Friday night fail

[Commongoal123]

Wait..... how is this a brush off and a rejection?  Has he ignored you now or something?  You told him you were gonna work this weekend to make some extra money, thus sending the message that you're going to be busy, and he said good luck.  Could he have maybe been disappointed because he had hoped to get together over the weekend with you?

I'm asking from a perspective of wanting to be positive here.  Sometimes we really have no idea what's going on in other people's heads, especially someone we have never met in person before on dating apps.  Even with people we may know really well through texts... the risk of misunderstanding runs high when you either don't know the person or can't see or hear the person.  And sometimes our own fears and assumptions take hold in reality which we subconsciously manifest.

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Commongoal123 said:

Wait..... how is this a brush off and a rejection?  Has he ignored you now or something?  You told him you were gonna work this weekend to make some extra money, thus sending the message that you're going to be busy, and he said good luck.  Could he have maybe been disappointed because he had hoped to get together over the weekend with you?

I'm asking from a perspective of wanting to be positive here.  Sometimes we really have no idea what's going on in other people's heads, especially someone we have never met in person before on dating apps.  Even with people we may know really well through texts... the risk of misunderstanding runs high when you either don't know the person or can't see or hear the person.  And sometimes our own fears and assumptions take hold in reality which we subconsciously manifest.

I think some people view "good luck" like they do "take care," both of which might be interpreted as polite ways of ending the interaction.

When OLDing, I used "take care" a lot when wanting to end an interaction.  Good luck is very similar.

But so what?  They had one "polite" conversation, meh, nothing happening. 

Next time, simply move on to the next.  Plenty more fish in the sea as they say.

Learn to be discerning and choose wisely.  

Edited November 21, 2020 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

I took it word for word in the OP.
 

-She asked him how is day went 

-He said he’s off and relaxing 

-She asked him what she was going to do this weekend

-He said he wasn’t sure. 

-She said she’s working

-He said good luck 
 

That sounds like he is trying to end the conversation every time. Obviously if there is a “you?“ or anything like that at the end of his responses, that changes the context. But it didn’t say that and I didn’t assume that. 

Edited November 21, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ThereSheGoes]

Also.

A lot of men just suck at conversation on these apps. They're on these dating sites, they match with you, THEY message you, and all you get is 'Yes' "No" "Absolutely" "Awesome" "Lol".

WTF are you supposed to do with that?

Shelve him, and keep it moving. No skin off your nose, no feelings hurt.

Well....I guess feelings were hurt, since you posted about it. But your feelings shouldn't be hurt! 80% of the men on those apps communicate like this. Are you new to OLD?

[Miss Spider]

I think if people don’t facilitate conversation, they are not that interested. Interested men try to engage you and learn more about you. Then they make explicit suggestions to meet.  My guess from what was written is that this guy was just not that interested. 

 

There are also a lot of men(and women) on there just to D around. I have a  heard from a study that there is a huge % of men on there that are attached but just have dating app to match or maybe occasionally chat. 

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

There are also a lot of men(and women) on there just to D around. I have a  heard from a study that there is a huge % of men on there that are attached but just have dating app to match or maybe occasionally chat. 

Yup.  Seeking text buddies.   Bored.  Seek attention.  Ego boost.  

I could almost smell guys like this through my computer screen! 

[Commongoal123]

7 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

There are also a lot of men(and women) on there just to D around. I have a  heard from a study that there is a huge % of men on there that are attached but just have dating app to match or maybe occasionally chat. 

This 100%.  The social norm on these dating apps seem to exactly this.  Maybe it is an attention thing, generation thing... I don't know.  That being said it also depends on the app being used and how serious a person is taking themselves in vetting who they message and who they don't.  A profile with a 2 sentence generic description but really good photos?  I'm probably not going to message them because I can already see how much effort they're going to put into a relationship if this is the amount of efrort they're putting into connecting online for dating.  I used to message anyone I was attracted to despite profile and have learned that usually my initial senses about a person based off of how they present themselves initially have been correct.

Regarding quality of guys messaging being poor, this is also really common based off all my interactions with women.  Yet I am a pretty good looking guy with a well put together profile, and often times I get no response.  With that said, this also seems dependent on the app being used.  Tinder?  I get way more hits and messages, but the descriptions you're allowed to write are bare minimum.  Which for me doesn't leave a whole lot of room for writing a good message which applies to the person I'm writing to.  Oh you oioe pizza, tacos, netflix, and the beach?  Anything I write based off that is gonna be really similar to what any guy putting in the bare minimum is going to write.  Unless I come up with some good wit.

Match?  Different game.  More to work with, better exchanges, but less connections made.

Quantity over quality for sure.  Superficial begets superficial at the end of the day.  If you're looking for someone authentic and genuine, it may be best to work with apps that reflect that kind of interaction instead of emojis of food and activities as a common profile description.  On that note, with Tinder, being creative and witty in your profile goes a long way.  The rest is up to you vetting the people messaging you on an app designed for hookups.  All depends on what you're looking for.

Written by a guy in his 30s.

[Ruby Slippers]

Yes, it's a matter of sifting through many pieces of hay to find those few shiny needles in the haystack. A realistic estimate of how many men I have any desire to meet from dating apps is 1 in 1,000. About 1 in 100 who message catch my interest. Of those, I have interest in talking further or meeting 1 in 100. That means maybe 1 in 1,000 have potential. My friends and I have discussed that online dating is like a part-time job. I think it's actually more like hiring - sifting through hundreds or even thousands of unqualified applicants to find the tiny handful that show real promise.

[Miss Spider]

1 in 1000? Dang, girl. I guess easily that for me too if we are talking about relationship material. But since I am just dating, I think my odds are marginally better — 1 in 100 or so. Those left-swipe streaks do start to hurt your thumb after a while. You start thinking about rage quitting the app, then comes a combo breaker. 
 

Anyway, keep those standards high. Accept no less than what you want if that’s what you can have. 

Edited November 21, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Ruby Slippers]

4 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

1 in 1000? Dang, girl. I guess easily that for me too if we are talking about relationship material. But since I am just dating, I think my odds are marginally better — 1 in 100 or so. Those left-swipe streaks do start to hurt your thumb after a while. You start thinking about rage quitting the app, then comes a combo breaker. 

Anyway, keep those standards high. Accept no less than what you want if that’s what you can have. 

I haven't been on a dating site in over a year, so they may all be mandatory swipe-style now. But I always preferred the ones where I don't have to do anything until I get messages - meaning, anybody can message me, and then I can check out their message and profile and reply if I'm interested. Every time I'd log in, there were lots of messages to look at - and then as soon as you show up online, all these new guys start bombarding you with messages. It really is a sausage fest - they're coming at ya left, right, and center 

[ThereSheGoes]

8 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I haven't been on a dating site in over a year, so they may all be mandatory swipe-style now. But I always preferred the ones where I don't have to do anything until I get messages - meaning, anybody can message me, and then I can check out their message and profile and reply if I'm interested. Every time I'd log in, there were lots of messages to look at - and then as soon as you show up online, all these new guys start bombarding you with messages. It really is a sausage fest - they're coming at ya left, right, and center 

 

 

Ooooh! I remember that! Anxiety inducing. I remember literally avoiding checking my messages, because as soon as I would log on, it was like a siren would go off and I would just get pummeled.

Uggggh. Awful.

[peach302]

5 hours ago, Commongoal123 said:

This 100%.  The social norm on these dating apps seem to exactly this.  Maybe it is an attention thing, generation thing... I don't know.  That being said it also depends on the app being used and how serious a person is taking themselves in vetting who they message and who they don't.  A profile with a 2 sentence generic description but really good photos?  I'm probably not going to message them because I can already see how much effort they're going to put into a relationship if this is the amount of efrort they're putting into connecting online for dating.  I used to message anyone I was attracted to despite profile and have learned that usually my initial senses about a person based off of how they present themselves initially have been correct.

Regarding quality of guys messaging being poor, this is also really common based off all my interactions with women.  Yet I am a pretty good looking guy with a well put together profile, and often times I get no response.  With that said, this also seems dependent on the app being used.  Tinder?  I get way more hits and messages, but the descriptions you're allowed to write are bare minimum.  Which for me doesn't leave a whole lot of room for writing a good message which applies to the person I'm writing to.  Oh you oioe pizza, tacos, netflix, and the beach?  Anything I write based off that is gonna be really similar to what any guy putting in the bare minimum is going to write.  Unless I come up with some good wit.

Match?  Different game.  More to work with, better exchanges, but less connections made.

Quantity over quality for sure.  Superficial begets superficial at the end of the day.  If you're looking for someone authentic and genuine, it may be best to work with apps that reflect that kind of interaction instead of emojis of food and activities as a common profile description.  On that note, with Tinder, being creative and witty in your profile goes a long way.  The rest is up to you vetting the people messaging you on an app designed for hookups.  All depends on what you're looking for.

Written by a guy in his 30s.

If you say you are a good looking guy. You shouldnt have any trouble  attracting  the attention of women initially. . 

So that is strange. 

[peach302]

6 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I took it word for word in the OP.
 

-She asked him how is day went 

-He said he’s off and relaxing 

-She asked him what she was going to do this weekend

-He said he wasn’t sure. 

-She said she’s working

-He said good luck 
 

That sounds like he is trying to end the conversation every time. Obviously if there is a “you?“ or anything like that at the end of his responses, that changes the context. But it didn’t say that and I didn’t assume that. 

This is what i interpreted from their exchange too. 

Which is why i didn't  think had she asked if he wanted to meet it would have made much difference or they would have progressed.

Depending on the context..overall it is true if a man wants a woman its rare he would be that short with her. 

Edited November 22, 2020 by peach302

[mark clemson]

Possibly the guys are so busy trying to be that 1 in 100 they only have time for a few quick texts. You are doing the work sifting through all those matches. Perhaps they are doing the work of playing the numbers game in an attempt to contact enough women to match with one who actually wants them, and so only have time (or are willing to invest time) for a few texts to each?

Just a thought/observation. I'm pretty sure I'd strongly prefer to meet in RL whenever possible if I was dating (although I suppose that's easier said than done, esp. right now).

Edited November 22, 2020 by mark clemson

[Ruby Slippers]

^ Just speaking for myself, if there's any interest whatsoever, I'll make that very clear. The messages will flow and before too long, he'll ask and I'll give him my #. I noticed last time around that men wanna get you off the app ASAP, which is a smart strategy, cuz then you're offline and not bombarded with messages from guys who see you're online. But don't ask for my # until we've exchanged enough messages to establish some good vibe in communication. Some guys ask in the first message, which is a bad strategy. It's kind of an art on the man's part to pick the right moment to ask for the #. Too quick and he looks desperate - too late and you're already feeling "meh." Gotta find that sweet spot.

Edited November 22, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[Miss Spider]

I think most apps show you people that haven’t matched you yet , because I’ve matched people first before. So the men are flipping through matches too.Except the men are stress injuring their thumbs right swiping and the women left. Ultimately your matches come down to who both said yes to each other 

[Wiseman2]

Don't tell them what you are doing, ask them what they are doing and when would be a good time to meet.

The busy signal is a universal turn off. If you are interested and they are interested, all you need to do is find a mutually agreeable time. It's that simple.

[Commongoal123]

17 hours ago, peach302 said:

If you say you are a good looking guy. You shouldnt have any trouble  attracting  the attention of women initially. . 

So that is strange. 

Did I write that I have trouble attracting women intitially?  My main point in my post was that the quality of interactions and people found in the online dating world are generally low quality interactions, and how important vetting messages and profiles are.

Almost every woman I've talked to online has said they get bombarded with messages and likes.  A handful have said they almost missed my message or like because of this.  Again, this is app dependant.

I've also known a few people who had their profiles magically re-appear after they deleted or disabled them.  It happens.  Which leaves a bunch of active but dead profiles out there.  Get educated and look it up.

Gotta love internet trolling lol.  May you some day find a happier use of your time and energy.

[Commongoal123]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Don't tell them what you are doing, ask them what they are doing and when would be a good time to meet.

The busy signal is a universal turn off. If you are interested and they are interested, all you need to do is find a mutually agreeable time. It's that simple.

Wiseman with another good zinger.  Your posts are often well put.

[peach302]

5 hours ago, Commongoal123 said:

Did I write that I have trouble attracting women intitially?  My main point in my post was that the quality of interactions and people found in the online dating world are generally low quality interactions, and how important vetting messages and profiles are.

Almost every woman I've talked to online has said they get bombarded with messages and likes.  A handful have said they almost missed my message or like because of this.  Again, this is app dependant.

I've also known a few people who had their profiles magically re-appear after they deleted or disabled them.  It happens.  Which leaves a bunch of active but dead profiles out there.  Get educated and look it up.

Gotta love internet trolling lol.  May you some day find a happier use of your time and energy.

How is it trolling. Everyone on this forum has an opinion , im not the only one.

I think you need to stop being so sensitive its not an attractive  trait for a man to have. If you want actual success on OLD OR in life in general..maybe don't  get so emotional if someone misunderstands or perceived something you say in the wrong way. 

Also i don't need to get educated I know how OLD works. Now i can't say im surprised you have very little success in the dating world sorry. .. work on yourself and maybe that will change.

 

Edited November 22, 2020 by peach302

[Commongoal123]

31 minutes ago, peach302 said:

How is it trolling. Everyone on this forum has an opinion , im not the only one.

I think you need to stop being so sensitive its not an attractive  trait for a man to have. If you want actual success on OLD OR in life in general..maybe don't  get so emotional if someone misunderstands or perceived something you say in the wrong way. 

Also i don't need to get educated I know how OLD works. Now i can't say im surprised you have very little success in the dating world sorry. .. work on yourself and maybe that will change.

 

LOL don't be so concerned.  I get a good laugh out of people like you.  I'm also getting the sense that you're a woman who struggles with how she views herself physically.  Take care and good luck.

[ccas93]

On 11/21/2020 at 12:10 PM, ThereSheGoes said:

Also.

A lot of men just suck at conversation on these apps. They're on these dating sites, they match with you, THEY message you, and all you get is 'Yes' "No" "Absolutely" "Awesome" "Lol".

WTF are you supposed to do with that?

Shelve him, and keep it moving. No skin off your nose, no feelings hurt.

Well....I guess feelings were hurt, since you posted about it. But your feelings shouldn't be hurt! 80% of the men on those apps communicate like this. Are you new to OLD?

This is how the majority of women communicate too. 

[elaine567]

13 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

This is how the majority of women communicate too. 

It is I guess about lack of intelligence and education,  and likely immaturity and poor social skills.
OLD is bringing people together who would never have naturally met in real life...

Edited November 23, 2020 by elaine567

[Miss Spider]

I think it is about level of interest too. I have noticed that the less I am interested in someone on online dating, the more inclined I am to respond tersely... or not at all

Edited November 23, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[peach302]

44 minutes ago, Commongoal123 said:

LOL don't be so concerned.  I get a good laugh out of people like you.  I'm also getting the sense that you're a woman who struggles with how she views herself physically.  Take care and good luck.

You have issues mate. 

And no im perfectly happy with how i look. which is most likely better thann you but ok.

So WRONG  again. Sort out your ego 

Yes bye! 

Edited November 23, 2020 by peach302