Would you take a week to respond to someone you're genuinely interested in after a first date?

[Rocky95]

I met this girl at a bar I frequent. She messaged me telling me to get home safe and then we briefly texted midweek when she messaged me. We meet up at the same bar the next weekend and hit it off. She said we should go out sometime. However, a few days later when I asked her out she took 2 days to respond to my text but responded enthusiastically  "That sounds wonderful " I thought it was strange she took so long to respond. Anyway the night of the date comes and she arrives almost 1 hour late. Her excuse was "she's always late". Luckily I didn't go to a busy restaurant so it was no issue. It went ok and she said she was keen to go on another date but then after messaging her mid week and then again on the weekend. She didn't respond until Tuesday next week claiming she was busy with work. But surely no matter how busy you are with work you'd find the time to respond to a message? I feel like she lost interest during the date and isn't being open about it or am I overthinking things? This girl was the one initiating all the contact before the date so I feel this change in behaviour is a bad sign?

 

 

Edited November 19, 2020 by Rocky95
Accidently posted early

[lee179108]

Your instinct is telling you the answers... shes either lost interest or shes dating other guys and keeping you on a hook incase she gets bored of other people. Ive experienced girls like this who date multiple guys before choosing. Like you said a text only takes like 2 seconds... she could have even texted you to say she wont be talking much as shes so busy. 

It annoys me when girls do this but what can you do?!  best thing you can do is just not initiate contact anymore, let her do the chasing.. whats the point in you making the effort all the time? it gets exhausting..  on you go to the next one. 

[basil67]

Even without all the rest of the disinterest, people who are 'always late" are selfish.  They think that their own activities are more important than the time of those who are waiting for them.   And we're not talking about being late because of a traffic jam and giving a sincere apology, this is someone who laughed off leaving you waiting for an hour.

Block her.

[Ami1uwant]

Some people are bad getting back to people.  If she is constantly texting different friends she could have seen your text but thought it was something she needed to think about before responding. Thrn got distracted, thought she replied to you, but didntthit send.

 

if she dating multiple guys or works odd hours coukd also delay responses like if she sometimes works 2nd shift or graveyard shift.

 

 

[Ami1uwant]

4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Even without all the rest of the disinterest, people who are 'always late" are selfish.  They think that their own activities are more important than the time of those who are waiting for them.   And we're not talking about being late because of a traffic jam and giving a sincere apology, this is someone who laughed off leaving you waiting for an hour.

Block her.

stuff happens.  I can forgive someone such as going to place unfamiliar with or difficult to find parking or some traffic delayoccurs.

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

stuff happens.  I can forgive someone such as going to place unfamiliar with or difficult to find parking or some traffic delayoccurs.

Indeed.  I'm always forgiving of a traffic jam or getting lost, but she laughed it off and said she's always late.  This wasn't an unfortunate incident - this is a regular behaviour which she owned.

[LivingWaterPlease]

She's not to be trusted. Not saying she's a cheater. Just saying you'll never be able to depend on her.

 

[ShyViolet]

Yeah, it shouldn't take two days to reply to a text.  She's flaky and it's clear that she's not that interested.

[SumGuy]

Yah could be flaky, lack of interest or she just has a lot going on in life and dating is not the top of her list at all.  Maybe all three. 

  So don’t expect serious but could work for casual.  She could be incredibly low maintenance if you can along with her whenever vibe.  Depends on what you seek. 

Sounds though like you two are not compatible.  

[mortensorchid]

One should not wait 2 hours to reply to a text.  All her behaviors tell me that she is not that interested in you.  

[Maldives]

I wouldn't have a bar of that lateness .. I had a mate like that Id known for twenty yrs same ting always latethey are very selfish and never change that alone would be a dealbreaker for me I wouldn't bother with her shes already showing disinterest wth the week long delay and no no one is that busy 

[MsJayne]

No one's that busy. She's ill-mannered and ignorant and likely just stringing you  along until she finds someone who's more her type to be rude and inconsiderate to. 

Edited November 19, 2020 by MsJayne

[MeadowFlower]

You definitely aren't at the top of her priorities. And she could be dating multiple people. Taking 2 days to respond is not that strange, though it can indicate a lesser level of interest. Same as it would if it was a buddy of yours taking that long to respond. However... my actions are contradictory to what I've just said, I can take days to reply to someone I do like. So it's obviously not a hard and fast rule, though in your situation I'd think a quicker reply would be expected. 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

She isn't that interested, no. 

Next. 

[Acacia98]

6 hours ago, Rocky95 said:

However, a few days later when I asked her out she took 2 days to respond to my text but responded enthusiastically  "That sounds wonderful " I thought it was strange she took so long to respond. Anyway the night of the date comes and she arrives almost 1 hour late. Her excuse was "she's always late". Luckily I didn't go to a busy restaurant so it was no issue. It went ok and she said she was keen to go on another date but then after messaging her mid week and then again on the weekend. She didn't respond until Tuesday next week claiming she was busy with work. But surely no matter how busy you are with work you'd find the time to respond to a message? I feel like she lost interest during the date and isn't being open about it or am I overthinking things? This girl was the one initiating all the contact before the date so I feel this change in behaviour is a bad sign?

 

 

I've never taken a week to get back to someone I was starting to date and getting to know. If I did that for whatever reason, I would understand if he interpreted it as lack of interest and moved on. But I have taken a week or more to get back to acquaintances and friends on non-urgent issues because there just isn't enough time in the day to communicate with everyone I need to communicate with in a timely fashion.

In early dating, I might take two days to respond if there's a lot going on in my life. So that alone would not strike me as a problem if someone did it to me. I tend to give folks an allowance of 2/3 days. And if I don't hear from them then, I assume they're not too interested or are too busy to date. (My expectations for communication in an established relationship are different.)

This woman has told you she's always late. That means she's flaky. That's different from taking two days to respond because you're swamped or overwhelmed. If I were you, I'd put her on the back burner: put as much energy into her as she was putting into me or forget her altogether. Because even if she is interested and goes on to become your girlfriend, her behavior is not going to improve. This is her doing the best she's willing to do for you. And it's already bothering you. Imagine how irritated you will be if you're in a relationship and she routinely takes ages to respond or to show up.

Edited November 19, 2020 by Acacia98

[Calmandfocused]

I once went out on a date with a guy and agreed to a second date. He text me the same night and the following morning then I didn’t hear anything from him for a week. His excuse was that he was being a “gentleman” and didn’t want to scare me away ..... er ... right! 
 

The result was that having deduced that he wasn’t interested, I had completely lost interest interest too. Bad move on his part! 
 

No woman likes to do all the initiating in the early stages of dating. I think she assumed your lack of contact means you are not interested. Her responses are mirroring (what she’s believes to be) your Luke warm interest
 

This was your mistake. If you like a woman ensure that you make this crystal clear from the offset. Don’t dilly dally about like you have been doing. 
 

But this one isn’t happening. Let it go is my advice. 

Edited November 19, 2020 by Calmandfocused

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately she doesn't seem that interested between showing up late and not communicating.

[Rocky95]

24 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said:

I once went out on a date with a guy and agreed to a second date. He text me the same night and the following morning then I didn’t hear anything from him for a week. His excuse was that he was being a “gentleman” and didn’t want to scare me away ..... er ... right! 
 

The result was that having deduced that he wasn’t interested, I had completely lost interest interest too. Bad move on his part! 
 

No woman likes to do all the initiating in the early stages of dating. I think she assumed your lack of contact means you are not interested. Her responses are mirroring (what she’s believes to be) your Luke warm interest
 

This was your mistake. If you like a woman ensure that you make this crystal clear from the offset. Don’t dilly dally about like you have been doing. 
 

But this one isn’t happening. Let it go is my advice. 

I'm confused by this comment. I messaged her twice with no response, the second time I even mentioned I still wanted to go out again. How many more times should I have to message in order to show proper interest? How have I not indicated that I liked her?

Edited November 19, 2020 by Rocky95

[Calmandfocused]

11 hours ago, Rocky95 said:

I met this girl at a bar I frequent. She messaged me telling me to get home safe and then we briefly texted midweek when she messaged me. We meet up at the same bar the next weekend and hit it off. She said we should go out sometime. However, a few days later when I asked her out she took 2 days to respond to my text but responded enthusiastically  "That sounds wonderful " I thought it was strange she took so long to respond. Anyway the night of the date comes and she arrives almost 1 hour late. Her excuse was "she's always late". Luckily I didn't go to a busy restaurant so it was no issue. It went ok and she said she was keen to go on another date but then after messaging her mid week and then again on the weekend. She didn't respond until Tuesday next week claiming she was busy with work. But surely no matter how busy you are with work you'd find the time to respond to a message? I feel like she lost interest during the date and isn't being open about it or am I overthinking things? This girl was the one initiating all the contact before the date so I feel this change in behaviour is a bad sign?

 

 

I’ve bolded the bits in your original post to show how she instigated from the get go and I’ve underlined the bit where you appeared slow off the mark to pin a date down. 
 

I think it was at this point that she lost interest, hence being slow to respond. 
 

I’m not saying that this was all your fault or anything likewise. I’m just pointing out what could be helpful for the future. 

[Caauug]

If she has a good reason to not answer texts she should have told you straight up. Not everyone can....

 

 

[smackie9]

First impressions count...an hour late? seriously? Days to respond? Stop being a push over.

[notbroken]

Hard next!  Late to your date, slow to respond, says she is 'always late', etc.   No way I would want to go on another date with her.   If you progressed to a relationship with her there would be guaranteed issues.  Avoid. 

[SumGuy]

9 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

I once went out on a date with a guy and agreed to a second date. He text me the same night and the following morning then I didn’t hear anything from him for a week. His excuse was that he was being a “gentleman” and didn’t want to scare me away ..... er ... right! 

The result was that having deduced that he wasn’t interested, I had completely lost interest interest too. Bad move on his part! 

Love it!  He may have been following internet dating advice.  I've seen that advice given even on LS, you wait to build interest otherwise you are needy.  Right...

Quote

 

No woman likes to do all the initiating in the early stages of dating. I think she assumed your lack of contact means you are not interested. Her responses are mirroring (what she’s believes to be) your Luke warm interest

This was your mistake. If you like a woman ensure that you make this crystal clear from the offset. Don’t dilly dally about like you have been doing. 

 

Exactly.  OP took 2 days to ask her out she took 2 days to respond.   Why the surprise?

This whole idea if you push them away they will come back to you (as if that somehow demonstrates your "value") is BS.   Must people when you "push" them away they take a step back or just keep going.

Edited November 19, 2020 by SumGuy

[kismetkismet]

Even if she WAS interested, she sounds disrespectful and/or flaky. An HOUR late for a dat4e with no real apology? Several days just to respond to a text message? That's just lazy and not respecting your time. Several hours or even one day is one thing, but it doesn't take that long to respond to a text message.. 

[Miss Spider]

Nope. Sounds like plans A, B, and C fell through