deepthinking Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) So I did not forgive an ex-friend once I realized that she was a narcissist who discarded me; therapists on--line say to use the discard as a chance to escape from the narcissist forever, and I truly think that a real friend would talk it over not discard or dump. So now I should feel great - right? But I keep thinking of her. I crank up my psychic attempts to learn what she might be doing and the horror film starts as I think of her using one of our mutual friends to act as a go-between even though the mutual friend said she would keep us separate. But the ex-friend, the narcissist, is frequently on my mind along with all the pain she caused still in my system. I could be manifesting several nicer turn-outs using the - be careful what you wish for because you'll get it - but I am leaden with emotion over somebody who I actively dislike. Any replies welcome. Thank you. Edited November 21, 2020 by deepthinking
basil67 Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 Hi deepthinking, is it this person who you previously wrote about? You're right that a true friend would try and talk it over, but back in that last post you said that you didn't like her that much anyway....and as she dropped you, she apparently didn't like you much either. So it wasn't really worth discussing a saving contact with an acquaintance which was based on mutual apathy. I once hated someone who I felt wronged by, and it did take a long time to get to the point of not caring about him one way or another. The point of no sadness, no hate, just nothing. Sometimes we just have to be patient and make an active effort to move on. However I wouldn't have been able to get to the point of not caring at all had I been feeding the hatred with revenge fantasies. I wonder, what is the payoff for letting her occupy so much of your head space? How do you feel at the end of a revenge fantasy? Would you like to be free of her, or are you happy to keep her and the anger in your life?
Author deepthinking Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) 22 minutes ago, basil67 said: Hi deepthinking, is it this person who you previously wrote about? You're right that a true friend would try and talk it over, but back in that last post you said that you didn't like her that much anyway....and as she dropped you, she apparently didn't like you much either. So it wasn't really worth discussing a saving contact with an acquaintance which was based on mutual apathy. I once hated someone who I felt wronged by, and it did take a long time to get to the point of not caring about him one way or another. The point of no sadness, no hate, just nothing. Sometimes we just have to be patient and make an active effort to move on. However I wouldn't have been able to get to the point of not caring at all had I been feeding the hatred with revenge fantasies. I wonder, what is the payoff for letting her occupy so much of your head space? How do you feel at the end of a revenge fantasy? Would you like to be free of her, or are you happy to keep her and the anger in your life? Please... I never said "anger".. I said "actively dislike" and "pain" ... "But the ex-friend, the narcissist, is frequently on my mind along with all the pain she caused still in my system" Edited November 21, 2020 by deepthinking
basil67 Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) Sorry, I was projecting. When I had the same depth of emotion, unable to get someone who wronged me from my mind, my feelings were of hate and a white hot fury. However, the question remains the same: Are you happy to keep her in your thoughts and keep feeding those feelings to keep them alive? Or would you prefer to be free of it all? Edited November 21, 2020 by basil67
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