poppyfields Posted December 9, 2020 Posted December 9, 2020 (edited) I agree with you shortskirts and I have experienced it as well. My second boyfriend literally begged me to not dump him and was crying so hard, he had me crying! Three years later, he was still begging me back. I had lost all respect, what I mostly felt was pity. I think if guys, including the OP, recognized the damage they do with such weak behavior, perhaps they might not do it? Their actions go completely against what they ultimately want to happen, which is to regain her respect, reignite attraction, get back together and start over. A self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Yes very sad, I agree. Edited December 9, 2020 by poppyfields 2 1
Miss Spider Posted December 9, 2020 Posted December 9, 2020 (edited) [Redacted] When people genuinely like each other, there doesn’t have to be games and really shouldn’t be. Just with that one ex, we didn’t match much personality or emotional pace. He gave way too much without reciprocation. That raised a red flag/made me lose any interest that might have been there. I brought up games because it’s what might work when people aren’t really that into you... like in the case of OP’s ex. But in her defense, not many people can “get into” people with low self-esteem and self-worth, like op has displayed.(He’s kidding himself if he thinks he’s hiding this problem and it didn’t manifest itself in other ways while they were dating) It’s a condition most people have to value people more when they value themselves. Edited December 9, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Reference to Redacted Material Removed 1
Miss Spider Posted December 9, 2020 Posted December 9, 2020 (edited) Also, semantics. One person‘s “game“ might be another person’s simple reading of a social situation and reacting with social/emotional intelligence. If I meet a guy and my first thought is “man I want to f your brains out” and I don’t say it, I don’t consider that a “game”. That would be just be not being socially inept. Even if I think he’s hotter than the hinges of hell, I will allow my panties to dry while I think ‘ OK. He is cute, but what about everything else? Also, he may not take that very well. That might come off a little bit too forward and weird. I guess I’ll save that for later. Ohhh a shiny.“ So, yes some people would benefit from the “game“ of assessing a social situation, putting things into perspective, reading/following the other person’s pace, not getting ahead of themselves/giving too much too soon, etc. etc. to the extent they can. Edited December 9, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Author JC90 Posted December 13, 2020 Author Posted December 13, 2020 Well it's over. And in the worst way possible. I posted that snap and when she saw it she immediately removed me as a friend on snap. So I guess she "cared" enough and got jealous enough to remove me immediately upon seeing that snap without even contacting me first. I sent her a message asking if she removed me and why, and she said yes and because of my snap. I knew it was over at this point so I just said f*ck it and let loose. Told her I didn't have a date and that it was just a friend visiting and she didn't believe me. Tried to call her a bunch of times and sent her all this s*** about how I didn't think she gave a f*ck about me and how I thought the "taking it slow" thing was an excuse because she had no desire for me, to which she said we started fast last time and our relationship was sex based, but she needs to take it slow to build an emotional connection before sex, and etc. Kept trying to call her and told her to talk to me on the phone like a mature adult--she wouldn't. I said f*ck it and went to her place because she's only 10 minutes away. Told her I was there and she said she was with friends at someone else's place. I was like wait... Didn't you think you had covid? She said she got the results back today (of course didn't let me know right? If it were even true, that is). It then blows up even more. She tells me how I crossed a line going to her place (kinda true, but also for the "right" reasons) and how she's uncomfortable. Giving me these robotic, weird answers. I just tell her she obviously never gave a f*ck about me, only wanted to use me before, and only wanted to use me again this time. She says she won't try to convince me of anything and that we definitely don't have a future now. I told her we never did, and that I wished I never met her and all she brought me was pain. I also called her out for being mad/jealous thinking I had a date when she's most likely talking to/seeing other dudes, and that I saw her hinge profile the other day. She never responded to that, of course. I'm a f*cking idiot and on top of that the snap turned out to be a bad move, but she's a straight up terrible person, incredibly immature, a hypocrite, and has no feelings or empathy, so it's probably for the best. She obviously didn't give a s*** about our relationship or ever seeing me again considering how she removed me from snap without even asking me about it first and how she wouldn't even talk to me on the phone. Plus I had started to resent her so damn much I don't think a relationship would have worked at this point even in a perfect world. I blocked her on all social media and deleted her number after all this. Do I regret posting that snap? At this point I have to say yes because this isn't how I wanted it to go down, and it actually seems like she WOULD have contacted me had I not done anything. But hopefully I'll look back on this in 1-3 months and be thankful it's totally over. I can't lie though, I'm sitting here typing this and feel like complete garbage. I'm not bawling my eyes out or anything, but the weight of how I'll never see or even talk to her--someone I was at some point in love with--again is hitting me 1
LynneVicious Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 Sorry this happened to you and that you’re hurting. to me, it seems like it was a very unbalanced relationship - When one person is more into the other person, it can create an imbalance. In this situation, you were into her more. Starting back to your previous dating when she broke up with you for being “too interested”. Unfortunately, the interested party sometimes becomes insecure or needy. Posting that shirtless snap was oozing insecurity and she picked up on it. I think she was just biding her time with you, op, to give her an ego boost and have some company. it hurts, I know it does. Time is your friend here. You will heal and move on. I promise.
Author JC90 Posted December 13, 2020 Author Posted December 13, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, LynneVicious said: Sorry this happened to you and that you’re hurting. to me, it seems like it was a very unbalanced relationship - When one person is more into the other person, it can create an imbalance. In this situation, you were into her more. Starting back to your previous dating when she broke up with you for being “too interested”. Unfortunately, the interested party sometimes becomes insecure or needy. Posting that shirtless snap was oozing insecurity and she picked up on it. I think she was just biding her time with you, op, to give her an ego boost and have some company. it hurts, I know it does. Time is your friend here. You will heal and move on. I promise. the snap was actually of two glasses of wine on my coffee table and a fire going in the background with the caption "perfect night". She removed me because she thought I had a date. But thank you. Fortunately I'm not near as hurt as I was the first time she dumped me, but I certainly don't feel good about what happened. Edited December 13, 2020 by JC90
Wiseman2 Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 1 hour ago, JC90 said: . So I guess she "cared" enough and got jealous enough to remove me immediately upon seeing that snap without even contacting me first. I sent her a message asking if she removed me and why, Was that the intention?. Sorry it backfired. Yeah, block and delete her so you can post what you want without hidden meanings.
Author JC90 Posted December 13, 2020 Author Posted December 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Was that the intention?. Sorry it backfired. Yeah, block and delete her so you can post what you want without hidden meanings. I'll be honest... Yes. my intention was to post that and get some sort of a reaction out of her because I (and most of the posters on here) thought she didn't give a sh*t about me, and possibly making her think I was being pursued by another women/other women would reignite her interest. Didn't work and seemed to have the opposite effect if anything. Or maybe she was just looking for a way out and I have her an easy one. I'm not really sure what to think about her immediately removing me without asking me about it at all. I can't tell if she was interested and felt hurt by that, or if she was uninterested and it gave her a way out.
Wiseman2 Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 Unfortunately those "get your ex back" sites have poor tactics because it's not in your control. Just block and delete her. Games don't work. Free yourself from this.
Miss Spider Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 (edited) Actually, people in this thread told you that you should not try to make her jealous as most likely it not work as she isn’t interested enough and instead she’d get annoyed and see right through it. That it would take strong game and literally moving on and not caring. That wasn’t subtle at all. Disrespectful and then as soon as she removed you from snap you went groveling to her. Dunno how you thought that would work. . Im sorry but she didn’t want to be with you that much and the pic just gave her a reason to lose you with finality. It was bound to happen sooner or later. It sucks but things will get better. Edited December 13, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Acacia98 Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 On 12/9/2020 at 3:05 AM, poppyfields said: I think if guys, including the OP, recognized the damage they do with such weak behavior, perhaps they might not do it? Their actions go completely against what they ultimately want to happen, which is to regain her respect, reignite attraction, get back together and start over. Under circumstances where it was just an unequal relationship and the guy had low self-esteem, I would agree. In this particular case, it was an unequal relationship, OP had low self-esteem, AND the woman was cold and calculating and was manipulating him. I don't think she had the capacity to respect him. She seemed to view him as a cute object at best and an annoyance at other times. As long as he was useful, she made time for him. As soon as she got bored/she sensed she'd have to make an effort or reciprocate, she tossed him aside. I suspect that's how she generally treats people, not just OP.
elaine567 Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 4 hours ago, JC90 said: she's a straight up terrible person, incredibly immature, a hypocrite, and has no feelings or empathy I think that probably describes you after that stunt you played. Making someone upset and jealous rarely ingratiates you to them. Most normal people who are looking for a relationship will go "OK so you want to see other women? Go straight ahead don't let me stop you. Bye." Which is essentially what she did. Who really wants a guy who is not "all in", a guy who is still playing the field and who wants to upset you by telling you all about it... These games are fine if it is all a bit casual and you don't care if she responds to that trick or not. You don't care if you upset her. But you tried to play that trick on someone you supposedly loved and that wasn't smart. I guess you are not actually mature enough for a proper relationship. 1
Marc878 Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 The good thing is you handled this like a high school kid which will probably prohibit her from ever contacting you again. A good thing since you can’t seem to go your own way. it’s a bit early to tell if you learned anything but you need to.
Marc878 Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 24 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I think that probably describes you after that stunt you played. Making someone upset and jealous rarely ingratiates you to them. Most normal people who are looking for a relationship will go "OK so you want to see other women? Go straight ahead don't let me stop you. Bye." Which is essentially what she did. Who really wants a guy who is not "all in", a guy who is still playing the field and who wants to upset you by telling you all about it... These games are fine if it is all a bit casual and you don't care if she responds to that trick or not. You don't care if you upset her. But you tried to play that trick on someone you supposedly loved and that wasn't smart. I guess you are not actually mature enough for a proper relationship. I agree he’s not mature enough but if he was she’s not worth any effort. Just your typical rebound.
elaine567 Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 10 minutes ago, Marc878 said: I agree he’s not mature enough but if he was she’s not worth any effort. Just your typical rebound. I think his immaturity also played a part there. Your more mature person would have realised that scooping up a woman fresh from a failed relationship would mean they were very likely going to be a rebound. She was no doubt reeling from the break up and grabbed onto the first guy who showed interest to try to mend herself. Now she is again in a bad place due to family issues and she probably thought, who cares for me? who will understand? so she reached out to JC90, but boy was she wrong....
Marc878 Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 She bears responsibility as well. You don’t jump into a rebound dump someone then go back later for convenience. He needs to grow up but she’s your typical user.
Versacehottie Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 oh sh*t, i think a lot of people told you not to do that stunt where you tried to make her jealous. And am I right and you took it a step further rather than to just do a shirtless selfie, which could be several things depending on caption or environment and make a snap about an obvious date (even though it was fake)? Jesus, what a mess. I don't know why lots of people are taking your word for it that she is a bad person. I don't see it like that at all. I see that we are getting the very filtered view from a guy whose ego is SO bruised he can't see straight. Sorry, i don't want to kick you when you are down but your insecurity about being in a relationship with her is completely over the top. I think i said it before but if I didn't, i'm sure this is part of what caused her not to be fully interested the first time. How can you respect and in turn fall in love with a guy who is so insecure? You can't. And your actions after the snap backfiring are more of the same--exactly the over the top, possessive, not able to take it slow, insecure, desperate guy. And you are right back here debating whether she just used the debacle as an out to get away from you or if it really was the event itself? That is a self-worth problem of yours, first and foremost. BTW, it's laughable that you think she should have called/texted to discuss removing you from snapchat. Who is going to do that? You are STUCK in the rejection phase. IMO, this is something that probably follows you girl to girl. I think she probably triggers it more than others because she actually rejected you and then gave you another chance but wasn't fully in. I'd guess that if a girl is into you, you aren't that interested, wondering what is wrong with her. I think you try to get the unattainable to make yourself have more worth and this one was a sh*tshow of a perfect storm. Hope you get yourself sorted out, man. good luck 1
poppyfields Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, JC90 said: my intention was to post that and get some sort of a reaction out of her because I ... thought she didn't give a sh*t about me, and possibly making her think I was being pursued by another women/other women would reignite her interest. Didn't work and seemed to have the opposite effect. Bolded - shyt tests like the one you played do typically backfire, hopefully you've learned from it and won't resort to again. I realize another poster suggested it after you posted your intention of uploading the shirtless pic, but not all advice is good and should be followed, including probably mine on some occasions. It didn't backfire for the reason you think. She was not jealous, I doubt she even believed it was true! She knew it was a shyt test, it was blatantly obvious it was a shyt test. And that was the turn off, the straw that broke the camel's back as the saying goes. Anyway, lesson learned for next time. I'm sorry things didn't work out JC. Hope you feel better soon, time does heal. xo Edited December 13, 2020 by poppyfields
poppyfields Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 (edited) Quote: >>Also about posting the shirtless selfie...... maybe post a pic this weekend with two glasses of wine on your coffee table and caption it like "perfect night" or something. Then she'll wonder who you're hanging with. Could be a platonic friend, could be your mom, could be a another girl. Who knows?<< This was the advice JC followed from a poster on page 3. I cringed when I read it, hoping he would pay it no mind, but he did and it backfired. No big surprise there. Lesson learned. Edited December 13, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Author JC90 Posted December 13, 2020 Author Posted December 13, 2020 I admit that it was my fault this time around. It couldn't have gone any worse and it was because of my actions and my ASSUMPTIONS about her. For some reason I was unable to put her into the "just another girl" category in my mind, and instead I kept thinking of her as this perfect person who I used to be in love with and who I wanted to be with. And whenever I thought something was wrong I'd totally lose my cool. This isn't to say she's little miss perfect with clean hands in this mess--no, she's a terrible, cold, manipulative person all around with a f*ck ton of glaring red flags, but I couldn't keep my cool in this "relationship" with her and my emotions just kept coming out. I also think one of the reasons I liked her so much was because of all her issues and the fact that i was never sure if she was interested or not. Wish I knew how to fix this in myself, because I know I should be LESS interested when someone acts like this, not more interested. Aside from that, I resented her to an extreme degree. When I told her I wish we had never met I meant it, and I still do. On top of that she was socially weird/awkward a lot of times, emotionally cold, always smoking weed even right before we went out to dinner together, been on Lexapro for years, would post "look at me" pics on Snapchat (for attention from guys), tons of family issues, and honestly one thing really stuck out to me when we were at the gym together a week ago... I started to think "am I really attracted to her? She doesn't look that great. There are other girls in here who look better. I feel like I could do better." Of course I'd brush thoughts like that off and tell myself she was the one. Another thing I also thought of was that it's possible I couldn't get hard because, in addition to the situation being emotionally charged, I wasn't that attracted to her. Whatever. I'm upset about this but I'm not heart broken like I was the last time.
Miss Spider Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: Quote: >>Also about posting the shirtless selfie...... maybe post a pic this weekend with two glasses of wine on your coffee table and caption it like "perfect night" or something. Then she'll wonder who you're hanging with. Could be a platonic friend, could be your mom, could be a another girl. Who knows?<< This was the advice JC followed from a poster on page 3. I cringed when I read it, hoping he would pay it no mind, but he did and it backfired. No big surprise there. Lesson learned. Oh I didn’t see that... Yea that’s not a good idea. But in the long run, maybe it was. Because you would’ve drag this out a lot longer and probably become even more resentful. . I’m still not totally convinced it’s over. Her ego got bruised but she’ll probably come back. I have with exes I was lukewarm about many times. Use a little bit of logic here jc, she wants to take it slow NOW and get to know you after you’ve already been in a relationship. She was keeping you as a backup and you’ve freed yourself from that.
Miss Spider Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 2 hours ago, JC90 said: wasn't that attracted to her. Whatever. I'm upset about this but I'm not heart broken like I was the last time. And you shouldn’t be. She sounds like a mess and you don’t even find her that hot. Not worth it
Author JC90 Posted December 13, 2020 Author Posted December 13, 2020 (edited) 47 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Oh I didn’t see that... Yea that’s not a good idea. But in the long run, maybe it was. Because you would’ve drag this out a lot longer and probably become even more resentful. . I’m still not totally convinced it’s over. Her ego got bruised but she’ll probably come back. I have with exes I was lukewarm about many times. Use a little bit of logic here jc, she wants to take it slow NOW and get to know you after you’ve already been in a relationship. She was keeping you as a backup and you’ve freed yourself from that. There is NO way she's coming back LOL. Did you read what I wrote to her? I told her she doesn't give a f*ck about me and never did, and that I wish I had never met her. That plus I'm sure she thinks I'm crazy for going over there to talk to her in person. I will say it's funny because she removed me as a friend on snap, but didn't block me. Meaning I was still able to message her. Where as if she blocked me I wouldn't have been able to. I also blocked her on everything. Except her number, which I just deleted. Edited December 13, 2020 by JC90 1
Miss Spider Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 I see what you’re saying, but I think she also knows what she was doing. So your emotional meltdown isn’t like a complete surprise. Desperate, yes. Unpredictable, no. Exes often act this way when they are obsessed with you and can’t have. They get a bit cray. I’m not saying tomorrow and I’m not even saying in a month but she may get desperate again and you guys might start talking again. Who knows. Hopefully by then you you have worked on yourself, gained more self esteem, and realized you can do so much better than this.
Author JC90 Posted December 13, 2020 Author Posted December 13, 2020 3 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I see what you’re saying, but I think she also knows what she was doing. So your emotional meltdown isn’t like a complete surprise. Desperate, yes. Unpredictable, no. Exes often act this way when they are obsessed with you and can’t have. They get a bit cray. I’m not saying tomorrow and I’m not even saying in a month but she may get desperate again and you guys might start talking again. Who knows. Hopefully by then you you have worked on yourself, gained more self esteem, and realized you can do so much better than this. Knows what she's doing? She would have to be unbelievably desperate to reach out to me at this point. Even way down the road.
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