expresschange Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 Hi All, here’s my tricky situation. I’ve been mildly in love with a gal I haven’t seen for over 9 years. In jr High she was the preppy cheer girl who managed to be very humble about her social rank (which at the time meant everything, as you know). She became good friends with a female friend of mine and I made my way into her social circle. I was an awkward, nerdy chubby kid who was two years ahead in school and a year ahead of her. Over the year we got to know each other, as kids do, but never hung out alone. I got to know her family, and we meshed surprisingly well. HS came around and we were sent to different high schools. She finished up jr high and moved to the other school. I pulled myself together, started working on my social skills and managed to whip into shape. Became both valedictorian and student body president and graduated. I attended college, dated around but never met another person as kind and attentive as she was. She’s been in the peace corps for years now and is returning to my city. Now I’ve been working over a year. I’m so picky about who I date but I’m still not feeling a connection with any of the potential mates. I keep thinking about how I could reach out to my original crush. The first and only person I truly felt a connection to in my life. She obviously never thought of me as anything more than a friend back in the day. The last time we interacted in person was Jr High. I haven’t seen her in years, only texted every once in a while to check in. I’d say I’m at the acquaintance level. She probably knows nothing about me, except for who I was, and I know nothing about her except who she was. Should I reach out to her? If so, how? I’d normally ask someone to meet up for coffee but it’s covid season, y’all. My Jr High friends are still upset she left and never contacted any of us again - that a sign she really doesn’t care? I didn’t indicate I cared except for a few texts they all tell me to ditch her, except one who is actually trying to get her to go on a date with him now.
Wiseman2 Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 Why not start by being on social media? This way you can get a glimpse of each other's lives. For example, is she in a relationship? If she accepts your social media request, you could start by "catching up" and take it from there. 2
Author expresschange Posted November 18, 2020 Author Posted November 18, 2020 @Wiseman2 I agree that is a great start. We connected a few years back but after the Peace Corps she stopped being active online. She hasn’t posted in years. I do know she broke up with her long term boyfriend around 6 months back - I heard from a friend of a friend. I’d not want to pursue something if she wasn’t single.
smackie9 Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 hah so now that someone else is going to take the step to ask her out, the race is on. Women like confident men...step it up. Nothing else angers a woman more than a guy that passively tries to be her buddy to get his foot in the door. Say hi, have a few chats, ask her out.
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 I caution you about two things. 1. You have built her up so much in your mind that you think you are in love with the person she is in your head. That is probably not who she is at all. Be careful. 2. Being in the Peace Corps probably changed her. She's not the HS cheerleader any more. Especially since she's no longer on social media, you have no idea who she is now. You might not like her. She may have developed a taste for more worldly globe trotting partners who have had adventures like hers. The sweet nerdy guy from Jr. high may not hold her interest. If you know when she's coming back or that she is in fact back, reach out under the guise of wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving & welcoming her back home. Offer a Covid safe meet like a hike with social distance so that you two can catch up & she can tell you all about her adventures. Based on how that outing goes, if the attraction to who she actually is now as an adult is still there & she seems receptive to it, you can ask her on an actual date. Do not mention this life long crush. It will come off as creepy. After you have been dating for several months you can confess to the crush but not before.
boymommy Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 I'd just reach out and see if there is any real connection with who she is NOW. Ask your mutual friend for her number. If there is anything there I think you'll know it and you can proceed. If not you can either chalk it up to fantasy and then shut the door on that chapter of your life and then at least you'll know who you are now doesnt work with her.
Miss Spider Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 (edited) Got 10 min before I gotta go in for a date. Sorry but this sounds really cliche. Nerdy kid in hs catches feels for popular chick in jr high just because she’s popular, cute, and nice to him. Nerdy kid grows up and blossoms, but still can’t find the right woman, because the whole time he’s still in love with his first crush... The truth is if you are really ‘ picky’ , you’re being super idealistic to assume this woman, now more a stranger than ever before, is someone perfect for you. You know zero about her. Very much infatuation and very irrational. Nevertheless, give it a try but tbh I had a guys I was loosely acquainted with in hs reach out to me via fb messenger and it was a little odd. Just make sure you aren’t coming from a place of scarcity Edited November 18, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 19, 2020 Posted November 19, 2020 It would be best to establish friendly contact first. You may have had a crush all these years but pouncing on this right into asking her out could come off as pushy or creepy. You need to feel things out in person, for yourself, not go by hearsay that she's currently single.
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