Ellener Posted January 26, 2021 Share Posted January 26, 2021 37 minutes ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Cant seem to find the strength . Just feel beaten Get some rest. Tomorrow is another day ((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 26, 2021 Share Posted January 26, 2021 35 minutes ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Cant seem to find the strength . Just feel beaten Rt, I know you're staying away from alcohol but stay away from sugar, too. Sugar can cause depression, as does alcohol as you already know probably. Can you get any exercise? That would help you a lot! Especially exercise in the sunshine. Look into the relationship of B vitamins and depression, also. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 26, 2021 Author Share Posted January 26, 2021 Yep barely any sugar as well as no caffeine. Just pining every freaking day and sick of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 26, 2021 Share Posted January 26, 2021 25 minutes ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Just pining every freaking day and sick of it. I have used a 'thought stopping technique' ( actually said 'stop!' out loud at first) when I felt my thoughts were controlling me, it's just replacing one thought with another thought, I used mantras or singing or meditating. Mindfulness meditation, short videos, helped me. There are deep sleep meditation videos online. And walking, I walked miles every day when I was really anxious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 26, 2021 Share Posted January 26, 2021 You need to get to a doctor. It's that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 26, 2021 Share Posted January 26, 2021 I agree it's time for you to see a doctor. Listen, what you're experiencing is cumulative grief. It's important you get professional help and it starts with your family doctor. I went through a very difficult seperation back in 2004 and I refused my doctor's medication because I thought I could go through this cold-turkey, well that didn't happen, I suffered in silence for 4 years over a 4 year relationship how crazy is that!!. I will never EVER do this again to myself. Now I am 2 months out of a 5 year relationship and my first therapist appointment is tomorrow. Be kind to yourself, get help! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 26, 2021 Share Posted January 26, 2021 He's under the care of one or more physicians he already posted that. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 26, 2021 Share Posted January 26, 2021 Thank you for clarifying. I remember he's seeing a therapist but I didn't read if his doctor gave him something for depression. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 27, 2021 Author Share Posted January 27, 2021 I feel empty. I used to have hobbies like sailing and fishing reading, cant seem to find enjoyment in anything, its like i have lost my identity and have no desire anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 27, 2021 Share Posted January 27, 2021 21 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: Yep barely any sugar as well as no caffeine. Just pining every freaking day and sick of it. Take a hard look at what you’re pining after. I don’t see much. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 27, 2021 Share Posted January 27, 2021 3 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: I feel empty. I used to have hobbies like sailing and fishing reading, cant seem to find enjoyment in anything, its like i have lost my identity and have no desire anymore. Sometimes we have to 'fake it 'til we make it', just going through the everyday motions. Cook, exercise, grow something, change the sheets... But if you must seek some kind of depths in reliving an unrequited relationship you could listen to Berlioz' Symphonie Fantastique, the composer's sublimation of a romantic obsession. I spent a whole year listening to that once decades ago when I was obsessed with a failed romance. The music is brilliant of course, and depicts the cathartic punishment for the composer in emortalising his former lover as a hideous witch musical number. Try to laugh. Find something every day to smile at and appreciate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted January 27, 2021 Share Posted January 27, 2021 27 minutes ago, Ellener said: Sometimes we have to 'fake it 'til we make it', just going through the everyday motions. Cook, exercise, grow something, change the sheets... But if you must seek some kind of depths in reliving an unrequited relationship you could listen to Berlioz' Symphonie Fantastique, the composer's sublimation of a romantic obsession. I spent a whole year listening to that once decades ago when I was obsessed with a failed romance. The music is brilliant of course, and depicts the cathartic punishment for the composer in emortalising his former lover as a hideous witch musical number. Try to laugh. Find something every day to smile at and appreciate. @Ellener I love that music and all the moody classical music! It’s based in Gregorian chants! My current obsession is walking my dog while listening to Benedictine nuns in the early morning. I want to create an abstract painting inspired by it...it’s on my list! @Rtkennedy1i agree with the fake it til you make it. Also once I was living alone again after over a decade with my ex, I got sucked into the YouTube vortex, exploring music and art and classes, so maybe you can cultivate some new interests via YouTube. I think the idea is try things, jump into stuff you never had time for, and you can even start with the symphony mentioned if it appeals to you, and read up on the prolific nature of the “Dies Irae” notes used across movies. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 27, 2021 Author Share Posted January 27, 2021 Friends and posters have been crucial to me, i still feel horrible about my loss. I thank everyone for the advice and support. Its been extremely tumultuous every day with limited interaction with people and social circles. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted January 27, 2021 Share Posted January 27, 2021 This site also saved me even though at the time I just read my story in it other posts and was never the OP. Just know that you will pull through as we all did. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 27, 2021 Author Share Posted January 27, 2021 I just cant comprehend how I could be suffering the same amount of loss as compared to her Link to post Share on other sites
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted January 27, 2021 Share Posted January 27, 2021 Ultimately it doesn’t matter how your experience of the loss stacks up to hers, nor will you ever know what she is or isn’t going through. No two experiences are the same, nor are things linear. You need to learn to detach. Get out of your head and stop replaying scenes over and over again. You have to just be aware of the endless cycles of your mind and literally just stop. Do a 60 second plank each time you start obsessing, play with the rabbit, learn an instrument, whatever. Repeat and start to free yourself bit by bit. I tried to logically think things through like this to snap out of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 27, 2021 Share Posted January 27, 2021 6 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: I just cant comprehend how I could be suffering the same amount of loss as compared to her You're grieving your mother. She's happily moved on to a new place new job new romance etc. Did you quit your job? Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 27, 2021 Share Posted January 27, 2021 12 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: I feel empty. I used to have hobbies like sailing and fishing reading, cant seem to find enjoyment in anything, its like i have lost my identity and have no desire anymore. That's the depression. Whatever medications your doctor has got you on don't seem to be working. Talk to your physician about Cymbalta. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 27, 2021 Share Posted January 27, 2021 How long have you started your medication? If it's been more than a month then like Trident_2020 said you have to go back to your doctor. It can take a few try before they find the right meds for you. It's possible you need a combo of meds like something for anxiety and depression. When my ex-husband unexpectedly died (father of my daughter) I was hit hard, I cried none stop, I lied awake all night, and I started developping uncontrollable fears of dying untill one day I had a fake-stroke in the metro (it felt real to me), metro stoppped service and I was carried to emergencies by ambulance. Over there I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety. They gave me 2 meds, I don't remember the names. One tiny pink pills to take when I felt an uncontrollable wave of emotions and 1 more pill to take once a day. It was prescribed to me for 4 months. That tiny pink pill saved my life. 20 minutes after taking it my brain littleraly stopped going crazy and I could concentrate on work. After my 4 months treatment I stopped the meds slowly as we're suppose to and I never again needed them. That was 8 years ago. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 28, 2021 Author Share Posted January 28, 2021 I know its pathetic , I cant stop thinking of her. Its hard to stop loving someone after 5 years despite what she did. I need to be constantly reminded that what she did was very cruel . Im sorry to go on like this , I seem to miss her more everyday and I just want this pain to stop Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 28, 2021 Share Posted January 28, 2021 You are wallowing in depression and self pity. It's a vicious downward cycle and you need to focus on the cure not the condition. I've said it before- you need the right medication. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 28, 2021 Share Posted January 28, 2021 13 hours ago, Rtkennedy1 said: I know its pathetic , I cant stop thinking of her. Its hard to stop loving someone after 5 years despite what she did. I need to be constantly reminded that what she did was very cruel . Im sorry to go on like this , I seem to miss her more everyday and I just want this pain to stop I don't know about pathetic, it is what it is, a process, but you seem stuck in an unhealthy pattern of thinking. You don't need to stop loving your ex- just relegate it to the past. Until you let go of the past it will be hard to live fully in the present or plan for the future. What did you do to commemorate your mother's life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rtkennedy1 Posted January 30, 2021 Author Share Posted January 30, 2021 She meant so much to me. And I meant so little to her. I think of her everyday. I try to change the loop and it keeps coming. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 40 minutes ago, Rtkennedy1 said: She meant so much to me. And I meant so little to her. I think of her everyday. I try to change the loop and it keeps coming. Call your doctor, you need a follow up appointment on your meds. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 30, 2021 Share Posted January 30, 2021 1 hour ago, Rtkennedy1 said: She meant so much to me. And I meant so little to her. I think of her everyday. I try to change the loop and it keeps coming. Ok, so you are going through these motions. Tell your counsellor and your doctor, but pay attention yourself too- why do you think you are going around in the same loop? Is there something you needed to learn/hear? Link to post Share on other sites
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