Friday night fail

[mortensorchid]

I was chatting with someone yesterday on a dating app.  We just exchanged basic information (what do you do for a living, hobbies, etc.) And today I reached out asking how his day went.  He said he had a day off today from his job - he came back and said it was relaxing.  I asked what he was going to do this weekend, he said he wasn't sure.  I said I was going to do Instacart and Postmates to make money.  He said "good luck".

Brush off.  Needless to say we won't be talking anytime soon.  Makes me angry that someone would get you somewhat interested then do this to you.

[Watercolors]

3 minutes ago, mortensorchid said:

I was chatting with someone yesterday on a dating app.  We just exchanged basic information (what do you do for a living, hobbies, etc.) And today I reached out asking how his day went.  He said he had a day off today from his job - he came back and said it was relaxing.  I asked what he was going to do this weekend, he said he wasn't sure.  I said I was going to do Instacart and Postmates to make money.  He said "good luck".

Brush off.  Needless to say we won't be talking anytime soon.  Makes me angry that someone would get you somewhat interested then do this to you.

He sounds superficial. Meh. There's a ton of those types of men who judge a woman by her career and salary. 

You have to ask yourself, do you want to be in a relationship with a man who is going to hold your career label and salary level over your head all the time? As a marker of your worth? 

A good friend of mine met her husband when she was doing a temp job. He married her anyway and she's continued to be a temp and they raised three children together. He doesn't care that his wife has never had a full-time job. He's a good man and great father and husband and he doesn't judge my friend for her type of work (temp work). He loves her for who she is. Those are the type of men you need to focus on. 

Don't let one guy's rejection make you feel bad. It's a blessing in disguise. Move on to the next one. 

[Miss Spider]

People lose interest all the time at the beginning. It’s nothing to get angry about. It wasn’t like this was some fascinating conversation anyway.  It isn’t like he led you on either. Men who are interested ask questions. You were doing all the asking. 

Edited November 21, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[peach302]

3 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

People lose interest all the time. It’s nothing to get angry about. It wasn’t like this was some fascinating conversation anyway.  It isn’t like he led you on either. Men who are interested ask questions. You were doing all the asking. 

I have a feeling people  get angry when its constant rejection. Im guessing ops been rejected a few times. 

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, peach302 said:

I have a feeling people  get angry when its constant rejection. Im guessing ops been rejected a few times. 

Yep. I understand. It’s not a healthy response. 

[ThereSheGoes]

Girl.

It sounded like it wasn't going anywhere to begin with. I mean, you can wonder why he would be on a dating app if he wasn't going to converse, but thats most people. What was lost, again?

[Miss Spider]

10 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said:

Girl.

Imean, you can wonder why he would be on a dating app if he wasn't going to converse, but thats most people. 

Yes, or why he would not unmatch her if he no longer was interested. Maybe he’s one of those weirdos who gets validation from racking up matches.

Who knows. Wouldn’t give it too much thought. 

Edited November 21, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ajequals]

I don't know if it was a brush off. I personally didn't know what either  instacart or postmates was till I looked it up. the latter sounds like a dating service. so. I'd maybe see if he knows what they are?  

[ShyViolet]

It sounds like the two of you just didn't have chemistry and the conversation just fizzled out.  I don't see why this is something to get "angry" about.  A bit of an overreaction.

[ThereSheGoes]

11 minutes ago, ajequals said:

I don't know if it was a brush off. I personally didn't know what either  instacart or postmates was till I looked it up. the latter sounds like a dating service. so. I'd maybe see if he knows what they are?  

 

Postmates is a delivery service. Like Uber Eats or Door Dash.

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, mortensorchid said:

Makes me angry that someone would get you somewhat interested then do this to you.

If this rejection is causing you to get angry, maybe you should take down your dating app profile.

And wait until the pandemic is over, then attempt to meet men in "real life" situations.

[ccas93]

I drive postmates on the side too lol. great way to spend a friday night earning easy cash, instead of hanging out at the house. Joke's on him. 

[Ruby Slippers]

Lots of dating site connections don't go anywhere. Let it be like water off a duck's back and focus on the good connections. 

I'm not on any dating sites, but on Sunday I agreed to talk on the phone to this guy who found me online, messaged a while, and seemed cool. We had a good conversation, but he has too much drama in his dating history, was coming on too strong, and I wasn't feeling it. So when he texted me on Monday, I sent a polite but flat reply. He didn't call again, but messaged me tonight to basically give me a hard time for not being interested, saying I never should have talked to him if I wasn't feeling it... though it wasn't till we talked a while that I realized it was a no-go. Then he said he felt I was "running away." Weirdo! 

[Caauug]

2 hours ago, Watercolors said:

He sounds superficial. Meh. There's a ton of those types of men who judge a woman by her career and salary. 

You have to ask yourself, do you want to be in a relationship with a man who is going to hold your career label and salary level over your head all the time? As a marker of your worth? 

Maybe because he is constantly judged for his "career and salary level" by women? I like that, he is superficial for having an opinion... How about the six sixes women demand, but men are superficial when they want to see a woman have a career? Yes, the double standards of modern life.

I think it's great OP is out making money, what ever it takes to make a living, better than riding the system. We all have different values and standards, maybe his is higher than mine are. If he is high value and has the six sixes he can look for the career woman of his choice and will likely find her, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

[Chilli]

3 hours ago, Watercolors said:

He sounds superficial. Meh. There's a ton of those types of men who judge a woman by her career and salary. 

You have to ask yourself, do you want to be in a relationship with a man who is going to hold your career label and salary level over your head all the time? As a marker of your worth? 

A good friend of mine met her husband when she was doing a temp job. He married her anyway and she's continued to be a temp and they raised three children together. He doesn't care that his wife has never had a full-time job. He's a good man and great father and husband and he doesn't judge my friend for her type of work (temp work). He loves her for who she is. Those are the type of men you need to focus on. 

Don't let one guy's rejection make you feel bad. It's a blessing in disguise. Move on to the next one. 

 

God almighty , talk about getting carried away , wth even mentioned anyone judging anyone about careers ?

He wasn't interested, simple, they obviously had nothing to talk about for a start  sooooo, once again how dare he eh, suddenly he's the devil himself. You have no clue of anything about him she's told nothing.

 

 

Edited November 21, 2020 by Chilli

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

 I said I was going to do Instacart and Postmates to make money.  He said "good luck".

Why bother telling him that? Either you chat a bit and decide to meet up, or you move on.

[elaine567]

11 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

I asked what he was going to do this weekend, he said he wasn't sure.  I said I was going to do Instacart and Postmates to make money.  He said "good luck".

Brush off.  Needless to say we won't be talking anytime soon.  Makes me angry that someone would get you somewhat interested then do this to you.

Do what?
You opened up an opportunity for him to ask to meet you by asking what he was doing at the weekend, he said he wasn't sure ie no firm plans, but then you closed that avenue by saying you were busy working hence he now thinks YOU are not interested else why would you have jammed packed your weekend with work and then specifically let him know about it...
If you are actively dating then you need to clear your schedule to accommodate actual dating.
Too busy = I am not interested.

[lana-banana]

While I agree this doesn't sound like a high-interest situation, I interpreted it differently:

- What are you doing this weekend?

- Not sure (a very interested guy would have suggested something, but he is at least TELLING YOU he has availability), you?

- Working (you negated the possibility of doing something)

He could have suggested meeting up later, but so could you. This would probably have fizzled out anyway but I feel like you were the one who effectively shut the door on this.

[Trail Blazer]

I'm very confused.  This seems like a non-issue.  Why is this a problem? 

Surely you've had many conversations with guys on dating apps that didn't go anywhere?  

I know I had enough fails to list one for each day of the week five times over.

[Ellener]

13 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said:

you can wonder why he would be on a dating app if he wasn't going to converse, but thats most people.

People communicate a bit oddly sometimes.

I had a nice text and talk back and forth for months with one man, he was nice enough but ( and I'm not sure he realised this ) not really looking for a relationship or to meet in person. That could be the pandemic I suppose- another issue in the mix now- but I just think some people like to feel they are communicating with somebody all the time...self-validation or something...it doesn't mean anything in terms of friendship or relationship.

 

[Versacehottie]

I'm not sure why he is obligated to carry things further when perhaps in that first texting conversation he got enough information to decide he wasn't that interested or wasn't interested at all.   Is he obligated simply because you initially matched?  That's crazy.   People gather enough info about the other person until they can decide whether to pursue or not.  Sometimes it happens virtually right away (like this example) or it could be 2 years down the road.  He wasn't feeling it with you--why would you want him in that case?

If you want critique on what you told us about the interaction with him, I can say that your black cloud, life is a drag attitude is coming through (as per usual).  I'm not trying to be mean but here we are a few years later and not much has changed with this.  And you are wondering why things sputter out--I'm convinced this is part of the reason.  You have to get this under control for your own sake.  Isn't it awful feeling this way?  It is transparent in nearly every post you make and is affecting your ability to connect with others which you so desperately want.

On the logistical side of trying to get a date out of that interaction, I think he wasn't that interested but you also handled it poorly.  Your own weekend plans should have shown him what you do for fun (AND work if you must) rather than resign yourself to work, "ho-hum" vibe.  Also why pussyfoot around asking him what he's doing without EITHER suggesting you get together or in your own head play the longer game (if you'd rather not ask him out)?  You seem like you just figure you are not getting what you want immediately and expose the negative, depressed side.  It's not attractive or enticing and I'm not sure what you expect to happen from this.  While I don't think this guy was particularly interested, this stuff absolutely torpedoes it.  Also like a depressed person with black and white thinking, you are treating his interest as a FIXED entity rather than a FLUID one where your input and how you and your attitude come across influence his actions.  Probably along the same lines as what seems to be your belief that if he is interested by matching or having an initial conversation, he must remain interested or is "DOING" something to you. He's not doing anything TO do.  Take more ownership and do better with how you interact.  

*ps we are all still waiting for that thank you for the advice we put on countless threads of yours.  Gratefulness would be a step in the right direction with all of your issues, including unfounded anger.  

[smackie9]

If it were me, after information was exchanged, some chatting shared, if there is no date or meet up invite I would take that as not interested. M, don't reach out to these guys period.

[peach302]

3 hours ago, lana-banana said:

While I agree this doesn't sound like a high-interest situation, I interpreted it differently:

- What are you doing this weekend?

- Not sure (a very interested guy would have suggested something, but he is at least TELLING YOU he has availability), you?

- Working (you negated the possibility of doing something)

He could have suggested meeting up later, but so could you. This would probably have fizzled out anyway but I feel like you were the one who effectively shut the door on this.

Not sure isn't  exactly positive.

I dont think he was interested. A guy with interest would have suggested a meeting himself. ESPECIALLY at the start 

And that followed up with "good luck". Nah no interest there at all. 

Therefore even if she had suggested they get together ...im certain his response would have been less than impressive. 

Edited November 21, 2020 by peach302

[poppyfields]

16 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

 I was chatting with someone yesterday on a dating app.  We just exchanged basic information (what do you do for a living, hobbies, etc.) And today I reached out asking how his day went.  He said he had a day off today from his job - he came back and said it was relaxing.  I asked what he was going to do this weekend, he said he wasn't sure.  I said I was going to do Instacart and Postmates to make money.  He said "good luck".

Brush off.  Needless to say we won't be talking anytime soon.  Makes me angry that someone would get you somewhat interested then do this to you.

Hey mort.  Reading this, I am truly at a loss to understand (1) why this renders him "superficial" (as another poster suggested) and (2) why you believe he did something to you.  

What did he "do" exactly?   That would cause you to be angry?  Do you feel he misled you in some way?  How so?  I'm not seeing it, unless you left some details out.  

And how does your telling him you make extra cash working postmates and instacart and him responding "good luck" suggest he's superficial?  Or put off by your career?   I'm not getting that. 

Here's my take fwiw.

>> I was chatting with someone yesterday on a dating app.  We just exchanged basic information (what do you do for a living, hobbies, etc.).<<

YAWN.  Huge yawn!   Not sure what you expected from that but it sounds to me like there was very little if any energy/connection between you.  Like zilch.

If me, after a convo like, it's a straight next.  But yet you reached out again?  Asked him what he was doing the weekend? 

And he's the bad guy for simply not being interested.

Not getting it.  

 

 

 

 

Edited November 21, 2020 by poppyfields

[FMW]

It doesn't sound like he did anything to you, just just chose not to pursue meeting after having one previous conversation.  From what I've heard and read here on LS about dating apps, that happens a lot, most chats lead nowhere.  

I agree with Happy Lemming that you should maybe stick to meeting people in person, it's easier to judge interest/compatibility quickly and would reduce the amount of go nowhere encounters that only deepen your negative outlook.

Negativity and guardedness is very easy to pick up, even if you think you're hiding it well.  I think figuring out how to overcome your distrust and negative view of other people in general (based on your other threads and comments) is the key to changing the course.  You can't fake your way into truly connecting with people.

I know you've been hurt and disappointed by people in the past, but until you are able to deal with the past and leave it behind,  you're going to continue feeling like a victim that needs to have her guard up all the time and see only negative motives in others.