating other women, that HE would be so socially inept as to post it on social media for the other women (or woman) he is dating to see? Of course it was a test, and any woman with two brain cells to rub together would see right through such "test." Lol. And dump him for that, not because she did not "care" that he was multi-dating. Shyt tests are bs. HE failed, not her. I do agree with you about being addicted. I admit I was addicted to my ex. I am probably also addicted to my fiance! Love can be very addicting and hell to kick!! But when we learn to love and respect ourselves first, we do all we can to break the addiction when it becomes toxic and destructive. And leave, get help for it. It IS extremely difficult though, I can attest to that. Based on her responses, yes, she believed it and legitimately thought he was on a date.
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