OLD, have you ever felt a connection and they didn't?

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

100% agree ^^^^

I second that! Very well said shortskirts, wow!! :

[Lotsgoingon]

So, he's about to move, he meets you and he quite likes you. He thinks you're attractive. He opens up to a certain degree. Doesn't mean he's made the decision that he wants to date you.

I could have 12 hours of fun and good sex with all kinds of women I wouldn't necessarily want to date. The conversation is good and for whatever reason, I don't feel like holding back, sure. Doesn't mean I think they're a "soulmate" or that I want to date them.

If I had a transcript of your conversations with this guy on the dates you talked all night, there’s a good chance I could point out how he was holding back. I can have great conversations with people that seem really intimate, but if I’m interested, I will say things about how much I like them for possible romance that are different than saying how much I like them as a person.

Now, the give away here is this: After the date we spoke on the phone for a week and planned to meet in 2 weeks due to work schedules. He disappeared for a week, and I thought he ghosted me. Then a week later he reached out to set up a date. I didn't question his absence, I went with the flow.

If someone disappears for a week, it's over. Ironclad rule. No way.  No one who is really interested does that, and if they do, then they lack the capacity for a real relationship.  And you never want to avoid questioning someone's absence. Never ignore an absence or silence after a date. Never give someone a pass. Never. NEVER! That's an action that speaks louder and clearer than any amount of fun time you spent with him. And let's say the relationship with this guy resumed. Well, you've already shown him that you're a pushover and that he could disappear and come back and you'll be fine. So he'll do that again and again. 

When someone disappears after what seems like a great connection, it's painful. You don't want to really face it. You have to. That's a sign they're not interested.

 

 

Edited November 22, 2020 by Lotsgoingon

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Spending 12 hours on a first date implies you have few or no friends, hobbies or other plans--even if this is not the case at all.

Sex on the first date implies that having casual sex with men you don't really know is normal for you. Whether it's true or not, few people believe the "I don't usually do this" line.

A real connection takes time. You don't even start seeing the real person until 3-4 months in. Yes, he laughed a lot and told interesting stories during the 12 hours, but have you seen him when he's angry, sick, stressed or tired? 

I think what happens in situations like this is that we notice a few cool things about a person, and our mind starts filling in the blanks with all sorts of fantasies.

What a coincidence that he suddenly  figured out after sex that his moving would get in the way of pursuing things with you. 

If you delete him from social media and meet others, you should be able to quickly move on. 

[poppyfields]

How are we defining "connection" here?   3 or 4 months?  

For me and the men with whom there was that mutual connection, it was almost immediate. 

With my fiance, it was maybe 5 minutes tops within laying eyes on each other at the bar.  And he kissed me within 30 minutes and it was the most natural thing in the world. 

So recently I had an opportunity to watch the movie "You've Got Mail" with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan AGAIN.  One of my favs!

Two people in committed relationships chatting on-line.  No exchange of pics.  No disclosure of names, job etc. 

But yet they "connected" just from chatting on line.  

They eventually ended their relationships and when they finally met in person, at the park I might add going back to the "men who make little effort on first meet" thread, it took them like one minute to connect!   And kissed immediately thereafter. 

Okay I know it's just a movie but that's how it's happened for me!  In real life.  Just like that!  Exactly.  Feeling that mutual connection on line first, then meeting and feeling it in person. 

Yes I realize it takes a few months to get to know your partner but that energy, vibing, chemistry, connection, however one wishes to define, has typically been immediate or very close to.  Not months.  

 

[Wiseman2]

Not every fun adventure has to turn into a relationship. Enjoy.

[yesilikebread]

Hello,

 

Firstly I want to say you seem lovely, and you deserve someone who sees you and all of you.

 

Secondly, this reminds me a lot of someone I met a few years ago, I thought we had a very intense connection to the point where after splitting up with him I told people that ‘I would never feel the same way again’, which obviously is not true, and now I’m kind of vary of intense instant connections like this, I feel it may often be love bombing.

 

He said all the right things and we spent about a month together, then he left and didn’t understand why, I thought there was something wrong with me, I thought ‘surely he is afraid of his feelings’, but of course now I feel someone who really likes me doesn’t treat me the way he treated me. I spent many many months crying over this man, and although some would consider this a waste of time, in hindsight I’m happy I met him, it taught me how to treat myself (months afterwards of course). But hey, we live and we learn

 

I’m not saying your connection isn’t real, and I have also had great connections on first dates, but this sounds so much like what I went through, and I’ve always told myself that when I come across something like this I need to share.

Please don’t wait for him. Get your emotions out, yes, but please don’t wait for him for months like I did.

 

You will meet a great guy.

All the best to you x

[notyouraveragebabe]

4 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

I think a lot of guys are shockingly very traditional in their thinking.  Meaning that even though it's 2020, they don't really place a high priority on your financial wellbeing as far as being attracted by it (congratulations though---i'm in SoCal too so I know it's an accomplishment!).  I don't think it's a deterrent but is probably far down the list as far as what gets a guy's chemistry going--a bonus if you have it but not a prime factor.  Actually it's a bit of a biological fact that "in general" a lot of guys are motivated by competition from other males and feeling like you are a prize that other guys want (probably especially as far as initial attraction time frame goes).  So if your good lifestyle via your career and financial well being allows you to be highly selective and enjoy life putting yourself on a pedestal and he can see that, that's a good thing (more so than the financial wellbeing alone--if you are sitting there pining it makes no real difference to the average guy IMO). 

Also along the same lines of the very traditional thinking, so many of my guy friends and guys I've talked to have that double standard of if you hook up with them too fast, their mind goes to "well I can't be that special or maybe she does this easily with other guys".  I think of them would be hard pressed to even admit it to themselves up front before something physical happens with you (or any girl they are dating) but after the fact they just don't feel that special about the whole thing.  

People get mad at the "hard to get thing".  But rather than the game playing aspect, try to teach those that are new into your life that you are worth something.  Probably easiest to default to the safest, clearest way to communicate that (by holding back a bit) because it's kind of a first impression really.  Also importantly since they are virtually a stranger to you, you don't really know how their thinking pattern works on this subject.  I've been shocked about which guy friends say they feel like that (or you can tell that's what screwed up with some cool girl they were dating) and which ones are more open-minded.  I don't think there is really any true way to know which will be which guy.  especially since they don't even know themselves or can't put their finger on exactly the reason (but really this plays a big part).  I think rather than get caught up in trying to worry about their obscure thinking patterns, better to just treat yourself like a prize who access is not granted easily.  You said it yourself: you have a lot going for you--so why should just any guy have access to you and your life?  Especially if you are looking for a relationship, you probably need to gather more info than you can get in the first date or 3.  I've seen it backfire on so many girlfriends, just like your story and work well for no extra special reason other than having a little patience.  It's a shame because you know probably some people who would be great together are not together for this simple reason.  Desperation is a huge turnoff and even though you are just rolling with it and going with the flow of the evening (and it is 2020!) unfortunately guys can be very simple minded about this--not their fault, they are biologically hardwired like that. And you said it yourself, when someone appears to revolve their life around you it's a no go.  

Did your guy recently break up with someone or what is his dating life like?  lol, then I can guess if he will be back.  I think btw you should live your life without hoping he will be

Hes been single for 2 months.

[MsJayne]

He's a player, the type who likes to leave a trail of brokenhearted women weeping in his wake. He may come across as Mr Charming but underneath he's Mr I-Use-Women, and the best thing you could do is block and delete. 

[Versacehottie]

1 hour ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

Hes been single for 2 months.

oooooh wow....I would say this is the absolute danger zone...especially with his LIFE situation of moving and buying a house.  So 2 months after he broke it off with last girlfriend (especially if she dumped him or he didn't want the breakup necessarily), he's probably flip-flopping back and forth constantly wondering IF the right thing happened with them or thinking "i'm going to really enjoy being single now!".  I'll also bet if he was serious with her or had at one point been planning a future with her, the fact that he bought a house is something he would like to show off to her.  It's like becoming a real man and her opinion of him probably still matters even if he doesn't want to be with her (and most likely he's wavering on that inside his head).

Also you spoke of the real connection you had.  Personally I think a lot of people make too huge a deal of rebounding because people move on sometimes.  However, in this time frame WITH the life things going on, I kind of think he might be able to access his thoughts and form a connection with you AS IF he was almost talking to his ex, which makes it seem like you had a really deep connection to you...and literally might make him miss her because his life is changing so much with things he imagined her being a part of and you are there for comparison.  It doesn't at all mean you are less than or you might even be a better match but he's not probably evaluating that genuinely with you in mind.  

Whether a guy chooses a breakup or not, I think the ego takes a hit (actually that goes for both M/F).  But they typically have less of a way to get the emotion out and thus get over it.  They might genuinely spend the first 6 months to a year playing around not even dealing with the hurt they feel.  Whereas a girl has her girlfriends and can typically emote it out of her system.  Just giving generalizations but I'd be surprised if a lot of elements don't apply.

Secondly, let's assume he was OVER her. He just spent xyz amount of time tied down.  And he might genuinely want to feel that freedom, especially with the changes he's got going in his life.  In which case, a girl who is really into him and seems quite open to a relationship is like the worst thing he could encounter.  Because he won't want to be tied down--doesn't match the plans he had for after this breakup.  Often a guy can be BOTH the first and this second scenario because they are hurt, ego bruised and they don't want to take a chance again for a while...until they've been single for a while and start to get bored with that.  

Within this crucial time period, I think safe to say, it's still 50/50 if you will hear from him again...well in a serious dating way. Guys always like to pop back up--will he be serious about it?  That's another matter altogether.  I don't think he was genuinely "considering" you.  Sounds like he's running from the things he doesn't want, toward the things he does want, which is right now, only a "change", no girlfriend in the picture.  Hard to believe that after only 2 months that she is not on his mind too--so I think he has some loose ends to tie up emotionally before you would hear from him.  Keep him on mute if you can manage that.  Live your life.  See how you feel if and when he does contact you.  Good luck

[Miss Spider]

Yea he probably wants to play the field for awhile. 2 months is a short time. 
 

 

[peach302]

17 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

Exactly!!!! 
we spent so much time together, the next day we spent 20 hours together. I know most guys after sex just bail. We cuddled the entire night and talked. 
I know he was into me. He was super attracted to me. I think  him getting approve for the house made him decide to bail, plus it was too fast. Also, he didn’t ghost because we have a mutual friend. 

He knew getting the house would be a possiblity from the start. 

He may have been attracted to you but also would have known that he couldnt  start something with someone if he may be moving away. Therefore i think he enjoyed his time and decided to hang out and have fun before moving...but it was probably nothing more than that. 

[notyouraveragebabe]

9 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

So, he's about to move, he meets you and he quite likes you. He thinks you're attractive. He opens up to a certain degree. Doesn't mean he's made the decision that he wants to date you.

I could have 12 hours of fun and good sex with all kinds of women I wouldn't necessarily want to date. The conversation is good and for whatever reason, I don't feel like holding back, sure. Doesn't mean I think they're a "soulmate" or that I want to date them.

If I had a transcript of your conversations with this guy on the dates you talked all night, there’s a good chance I could point out how he was holding back. I can have great conversations with people that seem really intimate, but if I’m interested, I will say things about how much I like them for possible romance that are different than saying how much I like them as a person.

Now, the give away here is this: After the date we spoke on the phone for a week and planned to meet in 2 weeks due to work schedules. He disappeared for a week, and I thought he ghosted me. Then a week later he reached out to set up a date. I didn't question his absence, I went with the flow.

If someone disappears for a week, it's over. Ironclad rule. No way.  No one who is really interested does that, and if they do, then they lack the capacity for a real relationship.  And you never want to avoid questioning someone's absence. Never ignore an absence or silence after a date. Never give someone a pass. Never. NEVER! That's an action that speaks louder and clearer than any amount of fun time you spent with him. And let's say the relationship with this guy resumed. Well, you've already shown him that you're a pushover and that he could disappear and come back and you'll be fine. So he'll do that again and again. 

When someone disappears after what seems like a great connection, it's painful. You don't want to really face it. You have to. That's a sign they're not interested.

 

 

We were talking everyday on the phone, the day he received noticed of the house, he disappeared. Made me believe he freaked out cus he’s moving. He seem genuinely interested. He spent hours on the phone. I don’t really talk on the phone if I’m not interested. 
Just think the move made him end things, cus now he will live in his hometown and probably will meet someone closer to him online. He’s a hot fireman, he has options. He’s a 34 year old bachelor, I don’t think he wants to commit, and he knew my intentions were being serious. I expressed to him I am looking for a serious relationship. 

[notyouraveragebabe]

5 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

oooooh wow....I would say this is the absolute danger zone...especially with his LIFE situation of moving and buying a house.  So 2 months after he broke it off with last girlfriend (especially if she dumped him or he didn't want the breakup necessarily), he's probably flip-flopping back and forth constantly wondering IF the right thing happened with them or thinking "i'm going to really enjoy being single now!".  I'll also bet if he was serious with her or had at one point been planning a future with her, the fact that he bought a house is something he would like to show off to her.  It's like becoming a real man and her opinion of him probably still matters even if he doesn't want to be with her (and most likely he's wavering on that inside his head).

Also you spoke of the real connection you had.  Personally I think a lot of people make too huge a deal of rebounding because people move on sometimes.  However, in this time frame WITH the life things going on, I kind of think he might be able to access his thoughts and form a connection with you AS IF he was almost talking to his ex, which makes it seem like you had a really deep connection to you...and literally might make him miss her because his life is changing so much with things he imagined her being a part of and you are there for comparison.  It doesn't at all mean you are less than or you might even be a better match but he's not probably evaluating that genuinely with you in mind.  

Whether a guy chooses a breakup or not, I think the ego takes a hit (actually that goes for both M/F).  But they typically have less of a way to get the emotion out and thus get over it.  They might genuinely spend the first 6 months to a year playing around not even dealing with the hurt they feel.  Whereas a girl has her girlfriends and can typically emote it out of her system.  Just giving generalizations but I'd be surprised if a lot of elements don't apply.

Secondly, let's assume he was OVER her. He just spent xyz amount of time tied down.  And he might genuinely want to feel that freedom, especially with the changes he's got going in his life.  In which case, a girl who is really into him and seems quite open to a relationship is like the worst thing he could encounter.  Because he won't want to be tied down--doesn't match the plans he had for after this breakup.  Often a guy can be BOTH the first and this second scenario because they are hurt, ego bruised and they don't want to take a chance again for a while...until they've been single for a while and start to get bored with that.  

Within this crucial time period, I think safe to say, it's still 50/50 if you will hear from him again...well in a serious dating way. Guys always like to pop back up--will he be serious about it?  That's another matter altogether.  I don't think he was genuinely "considering" you.  Sounds like he's running from the things he doesn't want, toward the things he does want, which is right now, only a "change", no girlfriend in the picture.  Hard to believe that after only 2 months that she is not on his mind too--so I think he has some loose ends to tie up emotionally before you would hear from him.  Keep him on mute if you can manage that.  Live your life.  See how you feel if and when he does contact you.  Good luck

Very true, I was shocked to hear he broke up with her recently. He seemed so in love with her. I was friends with him on ig 3 years ago, we matched in the past before online, but never went out.  He started dating his ex   and unfriended me.  After  they broke up he matched with me again (3 years later). All her pics were deleted, but he moved pretty quickly with her to a relationship.....from what I remembered. Within 3 months they traveled and posted pics together. I also dated someone from online. He mentioned seeing my pics with him. we happen to both get single at the same time and rematched online. That’s why I think we had such a connection. 

Edited November 23, 2020 by notyouraveragebabe

[mortensorchid]

I'm sorry.  But if it makes you feel any better, you are not the only one who has been in this situation.  I wish I had a dollar for every man who has ever pulled things like this on me.  One was about ten years ago, he was a player who juggled women I found out.  He married the woman he had on the side of me and as far as I know he's still married to her.  And I unfriended him.  It made me feel better.

Life goes on.  You'll be okay.

[LivingWaterPlease]

47 minutes ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

 I expressed to him I am looking for a serious relationship. 

Being just broken up for two months this may have been a little too much for him to hear. I probably wouldn't ever tell a guy that because I think they might fill in a blank so that it sounds like, "I'm looking for a serious relationship - with you!" Even though that's not what you said. Couple that with having sex on the first date and it's a little much for some guys, IMO.

It would be hard for me to hear a guy tell me he's looking for a serious relationship on the first date.

[Miss Spider]

My one of my ex bf went on a kill spree couple months after we broke up. It’s common behavior for people after break ups to boost their ego or replace the lost intimacy. If you’re looking for a serious relationship I think you should avoid people who are recently out of a long term dating situation, as their emotions probably haven’t settled. 

Edited November 23, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Commongoal123]

56 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

My one of my ex bf went on a kill spree couple months after we broke up. It’s common behavior for people after break ups to boost their ego or replace the lost intimacy. If you’re looking for a serious relationship I think you should avoid people who are recently out of a long term dating situation, as their emotions probably haven’t settled. 

What she said.  And if recently separated, divorced, or coming out of a multi year serious relationship, "recently" should be considered at least a year... in some cases 2.  In some cases 7.  The longer the better I think because it shows a sense of inner security.  Puddle jumping relationships and hooking up randomly usually does not.  Unless thats all they're gonna keep doing, which will give them a false sense of it.  Keyword "usually".

Edited November 23, 2020 by Commongoal123

[ThereSheGoes]

So I was right. Dude was just looking for a non-committed jump off.

[Tigzz]

Some interesting theories from women about how a man's mind works. Let me clear a few of them up.

This 'connection' you had is nothing special. I've lost count how many women I have met and felt such a great connection.. and I always thought "This is so amazing, I will never have this kind of connection with someone else" until.... I did. And again, and again, and again. Not necessarily the same connection, sometimes different, sometimes better. So there are probably thousands, if not millions of other men in the world you will feel a 'connection' to. Nothing special about this 'connection'.

Someone posted that no guy would spend 12 hours on a date if he wasn't truly interested. Oh yes we would. We would spend 24hrs on a date if there was a guarantee of sex at the end.

You gave up your booty way too soon. In a man's mind when a woman does this, our first thought is "Ok well I have 'conquered' her. I don't need to put in the extra effort any more, I've reached my aim, to sleep with her. I can now decide whether I want to pursue anything more serious or not. I'm in control of the situation". As well as "If she gives it up so fast for me, does she do the same to every other guy she meets? That's not the kind of future wife I want to have". If you want something serious with a guy, try to wait in future. Make sure they are worth it before getting access to your body.

Recently (2 months) single = I want to hit as much booty as possible, preferably all different, before I commit to only one again. Recently single + meeting up with an old 'interest' from years ago = I have a much better chance of getting into her knickers than someone random I meet for the first time. If something serious was to happen between you two, it would have happened before instead of deleting each other etc.

You might be reading this and thinking the guy is a ****, but actually he did the right thing by telling you it's going nowhere. He wanted to have a bit of fun before moving house, and you seemed to go along with it no questions asked. He could have carried it on a bit longer but fair play to him, he thought about your feelings, not just his, so you should give him a little bit of credit for that.

If he truly wanted to be with you, was head over heels for you, then distance would not even be an issue, because as someone mentioned when a man meets a woman that they know are special, they will under no circumstances give another man the chance to scoop you up.

Short version: He's just not that into you.

[Lotsgoingon]

A guy who is interested in a woman wouldn't let buying a house block him communicating with a woman. 

[Wiseman2]

Having a "magical" long exciting hookup is fine. It means you're alive and well.

However try not to build this up into a happily ever after Cinderella story.

You both did nothing wrong and shared some great moments together.

At some level you know following on social media doesn't mean anything.

Think of this as simply crossing paths for a few hours.

 

[Versacehottie]

8 hours ago, Tigzz said:

Some interesting theories from women about how a man's mind works. Let me clear a few of them up.

This 'connection' you had is nothing special. I've lost count how many women I have met and felt such a great connection.. and I always thought "This is so amazing, I will never have this kind of connection with someone else" until.... I did. And again, and again, and again. Not necessarily the same connection, sometimes different, sometimes better. So there are probably thousands, if not millions of other men in the world you will feel a 'connection' to. Nothing special about this 'connection'.

Someone posted that no guy would spend 12 hours on a date if he wasn't truly interested. Oh yes we would. We would spend 24hrs on a date if there was a guarantee of sex at the end.

You gave up your booty way too soon. In a man's mind when a woman does this, our first thought is "Ok well I have 'conquered' her. I don't need to put in the extra effort any more, I've reached my aim, to sleep with her. I can now decide whether I want to pursue anything more serious or not. I'm in control of the situation". As well as "If she gives it up so fast for me, does she do the same to every other guy she meets? That's not the kind of future wife I want to have". If you want something serious with a guy, try to wait in future. Make sure they are worth it before getting access to your body.

Recently (2 months) single = I want to hit as much booty as possible, preferably all different, before I commit to only one again. Recently single + meeting up with an old 'interest' from years ago = I have a much better chance of getting into her knickers than someone random I meet for the first time. If something serious was to happen between you two, it would have happened before instead of deleting each other etc.

You might be reading this and thinking the guy is a ****, but actually he did the right thing by telling you it's going nowhere. He wanted to have a bit of fun before moving house, and you seemed to go along with it no questions asked. He could have carried it on a bit longer but fair play to him, he thought about your feelings, not just his, so you should give him a little bit of credit for that.

If he truly wanted to be with you, was head over heels for you, then distance would not even be an issue, because as someone mentioned when a man meets a woman that they know are special, they will under no circumstances give another man the chance to scoop you up.

Short version: He's just not that into you.

I agree with the majority of what you said.  See bolded  (of all sentences except the last) that this is how, in general, I believe a guy would be thinking under these circumstances at these stages.  The only part I don't agree with is the last bolded paragraph.  I think sometimes people have a plan in mind for their life especially when it involves big changes like a move or home purchase where they just won't let another person IN to their life at that time.  Even after a date or two, if he's not open to the possibility AND all the other factors at hand, like his mind is just not open to it.  So I don't agree with the ABSOLUTE of a statement like that though I do agree with the generalization.. That in general if person is into you and the connection was already formed, they wouldn't let distance get in the way---though it's debatable that a connection is truly formed only 2 dates in on his end, fresh out of a breakup.  I think this guy blocked that chance of the connection really going any further, along with all the other things, including the possibility that he's not that into the OP and/or not over his ex.  She didn't really get a fair shot.  But to be real, the "solution" is the same, no matter his reason.  She has to go on living her life like he's not going to be in it. 

For the record, I have at least twice, maybe even three times, been about to move and specifically did not pursue things with a great guy. And I'm not even against long distance relationships (which I have also done)--it just did not fit what I had in mind for my life at that point in time.  Ironically similar to the OP, have dated a guy when it was too soon for him after his heartbreak/being on the rebound (i didn't quite know this or the extent of it although we knew each other via friends though I found out eventually), only to have him reappear sincerely when he was truly over it.   So while it might not be the likely scenario, it is possible--having lived it.  I would say that the right thing for her to do IMO is to move forward as you said, as if he's not into her.  That just protects HER best interests.  And I agree, you have spelled out quite clearly what a guy is typically thinking when people sleep together too soon or they are newly single--girls should pay attention to this.  I always listen pretty intently when my guy friends are telling me their stories

Edited November 23, 2020 by Versacehottie

[Versacehottie]

11 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

We were talking everyday on the phone, the day he received noticed of the house, he disappeared. Made me believe he freaked out cus he’s moving. He seem genuinely interested. He spent hours on the phone. I don’t really talk on the phone if I’m not interested. 
Just think the move made him end things, cus now he will live in his hometown and probably will meet someone closer to him online. He’s a hot fireman, he has options. He’s a 34 year old bachelor, I don’t think he wants to commit, and he knew my intentions were being serious. I expressed to him I am looking for a serious relationship. 

I believe livingwater please said this...^^^^^ bolded I would not recommend saying this to really any guy definitely until you are many dates in.  I'd probably even take it a step further and let him bring it up! Why?  Because you show them that you are girlfriend material with your actions.  You verify that they are boyfriend material through HIS actions.  It's effectively a meaningless statement and almost hurts the goal type statement.  It absolutely is always conditonal....if he's OPEN to a serious relationship, it's STILL conditional the part "with who".  And same for you.  Each person is always going to vet the other person's suitability for them--the fact that they are "looking for a serious relationship" as a statement upfront is useless IMO.

If you lay it out on the table like that from sentence one, sleep with him on the first date, and act goo-goo-ga-ga over him all it serves as is a pressure cooker--cause at the back of his mind is that statement.  He knows what you want and it's a ticking timebomb.  It's an obligation.  That each additional date brings him closer to further "obligation" rather than something he CHOOSES and hopes he can win you over for.  You want to be a happy CHOICE & a prize.

I'm not saying to pretend you are not the serious relationship type and not saying to say the opposite.  Probably best to just have fun and see where it goes.  Though in your mind, uphold serious relationship type behavior so spending time and more time with you is something he needs to put boyfriend type behavior toward in order to earn that spot in your life.  It's not game playing--it's truly how you should allow access into your life.  Think 10 times over if it's some guy that is a good looking macho(-ish) guy who has no trouble with women.  How do you demonstrate that you are special and different than what he can easily get?  By being different than he can easily get.

[Versacehottie]

11 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

Very true, I was shocked to hear he broke up with her recently. He seemed so in love with her. I was friends with him on ig 3 years ago, we matched in the past before online, but never went out.  He started dating his ex   and unfriended me.  After  they broke up he matched with me again (3 years later). All her pics were deleted, but he moved pretty quickly with her to a relationship.....from what I remembered. Within 3 months they traveled and posted pics together. I also dated someone from online. He mentioned seeing my pics with him. we happen to both get single at the same time and rematched online. That’s why I think we had such a connection. 

I'll admit that i'm a little confused if it was one or two ex-girlfriends you mean in the time since you've known him.  It doesn't really matter, what does matter is the bolded.  He probably is still processing those feelings and the breakup, no matter what his current dating situation is, I'd bet he's not truly open for the next serious thing.

The second bolded thing is kind of telling.  He moves on quickly. To me, that sounds like someone who is on the rebound and perhaps replaces people quickly without processing the emotions.  More like substitutions. Even the fact that he is online (both times) quickly after a serious breakup indicates that he substitutes to probably AVOID feeling the pain, boost up his ego & replace some of the good feelings of dating/having a girlfriend.  But it's hard to measure up because you are being compared. You would just be a placeholder really.  That's what I would guess is going on with him (and is very typical).

Again, if he is pretty adept at relationships (sounds like he is), he can make a connection seem genuine pretty realistically and quickly, because he is substituting what he would do with his ex (as far as conversation) and replicating some of that stuff (consciously or unconsciously) on those first dates/conversations.  He's probably eager to fill that void...until he gets scared, freaked out, or no longer feels the challenge or has to face that you are not her.  I don't necessarily think he did it maliciously or on purpose.  It's just something that is common for a decent amount of people on the rebound. 

Hang in there & good luck.

[Lotsgoingon]

2 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

... he can make a connection seem genuine pretty realistically and quickly, because he is substituting what he would do with his ex (as far as conversation) and replicating some of that stuff (consciously or unconsciously) on those first dates/conversations. 

This is genius.

Edited November 23, 2020 by Lotsgoingon