Physically and emotionally attracted, but I don't like his body - how does this work?

[Stret]

Short story: I met a guy. We are a great match. We are open with each other, emotionally in tune, we have same interests, and physical chemistry is amazing. His presence in my life for the past month, woke up my sleeping sexuality. But one look at his body and I am not sure I'd do the right thing getting into a relationship with him. His big round belly on a unathletic and thin body is something I think I would have to work hard to look away from if we were ever to have sex. 

I've never been in this situation. I started wondering what this all means. I am not a superficial person by far, not attracted to typical gym bodies in general, but I need to like what I see to some extent. Stupid eyes. Stupid situation. Infuriating.  

[ExpatInItaly]

How are you physically attracted to him if you fear you would need to look away when you're having sex? 

I think you need to start by being more honest with yourself in that regard. It seems that you like him as a person and the way he makes you feel, but the sexual attraction just isn't there for you. 

 

[Stret]

I don't know. That's why I'm asking. I don't want to get into details but suffice to say that I have not been feeling aroused for a long time - and then I met him. Sexual attraction is definitely there. Minus the way his body looks. I don't know why and how but this is the case. 

 

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How are you physically attracted to him if you fear you would need to look away when you're having sex? 

I think you need to start by being more honest with yourself in that regard. It seems that you like him as a person and the way he makes you feel, but the sexual attraction just isn't there for you. 

I thin

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, Stret said:

I don't know. That's why I'm asking. I don't want to get into details but suffice to say that I have not been feeling aroused for a long time - and then I met him. Sexual attraction is definitely there. Minus the way his body looks. I don't know why and how but this is the case. 

This sounds as though you would really like to have sex...but not with him, necessarily. 

Meaning, you've been craving sex and arousal and respond to, er, stimulation. But when it comes down to it, you're more turned on by the idea of having sex in general than by having sex with him. 

Just my take. 

[Miss Spider]

8 minutes ago, Stret said:

Sexual attraction is definitely there. Minus the way his body looks. 

Sorry to say this, because it appears to be part of a big dilemma for you, but the way his body looks is a inextricable part of him. You may be sexually attracted to his mind or whatever, but if you don’t want to have sex with his body, you are not sexually attracted to him. People are a package deal. 

Edited November 22, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ShyViolet]

You need to decide if you'd be able to live with this or not.  I've definitely dated guys who were not the model of physical attractiveness, who had things about their looks that I found physically unattractive, but I didn't care because I'm not the type of person that places a huge emphasis on looks.  I actually *don't* want to date a Brad Pitt type, it would probably make me uncomfortable.  But you need to decide whether this is something you can overlook and live with, and you should decide soon.  It's perfectly fine if you decide that the answer is no.  Just break it off asap and don't string him along, if you decide that the answer is no.

[Wiseman2]

You're not physically attracted, even if there is some type of chemistry.  At some point you'll have to tell him you're not a match.

[Weezy1973]

OP what I’m hearing is you are enjoying spending time with this guy, and you do get physically aroused with him. You also seem to be a great match. 
 

You don’t know, if when it comes to getting naked together and having sex, whether or not his less than appealing body would ruin the physical chemistry that exists now. 

1. He has that same body now, and there’s physical chemistry.

2. You don’t know if you’ll stay attracted to him or if it will fade. Considering all the other great characteristics and him being a great match, is it worth taking the chance? 
 

Now if you actually do know that seeing his body will eliminate the physical attraction from your side, then yes best to end it. But if you genuinely don’t know, then I’d give it a chance. You might be surprised.

[Lotsgoingon]

Most likely you can't happily date this guy.

Sexual arousal can occur even if someone has a dumpy body. Sexual blahness can occur even if someone has a slamming body. I can't tell: is you reaction to his body more of a chuckle? Or a visceral reaction of ugly!

I once started to date a woman who had been a friend. We had amazing sex. But I didn't think she was at all pretty. Now I don't need pretty. I just need to be able to get joy from looking at the person's face.  Hate to say it, but I was almost embarrassed to introduce her to people as my gf. I caught myself and stopped things from progressing. 

Question: would you be embarrassed in public with this guy? If so, you have to end things.

There is a middle ground that you want to have in a relationship. It's the space between kissing and sex. If that middle ground isn't enjoyable, the relationship will have trouble. 

BTW: these are NOT superficial issues. 

[smackie9]

It doesn't work..it's part of the attraction...you only have 75%. Attraction is face, body, and personality....need all 3.

[ThereSheGoes]

I have been attracted to people who I didn't find physically attractive per se, but I loved everything about them, including our sexual chemistry.  It could be that you're just now getting your groove back, and you're just interested in sex in general these days, but not exactly with him. You have to decide if his body is really THAT big of a deal for you.

[endlessabyss]

Thread title makes no sense, but laughed so hard at the OP's critique of her loves skinny-fat physique 

Sounds like the guy has a bloated middle, mostly consisting of sodium, water and fat, with little twigs attached to it lol.

 

Just thinking about this makes me want to not eat for a couple of weeks.

Edited November 22, 2020 by endlessabyss

[endlessabyss]

 

5 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Most likely you can't happily date this guy.

Sexual arousal can occur even if someone has a dumpy body. Sexual blahness can occur even if someone has a slamming body. I can't tell: is you reaction to his body more of a chuckle? Or a visceral reaction of ugly!

I once started to date a woman who had been a friend. We had amazing sex. But I didn't think she was at all pretty. Now I don't need pretty. I just need to be able to get joy from looking at the person's face.  Hate to say it, but I was almost embarrassed to introduce her to people as my gf. I caught myself and stopped things from progressing. 

Question: would you be embarrassed in public with this guy? If so, you have to end things.

There is a middle ground that you want to have in a relationship. It's the space between kissing and sex. If that middle ground isn't enjoyable, the relationship will have trouble. 

BTW: these are NOT superficial issues. 

Brutal 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Stret said:

His big round belly on a unathletic and thin body is something I think I would have to work hard to look away from if we were ever to have sex. 

 

[endlessabyss]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

 

 

[MsJayne]

I'm totally confused. How can you have amazing physical chemistry with someone if you find them so repulsive that you'd have to look away if you were naked?  And how do you know you have amazing physical chemistry if you've never had sex? If you've kissed and it was fabulous, why would it be different with your clothes off? Sounds like he has what we affectionately call a "beer gut" here in Australia, which disappears if the owner stops drinking beer and eating rubbish food.  We have a joke about beer guts, some guys have a six pack, some guys have the whole bottle shop. Maybe you could steer him away from consuming stuff which causes the bottle shop. 

[dangerous]

Maye its lockdown body, and he will go to the gym soon? lol

[Stret]

Thanks to everyone who replied, but for one person that kind was insulting him about it. No need to do that. 
I am too confused. I am not an inexperienced young 20 yrs old any more and this caught me completely off guard. 

I have had guys around for a long time, some very attractive physically and good people, but did not turn me on anywhere near the way he does. Shoot me. 

[Weezy1973]

I’ll add that I dated a woman that had a double mastectomy due to breast cancer and feared seeing her naked would be a turn off as well, even though we had great chemistry when we were fully clothed. 
 

Soon enough it got to that point, and the attraction didn’t diminish. Still the same chemistry. 

[endlessabyss]

3 hours ago, Stret said:

Thanks to everyone who replied, but for one person that kind was insulting him about it. No need to do that. 
I am too confused. I am not an inexperienced young 20 yrs old any more and this caught me completely off guard. 

I have had guys around for a long time, some very attractive physically and good people, but did not turn me on anywhere near the way he does. Shoot me. 

Just rub his belly and make amends with it in your mind 

[La.Primavera]

My advice would be to sleep with him sooner rather than later to figure out if the chemistry is legit.  If it is, you'll have to figure that out as you go.  If it isn't, at least you won't waste him time or force yourself to keep dating someone you are on the fence about.

I think it is worth giving things a try if you really like the guy.

[Miss Spider]

I’ve never been on the fence about whether I want to F somebody. Sometimes I don’t recognize my privileges. 

[Emilie Jolie]

9 hours ago, Stret said:

We are a great match

 

9 hours ago, Stret said:

But

Not the best premise. Maybe he came into your life to awaken your senses, as it were , and you are actually destined for friendship?

If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it - not good putting you both through it if you have reservations or you're not fully in.

That said, could it be you're not as ready as you thought you were and something is holding you back from progressing - his physical appearance being an excuse for you not to take things further?

[Ami1uwant]

This is a serious question....

 

what are you defining as physical chemistry?

 

you seem to have emotional chemistry.

 

physical chemistry is the idea of being physically attracted to the person.  
 

with some it might be you are attracted to their body but aren’t attracted to their face. Or their face and upper body is attractive but you don’t like their but/waitstaff/belly area.

 

onetime I dated a woman.  She was attractive but there was something odd with her physically that stuck out with me.  This was over 20 years ago. It ne er got to the point of being an issue. This relationship didn’t last long enough to find out what it was. Given what I know now I bet it had to do with her likely losing a lot of weight.

[LivingWaterPlease]

You're not attracted to him.  This has happened to me before. I had to walk away because I knew it was just me wanting to be physical and there were aspects of the guy (OK, it's happened to me several times, I won't lie) I really liked that got me revved up. There just was something (in some cases more than one thing) about these guys I found unattractive.

The worst thing you can do, IMO because I've done it, is to get physical with him to test it out. You already know his belly bothers you. If it bothers you now I don't believe your perspective will change. That's just me, though. Others may have had a different experience.

 

Edited November 23, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease