babybrowns Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 Hi everyone, I have a crush on a new guy at work who I think has a crush back on me (he noticed me first which is what made me start to notice him too). I’ve never really had romance linked to my workplace ever so it’s a bit of a new experience for me. We don’t cross paths very much since we work in different departments and we have a few different lunch slots in our schedules too. However, we did cross paths one day recently when we were both on the street going into work, which was unfortunately not a good time for me. I had had a rough night and came to work a little weary, not showered that morning and without any makeup on;I was going to do my makeup when I got in. He was keen to converse with me during this encounter but due to how I was feeling/ how I felt I was looking without my makeup on I tried to distance myself in the conversation, not making much eye contact, focussing on the road in front of me walking quickly and then pretending I had to go in a different direction as soon as we entered the building. It gave him the strong unwanted impression that I wasn’t interested. Fortunately, a week later when I next saw him (and I did have my makeup on!) I went to talk with him. I noticed that the same eagerness to talk to me wasnt there from his side, and I think it was due to the fact that I had acted distant the last time. I did try to make up for it but we were in the company of others soon and he soon started talking to someone else about official matters. I am just wondering how to approach him and get that ‘spark back’ that used to be there when we spoke, especially without coming across as too eager? I would love to invite him out for a walk or something at one point, but I feel there’s not enough foundation for that yet Thanks in advance for your help Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 If you want to win a guy over you need to be confident in yourself and that means with or without makeup...honesty guys do like the natural look...I got approached/noticed by guys more when I thought I looked my worse....my GFs, same thing for them. Now if you are bold enough, after your little chat, hand him your number and just say lets hang out sometime. Or you can spend weeks trying to butter him up with smiles and cheerful conversation. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 First off, I don't think fishing off the company pier (dating people you work with) is such a good idea. That being said... Many years ago, I was working at this one company. A woman in another department noticed me and wanted to go out with me. So she went to my assistant (another woman) and asked a whole bunch of questions about me. Moreover, this woman came right out and told my assistant that she very much wanted me to ask her out. My assistant was very cool. She came into my office, shut the door and proceeded to tell me of the conversation she had with the woman in the other department. I thanked my assistant for the information and asked her not to disclose this information to anyone else, and she did not. My assistant was an older woman and she kept my confidence. The next time I saw the woman (from the other department) alone in the hallway, I asked her to go to "Happy Hour" (at the local pub, down the street); she said "yes". From there we dated a while, but kept the relationship quiet and no one knew we were dating. Does this guy have an assistant? Is the assistant someone who would stay quiet if you two dated?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author babybrowns Posted November 21, 2020 Author Share Posted November 21, 2020 49 minutes ago, smackie9 said: If you want to win a guy over you need to be confident in yourself and that means with or without makeup...honesty guys do like the natural look...I got approached/noticed by guys more when I thought I looked my worse....my GFs, same thing for them. Now if you are bold enough, after your little chat, hand him your number and just say lets hang out sometime. Or you can spend weeks trying to butter him up with smiles and cheerful conversation. Thanks, I think I’ll try the latter. The few times that we did cross paths before, our cheerful conversations were flowing very smoothly, up until that awkward encounter when he caught me at a bad time. I think that particular encounter showed him that I am not interested and it made him really back off, I really felt that when I managed to catch him again a week later- I just hope it’s not permanent! 13 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: First off, I don't think fishing off the company pier (dating people you work with) is such a good idea. That being said... Many years ago, I was working at this one company. A woman in another department noticed me and wanted to go out with me. So she went to my assistant (another woman) and asked a whole bunch of questions about me. Moreover, this woman came right out and told my assistant that she very much wanted me to ask her out. My assistant was very cool. She came into my office, shut the door and proceeded to tell me of the conversation she had with the woman in the other department. I thanked my assistant for the information and asked her not to disclose this information to anyone else, and she did not. My assistant was an older woman and she kept my confidence. The next time I saw the woman (from the other department) alone in the hallway, I asked her to go to "Happy Hour" (at the local pub, down the street); she said "yes". From there we dated a while, but kept the relationship quiet and no one knew we were dating. Does this guy have an assistant? Is the assistant someone who would stay quiet if you two dated?? Thanks for sharing, That’s a nice story! Did you notice this last before she spoke with your assistant, or did that make you notice her more? I always like to hear of stories of how a man takes it when the woman makes the first move. He doesn’t have an assistant no, but is quite a secretive and quiet person so I don’t think it would be too much of a risk. I’d like to see if he does make a move first- my last couple of romantic liaisons involved me being the one to jolly things along, I would love to be the one being pursued this time rather than the other way round Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 9 minutes ago, babybrowns said: Did you notice this last before she spoke with your assistant... To tell you the truth, I was swamped at work and had my "nose to the grindstone" (during that time). I didn't really have time to notice anything. It was also a fairly large company, I worked on a different floor. It was nice to find out, though!! 12 minutes ago, babybrowns said: He doesn’t have an assistant no, but is quite a secretive and quiet person so I don’t think it would be too much of a risk. I’d like to see if he does make a move first- my last couple of romantic liaisons involved me being the one to jolly things along, I would love to be the one being pursued this time rather than the other way round He is not a mind reader, plus he may think dating at work may create problems for him. I have no idea how large a company this is or what the company's policy is on co-workers dating. I kind of like "smackie9"'s idea of handing him a small piece of paper with your number on it, since he doesn't have an assistant. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 I think you should find more opportunity to talk to him and throw a little bit of flirting in there . And then wait for him to ask you out. If you absolutely must ask him out, make sure you build rapport first... then you guys are friendsish so have a reason to hang outside of work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author babybrowns Posted November 21, 2020 Author Share Posted November 21, 2020 1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I think you should find more opportunity to talk to him and throw a little bit of flirting in there . And then wait for him to ask you out. If you absolutely must ask him out, make sure you build rapport first... then you guys are friendsish so have a reason to hang outside of work. Very helpful, thank you for this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 buttering him up it is! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 Getting involved with someone at work is very risky. Before you rush into this, make sure you don't need this job for financial survival. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 how? dont.it always end in drama.often Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 She doesn't work with him directly, so I would say it's a pretty safe endeavor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 Rumors, gossip and drama don't care if you're exactly in the same department or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 Yea if he’s anything like my nightmare ex, if you break up with him, he’ll tell everyone on his floor including the customers that you’re a heartless flooze Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 Why not ask him to join you the next time you go for coffee? If he says no flat-out and doesn't propose another time, you can consider it done. But if he wants to go walking with you then you can make a regular habit of it and take it from there. I am sure OP is aware of her employer's policies. FWIW I have never worked anywhere where dating colleagues is forbidden---in fact, at one large government agency where I was employed, almost half of married couples had met either there or through partner agencies. The only absolute no-no is dating someone in your chain of command. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 5 hours ago, babybrowns said: I always like to hear of stories of how a man takes it when the woman makes the first move. I was quite happy to hear of her interest in me... We really had a A LOT of fun! The company ran into some financial difficulties and I got axed in the third round of lay-offs. She got laid off a few months after me. We dated for a while, I can't say anything negative about her or her approach. She saw someone she wanted and went for it. My sister met her husband at work, she pursued him and things worked out great for them. I think they have been married 30+ years. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 Ok, might be hard with the Covid going around but why don't you ask him for lunch? If your building has a café or something you can ask him to join you there. Perhaps try if possible to rearrange your schedule so your lunchtimes are alined. Don't know if it is possible for you but if so, it's worth a shot. You could also ask him to go for a cup of coffee after work. Say for example: "I am going to grab a cup of coffee at....after work, would you come with me?" It's not exactly asking him out but it is going to show his level of interest. Are you sure he is single? He might have a GF for all you know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 12 hours ago, babybrowns said: He was keen to converse with me during this encounter but due to how I was feeling/ how I felt I was looking without my makeup on I tried to distance myself in the conversation, not making much eye contact, focussing on the road in front of me walking quickly and then pretending I had to go in a different direction as soon as we entered the building. It gave him the strong unwanted impression that I wasn’t interested. He's likely seeing you running "Hot, Cold, Hot" and is waiting for the next "Cold".... Most guys want to stay away from drama, they want a stable girl. 10 hours ago, smackie9 said: honesty guys do like the natural look...I got approached/noticed by guys more when I thought I looked my worse....my GFs, same thing for them. ^^^^^ TRUE^^^^^ Sooner or later you will want to spend the night with him, if you normally use a lot of "War Paint" the morning is going to be a shock for him..... The natural look is very refreshing. 10 hours ago, smackie9 said: Now if you are bold enough, after your little chat, hand him your number and just say lets hang out sometime. Or you can spend weeks trying to butter him up with smiles and cheerful conversation. More good advice. You have already shown him your cold side, it's now time to show him you are interested, give him your number. Then it's up to him. Link to post Share on other sites
gamon Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 If you're considering dating someone at work, take a moment and think to yourself, if this doesn't work out and he's an ex, how will things be at work? This sort of thing happens quite often and it can be rather awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
Commongoal123 Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 21 hours ago, gamon said: If you're considering dating someone at work, take a moment and think to yourself, if this doesn't work out and he's an ex, how will things be at work? This sort of thing happens quite often and it can be rather awkward. This. Just don't do it. It isn't worth the risk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 Do you just want a friendlier work environment or are you looking to date someone? At this point, you don't know if he's interested or doesn't date co-workers or doesn't want sexual harassment problems, etc. Be friendly, polite, professional and don't build up romances in your mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author babybrowns Posted December 9, 2020 Author Share Posted December 9, 2020 Hello everyone, Thank you so much to all of you for your replies. So I have been trying to talk to this guy more, the few and far times that we did bump into each other. It did seem like mutual attraction. But now it’s my turn to say that I feel he has gone a bit hot and cold- like he completely ignored me today in a social context and I embarrassed myself a little. It did disappoint me a bit, and I really don’t need that kind of stress at work too. So I’ve decided to give up on this completely. Thanks everyone for your help Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted December 10, 2020 Share Posted December 10, 2020 Sorry to hear that OP. Probably was not a good idea to date someone you work with anyway. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted December 10, 2020 Share Posted December 10, 2020 I say this with all good judgement and only thinking of you and your happiness - I have said this before and will say it again - coworkers are NOT FRIENDS. It's easy for you to think that coworkers are friends because you will spend more time with them than you will with anyone else. But they are not. Humans are social creatures and we crave companionship in every form, and you naturally want to look to others around you to meet those needs. We were not prepared for the changes we faced into life today and are isolated and alone when we used to have a community. We now look to gathering places (gyms, bars/restaurants, etc.) trying to find one another when our community gathering places used to be around a campfire in caveman times. So with that being said... Don't date a coworker. You will never live it down if you do, even if you go out once and that's that. I had a crush on a coworker 6 years ago and I was shot down and it destroyed me in a way I can't put my finger on, but I am still shattered from it. It's all business in the office. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted December 10, 2020 Share Posted December 10, 2020 (edited) 28 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: Don't date a coworker. You will never live it down if you do, even if you go out once and that's that. I had a crush on a coworker 6 years ago and I was shot down and it destroyed me in a way I can't put my finger on, but I am still shattered from it. It's all business in the office. Your problems aren't everyone else's problems. I'm certainly glad I started dating a coworker, when she asked me out on a date 24½ years ago. Of which we're still happily dating and we even got married over 21 years ago as well. Edited December 10, 2020 by 5x5 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted December 10, 2020 Share Posted December 10, 2020 Just bat those babybrowns and smile a lot, and generally be cute and affectionate (within reason of course) and the rest will take care of itself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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