Jrugby7 Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 OK here's the deal. I'm a newly single guy, 26 and just signed my divorce papers. The divorce was inevitable and i'm glad its over with. In the last few weeks i've met a few really cute girls and have hooked up with 2 of them. The one girl seems to be a little more regular thing and i think she is taking it a lot more serious than me. We've had sex a few times and now she is telling her friends that we are "together". We usually hang out at a bar or something and then we go back to her place. Just what i need after a long relationship, a little fun. We've never really had a conversation about our past although she has talked about her ex's. Do i need to tell her that i'm divorced even though this is just a fling for me? Also, i'm moving to a new town in about 3 weeks. I have mentioned this but we never got into any details.
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Definately tell that you're freshly divorced. Telling her will open her eyes, she'll know that you're not ready for anything too serious. I think being upfront right away is the best way, otherwise you're going to hurt afew women who may think they have a chance with you.
Author Jrugby7 Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Maybe you're right, i don't want to hurt anyone and i can tell she's starting to get attached. She asked me to plan a date for tomorrow night and honestly, thats the last thing i want to do. I don't want to stop seeing her (yet) but i don't want a girlfriend. I fell like this is being pushed from a "lets have a few drinks and party" relationship, to a "come meet my parents" relationship. Is there any way i can get out of this without hurting her or is it too late? Why do things have to get so complicated? I thought we were both having a good time and we were comfortable with what was going on.
Chimerical Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 You're going to hurt her no matter what you do now. Next time be up front an honest with the person. You were leading her on and enjoying it. Let the woman know you don't want anything serious and aren't looking for a relationship. Without that information, you are using these women without their consent. Next time make sure you put that decision to potential be crushed in their hands. That was cruel. Don't do that to someone. If you want to break if off now, tell her the truth. Then if she decides to hang on, and gets hurt further down the line, then it was her decision. Not your manipulation of facts that caused it.
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Just tell her you're realizing that 'it seems like' she could be developing feelings for you and before the 'friendship' goes any further you need her to know something (hense the Divorce) and that you're not ready for anything serious. Be honest and tell her you don't want to hurt her. I think the more open you are about it, the better things will work out. Good luck!
Cecelius Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 What about all the "past is past" stuff? Does she have to tell you how many dude's she's banged in the last 2 years? Seriously, a couple of dates does not equal a committment or a committment to commit. Being a gentleman is fine by not letting them think it is more than it is, but I wouldn't worry about it.
basscatcher Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 U f*cked her already and she is saying you and her are "together" to her friends. She is going to be upset. Don't lead her on anymore. Tell her where you stand.. *^*^ smack ya for playin without a heart.
bridgett Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Of course you have to tell her! What is "fun" for you is going to end up hurting her. Do you even care? Obviously not, if you did you wouldn't have let it get to this point. Next time, if it goes past one or two "lets meet for drinks" type things, you've just got to say something about being recently divorced.
Chimerical Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 He's getting beat up on here by the women folk. Better run now before the "death by stoning" occurs.
Cecelius Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Going out a few times and having sex a few times does not make you a boyfriend or committed. What she wants is what she wants and it's her problem to get it. You have not done anything wrong. You should, however, now that she is going out into the world about you two, be decent about what you are looking for. If you are only interested in a short term arrangement, why bother talking about the divorce.
jmmce6 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 I'm going to have to agree with the final post. It seems now that i may have been over analyzing the situation. She has called me twice in the last week after she went out with her friend to come over. She has not mentioned us going on a date, only "hey you should meet us on whatever night to hang out". So maybe she's just using me. Which is fine.
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