OLD, have you ever felt a connection and they didn't?

[notyouraveragebabe]

So, I went on 2 dates with a man I met online, but we already knew each other through a mutual good friend (who is his partner work). We had such a great connection, our first date lasted 12 hours, we just laid at the beach and stared at the stars and talked/laughed all night. I usually don't hook up on the first date, but we had such an amazing connection, so I did.   He spent the night and we slept in and then had 2 hours of pillow talk. 

After the date we spoke on the phone for a week and planned to meet in 2 weeks due to work schedules. He disappeared for a week, and I thought he ghosted me. Then a week later he reached out to set up a date. I didn't question his absence, I went with the flow. On the second date, I asked him why he was so quiet for a week, he said he was busy with work & buying his house.  I was really happy for him, but low key sad, cus its 2.5 hours away from where I live. We had another great date, laughed all night again. I was interested and wanted to see him again. He texted me the next day and told me this.....

 

Hey (my name),  I'm not feeling a strong connection between us and with me moving soon I think its best if we go out separate ways before feelings get caught. Good Luck with your new job!

I thanked him for letting me know, and wished him luck too with his new home.

 

Broke my heart. I really liked the guy. We had so much fun. I thought the connection was amazing. So I guess I was laughing and having a great time by myself- he wasn't feeling me  . Just wondered why he didn't like me back? Was it cus I gave the booty too soon?  

 

We still follow each other on social media, he's doing great and moving into his new home. And I'm busy with my new career and he is watching all my stories. Should I delete him?

 

"

Edited November 22, 2020 by notyouraveragebabe
add more details

[ThereSheGoes]

1. Yes you should delete him.

2. He knew you weren't the right girl for him on that first date, but booty is booty to a guy, and if a girl is offering, he's going to take it, regardless on connection or attraction. Sounds like he was trying to go for round two before he left, and when that didn't happen, he ended things. I will say this, though; he could have easily ghosted you, but he had some level of integrity to tell you the truth.

 

I'm sorry, girl. This happens to me all the time. It's just one of the things about dating. You take a lot of hits, before you reach a win.

[notyouraveragebabe]

5 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said:

1. Yes you should delete him.

2. He knew you weren't the right girl for him on that first date, but booty is booty to a guy, and if a girl is offering, he's going to take it, regardless on connection or attraction. Sounds like he was trying to go for round two before he left, and when that didn't happen, he ended things. I will say this, though; he could have easily ghosted you, but he had some level of integrity to tell you the truth.

 

I'm sorry, girl. This happens to me all the time. It's just one of the things about dating. You take a lot of hits, before you reach a win.

I needed to hear this. I just thought it was something I said or did on the second date. What an ass. I think you may be right, he wasn't that into me on the first date that's why he ghosted for a week. Then he reached out to hang out again, probably hoping to sleep with me again.

[Trail Blazer]

2 minutes ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

I needed to hear this. I just thought it was something I said or did on the second date. What an ass. I think you may be right, he wasn't that into me on the first date that's why he ghosted for a week. Then he reached out to hang out again, probably hoping to sleep with me again.

When did you learn of him purchasing a house 2.5 hours away from you? 

Surely his plans to relocate to this new location would have preceded your first date.  He wouldn't have purchased a house that far away on impulse.

If I have this correct, he had planned to move away for some time and you filled the void of his last month before relocating somewhere else in the state.

[notyouraveragebabe]

1 minute ago, Trail Blazer said:

When did you learn of him purchasing a house 2.5 hours away from you? 

Surely his plans to relocate to this new location would have preceded your first date.  He wouldn't have purchased a house that far away on impulse.

If I have this correct, he had planned to move away for some time and you filled the void of his last month before relocating somewhere else in the state.

The home was already in process before we met. He told me on the first date he was waiting to hear back if he was approved for the home. If he was approved he will move January.  Later, while talking he mentioned he was approved and will move in January.

[Trail Blazer]

Just now, notyouraveragebabe said:

The home was already in process before we met. He told me on the first date he was waiting to hear back if he was approved for the home. If he was approved he will move January.  Later, while talking he mentioned he was approved and will move in January.

Upon hearing this news, how did you feel about the logisitcs of dating someone so far away?  

[poppyfields]

21 minutes ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

I needed to hear this. I just thought it was something I said or did on the second date. What an ass. I think you may be right, he wasn't that into me on the first date that's why he ghosted for a week. Then he reached out to hang out again, probably hoping to sleep with me again.

I wouldn't be so sure about that.  I mean 12 hours on the first date?  Two hours of pillow talk?  No, men who don't give a crap or even men who only want sex would not devote 12 hours to a first date like that.  That's insane!

I think he DID feel a connection, perhaps too much of a connection, and he did what many people do when things begin with such a force of intensity, they freak and bail.

That's why no matter how great a time you're having, you don't spend 12 hours together on the first date, nor is it wise to have sexual intimacy on the first date.

It's all happened too fast, too soon.  He freaked and now he's gone.

But hold on because he may be back!  If he does, then slow the hell down and proceed slowly and gradually. If this is to be the romance of the century, you have a century to get there.  If he begins moving fast again, it's up to you to slow him down.

Even if he doesn't return, this same advice holds true for the next guy.

And lesson learned.

 

 

Edited November 22, 2020 by poppyfields

[notyouraveragebabe]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I am wouldn't be too sure about that.  I mean 12 hours on the first date?  Two hours of pillow talk?  No, men who don't give a crap or even men who only want sex would not devote 12 hours to a first date like that.  That's insane!

I think he DID feel a connection, perhaps too much of a connection, and he did what many people do when things begin with such a force of intensity, they freak and bail.

That's why no matter how great a time you're having, you don't spend 12 hours together on the first date, nor is it wise to have sexual intimacy on the first date.

It's all happened too fast, too soon.  He freaked and now he's gone.

But hold on because he may be back!  If he does, then slow the hell down and proceed slowly and gradually. If this is to be the romance of the century, you have a century to get there.  If he begins moving fast again, it's up to you to slow him down.

Even if he doesn't return, this same advice holds true for the next guy.

And lesson learned.

 

 

Exactly!!!! 
we spent so much time together, the next day we spent 20 hours together. I know most guys after sex just bail. We cuddled the entire night and talked. 
I know he was into me. He was super attracted to me. I think  him getting approve for the house made him decide to bail, plus it was too fast. Also, he didn’t ghost because we have a mutual friend. 

[Trail Blazer]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

I am not too sure about that.  I mean 12 hours on the first date?  Two hours of pillow talk?  No, men who don't give a crap or even men who only want sex would not devote 12 hours to a first date like that.  That's insane!

I will get slammed for this, but I think he DID feel a connection, perhaps too much of a connection, and he did what many people do when things begin with such a force of intensity, they freak and bail.

That's why no matter how great a time you're having, you don't spend 12 hours together on the first date, nor is it wise to have sexual intimacy on the first date.

It's all happened too fast, too soon.  He freaked and now he's gone.

But hold on because he may be back!  If he does, then slow the hell down and proceed slowly and gradually. If this is to be the romance of the century, you have a century to get there.  If he begins moving fast again, it's up to you to slow him down.

Even if he doesn't return, this same advice holds true for the next guy.

And lesson learned.

 

 

He purchased a house 2.5 hours away.  He may well have treated it like a fling, but found he enjoyed the company a lot more than he expected.

Due to the impractical nature of living so far away, I cannot see anything coming of this dalliance. 

However, there's a chance that he might have attempted to make it something more if he wasn't soon-to-be locationally challenged.  Alas, it's all academic now...

[notyouraveragebabe]

13 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Upon hearing this news, how did you feel about the logisitcs of dating someone so far away?  

I felt like the connection was so real, I wouldn’t mind dating or moving to San Diego, a fun town where I can easily do travel nursing work. He also will still work in my city. He’s a firemen, so he will drive 2 days back to LA for work. 

[Trail Blazer]

1 minute ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

I felt like the connection was so real, I wouldn’t mind dating or moving to San Diego, a fun town where I can easily do travel nursing work. He also will still work in my city. He’s a firemen, so he will drive 2 days back to LA for work. 

If he does try to connect with you, just be mindful that if you hook up while he's in town, it's probably exactly what he wants.  A bit of booty while he's away from home.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

So, I went on 2 dates with a man I met online, but we already knew each other through a mutual good friend (who is his partner work). We had such a great connection, our first date lasted 12 hours, we just laid at the beach and stared at the stars and talked/laughed all night. I usually don't hook up on the first date, but we had such an amazing connection, so I did.   He spent the night and we slept in and then had 2 hours of pillow talk. 

After the date we spoke on the phone for a week and planned to meet in 2 weeks due to work schedules. He disappeared for a week, and I thought he ghosted me. Then a week later he reached out to set up a date. I didn't question his absence, I went with the flow. On the second date, I asked him why he was so quiet for a week, he said he was busy with work & buying his house.  I was really happy for him, but low key sad, cus its 2.5 hours away from where I live. We had another great date, laughed all night again. I was interested and wanted to see him again. He texted me the next day and told me this.....

 

Hey (my name),  I'm not feeling a strong connection between us and with me moving soon I think its best if we go out separate ways before feelings get caught. Good Luck with your new job!

I thanked him for letting me know, and wished him luck too with his new home.

 

Broke my heart. I really liked the guy. We had so much fun. I thought the connection was amazing. So I guess I was laughing and having a great time by myself- he wasn't feeling me  . Just wondered why he didn't like me back? Was it cus I gave the booty too soon?  

 

We still follow each other on social media, he's doing great and moving into his new home. And I'm busy with my new career and he is watching all my stories. Should I delete him?

 

"

Sorry to hear that. Why long distance? Is he married/in another relationship?

Immediately delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

He seems like a player.

In the future, date local men you can see regularly and make sure you've been to thier place before you start hosting out-of-town guys.

Make sure your screening criteria is local and suits you.  This is not about a lack of connection, unfortunately it's about a guy who pumps-and-dumps. 

The good news is your dating skills are improved  by knowing the precise MO of a player.

[Miss Spider]

I agree that he might be a player that only made you feel like there was a strong connection on his side. My guess is he was looking for something short term/ casual from the beginning and told you as much when he said he was moving away quite a distance in Jan. That’s his “out”. 

 

Edited November 22, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Versacehottie]

3 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

I felt like the connection was so real, I wouldn’t mind dating or moving to San Diego, a fun town where I can easily do travel nursing work. He also will still work in my city. He’s a firemen, so he will drive 2 days back to LA for work. 

Lots of good comments so far.  

I will just point out that besides the upcoming distance...that your thought process above ^^^ is probably a big part of the reason he bailed.  You guys went on 1-2 dates and he's just figuring out IF you could progress to a 3rd date, and you've already spelled out that you wouldn't mind moving to his new city (read:....for him).  People pick up on that vibe.  It's a little too much too soon for most people (especially guys) because it's not measured.  Like progressing at a regular, reasonable, more logical pace.  And then it makes them question, why is she jumping at this so quickly, doesn't she have her own life, is she desperate, what is going on here?  Connection or not, it does skew the perception of your "market value" (sorry, just talking generally) when this stuff happens.  That's why girls should play the game a bit more...and why wouldn't you want to vet who gets a spot in your life a bit more?  That's really the attitude guys look to see a little bit more: we all value what is not easy to get.  I don't mean by playing hard to get or playing games but think your life is important enough that one good date is not going to sway the course of all the other great things you have going on as well as other opportunities (dating and otherwise).  A person has to earn that spot into your life where you would change course for him.  If you can get that concept, you might understand why guys get so easily freaked out.

I'd also add with 2 huge life changes coming his way (move to new city and home purchase), he probably is very focused on those things alone and the opportunities that come with that. May want a bit of bachelor life with these new changes or just space to deal with it alone and not be tied down....especially to someone that is 2.5 hours away.  And even though you thought about the fact that you could see each other twice a week when he is in LA, I doubt he processed it like that.  

Sorry it's just a pretty common theme that happens typical guy thought process vs girl thought process.  Don't feel bad.  Also his disappearing for a week IMO was trying to set a pace he was fine with or lower expectations or make it casual.  I do believe you that there was probably a good connection there between you two. I think all you can do is take him at his word and maybe he will realize it. Which does happen occasionally.  I think you answered him perfectly when he broke it off.  Hmm, about deleting him...I'm 50/50 on it.  I think you have to align it with who you really are and how much seeing that he looks at your stories will affect you OR if you seeing he is dating someone or living his life will affect you.  You actually don't need to decide immediately, you can delete him a couple of months from now if you want.  You have mutual friends and handled him breaking it off great, so in a way that is someone who at least on the surface isn't that butthurt by his actions and is living her life (the exact impression you want to counter BTW if he IS running scared which I am leaning toward)--in which case I wouldn't delete yet if i were in your shoes.  

On the other hand, the reality is you are really hurt and maybe it's not worth it to you keep him in your orbit in any way especially if it will just bother you & tug at your attention if he is...So in that case, you might want to delete.  Here's the thing if you keep him on your social media--let him watch your stories but don't really watch his or like his posts--again, you would want to counter his impression of you and how he fits into your life.  I would say 1 of 8 or 1 of 10 posts you could like & ONLY if they are something genuinely likable.  I'd be really careful not to watch his stories much, if at all.  He might be wondering if he made a mistake or too quick to pull the trigger.  So this is one way you are still in each other's lives but the pressure is significantly off.  But it's a long game--and maybe nothing will come of it at all--it's certainly not for the weak lol.  I feel like it's a real long shot since he DEFINED that he didn't see it between the two of you.  More likely if he was just feeling pressure; he would try NOT to define anything and keep doing the disappearing, setting pace stuff. That said, it was only 2 dates; you seem like a cool person and I'm sure you have other opportunities and a good life, focus on those for now.  Your life is back to as it was 2 weeks ago.  He was a 2 week blip--think of it like that  good luck

Edited November 22, 2020 by Versacehottie

[introverted1]

On 11/21/2020 at 9:44 PM, Trail Blazer said:

 

[redacted response to hidden post/off topic]

OP, bottom line is that he doesn't want to make a go of it.  Whether that's because he was just accepting the booty on offer or because he was scared of his feelings or because the geographical logistics don't make sense to him, that doesn't change the fact that he's not interested.

Sorry.

Edited November 25, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to hidden post/off topic

[lana-banana]

Yes. Connections are usually not reciprocal; that's why it's so wild and crazy and powerful when it goes both ways. I'm sorry this guy wasn't feeling it, or lied just to get some action, or whatever. But you can't squeeze blood from a stone. When someone's truly invested, you won't have to ask or wonder. Their actions will match their words.

Give yourself a weekend or so to process your feelings and then get back in the saddle - don't let one guy get you down! Anybody who doesn't want you in their life isn't worth crying over.

[notyouraveragebabe]

44 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Yeah, I'm not sure.  I'd say that if dudes found you attractive physically then it's merely infatuation on their part.  

I’m sure he found me attractive. Attraction was what led him to me. My ig is fitness inspired and every time I post a fitness video, he would comment and when he met me he told me how pretty and fit I was. 

[notyouraveragebabe]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear that. Why long distance? Is he married/in another relationship?

Immediately delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

He seems like a player.

In the future, date local men you can see regularly and make sure you've been to thier place before you start hosting out-of-town guys.

Make sure your screening criteria is local and suits you.  This is not about a lack of connection, unfortunately it's about a guy who pumps-and-dumps. 

The good news is your dating skills are improved  by knowing the precise MO of a player.

He lived 10 minutes away from me and then purchased a home 2.5 hours away. La is very expensive, so when buying a home it’s cheaper to buy in the outskirts of LA. 

[notyouraveragebabe]

5 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

Lots of good comments so far.  

I will just point out that besides the upcoming distance...that your thought process above ^^^ is probably a big part of the reason he bailed.  You guys went on 1-2 dates and he's just figuring out IF you could progress to a 3rd date, and you've already spelled out that you wouldn't mind moving to his new city (read:....for him).  People pick up on that vibe.  It's a little too much too soon for most people (especially guys) because it's not measured.  Like progressing at a regular, reasonable, more logical pace.  And then it makes them question, why is she jumping at this so quickly, doesn't she have her own life, is she desperate, what is going on here?  Connection or not, it does skew the perception of your "market value" (sorry, just talking generally) when this stuff happens.  That's why girls should play the game a bit more...and why wouldn't you want to vet who gets a spot in your life a bit more?  That's really the attitude guys look to see a little bit more: we all value what is not easy to get.  I don't mean by playing hard to get or playing games but think your life is important enough that one good date is not going to sway the course of all the other great things you have going on as well as other opportunities (dating and otherwise).  A person has to earn that spot into your life where you would change course for him.  If you can get that concept, you might understand why guys get so easily freaked out.

I'd also add with 2 huge life changes coming his way (move to new city and home purchase), he probably is very focused on those things alone and the opportunities that come with that. May want a bit of bachelor life with these new changes or just space to deal with it alone and not be tied down....especially to someone that is 2.5 hours away.  And even though you thought about the fact that you could see each other twice a week when he is in LA, I doubt he processed it like that.  

Sorry it's just a pretty common theme that happens typical guy thought process vs girl thought process.  Don't feel bad.  Also his disappearing for a week IMO was trying to set a pace he was fine with or lower expectations or make it casual.  I do believe you that there was probably a good connection there between you two. I think all you can do is take him at his word and maybe he will realize it. Which does happen occasionally.  I think you answered him perfectly when he broke it off.  Hmm, about deleting him...I'm 50/50 on it.  I think you have to align it with who you really are and how much seeing that he looks at your stories will affect you OR if you seeing he is dating someone or living his life will affect you.  You actually don't need to decide immediately, you can delete him a couple of months from now if you want.  You have mutual friends and handled him breaking it off great, so in a way that is someone who at least on the surface isn't that butthurt by his actions and is living her life (the exact impression you want to counter BTW if he IS running scared which I am leaning toward)--in which case I wouldn't delete yet if i were in your shoes.  

On the other hand, the reality is you are really hurt and maybe it's not worth it to you keep him in your orbit in any way especially if it will just bother you & tug at your attention if he is...So in that case, you might want to delete.  Here's the thing if you keep him on your social media--let him watch your stories but don't really watch his or like his posts--again, you would want to counter his impression of you and how he fits into your life.  I would say 1 of 8 or 1 of 10 posts you could like & ONLY if they are something genuinely likable.  I'd be really careful not to watch his stories much, if at all.  He might be wondering if he made a mistake or too quick to pull the trigger.  So this is one way you are still in each other's lives but the pressure is significantly off.  But it's a long game--and maybe nothing will come of it at all--it's certainly not for the weak lol.  I feel like it's a real long shot since he DEFINED that he didn't see it between the two of you.  More likely if he was just feeling pressure; he would try NOT to define anything and keep doing the disappearing, setting pace stuff. That said, it was only 2 dates; you seem like a cool person and I'm sure you have other opportunities and a good life, focus on those for now.  Your life is back to as it was 2 weeks ago.  He was a 2 week blip--think of it like that  good luck

I don’t think I expressed that to him. He knows I have an ocean front beach condo, and started a new career. My life is at the ocean and walking distance to all the restaurants/bars. i just meant if it worked out I could easily find a job elsewhere. I work as a nurse practitioner in the ER, with covid, it’s very easy to find travel jobs. 
 

But I do agree with playing hard to get... also, screening men before making them a priority. Desperation is a huge turn off, I agree. I dated a man, who’s life revolves around me and I let him go. I do feel like he will be back. 

[notyouraveragebabe]

5 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

Lots of good comments so far.  

I will just point out that besides the upcoming distance...that your thought process above ^^^ is probably a big part of the reason he bailed.  You guys went on 1-2 dates and he's just figuring out IF you could progress to a 3rd date, and you've already spelled out that you wouldn't mind moving to his new city (read:....for him).  People pick up on that vibe.  It's a little too much too soon for most people (especially guys) because it's not measured.  Like progressing at a regular, reasonable, more logical pace.  And then it makes them question, why is she jumping at this so quickly, doesn't she have her own life, is she desperate, what is going on here?  Connection or not, it does skew the perception of your "market value" (sorry, just talking generally) when this stuff happens.  That's why girls should play the game a bit more...and why wouldn't you want to vet who gets a spot in your life a bit more?  That's really the attitude guys look to see a little bit more: we all value what is not easy to get.  I don't mean by playing hard to get or playing games but think your life is important enough that one good date is not going to sway the course of all the other great things you have going on as well as other opportunities (dating and otherwise).  A person has to earn that spot into your life where you would change course for him.  If you can get that concept, you might understand why guys get so easily freaked out.

I'd also add with 2 huge life changes coming his way (move to new city and home purchase), he probably is very focused on those things alone and the opportunities that come with that. May want a bit of bachelor life with these new changes or just space to deal with it alone and not be tied down....especially to someone that is 2.5 hours away.  And even though you thought about the fact that you could see each other twice a week when he is in LA, I doubt he processed it like that.  

Sorry it's just a pretty common theme that happens typical guy thought process vs girl thought process.  Don't feel bad.  Also his disappearing for a week IMO was trying to set a pace he was fine with or lower expectations or make it casual.  I do believe you that there was probably a good connection there between you two. I think all you can do is take him at his word and maybe he will realize it. Which does happen occasionally.  I think you answered him perfectly when he broke it off.  Hmm, about deleting him...I'm 50/50 on it.  I think you have to align it with who you really are and how much seeing that he looks at your stories will affect you OR if you seeing he is dating someone or living his life will affect you.  You actually don't need to decide immediately, you can delete him a couple of months from now if you want.  You have mutual friends and handled him breaking it off great, so in a way that is someone who at least on the surface isn't that butthurt by his actions and is living her life (the exact impression you want to counter BTW if he IS running scared which I am leaning toward)--in which case I wouldn't delete yet if i were in your shoes.  

On the other hand, the reality is you are really hurt and maybe it's not worth it to you keep him in your orbit in any way especially if it will just bother you & tug at your attention if he is...So in that case, you might want to delete.  Here's the thing if you keep him on your social media--let him watch your stories but don't really watch his or like his posts--again, you would want to counter his impression of you and how he fits into your life.  I would say 1 of 8 or 1 of 10 posts you could like & ONLY if they are something genuinely likable.  I'd be really careful not to watch his stories much, if at all.  He might be wondering if he made a mistake or too quick to pull the trigger.  So this is one way you are still in each other's lives but the pressure is significantly off.  But it's a long game--and maybe nothing will come of it at all--it's certainly not for the weak lol.  I feel like it's a real long shot since he DEFINED that he didn't see it between the two of you.  More likely if he was just feeling pressure; he would try NOT to define anything and keep doing the disappearing, setting pace stuff. That said, it was only 2 dates; you seem like a cool person and I'm sure you have other opportunities and a good life, focus on those for now.  Your life is back to as it was 2 weeks ago.  He was a 2 week blip--think of it like that  good luck

I muted his stories, & I’m strong enough to keep it there. I feel like he will one day reach out, but by that time I’ll probably be moved on. He’s  usually the first person to watch my stories. He sees my stories of me living my best life. My life is pretty fun and fulfilling. Mainly, my new career, fitness/gym (I promote a sports wear), working outdoors, beach, small trips/hikes, lots of friends. Probably because I’m single .

[notyouraveragebabe]

13 minutes ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

I’m sure he found me attractive. Attraction was what led him to me. My ig is fitness inspired and every time I post a fitness video, he would comment and when he met me he told me how pretty and fit I was. 

I also promote sports wear, so I post a lot of fitness/bikini pictures. Also, I live across from the beach, I surf, paddle board, always in a bikini. I take really good care of myself. I like to think of myself as attractive, otherwise I won’t be able to promote these things. Or maybe I’m just not his type? 

[Versacehottie]

28 minutes ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

I don’t think I expressed that to him. He knows I have an ocean front beach condo, and started a new career. My life is at the ocean and walking distance to all the restaurants/bars. i just meant if it worked out I could easily find a job elsewhere. I work as a nurse practitioner in the ER, with covid, it’s very easy to find travel jobs. 
 

But I do agree with playing hard to get... also, screening men before making them a priority. Desperation is a huge turn off, I agree. I dated a man, who’s life revolves around me and I let him go. I do feel like he will be back. 

I think a lot of guys are shockingly very traditional in their thinking.  Meaning that even though it's 2020, they don't really place a high priority on your financial wellbeing as far as being attracted by it (congratulations though---i'm in SoCal too so I know it's an accomplishment!).  I don't think it's a deterrent but is probably far down the list as far as what gets a guy's chemistry going--a bonus if you have it but not a prime factor.  Actually it's a bit of a biological fact that "in general" a lot of guys are motivated by competition from other males and feeling like you are a prize that other guys want (probably especially as far as initial attraction time frame goes).  So if your good lifestyle via your career and financial well being allows you to be highly selective and enjoy life putting yourself on a pedestal and he can see that, that's a good thing (more so than the financial wellbeing alone--if you are sitting there pining it makes no real difference to the average guy IMO). 

Also along the same lines of the very traditional thinking, so many of my guy friends and guys I've talked to have that double standard of if you hook up with them too fast, their mind goes to "well I can't be that special or maybe she does this easily with other guys".  I think of them would be hard pressed to even admit it to themselves up front before something physical happens with you (or any girl they are dating) but after the fact they just don't feel that special about the whole thing.  

People get mad at the "hard to get thing".  But rather than the game playing aspect, try to teach those that are new into your life that you are worth something.  Probably easiest to default to the safest, clearest way to communicate that (by holding back a bit) because it's kind of a first impression really.  Also importantly since they are virtually a stranger to you, you don't really know how their thinking pattern works on this subject.  I've been shocked about which guy friends say they feel like that (or you can tell that's what screwed up with some cool girl they were dating) and which ones are more open-minded.  I don't think there is really any true way to know which will be which guy.  especially since they don't even know themselves or can't put their finger on exactly the reason (but really this plays a big part).  I think rather than get caught up in trying to worry about their obscure thinking patterns, better to just treat yourself like a prize who access is not granted easily.  You said it yourself: you have a lot going for you--so why should just any guy have access to you and your life?  Especially if you are looking for a relationship, you probably need to gather more info than you can get in the first date or 3.  I've seen it backfire on so many girlfriends, just like your story and work well for no extra special reason other than having a little patience.  It's a shame because you know probably some people who would be great together are not together for this simple reason.  Desperation is a huge turnoff and even though you are just rolling with it and going with the flow of the evening (and it is 2020!) unfortunately guys can be very simple minded about this--not their fault, they are biologically hardwired like that. And you said it yourself, when someone appears to revolve their life around you it's a no go.  

Did your guy recently break up with someone or what is his dating life like?  lol, then I can guess if he will be back.  I think btw you should live your life without hoping he will be

[Miss Spider]

33 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

I think a lot of guys are shockingly very traditional in their thinking.  Meaning that even though it's 2020, they don't really place a high priority on your financial wellbeing as far as being attracted by it (congratulations though---i'm in SoCal too so I know it's an accomplishment!).  I don't think it's a deterrent but is probably far down the list as far as what gets a guy's chemistry going--a bonus if you have it but not a prime factor.  Actually it's a bit of a biological fact that "in general" a lot of guys are motivated by competition from other males and feeling like you are a prize that other guys want (probably especially as far as initial attraction time frame goes).  So if your good lifestyle via your career and financial well being allows you to be highly selective and enjoy life putting yourself on a pedestal and he can see that, that's a good thing (more so than the financial wellbeing alone--if you are sitting there pining it makes no real difference to the average guy IMO). 

Also along the same lines of the very traditional thinking, so many of my guy friends and guys I've talked to have that double standard of if you hook up with them too fast, their mind goes to "well I can't be that special or maybe she does this easily with other guys".  I think of them would be hard pressed to even admit it to themselves up front before something physical happens with you (or any girl they are dating) but after the fact they just don't feel that special about the whole thing.  

People get mad at the "hard to get thing".  But rather than the game playing aspect, try to teach those that are new into your life that you are worth something.  Probably easiest to default to the safest, clearest way to communicate that (by holding back a bit) because it's kind of a first impression really.  Also importantly since they are virtually a stranger to you, you don't really know how their thinking pattern works on this subject.  I've been shocked about which guy friends say they feel like that (or you can tell that's what screwed up with some cool girl they were dating) and which ones are more open-minded.  I don't think there is really any true way to know which will be which guy.  especially since they don't even know themselves or can't put their finger on exactly the reason (but really this plays a big part).  I think rather than get caught up in trying to worry about their obscure thinking patterns, better to just treat yourself like a prize who access is not granted easily.  You said it yourself: you have a lot going for you--so why should just any guy have access to you and your life?  Especially if you are looking for a relationship, you probably need to gather more info than you can get in the first date or 3.  I've seen it backfire on so many girlfriends, just like your story and work well for no extra special reason other than having a little patience.  It's a shame because you know probably some people who would be great together are not together for this simple reason.  Desperation is a huge turnoff and even though you are just rolling with it and going with the flow of the evening (and it is 2020!) unfortunately guys can be very simple minded about this--not their fault, they are biologically hardwired like that. And you said it yourself, when someone appears to revolve their life around you it's a no go.  

Did your guy recently break up with someone or what is his dating life like?  lol, then I can guess if he will be back.  I think btw you should live your life without hoping he will be

A nice post, Versace. I want to add something  about sex on the first date. I think that if a woman is looking for commitment, it makes more sense for her strategically to wait longer than a date to have sex. Not saying it will force a connection that isn’t there. And it doesn’t mean that connections can’t be made from sex on the first date. You just will have more time to assess his feelings about you and your feelings about him. He will also have more time to discover and build those feels.  If you  have sex on the first date you are pretty much rolling the dice on whether or not he feels the same way. You don’t have a chance to pick up on the consistency involved in a genuine connection because you haven’t spent enough time with him. And yes , some people are more “traditional” and judge people in that way 

Edited November 22, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Miss Spider]

Also want to add that I see a lot of false dichotomy when it comes to interest. Interest is more a scale than it is a light switch. He could have really liked you a lot. He certainly was interested/liked you to some capacity to have spent so long hanging out with you(unless he was very, very lonely and I’m assuming not). He very well may have enjoyed the companionship just as much as the sex. But that is vastly different than a “strong connection“ that he implied in his text that he needed to continue dating. 

Edited November 22, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Versacehottie]

27 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

A nice post, Versace. I want to add something  about sex on the first date. I think that if a woman is looking for commitment, it makes more sense for her strategically to wait longer than a date to have sex. Not saying it will force a connection that isn’t there. And it doesn’t mean that connections can’t be made from sex on the first date. You just will have more time to assess his feelings about you and your feelings about him. He will also have more time to discover and build those feels.  If you  have sex on the first date you are pretty much rolling the dice on whether or not he feels the same way. You don’t have a chance to pick up on the consistency involved in a genuine connection because you haven’t spent enough time with him. And yes , some people are more “traditional” and judge people in that way 

100% agree ^^^^