Emerald_11 Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 For a long time after I was separated & divorced my ex would constantly do things to try to ruin my life and it was very hard trying to co-parent our kids. Now for the past few months I have full custody. I feel like I can finally move forward with my life. My kids have more stability and my daughters teacher said she is doing really well in school now. I know that whenever I tried to date anyone before I was not really able to be fully emotionally available because I was having to call the police when my ex didn't return the kids and go to court all the time. It was very stressful. My kids had to come first which made me neglect people who I cared about sometimes. There is someone who has recently been reaching out and talking to me almost every day. He has been a friend of mine since we were coworkers a few years ago. We have a few mutual friends from all working together. He knew about what was happening with my very difficult divorce and he tried to spend time with me back then but I was so embarrassed about what was happening I didn't want him to see it or know more. We both admitted that we have always been attracted to each other since we first met. I was married when I first met him...Sometimes we will be texting and he will just call and we can talk for hours about all kinds of things I really have got to know him a lot more the last few weeks. I also feel like he really understands me. We have gone out and shot our guns together in the woods- that was a couple of months ago. It was fun to spend time with him. I have gone to his house and watched movies and had snacks a couple times. We also gave each other massages but have not had sex yet. His massage he gave me was the best massage I have had in years! We both really enjoy each others company. I like how affectionate he is. We cuddle and make out a little sometimes. One time it got pretty intense and I knew what would happen if I stayed and I left....I told him later that I didn't want to be a rebound or ruin our friendship... He broke up with a girlfriend back in April or May who had moved out of his house and he was talking about her quite a bit. She was still coming over and moving her stuff out sometimes I guess. I didn't want to get too involved then just in case they got back together. Some time has passed since then. He had been allowing her to visit the dog they bought together but he said he doesn't want to keep accommodating that because its a dog not a child so he had a conversation and ended the dog visits. Now he says she keeps trying to contact him to get things like most recently it was some Christmas decorations. He did see her to give her back her stuff because it might be sentimental and he told me that he said it was her last chance if there was anything else to ask for it then and she couldn't think of anything He asked me to go out to dinner with him two times but something always came up and he had to cancel. One time he completely said he forgot. So I took a break from talking to him. Lately though he apologized a lot and has been texting me and talking to me a lot. He just recently sold his home and bought a different one and he was moving. Then he had some issues with his dog. I try to understand that people have busy lives. I did joke about how he was lucky I was still talking to him after he forgot about me. I think his flaky behavior also had something to do with her constantly making excuses to contact him. I think that is why he told me about his attempts of ending contact with her. He reminded me that we have known each other for longer than he knew her. I totally want to have sex with him! We have been taking it slow... Because I am tired of pointless hook up relationships. I actually want to be in a meaningful relationship now. He is very attractive and he tells me he "cares about me" Even though I feel like I have done the work on myself I try to notice if the other person seems ready too. Does it seem like he might be ready ? Do you think he might really be into me? I guess I will find out this weekend because he asked me to go to breakfast and spend the day with him on Sunday. I really hope we actually go and he doesn't cancel or forget. He will need to build a little trust as far as being reliable. I try to not get too excited and have a back up plan just in case so I don't get too bummed out. What do you think everyone? Does it sound promising? I will update after Sunday and that could be the deciding factor..... 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 Glad you are doing better. It seems like you are really for a relationship, but he isn't. The hot/cold flaky thing means he's still way too involved with this ex. It sounds like they're on/ off and still talking and at best... he's just not over her. Proceed with caution and consider dating men a bit more free and clear of exes . 1
Miss Spider Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 I’m happy that you found someone that you like. I’m trying to be hopeful here, but when I hear about someone “forgetting” a date, I’m like whaaat? Sorry I’ve been really busy in the past, but how does that happen 1
FMW Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 3 hours ago, Emerald_11 said: but something always came up and he had to cancel. One time he completely said he forgot. He may want to be ready to move on, but his actions indicate he's not. If you're able to just see where things go and not have expectations for now, enjoy what you have with him. But until he shows you reliable and consistent behavior, don't get too invested. 1
ShyViolet Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 People make time for what's important to them. The fact that he's been flaky shows what his priorities are. It sounds like he would be cool with a FWB thing but not really ready for a relationship. If I were you I would give it one more chance, but if he acts flaky again then stop chasing this guy. Don't put yourself in the position of having to always chase him and he doesn't reciprocate.
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