LDR with a guy who is hinting about proposing- eeks!

[cluelessamanda]

I am the female in the relationship- and I have the fear of committment. Well I don't think it's necessarily a fear of commitment but rather a "that's too soon and scary please put the brakes on" mentality. I guess I'll let you all be the judge of that . . .

I'm a sophomore in undergrad college and went home(WA state) this past summer for the last time to spend it with family and friends. Through a friend, I met and fell in love with an amazing guy who I instantly connected with. We both felt as though we had known eachother for years even though we had just met. Well, the reason he was home the same time I was home was because he was on medical leave from the Marines. So I had limited time with him for the rest of the summer since he would be going back to San Diego/Camp Pendleton in August. We made the best of our time left and we both really didn't think anything would continue on and both assumed that this was just a summer thing. But soon after he got back to San Diego- we were both in angst because we knew that we had a connection and that we couldn't let it go so right before I was supposed to fly back to college (Washington DC) I flew down to San Diego for a weekend. This trip made everything confirmed- we definitely had something.

So fast forward a little bit, and we're both settled into our lives- me as a college student and him as a Marine. I wanted to see him again on my Columbus Day holiday weekend so I flew out last weekend and spent it with him. We are madly in love and definitely think that we are meant to be. Well now he is most likely going to be honorably discharged from the Marines soon because he has a broken hip and is undeployable. He also has been taking classes to become a paramedic and is trying for his national certification so he can go anywhere with his career choice. Neither of us expected him to be discharged until around the same time I would be graduating from college. SO now he is saying that he plans on moving ALL the way across the country to the DC area just so he can be closer to me since he knows I won't be done with school for another 3 years at least. And he has dropped hints about a "an extremely special Christmas gift that he isn't sure how I'll react to". EEKS! I'm an extremely independent woman- young woman(20 in December) and absolutely refuse to get married until my late late twenties. So my question is this- how do I nicely hint that I'm probably going to freak out and run away if he tries to propose to me? I think he may be "the One" but I know that I'm really young, and we've only been together for about 3 months so there is a TON of exploring and getting to know eachother to be done. Marriage is nowhere near on my mind but I think it may be on his because he has been engaged before and he's 2 years older than I. And my other question- he says he thinks he'll be moved over here within the next year. How do I figure out if I should move in with him or stay on campus? And will he question his move if I don't move in with him?

 

Sorry this is so long- this is my first post on here- and I've been keeping all this in with nobody to talk to because my friends are all single with little or no serious relationship experience!

[Hunnytree]

You mentioned he has been engaged before, so he's already had the sad experience of getting engaged and then a broken engagement. If he's really "The One" then he should truly understand your concerns about the both of you possibly moving into this before you are truly ready. You might talk to him BEFORE Christmas with some gentle leading conversation letting him know that you hope the two of you will be able to move slowly so you can be really SURE before taking any major relationship steps. Surely he would not want to go thru what he's already been thru again. And moving too quickly could mar the outcome, couldn't it? I sure do hope for you that he IS "The One".

[StacyRose]

He sounds like a sweet guy but yeah you aren't sure! But being engaged isn't the same as being married. Plus, the ring could just be a "promise ring" or something with less significance. If you're 75% he's the one.. accept the engagement but don't set a weddign date. Hey.. the engagement period is also a period for re-evaluating whether or not you really want to get married.

 

But, if you really want to hint it to him nothing beats being straighforward. Men are pretty dumb.. it's actually the only way to get through to most of e'm

[cluelessamanda]

Thanks for the advice- especially about the purpose of the engagement period- that really makes sense. I am pretty sure he is the one but I just feel at this stage and at both of our ages- just because we know doesn't mean we have to rush to the altar to ensure it. Since I have written the message, I've kind of hinted towards the idea of not being completely ready and he's also calmed me down with statements like "well when I'm going to propose to you down the road . . . " and such. And since he's been engaged before I think he's more sure than I could be because he already has had the experience of failure and I'm sure that taught him what not to look for or what didn't work. And I honestly would say yes if he proposed, better yet if its just a promise ring though, and I would wait until I was at least out of college to set a wedding date I think. Thank you both for the responses! Calmed me

[Tangerina]

Sorry if this is a dumb question, but what exactly is the significance of a promise ring???

 

Congrats on finding a sweet man:)

[StacyRose]

I just thought it was a ring that you give to your bf/gf as a gift but it's not an engagement.. this definition I found was hilarious lol:

 

A promise ring or friendship ring is a small, inexpensive ring given to a boyfriend or girlfriend, to promise not to court a rival. These indicate merely that serious courting is under way. No permanent commitment has been made by either party, but they give the partners an excuse for refusing social invitations from others.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promise_ring

[cluelessamanda]

I do have a sweet guy- I've never been happier.

 

I've never understood the firm meaning of a promise ring. Dictionary.com says a promise ring is this:

 

1 entry found for promise ring.

Main Entry: promise ring

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: a ring given prior to an engagement ring; also, another term for engagement ring

 

So apparently it's the same thing as an engagement ring! But in my opinion a promise ring is something that says that the two people have grown into a serious committment and are thinking long term and don't want to be with any other people but maybe haven't necessarily talked about marriage . . . I think a promise ring isn't as formal as an engagement ring - if you receive a promise ring I don't think you immediately tell the whole family and friends and start planning the wedding- I think it just leads into a proposal for marriage later down the road.

[downcydeguy]

You definitely need to let him know your intentions BEFORE he goes and buys a ring - period. Jewelry stores don't give refunds and I doubt he's gonna only pay 100 bucks for your ring.

 

That whole "promise ring" stuff is a joke too. A guy can buy his g/f a ring without it meaning anything other than he loves you and wants you to have something nice. And if he knows your intentions, he's not gonna fork out $3K for a ring simply as a gift. Then, if you guys happen to fall apart, he won't be out all that money!

 

I say tell him what's up with your mind and go from there. I think he's gonna be absolutely OK with it. You two should be fine.

 

Good luck!