Physically and emotionally attracted, but I don't like his body - how does this work?

[healing light]

This makes me laugh because I'm kind of in a similar situation where I'm attracted to someone mentally, love being around them,  and am starting to feel a physical attraction to them--but am not quite sure I like their face. Body is fine. I'm a face person. So I'm quite confused about whether I like them or not! Not sure if I'd want to kiss them yet. Haha. I rarely like anyone in "that" way, but my friends tell me I must have a crush to think even think about it.

[Lotsgoingon]

Don't think of it as judging his body. You want to judge your overall reaction to the person. You can try things, but if you can't get his body out of your mind (in a questioning way), then it won't work. Rarely does that feeling change. People try to ignore that feeling in order to not feel petty and so on.

Really don't judge yourself here--because most likely there are other imperfect bodies that wouldn't weird you out. So something about this guy's body. Your feelings could change, but if so, they'll change clearly and sharply. Don't assume this will change in a year.

[Wiseman2]

When was your last relationship and intimacy? 

Is it possible you are simply having cravings in general?

See how it goes. Maybe he's just not your type, maybe things will turn out.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is it possible you are simply having cravings in general?

That's how I'm interpreting this, too. 

 

[mark clemson]

You can always do it with thin tee shirts on. Just sayin...

[Stret]

19 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

You're not attracted to him.  This has happened to me before. I had to walk away because I knew it was just me wanting to be physical and there were aspects of the guy (OK, it's happened to me several times, I won't lie) I really liked that got me revved up. There just was something (in some cases more than one thing) about these guys I found unattractive.

The worst thing you can do, IMO because I've done it, is to get physical with him to test it out. You already know his belly bothers you. If it bothers you now I don't believe your perspective will change. That's just me, though. Others may have had a different experience.

 

Thanks for this - I was hoping to find someone who had the same weird experience. He is spending whole days at my place sometimes, and he is not pushing anything at all. We are friends and he is very comfortable around women - he works with models and has been dating them as well. So regardless of his appearance there is something about this guy. I know he has loads of female friends that he is close with and that are just friends. I do wonder though... 

[Stret]

12 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That's how I'm interpreting this, too. 

 

Not really. I was dead before I met him. Dead! Even though I hang around guys that were very attractive and all. I never wanted any of them and my entire sexuality has been taking the back seat in my life for a long time. I just didn't feel it. 

[Stret]

19 hours ago, healing light said:

This makes me laugh because I'm kind of in a similar situation where I'm attracted to someone mentally, love being around them,  and am starting to feel a physical attraction to them--but am not quite sure I like their face. Body is fine. I'm a face person. So I'm quite confused about whether I like them or not! Not sure if I'd want to kiss them yet. Haha. I rarely like anyone in "that" way, but my friends tell me I must have a crush to think even think about it.

I was in a "face situation" before - then we had a relationship and it was ok. Go for it. You will get used to it in a way and will not see it any more if other parts take over.

I've never been in a "body situation". I think I will just stay friends with him for now. If anything changes will write here about it. In detail. LOL 

[Stret]

20 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

This is a serious question....

 

what are you defining as physical chemistry?

 

you seem to have emotional chemistry.

 

physical chemistry is the idea of being physically attracted to the person.  
 

with some it might be you are attracted to their body but aren’t attracted to their face. Or their face and upper body is attractive but you don’t like their but/waitstaff/belly area.

 

onetime I dated a woman.  She was attractive but there was something odd with her physically that stuck out with me.  This was over 20 years ago. It ne er got to the point of being an issue. This relationship didn’t last long enough to find out what it was. Given what I know now I bet it had to do with her likely losing a lot of weight.

For me physical chemistry is when my body reacts to someone "that" way. We just spent hours sitting on a small sofa next to each other and I was, well, feeling aroused (big time). It doesn't happen with anyone else. I am just dead with everyone else. 
That is where the confusion comes from. I really don't like the way he looks and would bother me in bed quite likely. Sigh. 

[Uruktopi]

For the sake of what you see good about him, make him a big big (big) favour. 

Leave him in peace.

Another woman may find him desirable, all things considered.

[LivingWaterPlease]

43 minutes ago, Stret said:

For me physical chemistry is when my body reacts to someone "that" way. We just spent hours sitting on a small sofa next to each other and I was, well, feeling aroused (big time). It doesn't happen with anyone else. I am just dead with everyone else. 
That is where the confusion comes from. I really don't like the way he looks and would bother me in bed quite likely. Sigh. 

You're reacting to emotional closeness and/or the fact that he wants you and is willing to go beyond the normal to spend time with you. Emotional closeness and also "being wanted" is a big turn on for many women, myself included.

I take packages to the post office here for my grandchildren so I'm often there. There's a guy there who is quite nice looking, very masculine and has a great personality who began to flirt with me heavily and to hit on me. He wore no wedding band. There was a huge amount of chemistry there for both of us but for some reason I knew I wouldn't want to kiss him (he was a little too brash and forward for me) and I don't want to date him.  I didn't flirt with him at all, other than blush excessively when he called out something flattering to me when the post office was packed one day. All that to say, even though I didn't want to get physical with him I began to respond (physically in my mind) to all of that masculine flattering chemistry coming at me and I fantasized about being with him. It was messing with me so much I had to quit going there for awhile. I'm back there now and I think he knows why I stayed away so long because he's now wearing his wedding band (I didn't realize he was married and knew he was trying to get with me!) and not hitting on me to the extreme as he was before.

Also, I dated a guy I was deeply in love with who was quite heavy (large belly but large man, too, broad shoulders, deep voice,  very masculine, great personality and very good in his business, etc.) and it didn't bother me one bit because I thought he'd hung the moon and was the epitome of manhood! Whereas I broke up in June with a guy who didn't have the ability to relate emotionally with me. He was slender but had a belly (though he had broad shoulders, too) and I just didn't want to be physical with him. I realized, though, that it really wasn't his belly, it was more him. I really believe if I'd liked his personality (if he could have been a little flirty and fun that way) his belly wouldn't have bothered me at all.

This I believe, men get revved up chasing and women get revved up being chased! I do think that has changed some due to societal conditioning but it's still the case with a lot of us, IMO.

[Stret]

8 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

You're reacting to emotional closeness and/or the fact that he wants you and is willing to go beyond the normal to spend time with you. Emotional closeness and also "being wanted" is a big turn on for many women, myself included.

I take packages to the post office here for my grandchildren so I'm often there. There's a guy there who is quite nice looking, very masculine and has a great personality who began to flirt with me heavily and to hit on me. He wore no wedding band. There was a huge amount of chemistry there for both of us but for some reason I knew I wouldn't want to kiss him (he was a little too brash and forward for me) and I don't want to date him.  I didn't flirt with him at all, other than blush excessively when he called out something flattering to me when the post office was packed one day. All that to say, even though I didn't want to get physical with him I began to respond (physically in my mind) to all of that masculine flattering chemistry coming at me and I fantasized about being with him. It was messing with me so much I had to quit going there for awhile. I'm back there now and I think he knows why I stayed away so long because he's now wearing his wedding band (I didn't realize he was married and knew he was trying to get with me!) and not hitting on me to the extreme as he was before.

Also, I dated a guy I was deeply in love with who was quite heavy (large belly but large man, too, broad shoulders, deep voice,  very masculine, great personality and very good in his business, etc.) and it didn't bother me one bit because I thought he'd hung the moon and was the epitome of manhood! Whereas I broke up in June with a guy who didn't have the ability to relate emotionally with me. He was slender but had a belly (though he had broad shoulders, too) and I just didn't want to be physical with him. I realized, though, that it really wasn't his belly, it was more him. I really believe if I'd liked his personality (if he could have been a little flirty and fun that way) his belly wouldn't have bothered me at all.

This I believe, men get revved up chasing and women get revved up being chased! I do think that has changed some due to societal conditioning but it's still the case with a lot of us, IMO.

This is the best explanation for me so far. Thanks. 

[Miss Spider]

So we’ve established you’re not physically attracted to him

[poppyfields]

Hi stret.  Just had a chance to catch up with this thread and here are my thoughts.

It sounds like you're struggling with two conflicting sets of emotions. 

Emotional attraction versus physical attraction.  It can be confusing 

If you dislike his body and feel repulsed at the thought of having sex then clearly you are not physically attracted. 

But it appears you are quite emotionally attracted, mentally attracted and perhaps spiritually attracted if that's your thing.

Those emotions are powerful!  And alone might cause you to feel everything you're feeling. Without the physical.

For some people, the emotional attraction can be so powerful it can turn, in their minds, an unattractive man with a belly into a HOT god! 🤣

That's happened to me..

So if you choose to continue somehow you will have to reconcile the two conflicting emotions.  

If not, dump, keep him as a good friend. 

[SumGuy]

On 11/22/2020 at 8:17 AM, Stret said:

...

I've never been in this situation. I started wondering what this all means. I am not a superficial person by far, not attracted to typical gym bodies in general, but I need to like what I see to some extent. Stupid eyes. Stupid situation. Infuriating.  

There are positions where you won't see his belly, also decreased lighting and closing one's eyes.    Some possibilities.    Is it something he wants to work on, that is lose some of the belly?

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Is it something he wants to work on, that is lose some of the belly?

Gogi apple cider vinegar gummies.  People swear by them for losing belly fat. 😳

Edited November 24, 2020 by poppyfields

[Watercolors]

I agree with the poster that i think you are feeling validated from the chase and that you are confusing that validation with sexual chemistry. 

True sexual chemistry doesn’t happen until you’ve had sex with him. Then you will know if you are attracted to him sexually or not. Right now, you are feeling emotionally attracted to him because he is comfortable with his effeminate side and that’s why women flock to him. Men like him who are in touch with their “whole self” that includes their less masculine qualities, always get the girl, because they can relate to women; they can empathize with women in a genuine way without any hidden agenda. What woman isn’t attracted to a man like that? 

I agree that you won’t know what your true attraction to him is, until you have sex with him. 

[boymommy]

Oh yeah I had this exact same experience with a boyfriend in college. He had a big belly (gut) because he had stopped working out but had previously been in pretty good shape! I always am attracted to active athletic types so the gut really bothered me. We broke up for reasons other then this but I was eventually able to look past this and see him for who he really was. The relationship ended up just not being the right fit because of our personalities, not really because of his body but I understand completely what you mean. The gut really bothered me a lot until I could look past it! 

[Ami1uwant]

On 11/23/2020 at 5:32 PM, Stret said:

For me physical chemistry is when my body reacts to someone "that" way. We just spent hours sitting on a small sofa next to each other and I was, well, feeling aroused (big time). It doesn't happen with anyone else. I am just dead with everyone else. 
That is where the confusion comes from. I really don't like the way he looks and would bother me in bed quite likely. Sigh. 

 

that isnt physical attraction. This is tied to emotional attraction because of how he makes you feel.

 

physical attraction is seeing someone across the room you don’t know who you look at and think that person is hot. It can develop with people who you are emotionally. Attached to that changes the view physically and say they are hot.

the reaction you describe could result from just talking or texting with someone who you have never seen.  This is tied to emotion.

 

for me emotional love is much more stronger than physical love and drives physical attraction.  I can look at a woman and say she is hot or she has a nice ass.  That doesn’t produce attraction.

[Maldives]

No not silly at all to feel that way about his body I once dated a girl for a few mths and the feet are really important for me and I just couldn't climax because of her feet lol for real I ended not really because of that but it did play an integral role to the relationship