Emilyinroses Posted November 22, 2020 Posted November 22, 2020 I ended a 2 year relationship in summer last year and it ended badly, so I decided to take some time off to be with myself and no dating. Sex with my ex was very intense, our chemistry and intimacy was up the roof and after we broke up I shut myself to be with another man, as I was hurt and scared. Until this summer. I met a guy, he kissed me and it just woke up my sleeping sexuality. I didn’t have sex with him as I was still scared of being intimate with a new man, but it opened me up to it. Since then and most lately I have been feeling super horn*, craving a man and intimacy. I want sex, want to feel a man again and be touched. It’s great to feel this again, but I am alone! There are plenty of guys on OLD that are ready for sex, but I don’t like ONS. I have played with and pleasured myself a lot these months, but now I feel I really crave sex with a man. I wonder what to do? Wait to be in a relationship again? Or just find someone I click with and have sex regardless if it ends up in a relationship or not? I never felt like this before, is like my whole body is on fire and talking to me!
Wiseman2 Posted November 22, 2020 Posted November 22, 2020 Sounds like your senses are telling you it's ok to start dating, doesn't have to be ONS or LTR, but get back on the horse. 1
FMW Posted November 22, 2020 Posted November 22, 2020 Only you can decide if you are ok having sex with someone that you may not end up having a full blown relationship with. Some people can just scratch their itch and not get attached or have any expectations of something more. Some can't. Do you feel emotionally ready for another relationship or is the only desire for sex? 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted November 22, 2020 Author Posted November 22, 2020 37 minutes ago, FMW said: Only you can decide if you are ok having sex with someone that you may not end up having a full blown relationship with. Some people can just scratch their itch and not get attached or have any expectations of something more. Some can't. Do you feel emotionally ready for another relationship or is the only desire for sex? I feel emotionally ready too!
_lovelycat_ Posted November 22, 2020 Posted November 22, 2020 In the country, where I was born we have a proverb "She was a pretty girl, with good values, and intelligent. She waited for a prince. Years had passed by. She got her first SS check, and the prince still did not show up." The point is that life does not wait for anyone, and you should not wait for anyone either. There are many more options available for you than the two you have mentioned (playing with yourself and Ons). You can choose someone you really like on an OLD site. He doesn't have to be a prince or your ideal man. As long as he treats you with respect, is attentive to your needs and makes you feel good, you will enjoy the experience. I was in your shoes 3 years ago, I felt all this physical urges but didn't have anyone around who could meet my standards for a long term relationship. I decided to low my standards and went out with a man who treated me well. It lasted for three years and turned out to be one of my most thrilling relationships. 1
_lovelycat_ Posted November 22, 2020 Posted November 22, 2020 (edited) 39 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: I feel emotionally ready too! Then, what is the problem? You cannot be in relationships unless you start dating again. I guess you are scared to be hurt. It took you a while to rebound and now that you feel excited again, you want to be careful who you let in your life. Did I guess correct? Edited November 22, 2020 by _lovelycat_ To remove the repetition of "again". 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted November 22, 2020 Author Posted November 22, 2020 24 minutes ago, _lovelycat_ said: Then, what is the problem? You cannot be in relationships unless you start dating again. I guess you are scared to be hurt. It took you a while to rebound and now that you feel excited again, you want to be careful who you let in your life. Did I guess correct? Not exactly. I started dating a little before Covid and I did feel that, I was scared to get hurt and was guarded. Now I don’t feel like that. I feel I want to take a risk and want to open up to life again! 1
_lovelycat_ Posted November 22, 2020 Posted November 22, 2020 10 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Now I don’t feel like that. I feel I want to take a risk and want to open up to life again! That is wonderful. It answers your question about what you should do. Take a risk and date. A word of caution. Do not jump in bed right away after you find someone you click with. Give him a chance to show you that he has what it takes to treat you with respect and that your needs and wants are important to him. Moreover, the delay of gratification will make the intimacy more intense. I envy you in a nice way. It is so exciting to be ready for a new adventure to start. Have fun!
Miss Spider Posted November 22, 2020 Posted November 22, 2020 (edited) You can do both. You can find a hot guy that will blow your back out while you keep a look out for mr right. Men will hate me for saying this. Edited November 22, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted November 22, 2020 Author Posted November 22, 2020 6 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: You can do both. You can find a hot guy that will blow your back out while you keep a look out for mr right. Men will hate me for saying this. Sounds like a plan to me 1 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted November 22, 2020 Author Posted November 22, 2020 41 minutes ago, _lovelycat_ said: That is wonderful. It answers your question about what you should do. Take a risk and date. A word of caution. Do not jump in bed right away after you find someone you click with. Give him a chance to show you that he has what it takes to treat you with respect and that your needs and wants are important to him. Moreover, the delay of gratification will make the intimacy more intense. I envy you in a nice way. It is so exciting to be ready for a new adventure to start. Have fun! The way I am feeling now not sure if I would be able to wait
Trail Blazer Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 5 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: You can do both. You can find a hot guy that will blow your back out while you keep a look out for mr right. Men will hate me for saying this. They will?
Trail Blazer Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 @Emilyinroses there's nothing wrong with having an FWB-type arrangement while you look for the right long-term guy. Just make sure that you screen the guys like you would if you were looking for someone to date. You can and should expect to be treated with decency and respect.
Miss Spider Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 Not every single one of course, but I did get chewed out here last time for suggesting something of the sort. but yay for sex positivity !!
peach302 Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 5 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: You can do both. You can find a hot guy that will blow your back out while you keep a look out for mr right. Men will hate me for saying this. I don't agree with this. Because if women start to do this men will also think why not us and carry on...and its just going to be a never ending cycle of people treating others like dirt.
Miss Spider Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, peach302 said: I don't agree with this. Because if women start to do this men will also think why not us and carry on...and its just going to be a never ending cycle of people treating others like dirt. didn’t suggest to treat anyone like dirt. Edited November 23, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
peach302 Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 5 hours ago, Emilyinroses said: The way I am feeling now not sure if I would be able to wait Of course you can wait. Everyone has an ability to control their urges. But if you can't i guess go find someone up for a fwb..or a fb. Im not personally a fan of these arrangements but everyone's different.
peach302 Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 3 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I spoke too soon. Now I am getting it from women(?!)I didn’t suggest to treat anyone like dirt. Because not everyone is straight up. I dunno i don't agree with it is all.
Miss Spider Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 (edited) I don’t think it is necessarily unethical. But I respect your opinion Edited November 23, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted November 23, 2020 Author Posted November 23, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: didn’t suggest to treat anyone like dirt. Agree. There are men who are idiots and will treat anyone like dirt regardless of the type of relationship they are in. I want distance from those guys. But yes you can have ‘sex with a hot guy FWB style’ and still have friendship and respect between us. That is why although I posted this here and feel like I really want to be with a man, my urges do not control my discernment and I don’t want to be with just any man. Edited November 23, 2020 by Emilyinroses 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 That's fine. Date, have fun, know your terms and see how it goes. 1
Shining One Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 16 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: You can do both. You can find a hot guy that will blow your back out while you keep a look out for mr right. Men will hate me for saying this. Why would we hate you? I'm an avid practitioner of spending time with Ms. Right Now while looking for Ms. Right. I've also been Mr. Right Now for several women (divorcees mostly). 1
Lotsgoingon Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 You can definitely do both, but sounds like you need to work on your relationship safety skills. Meaning you seem to have a sense that you can't protect yourself. Well, you can work on that one. It's hard, but the basic principle is you only open yourself up (to hurt) to the extent that your partner has earned your trust. You don't just meet someone, date and totally trust them. You open yourself up to the extent that it's safe to do so. Sounds like you need to think about hitting the pause button in a relationship. You do have control to slow things down or speed things up in a relationship. And perhaps you need to be more critical of people you date--set some real standards--before totally getting vulnerable with them. You want to do this because it really doesn't work to fall totally for someone before we really know them and trust them.
_lovelycat_ Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 19 hours ago, Emilyinroses said: The way I am feeling now not sure if I would be able to wait Emily, I sympathize with your impatience. I will have to convince yourself that you can and should wait. You see women may be divided into two types/groups. Women in the first group (they are a minority) can maintain a new sexual interaction without developing a bond with their partner. Women in the second group easily get attached to and fall in love with men when they have the intercourses because their bodies produce the love hormone (oxytocin) during hugging and orgasms. If you belong to the second group, your discernment will be heavily affected by the intimacy. You may feel tempted to use wishful thinking to justify many of the man's shortcomings. I do not want you to end up in another relationship where you get hurt again. Look back at the two first sentences of your first post in this thread. Do you want to repeat the experiences? No? Then make sure the new man will make a lot of efforts to treat you well before you let him to satisfy your physical urges. I know that waiting is not easy. Nothing that is worthwhile in life is easy.
Author Emilyinroses Posted November 23, 2020 Author Posted November 23, 2020 3 hours ago, _lovelycat_ said: Emily, I sympathize with your impatience. I will have to convince yourself that you can and should wait. You see women may be divided into two types/groups. Women in the first group (they are a minority) can maintain a new sexual interaction without developing a bond with their partner. Women in the second group easily get attached to and fall in love with men when they have the intercourses because their bodies produce the love hormone (oxytocin) during hugging and orgasms. If you belong to the second group, your discernment will be heavily affected by the intimacy. You may feel tempted to use wishful thinking to justify many of the man's shortcomings. I do not want you to end up in another relationship where you get hurt again. Look back at the two first sentences of your first post in this thread. Do you want to repeat the experiences? No? Then make sure the new man will make a lot of efforts to treat you well before you let him to satisfy your physical urges. I know that waiting is not easy. Nothing that is worthwhile in life is easy. I think that people in the first type you mentioned are just emotionally unavailable and so they don’t get attached when having casual sex. Just like many men. You are right, I am not emotionally unavailable so I do feel things and get attached. But that doesn’t mean I cannot detach and also doesn’t mean I am not able to see that a guy I had sex with is not the right guy for a relationship. I might get attached for a few days and then detach. Simple. In my last relationship my mistake was to wear rose tinted glasses and overlook the guy’s red flags. Very different story.
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