Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 30, 2021 Author Posted January 30, 2021 I dont know. My brain knows its over . Just hurts.
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2021 Posted January 30, 2021 Of course it hurts. And we've all experienced something like this so we know the terrible emotional distress it brings on. That being said if you were on the proper medicine it would help you go through each day without this mental torture you seem to be going through. Have you thought of selling that house? My ex renovated my condo before we broke up. I find it hard to live in a space he designed and made himself, I can't imagine how hard it would be for me if I had to live in a house I had bought for us. The market is in favor of sellers right now, you could easily sell with an interesting profit and I beleive it would help your recovery. 1
Damage_report Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 On 1/30/2021 at 2:46 AM, Rtkennedy1 said: I dont know. My brain knows its over . Just hurts. How are you doing/feeling today? 1
World Peace Guy Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 First of all, it is nothing you did wrong. Marriage is "for better or for worse". Better she leaves you now, rather than after you have kids. Painful, yes, but you'll get over it and hopefully find someone better. Just remember, it is nothing you did wrong. This was a time when she was supposed to be there for you, not you providing "the love and affection she deserved." You're not a sex robot, or vending machine or whatever. This is one of those "dodged a bullet" situations. Years from now, you'll be glad about this. 1
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted February 8, 2021 Author Posted February 8, 2021 Im slowly feeling better , although it seems like I should be farther along. I cant say I feel the dodged bullet as relief yet. 1
Wiseman2 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 On 2/4/2021 at 9:30 AM, World Peace Guy said: . Marriage is "for better or for worse". They're not married. But agree it's better they broke up than went forward.
Marc878 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 On 11/28/2020 at 8:30 AM, Rtkennedy1 said: There was no abuse, I treated her the best I could under the circumstances Bud, they all do a relationship rewrite to suit their agenda. That’s all this is.
Gaeta Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 16 minutes ago, Marc878 said: Bud, they all do a relationship rewrite to suit their agenda. That’s all this is. And the dumpee tend to do a relationship rewrite over valuing the relationship, I know I'm still there after 2,5 months. It's a slow process. 1
Marc878 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 (edited) 42 minutes ago, Gaeta said: And the dumpee tend to do a relationship rewrite over valuing the relationship, I know I'm still there after 2,5 months. It's a slow process. Yep, you are correct. However, if you set down and compare the pros and cons you’ll probably find out you didn’t lose much. Nothing brings clarity like writing it down in black and white. I used this method in business all the time. As you reflect back you see things you overlooked or ignored. You’ll be fine long term. Smarter and wiser too. Edited February 8, 2021 by Marc878 2
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted February 18, 2021 Author Posted February 18, 2021 This week during and past valentines was rough. My mind keeps going to " im actually never going to speak to, see, or have any interaction with her ever again? Just still unbelievable to me that its gone, disappeared into a past I wish I could forget, if just to alleviate the pain and regret.
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 Have you had a follow up with your doctor on your meds?
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted February 24, 2021 Author Posted February 24, 2021 Mornings are especially hard, waking up with the sweats, gradually feeling a bit better as I start the day. Ruminating periodically throughout the day. The pain is still there but I think it is dulling
Marc878 Posted February 25, 2021 Posted February 25, 2021 On 1/15/2021 at 7:41 PM, Rtkennedy1 said: Its been horrible in all honesty. Therapy hasn't helped and I've been consistent. Even tho I know shes with someone else I still miss her. I have been in this state for so long and cant seem to break free. Still not sleeping even with the meds. Its horrific. Blame-shifting is when a person does something wrong or inappropriate, and then dumps the blame on someone else to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior. Your fantasy vision of her is not the reality of who she is. Until you get that clarity you’ll stay stuck.
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted March 4, 2021 Author Posted March 4, 2021 Almost 4 months of no contact and only now am I making a little more progress, or at least what feels like progress. Dwelling less. I cant say I've" focused on myself or used the experience to fuel self growth". Definitely could have done without this experience, but that wasn't up to me. Still shackled to the past although I'd rather not chafe the bonds that tied me down by ruminating. Im not balanced yet but I'm seesawing , which is better than the south end of the spectrum. 2
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted March 4, 2021 Posted March 4, 2021 That is great that you can see that you are in fact making a little more progress. Do not judge yourself - there is no set rulebook about where you should be at 4 months and you are moving in the right direction. I am no expert but to me the fact that you can even identify that you are seesawing is good. It shows self awareness, and as you note you are not staying on the south end. Take each day as it comes and love yourself without judgement. You are doing the best you can and are progressing. I think it likely takes at least a year or many years before you see any gift in the box of darkness that you got four months ago. Hang in there! 2
Gaeta Posted March 4, 2021 Posted March 4, 2021 The process of recovery has started. It's too much to ask of yourself to experience growth from this at this time. This will come much later after it's all behind you and you've moved on. Sometimes we understand things only when we've moved on with someone else and we experience love a different way. Right now it's all about keeping your head out of the water. Hold on tight, better days are coming.
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted March 9, 2021 Author Posted March 9, 2021 I return to work tomorrow, and while I'm glad I'm also nervous , I guess due to the fact that im making the move out of some kind of comfort zone. This past week has been an improvement mentally and emotionally thank god. 6
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted March 11, 2021 Posted March 11, 2021 On 3/9/2021 at 1:58 PM, Rtkennedy1 said: I return to work tomorrow, and while I'm glad I'm also nervous , I guess due to the fact that im making the move out of some kind of comfort zone. This past week has been an improvement mentally and emotionally thank god. Hope your first day went well. Being busy and productive, not to mention making money and having more interactions, can only help IMO. 1
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted March 17, 2021 Author Posted March 17, 2021 Work has been a good distraction, although I woke up today a bit depressed, having received an opportunity for advancement, something I usually would be excited to tell her about, and not being able to. Bittersweet and surprising how depressed i felt/feel.
Gaeta Posted March 18, 2021 Posted March 18, 2021 It's a seesaw process for a lot of people. My work is what keeps me saine. I get things done, I speak to people, I'm able to laugh and to make jokes but outside of work I feel like a zombie walking around with nowhere to go. I spend the weekend on my couch in my pj's while spring is here and it's beautiful outside. Everything reminds me of him, we share a lot in 5 years. All this will pass, and it will pass for you as well. 4 1
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted March 20, 2021 Posted March 20, 2021 Congrats on the promotion opportunity! Keep up the great work. 1 1
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted April 21, 2021 Author Posted April 21, 2021 Can finally say I'm on the other side of this, and for the most part, feeling much better, more positive, optimistic, and can see the " blessing in disguise" or dodged the bullet mentality much more clearly after close to six months. thanks to everyone here for their continued support 7
Alfano Posted April 21, 2021 Posted April 21, 2021 You really came a long way from the depths of despair. Good to see that. 1
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