Emilyinroses Posted November 20, 2020 Posted November 20, 2020 Hi everyone, I am new here and new to use online dating, so would like some advice. I met a guy online and he seemed nice and wanted to meet but then started to say some things I didn’t feel comfortable with. He said that by looking at my photos seems like I have big boobs and he loves that. He also said we could go for a walk and then go to his car where he would tell me some secrets to my ear. I told him I don’t go into cars on a first meet and he said he was ok with that. I tried to ask questions what he does for work, etc, and he said he wants to ask me those questions but only in person. Then he asks if I sleep in my pijamas or naked, I didn’t reply. He then said sorry that he has been a bit horn* lately. Then he said for us to meet yesterday in late afternoon, but then started to postpone it. Because it was due to work, then he had to cook dinner for his son and his mom (?), then take a shower, and when he was ready to come and meet me it was already 9:30pm and everything was closed , so he said for us to meet in a park where I live. I wasn’t sure to meet him but said ok. He drove to the park, called me and I said meet you in 5. And then I panicked. I had this intuitive vibe that he postpone it on purpose so he can then press to come to my house for sex. So I sent him a message saying ‘sorry can’t meet you’ and blocked him. I feel sooooo bad for doing this! This is not my style to do this but I was so scared of meeting this guy and was thinking about him being a pervert and me being in danger. Is this normal on online dating? Did I do the right thing? Thank you!
peach302 Posted November 20, 2020 Posted November 20, 2020 (edited) 34 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Hi everyone, I am new here and new to use online dating, so would like some advice. I met a guy online and he seemed nice and wanted to meet but then started to say some things I didn’t feel comfortable with. He said that by looking at my photos seems like I have big boobs and he loves that. He also said we could go for a walk and then go to his car where he would tell me some secrets to my ear. I told him I don’t go into cars on a first meet and he said he was ok with that. I tried to ask questions what he does for work, etc, and he said he wants to ask me those questions but only in person. Then he asks if I sleep in my pijamas or naked, I didn’t reply. He then said sorry that he has been a bit horn* lately. Then he said for us to meet yesterday in late afternoon, but then started to postpone it. Because it was due to work, then he had to cook dinner for his son and his mom (?), then take a shower, and when he was ready to come and meet me it was already 9:30pm and everything was closed , so he said for us to meet in a park where I live. I wasn’t sure to meet him but said ok. He drove to the park, called me and I said meet you in 5. And then I panicked. I had this intuitive vibe that he postpone it on purpose so he can then press to come to my house for sex. So I sent him a message saying ‘sorry can’t meet you’ and blocked him. I feel sooooo bad for doing this! This is not my style to do this but I was so scared of meeting this guy and was thinking about him being a pervert and me being in danger. Is this normal on online dating? Did I do the right thing? Thank you! Yeah you did the right thing. It is normal for online dating. And yes he wanted sex. Edited November 20, 2020 by peach302
Alvi Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 2 hours ago, Emilyinroses said: He said that by looking at my photos seems like I have big boobs and he loves that. He also said we could go for a walk and then go to his car where he would tell me some secrets to my ear. Sorry, didn't read anything past this. Yes, he just wanted sex. 3
boymommy Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 It's normal for online dating but only if the guy wants to hookup with you. He just wanted sex for sure! If a guy starts talking about your physical traits or mentions anything sexual very early on then yes he only wants sex! When I was online dating I learned very fast to tell the difference between guys who wanted sex and the guys who were more serious. Sometimes its obvious, sometimes not so much. 2
ccas93 Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 What an effing creep! Don't feel bad about it at all, you gave him exactly what he deserved. Going to the park could have even been dangerous. This actually sounds like the beginning of a bad horror movie. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 You were absolutely right to block him. Everything he did and said was a flashing red sign he was looking for a hookup. If a guy refers to anything remotely sexual before meeting, he's after sex and deserves to be blocked. There are LOTS of guys like this on dating sites, so please screen very carefully. 1
Mrin Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 Dude here. 100% he was only after sex and wanted it (or oral) on date #1.
ajequals Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 I think you did exactly the right thing. I feel you were being setup. It creeps me out and I'm a guy.
boymommy Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 Ohhh also him wanting to meet you late is also a huge red flag! The rule of thumb is that if a guy is not willing to take you out while it's still evening then he's probably after a hookup. Only guys who want sex want late night meetups like that! You did the right thing for sure
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 Following your intuition saved you. Yes, this is common. Easy sex has become the norm these days, and it's now expected by a lot of men. 1
MickeyBill Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 You did the right thing, always trust yourself.
Lorenza Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 Oh no, it was really rude to cancel the date last minute, as the poor guy was already there waiting for you. Just kidding! After reading too much horror stories on "lets not meet" redditt, this sounds like a trap. In the very least he's a creep who'd try to pressure you into having sex. But it could have been something more sinister. Be safe, Op.
Wiseman2 Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) Immediately shut down conversations like that. Block and delete people like this asap. Never meet someone who gives you the creeps. If someone talks to you as if you're a hooker and what your services are, you know better than to keep that conversation going. Edited November 21, 2020 by Wiseman2 4
Trail Blazer Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 I don't know why you even entertained the idea of meeting him in the first place. Next time you should block a guy the moment he starts talking about your boobs or anything like that. Unless, of course, you're feelin' it and want a hook-up. Clearly, that's not what you wanted, though! So, be sure to shut down the pervs by blocking them as soon as they start down that path. 4
poppyfields Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) 16 hours ago, Emilyinroses said: He said that by looking at my photos seems like I have big boobs and he loves that. He also said we could go for a walk and then go to his car where he would tell me some secrets to my ear. Good lord. Not sure if this was said over text or phone call, but the next time you encounter hearing such idiocy from a man, immediately hang up or block and delete. Immediately! Dont even respond, simply block, delete. Next. And please do not feel bad or guilty about it, the guy is a disgusting pig. I've encountered this too plenty, worse even, when OLDing and I never did. You will encounter many men like this on line so (1) be discerning, (2) be smart and (3) be careful! Edited November 21, 2020 by poppyfields
smackie9 Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 You have to realize many women looking for a hook up use these sites, so that is why he was making it pretty clear. Why you said yes to this is BEYOND me. Lesson learned right? 1
boymommy Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 2 hours ago, smackie9 said: You have to realize many women looking for a hook up use these sites, so that is why he was making it pretty clear. Why you said yes to this is BEYOND me. Lesson learned right? My guess is she is a little niave like myself when I first went back into the dating world after my divorce. I never really OLD much until after my divorce (I'm 37 so it wasn't real popular yet when I was younger) so when I started dating on the apps I was so confused at the lingo everyone was using and it took me awhile to catch on to guys texting after 10 pm meant hookup and guys talking about your breasts meant hookup. The first few guys I talked to were really flirty and looking at it in hindsight it was very sexual but I didn't have any clue what I was doing and just thought thats what OLD was! I thought everyone was on there for a relationship and I quickly learned otherwise. Online dating=mostly guys wanting sex, some wanting stuff in between, and a small portion wanting actual relationships and/or marriage
Author Emilyinroses Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 Thank you everyone for your replies! Yes I think I was a bit naive and not used to this OLD thing. I said yes but then started to think about all the stuff he said and felt really bad about it, so I didn’t go to meet him. Thank goodness! So when a guy says something sexual is always and only what he is looking for, right? Even if the guy only says he wants to kiss you? 1 1
boymommy Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Thank you everyone for your replies! Yes I think I was a bit naive and not used to this OLD thing. I said yes but then started to think about all the stuff he said and felt really bad about it, so I didn’t go to meet him. Thank goodness! So when a guy says something sexual is always and only what he is looking for, right? Even if the guy only says he wants to kiss you? Yeah it was my experience that if he is talking about doing ANYTHING physical or your physical traits prior to meeting you or even VERY early on (like date 1 or date 2) then he probably wants a hookup or a more casual sexual relationship). A guy who is interested in a more serious relationship will obviously want sex but knows he can control himself and keep his hormones in check until the time is right and let a connection form (or see if there is even a connection there with a women to build off of). A guy who wants sex won't really care if there is a connection or not! Edited November 21, 2020 by boymommy
Miss Spider Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) “So when a guy says something sexual is always and only what he is looking for, right? Even if the guy only says he wants to kiss you?“ It’s thirsty to be that forward in the beginning. Avoid guys like that . Red flag Edited November 21, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Author Emilyinroses Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 8 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: “So when a guy says something sexual is always and only what he is looking for, right? Even if the guy only says he wants to kiss you?“ It’s thirsty to be that forward in the beginning. Avoid guys like that . Red flag Oh ok right! I thought it was ok and just being flirty! I am a very sexual person and very open to talk about it, and I like to flirt. If I feel attracted by a guy online I have no problems to say I like his lips, wonder how it would be to kiss him, etc. Is this too much? That doesn’t mean I want casual sex or am open to it, I want a relationship, but I don’t see any problem with that. Now I realise guys who do that just want one thing only.
Miss Spider Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) Nothing wrong with flirting/being sexual if you have aligned goals, but I think that’s too much in the beginning messages before meeting. If you say stuff like that you’re going to attract people who are also thirsty/too much. It’s no wonder this guy saw this as a sure shot for sex and didn’t even bother with a date. He thought that’s what you wanted. Did you tell him you were looking for a relationship? If you want to kiss them, say that after a date and when you are absolutely sure you do Edited November 21, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Author Emilyinroses Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 5 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Nothing wrong with flirting/being sexual if you have aligned goals, but I think that’s too much in the beginning messages before meeting. If you say stuff like that you’re going to attract people who are also thirsty/too much. It’s no wonder this guy saw this as a sure shot for sex and didn’t even bother with a date. He thought that’s what you wanted. Did you tell him you were looking for a relationship? If you want to kiss them, say that after a date and when you are absolutely sure you do In this case I didn’t tell the guy anything. I didn’t flirt at all. Actually I just wanted to go for a coffee and meet him. So all the sex stuff was only from his side. And also, I am not flirty with just anyone I talk to. Only if I feel a certain vibe and energy. 1
Miss Spider Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 4 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: In this case I didn’t tell the guy anything. I didn’t flirt at all. Actually I just wanted to go for a coffee and meet him. So all the sex stuff was only from his side. And also, I am not flirty with just anyone I talk to. Only if I feel a certain vibe and energy. Gotcha !
Author Emilyinroses Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 29 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Gotcha ! There’s this guy I am talking to now and I feel sooooo attracted to him, I told him his lips look so tasty! He said the same. I don’t know when we are meeting, since he lives 45min away and with these pandemic restrictions not sure when. Also I don’t know if I will find him attractive in person, but we were talking and I just felt like saying that. That doesn’t mean I am going to sleep with him when I meet him.
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