Author blocker Posted November 23, 2020 Author Posted November 23, 2020 Say - if he says he doesn't want to burn this friendship. What is the right move?
Miss Spider Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 Red flag. He cares more about this “friendship “than he does you and your feelings. He doesn’t respect you very much. Right move would be bye bye sucka 1
peach302 Posted November 24, 2020 Posted November 24, 2020 3 hours ago, blocker said: So what - he is just suppose to ignore her? I mean, I need to re hash this conversation with him still. I just want to make sure that what I am asking for is fair. I know that what he offered to initially give me does not feel okay to me. He may not want to lose this friendship. So he honestly might say that since I have failed him in terms of communication and other things, and will not let him have her as a friend, that he is done with me. There are some guys who will stop contact with women completely if they are committed to someone else. I've lost friends who I've had for years.. because they didnt think it was appropriate to keep in touch with me while they had a partner. By years i mean for example 10 years. This lady is only a work colleague who hasn't been in his life for long...
peach302 Posted November 24, 2020 Posted November 24, 2020 50 minutes ago, blocker said: Say - if he says he doesn't want to burn this friendship. What is the right move? Ditch him. 1
merrmeade Posted November 24, 2020 Posted November 24, 2020 3 hours ago, blocker said: I understand that it is, and was flirting. I know this because it made me feel uncomfortable reading it. He did not deny it was flirting. He said in the moment, he just felt like he was talking like he would to anyone as a very sarcastic / joking / teasing type way. But when reviewing the messages, he knows it is that way. He would be upset if we swapped places. He is a very friendly person, and we were/ and still are working through things regarding previous relationship problems. He a)received and sent flirty messages b)hid the messages because he didn't want me to see them c) fumbled on his words when put on the spot and he lied about accidentally achieving them. So yes. He flirted and he lied to me. I am not saying he is innocent. What i am asking here, is what are my next steps if a choose to move forward? How can i avoid this from causing work problems for him, while getting him to understand that his desire to have this girl as a friend isn't what is best for us. Is it fair for me to ask him to contact her only regarding work? Right now he thinks mentioning me when he can, as well as dialling back his true self is the solution. I wanted this relationship so badly. I did see so many good things in him, and i dropped the ball in ways for not showing up for him. He found a friend that is obviously highlighting areas and things that i have not presented in awhile. Or am i clearly blinded by love here, and hoping for something that will never be... What?! I got through all the confirmations that it is what it is and he says it is and you say it is and then.... I truly cannot believe you're serious about these questions. Is it fair to ask him to contact her only regarding work? FAIR? The only question is whether it's fair to you. What does "dialing back his true self even mean?? That he's his "true self" with her and not you? Time to grow up and face the fact that he doesn't care if she's his "friend." He's letting you put this whole whitewash all over a bona fide, open case of cheating. She knows exactly what she's doing and it's not highlighting. Furthermore, he's scum to exploit your innocence and willingness to blame yourself while he slides steadily into another relationship - with your blessing for creeps sake. Getting whatever he wants from the both of you. And you're beating yourself up because this other "friend" is so good at "highlighting areas"? No, no, no. She's good at flattery and you're helping her. The only thing that will get his attention and make him appreciate you is if you stand up for yourself and call him out for using you. Don't go along with his gross disrespect one minute more. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 24, 2020 Posted November 24, 2020 7 hours ago, blocker said: Say - if he says he doesn't want to burn this friendship. What is the right move? Find a new boyfriend. Seriously.
Wiseman2 Posted November 24, 2020 Posted November 24, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, blocker said: Say - if he says he doesn't want to burn this friendship. What is the right move? Where does he live now? Do you have keys to his place? Is he homeless or unemployed? Have drug or gambling issues? Why is he pushing to move in? Why aren't you secure enough to enforce boundaries and stop letting him camp out in your house? Why would some other GF, he's lying to you about, be offering to buy him groceries? Hopefully you will get your self respect together and eject this user from your home. When you don't feed or house him he'll move on like all stray dogs do. The flirty texts/ lying are the least of your problems. They're just minor symptoms of an overall untrustworthy, manipulator. Edited November 24, 2020 by Wiseman2 1
Author blocker Posted December 5, 2020 Author Posted December 5, 2020 and this is how the story goes....
Recommended Posts