Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 6 minutes ago, Negotaurus said: You admitted to rejecting him. Then you admitted to continuing to reject him over and over again. Then out of the blue you show up with the classic “hey I wanna chat, but on my terms, because I’m here for me” vibe. Previously you also bent yourself into a pretzel coming up with excuses as to why you won’t meet up. You won’t even video chat with the guy. Or send a picture! Stop trying to manipulate and play innocent, most people have been through this kind of nonsense countless times. It’s very easy to catch onto disingenuous behaviour after witnessing it. I apologise for being harsh but keep it 100 or stop and evaluate yourself. You would be surprised. I knew this guy who would get caught up with catfish all of the time. The less options a guy has the more likely they are to entertain stuff like that because they want to believe it is true . But yeah, it seems like this is not that guys this guys first rodeo. Even if OP is not misleading about her appearance, this guy might have met someone in person who was not as attractive as their pics and was disappointed or he is just caution by nature. This guy seems to not be that convinced by it and even though he’s playing along a little he’s not gonna meet up until he knows s*** it legit.
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 20 minutes ago, poppyfields said: To add to my last post, my read on why you dislike videochat. I don't think it relates to how attractive or unattractive you think you are..You know you're attractive, that is not the issue. For many people including myself video chat is awkward. It's difficult to be your true genuine self staring at a freakin phone or iPad. You're afraid of being seen and judged in that way so you avoid, I get it. Pics are safer cause there is no awkwardness and you can take a zillion pics and choose the one that reflects you in the best light. In person is the best because you're more relaxed, seen properly (not just physically) and can gauge their response to you right then and there without you having to wonder about it. Assuming you're perceptive and are able to read people properly. Sense the energy. I'm projecting of course, but also my take on it from reading your posts. I could be wrong. Yes!!!! This is part of it. Its just awkward. A little bit too i dont know how i will look on his phone camera . But im never short of attention in reality and there is a chance he would find me attractive in person if he just met me without all the extra video calling stuff he keeps going on about? If i explain all of that his suspicious mind will go into overdrive already. I know this for a fact. I just ended up telling him i find it weird..thats all. And he didnt mention it again when i said i genuinely did want to meet him and that was my intention all along. And he made a joke about how we could pretend to exercise. Because thats the only reason we would be allowed out at the moment.
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Again, I think you need to become a more secure in your looks., video might not be the most flattering in your opinion, but will make your appearance more clear to him. He will still get a general idea of what you look like. It doesn’t matter if it is the most flattering or not if you are secure and how you look. You made the suggestion to meet in person and he rebuffed it. I really don’t see him meeting with you in person until he has more proof that he’ll be attracted to you. Some guys just don’t want to waste the time or are too anxious to meet if they aren’t clear on that. If you can’t get secure and become proud of who you are then you continue to just have these a text convos that end up going nowhere. (I am not saying you are a catfish but a lot of people out there are catfish/lead people on on online dating and they find enjoyment in it in and of itself.) But eventually the other person gets tired of it and moves on. From what I see he has largely moved on, but he is entertaining this because he is bored with nothing better to do. I think this is a big waste of time for both of you. No matter what you look like I’m sure there are people out there that will think that you very attractive and will want to meet/date you. no need to do this stuff Thats the thing lots of guys see my pictures and want to dAte me...Straight away they say im pretty/hot..when can we meet. Before i even messaged this guy at least five guys already asked to meet me just previous to the lockdown happening. He has no idea the extent of people who are interested in me and how much attention i get. I probably shouldn't have said so but in the message exchange i did mention how many guys i had to reject before i spoke to him. Just to give him an idea. Oh and by the way none of thosr guys mentioned videochatting even once. Looking at my pictures..was enough for them. To be fair though i only sent him once pic..ans those guys saw about 3 or 4 which i recently took
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) On 11/20/2020 at 3:59 PM, peach302 said: I just explained previously i did talk to other guys. Its easier when there is a mutual interest. Which in this case there is. I spoke to a few other guys in the last few months. One started talking about how he wanted 7 kids and spent his entire life on instagram liking pictures of women...i said im out. The other was being sexual the whole time so i blocked him... another one his idea of a ideal meeting was in a fried chicken shop..also he didn't graduate from university. Another one lived too far and wanted 5 kids...and finally there was one guy who blocked me because i hadn't replied in a day.. Those are the examples i remember. So as you can see.. a mutual interest is very uncommon for me. Get get plenty of interest in real life but you keep entertaining/wasting time internet chatting with people like this. And another person who is Lukewarm about meeting you but you still can’t let go of for some reason after six months. Something is seriously amiss here. Red flags all over the place. It’s clear you really have no intention of changing things anyway. I still wish you the best and hope you find happiness in whatever manner that may be Edited January 7, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 1 minute ago, peach302 said: Thats the thing lots of guys see my pictures and want to dAte me...Straight away they say im pretty/hot..when can we meet. Before i even messaged this guy at least five guys already asked to meet me just previous to the lockdown happening. He has no idea the extent of people who are interested in me and how much attention i get. I probably shouldn't have said so but in the message exchange i did mention how many guys i had to reject before i spoke to him. Just to give him an idea. Oh and by the way none of thosr guys mentioned videochatting even once. Looking at my pictures..was enough for them. To be fair though i only sent him once pic..ans those guys saw about 3 or 4 which i recently took It doesn’t matter though how many people find you attractive if he doesn’t. That’s why he wants the more pictures and wants a video chat. So that he can be sure that he is. I am not condoning shallowness at all. I just know that a lot of men are shallow to an extent. Before they take you out to dinner they want to know for sure that you would be someone that they could possibly be attracted to. So if this is the particular guy that you are going for, being vague about your appearance may hold you back from going further with him.
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 21 minutes ago, Negotaurus said: You admitted to rejecting him. Then you admitted to continuing to reject him over and over again. Then out of the blue you show up with the classic “hey I wanna chat, but on my terms, because I’m here for me” vibe. Previously you also bent yourself into a pretzel coming up with excuses as to why you won’t meet up. You won’t even video chat with the guy. Or send a picture! Stop trying to manipulate and play innocent, most people have been through this kind of nonsense countless times. It’s very easy to catch onto disingenuous behaviour after witnessing it. I apologise for being harsh but keep it 100 or stop and evaluate yourself. I get it comes off looking disingenuous. But all the stuff i said in the recent message exchange...was true..and i was being pretty upfront. What more can i do? Im trying to keep it 100..more than ive ever done before yet somehow im not catching a break.. Ok hes talking to me but how do i know hes not going to suddenly be like cya again!
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Get get plenty of interest in real life but you keep entertaining/wasting time internet chatting with people like this. And another person who is Lukewarm about meeting you but you still can’t let go of for some reason after six months. Something is seriously amiss here. Red flags all over the place. It’s clear you really have no intention of changing things anyway. I still wish you the best and hope you find happiness in whatever manner that may be Again misunderstandings and misjudgments and assumptions. Yes i only have to walk out the door...down the road and there are men walking up to me asking for my number? He obviously has no idea of this and im not going to tell him case i come off like im bragging or trying to convince him of my attractiveness.. Apps are just convenient and a way to pick and choose.. who i want or am interested in..i dont just go for the first guy who shows me any interest. This guy pursued me for ages..at least a month or two i would say .and i didnt show him then or express any interest..if now im trying to be more serious in my approach...is there anything wrong in that? Edited January 7, 2021 by peach302 1
poppyfields Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 2 minutes ago, peach302 said: Ok hes talking to me but how do i know hes not going to suddenly be like cya again! You won't know. No one knows even when dating in real life! It's a risk and one you need to take if you're to get anywhere with him or any man. I get it's scarier with him because you really like him. I think we all can relate to that. Trust that he's a good genuine guy until he gives you reason not to. See it from a place of positivity versus negativity. Glass half full. Take a risk. 1
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 8 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: It doesn’t matter though how many people find you attractive if he doesn’t. That’s why he wants the more pictures and wants a video chat. So that he can be sure that he is. I am not condoning shallowness at all. I just know that a lot of men are shallow to an extent. Before they take you out to dinner they want to know for sure that you would be someone that they could possibly be attracted to. So if this is the particular guy that you are going for, being vague about your appearance may hold you back from going further with him. Of course hes shallow... If you read previously what he said about the women his parents/friends were trying to set him up with. He said...they were all plain or unattractive in other words
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: You won't know. No one knows even when dating in real life! It's a risk and one you need to take if you're to get anywhere with him or any man. I get it's scarier with him because you really like him. I think we all can relate to that. Trust that he's a good genuine guy until he gives you reason not to. See it from a place of positivity versus negativity. Glass half full. Take a risk. Thanks. Very true. Hes still got the catfish thing in his mind so i dont know how to diminish those thoughts without actually having a video call which id really rather not do lol
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: You won't know. No one knows even when dating in real life! It's a risk and one you need to take if you're to get anywhere with him or any man. I get it's scarier with him because you really like him. I think we all can relate to that. Trust that he's a good genuine guy until he gives you reason not to. See it from a place of positivity versus negativity. Glass half full. Take a risk. I think he probably thinks i dont care about him that much lol. Because when i said hes grown on me..he was surprised..he said really i thought you found me to be rude and blunt etc...its true at the very beginning i did block him as i didnt like him much at the time...hence why i said hes grown on me lol..and when i asked him to come out with what he thinks of me..all he could muster was the word " defensive" not the most complimentary . 1
poppyfields Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, peach302 said: Thanks. Very true. Hes still got the catfish thing in his mind so i dont know how to diminish those thoughts without actually having a video call which id really rather not do lol You can send him a recent pic which was all he originally asked for. I understand about feeling miffed that he may think you're a catfish, because you know you're not. But try seeing it from HIS side. He might have a history of encountering catfishes so naturally he's cautious. Ask him how many fingers you should hold up and take a selfie showing that many fingers. Take a zillion if you want and send the most flattering. It would be helpful if it was face and full body, with clothes on of course lol. Wear something that flatters your figure - for me that would be tight-fitting low rise jeans with cute low cut tee, not too low! Edited January 7, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1
stillafool Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 8 minutes ago, peach302 said: Thanks. Very true. Hes still got the catfish thing in his mind so i dont know how to diminish those thoughts without actually having a video call which id really rather not do lol Why don't you want to do a video call?
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) 22 minutes ago, peach302 said: Again misunderstandings and misjudgments and assumptions. Yes i only have to walk out the door...down the road and there are men walking up to me asking for my number? He obviously has no idea of this and im not going to tell him case i come off like im bragging or trying to convince him of my attractiveness.. Apps are just convenient and a way to pick and choose.. who i want or am interested in..i dont just go for the first guy who shows me any interest. This guy pursued me for ages..at least a month or two i would say .and i didnt show him then or express any interest..if now im trying to be more serious in my approach...is there anything wrong in that? It’s not any assumption that you spend too much time in this fantasy world of online dating. Otherwise, you’d actually be going on dates with desirable men and not stuck on some guy who you’ve been been chatting with for months on end. Of course you would also know that it does not mean anything for a guy to “pursue” online for months... It takes zero effort to chat online. People do it when they’re bored and Ding around as I’m sure you’re aware ... why would he think that you cared about him that much? Doubt he’s that delusional. You are just one of the many people he is chatting with online. You shouldn’t care about him that much and he shouldn’t care about you that much because you haven’t even met and he doesn’t even know if “you” even exist tbh . Edited January 7, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 On 11/17/2020 at 3:44 PM, peach302 said: But hes also weird in that he says i treat him as an option. I dunno what’s weird about this, peach. You are toying with him and he is toying right back with you. This is what people do sometimes online and it seems like a huge waste of time, but I guess it’s not my place to say how people should spend their free time. 1
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) 29 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I dunno what’s weird about this, peach. You are toying with him and he is toying right back with you. This is what people do sometimes online and it seems like a huge waste of time, but I guess it’s not my place to say how people should spend their free time. Its a pandemic. I cant go out and meet him as once explained? I dont get what's so hard to understand since im sure you've made posts about lots of men who you've also spoken to. Way too much assuming still. Hes too serious to be toying with people. He'll either talk when hes interested or totally bow out. As for me im not toying with anyone either. Whether its him or anyone else.. there are people on apps who are not total wastes. Edited January 7, 2021 by peach302
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 39 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: It’s not any assumption that you spend too much time in this fantasy world of online dating. Otherwise, you’d actually be going on dates with desirable men and not stuck on some guy who you’ve been been chatting with for months on end. Of course you would also know that it does not mean anything for a guy to “pursue” online for months... It takes zero effort to chat online. People do it when they’re bored and Ding around as I’m sure you’re aware ... why would he think that you cared about him that much? Doubt he’s that delusional. You are just one of the many people he is chatting with online. You shouldn’t care about him that much and he shouldn’t care about you that much because you haven’t even met and he doesn’t even know if “you” even exist tbh . Yeah i CANT GO on dates? we've been in and out of lockdown here.
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) On 11/17/2020 at 12:05 AM, peach302 said: Met the guy through OLD. Spoken a number of times on the phone. I'm a texter..he's a phone person. Been in and out of contact for a year. We talk and then lose momentum. Last time we spoke six months ago now. If that’s the case, you’ve been talking to this person since late 2019. This is not a real thing. texting for years loses momentum. You keep going back and forth to you are willing to meet to know you can’t me because of the pandemic and any excuse in between.If by some chance you end up meeting after the pandemic is over, that’s great. But it seems like there are some major hurdles to get through before this will even be remotely possible. I think you have some insecurities that you need to overcome and also just acceptance that maybe this guy is not the one for you and it’s not happening. I’m just trying to help. Edited January 7, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 45 minutes ago, poppyfields said: You can send him a recent pic which was all he originally asked for. I understand about feeling miffed that he may think you're a catfish, because you know you're not. But try seeing it from HIS side. He might have a history of encountering catfishes so naturally he's cautious. Ask him how many fingers you should hold up and take a selfie showing that many fingers. Take a zillion if you want and send the most flattering. It would be helpful if it was face and full body, with clothes on of course lol. Wear something that flatters your figure - for me that would be tight-fitting low rise jeans with cute low cut tee, not too low! Hmmmm. Ive already taken like four or five in different outfits. I find it weird how we're talking on the app..he can see ive got two private photos quite clearly but hasnt once asked me if he can see them.. And i don't want to suddenly reveal be cause it will be too obvious its for him
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 So you have one photo and two private photos. Why is that?
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 2 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: You’ve been talking to this person since at least late 2019. This is not a real thing. texting for years loses momentum. If by some chance you end up meeting after the pandemic is over, that’s great. But it seems like there are some major hurdles to get through before this will even be remotely possible. I think you have some insecurities that you need to overcome and also just acceptance that maybe this guy is not the one for you and that’s perfectly fine. I’m just trying to help. I never said there wasn't hurdles. Also its very on and off so its not like we've been talking this whole time. And being negative on your isnt really helping no offence
stillafool Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 Why haven't you wanted to video chat with him?
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) Well, the truth in this case is not positive. Edited January 7, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 2
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 Just now, Shortskirtslonglashes said: So you have one photo and two private photos. Why is that? What? One photo i sent to him ages ago on whatsapp..which sent him crazy since he was heavily pursuing...till he probably thought is she real.. These other two private photos are on the dating app. Theyre new ones. Hes not seen them nor asked to see them..and when he clicks on my profile page they are blurred out 1
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 Just now, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Well, the truth in this case is not positive. Sorry. "Truths" according to different people are very subjective
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