Is she cheating. Suspicious

[Mook77]

She was supposed to go home yesterday early in the morn as they had over scheduled people. 

 

boss man kept her on. 

others sent home.

Another boss came to ask why she was still there. This boss told this other boss I told her to stay

[FMW]

You're high level of suspicion either means something IS going on or you have a serious issue with trust.

My guess is there are a lot of little things that came before these examples you're citing, and that's why your suspicion is so high.

Hire sometime to look into it or do some active investigation on your own.  If you just continue this way your relationship is going to be ruined beyond repair anyway.  

[assertives]

It's technically the same area right? As in either place you wait for her, you will still get to see her not that both pick up points are at opposite ends and you'll miss her if you didn't wait at the location she wanted you to right? If that's the case, then it's simple, just tell her ok, you will pick her up at wherever she wanted you to... and then don't do it. Pick her up/park exactly where she doesn't want you to and see what happens. If she has something to hide, you'll get your answer when you pick her up. If she has nothing to hide and nothing is going on, just apologize and say you forgot she wanted you to pick her up somewhere else.

[Wiseman2]

Why does she tell you all this? Is she trying to make you jealous or get your attention? 

De careful not to become abusive or engage in ridiculous or illegal activity such as putting tracking or tracing devices on her phone or your vehicle.

Do not call her employer acting like a crazed jealous husband unless you can afford to have her lose her job.

Do not ask for a lie detector test. It's ludicrous .

If you have marital problems get professional advice. Avoid regurgitated memes about polygraphs, calling employers etc.

[Mook77]

No I'd not call employers. That's too far. Keep watching. And truth will come out

[princessaurora]

Do you have any evidence to show anything  or are you just going by what she's telling you? If you're only going by her perception, her attraction to the boss might not even be mutual or she could be putting a spin on it to make you jealous. We had this happen a few years back at my office. One of the tellers had a huge crush on our boss. She fawned over him, and truly believed he liked her too. He had no interest whatsoever, but she convinced herself he did, even though he's married with a baby. He just tried to be nice to her not to hurt her feelings and stay professional. I'm not saying this is happening with your wife, but if the only indication is coming from the words out her mouth, it's possible her crush is one sided or maybe even just a way to get you to pay more attention to her. 

[WilyWill]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why does she tell you all this? Is she trying to make you jealous or get your attention? 

De careful not to become abusive or engage in ridiculous or illegal activity such as putting tracking or tracing devices on her phone or your vehicle.

Do not call her employer acting like a crazed jealous husband unless you can afford to have her lose her job.

Do not ask for a lie detector test. It's ludicrous .

If you have marital problems get professional advice. Avoid regurgitated memes about polygraphs, calling employers etc.

I have yet to see you offer any good advice in any of these threads. In another thread, you attempted to convince a betrayed spouse that his wife's midnight texting with a co-worker was innocent, while the rest of us urged him to be suspicious. You saw where that advice ended up, right? 

Note that it is legal to put a tracking device on a car you own, even jointly with your spouse, and your spouse does not need to be informed. It is also legal for him to see call and texting reports from any mobile carrier where he is the account holder. 

Polygraph exams work, as any regular reader of infidelity threads can attest to. But we're too early in the discovery process for this to be appropriate. Whether advice is repeated or "regurgitated" has no bearing on its effectiveness. In fact, some of the best advice comes from the collective wisdom that is repeated multiple times in these forums. 

It is completely inappropriate to get "professional advice" from a marriage counselor while your spouse is actively engaged in an affair. Individual counseling or a consultation with an attorney would be the only appropriate form of advice at this point. 

[Mook77]

she just got home an HR late. She said she was at Subway. Long line at Subway. Boss gave out subway gift cards again.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Mook77 said:

she just got home an HR late. She said she was at Subway. Long line at Subway. Boss gave out subway gift cards again.

 

 

Why don't you join her to go out to eat ?

You'll never get over this until you arrange your  commuting, car issues and other nonsense.

For example why weren't you picking her up from work if you share one car?

Where were you? Why aren't the two of you grabbing some takeout together?

 

[Mook77]

On 12/11/2020 at 3:46 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Why don't you join her to go out to eat ?

You'll never get over this until you arrange your  commuting, car issues and other nonsense.

For example why weren't you picking her up from work if you share one car?

Where were you? Why aren't the two of you grabbing some takeout together?

 

Wiseman. I've explained this before. 

we use one car for financial reasons. Not everyone can afford to run two cars. I'm not the only one or the only family in the world doing this. I don't pick her up from work cause I get to work at 4 am she gets to work at six so she drops me off. And I get my own way back home .

With you it always feels so confrontational in your responses. Like you are lecturing a child. 

I'm just giving updates here on my situation. And eventually I will find the truth out. 

Calling my issues nonsense etc is kinda rude. And this is the second time you have mentioned my car issues. I'm an adult. I know how to handle my financial issues. Without getting judged here by you. 

Thank you

[d0nnivain]

You two have only been together for about a year but this is what I see from what you wrote:

1 red flag --  her telling you she has a crush on her boss & in the other thread her confessing to you that she'd like to have sex with him in the parking lot

and

1 yellow flag -- where she wants you to wait / park when you pick her up from work.  I agree with you that it sounds like she wants you to wait somewhere that you can't see her immediately when she exits. 

Most of the rest of what you wrote is no big deal because there are logical explanations, but in your paranoia over the confessed crush you are trying to string together anything you can as proof of infidelity.

It seems awfully fast for you to be living together already. 

Her using his 'fridge once is not a big deal.  Even if every day, it's a 'fridge.  It's not a declaration of love.  It may be the closest 'fridge to her work space & the boss is being nice by sharing.  You also said that food was being stolen out of the employee 'fridge so he was helping her keep her food safe. 

She was late for work because she didn't check the schedule.  She mouthed off to her boss but didn't get in trouble.  That might be preferential treatment but in Covid it could also be he let it slide because it's hard to replace people now.  She was quiet when she came home because she was licking her wounds after being reprimanded.  Nobody likes to have their mistakes pointed out. 

These Subway gift cards are motivating rewards not romantic gifts.  It's really not a conspiracy & Subway is not a code for sex or affair. 

Have you asked about the jackets?  Maybe she hung them up or took them to the cleaners.  She may have thrown then out thinking you didn't want them which is why you allowed her to use them.  I doubt she ditched them so her boss wouldn't know she has a BF

She's working overtime in a warehouse setting because whatever she does is part of critical infrastructure & those types of businesses are booming right now.  It's also the holidays -- their busiest seasons.  Learn about industry cycles before getting paranoid.  If she's a good worker that is why the boss kept her on & let other over-scheduled employees go home.

Next time you go pick her up, park where ever you like that is most convenient for you & see what you observe. 

Do keep the info about the crush in the back of your mind because many affairs do start at work but unless you see more overt behavior than you have described, down shift.  For right now your imagination is in overdrive. 

 

Edited December 12, 2020 by d0nnivain

[oldtruck]

9 hours ago, Mook77 said:

Wiseman. I've explained this before. 

we use one car for financial reasons. Not everyone can afford to run two cars. I'm not the only one or the only family in the world doing this. I don't pick her up from work cause I get to work at 4 am she gets to work at six so she drops me off. And I get my own way back home .

With you it always feels so confrontational in your responses. Like you are lecturing a child. 

I'm just giving updates here on my situation. And eventually I will find the truth out. 

Calling my issues nonsense etc is kinda rude. And this is the second time you have mentioned my car issues. I'm an adult. I know how to handle my financial issues. Without getting judged here by you. 

Thank you

totally normal and responsible questions to ask. it is rude to call out someone for caring

and asking appropriate questions. double rude to avoid answering those questions.

[Mook77]

just seen her time off requests that were granted. 

one Wednesday full shift. Yet she stopped me off to work in the morning and in the evening I took time train back home after work as I always do and I don't remember her being home when I got home as she gets home after me .

 

another was a Saturday three hrs granted so she left work at 3pm. I was off. She didn't come home till 7.

[Mook77]

no come to think of it. That Wednesday I had the car. I dropped her off to work. At 630 am. Cause I had a work test and needed the car. 

i went to pick her up at 630 in the evening. 

[Mook77]

But it says that day she was granted a full day off

[Mook77]

On 11/19/2020 at 5:17 PM, Mook77 said:

Hello.

 

im suspicious. But first let me  say I hope I can find positivity here .

my woman has a crush on her boss. She's told me . She also says he gives her a lot of attention. It's a big company. 

He will allow her at times to use his refrigerator to put her food in. Happened once. And gives her a good work station. Hapenned twice. 

Well yesterday she said she and four others got in trouble for coming to work late. The schedules had been changed on the work online portal but they didn't look at it. 

she told her boss to stop nagging her when he came to her work station to tell her again about tardiness  as he had already told her once in the morning. 

she was really mad and even called him stupid as we drove home . She was infuriated. 

Im I over thinking

That was the day after she got full day off and I dropped her off to work and picked her up that I posted this

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Mook77 said:

 I don't remember her being home when I got home as she gets home after me .

 she left work at 3pm. I was off. She didn't come home till 7.

Are your communications open enough to ask her?

For example does she visit friends, family, go Christmas or other types of shopping, go to doctors or other appointments, etc ?

Much of this seems inconclusive until you two are able to talk more openly about your typical day.

Especially if you share a car, don't you have to talk about each other's use of it and when?

[Mook77]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are your communications open enough to ask her?

For example does she visit friends, family, go Christmas or other types of shopping, go to doctors or other appointments, etc ?

Much of this seems inconclusive until you two are able to talk more openly about your typical day.

Especially if you share a car, don't you have to talk about each other's use of it and when?

No she's very private . Her family is in California. We are all the way East coast. 

I dropped her off to work and picked her up in the evening. 

Her work online portal says she requested that day off and it was granted.

That's the day I picked her up n she was saying how her boss was getting on her for getting to work late and calling him names.

 

 

Another day was a Saturday. I was off. She comes home straight from work and calls me right after work. She called me at 6 that day. Yet the online portal says she got off at 3pm. She never mentioned anything about friends. I can't keep seeing this as inconclusive. Will I need video evidence for it to be?

[Mook77]

If she went Christmas shopping I'd know.

if she went to see a doctor I'd know.

She has days off. Granted by the job. But I drop her off in the morn that week n pick her up. 

So why are you going to work if you have the day off???? What are you doing at work for 13 hrs if you have the day off till the time I pick you up

 

 

[Mook77]

just certified one sat(and she leaves house at six am to get to work for 630 am shift) she left as usual at 6 am.

work portal says she requested 630 am to ten am off. Meaning she started work at ten am.

so why did she leave the house at 630 am??????? 

Dont tell me shopping 

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, Mook77 said:

work portal says she requested 630 am to ten am off.

Are you logging into her emails, messages or devices? How do have access to her work portal?

[Mook77]

She left computer on with the app open this morning

[Mook77]

When rushing out to work running late

[Buffer]

A lot of smoke but as your communication skills are not that good between the two of you her response can be easily argued. 
Do more romantic time together and open up to her on general stuff so to better the communication. Then when comfortable ask! State how this just isn’t right, her times are off and have some proof not just times and dates in your mind. 
One day at a time. 
Buffer

Edited December 18, 2020 by Buffer
Spelling

[Mook77]

10 minutes ago, Buffer said:

A lot of smoke but as your communication skills are not that good between the two of you her response can be easily argued. 
Do more romantic time together and open up to her on general stuff so to better the communication. Then when comfortable ask! State how this just isn’t right, her times are off and have some proof not just times and dates in your mind. 
One day at a time. 
Buffer

The times and dates are not in my mind...

They are what is on the work portal... Not made up in my mind.

Edited December 18, 2020 by Mook77