Watercolors Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 27 minutes ago, peach302 said: I get that. To explain..i think it was the wrong timing. Also I'd got so used to speaking to duds online that when i came across someone serious i didn't know how to behave accordingly. i just became so casual myself. But it is what it is. In order to get him to take me seriously i would have to do a LOT. Listen, you've played games with this guy and he's had enough and moved on (who can blame him). From your most recent set of responses, you still have zero intention of coming clean about your current appearance. You have a gazillion excuses for why you won't update your social media or online dating apps, and so far, no one has been successful in showing you the consequences of your actions. So, I won't attempt the impossible. When you are ready to be taken seriously, then people (including men on dating apps) will take you seriously. Leave the poor guy alone. Do not reach out to him. 2
Miss Spider Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) No, I don’t think you should do a lot. I think you just need to move on and learn from it. You shouldn’t be this invested. He’s not. He has moved on with his life. Edited December 15, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Watercolors Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: No, I don’t think you should do a lot. I think you just need to move on and learn from it. You shouldn’t be this invested. He’s not. He has moved on with his life. This reminds me of my 20s, when dating was done in person, since we didn't have cell phones or text messages or emails. Hell, the internet didn't exist (at least for public use) yet. Those were the days... Edited December 15, 2020 by Watercolors 1
Author peach302 Posted December 15, 2020 Author Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) 40 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Listen, you've played games with this guy and he's had enough and moved on (who can blame him). From your most recent set of responses, you still have zero intention of coming clean about your current appearance. You have a gazillion excuses for why you won't update your social media or online dating apps, and so far, no one has been successful in showing you the consequences of your actions. So, I won't attempt the impossible. When you are ready to be taken seriously, then people (including men on dating apps) will take you seriously. Leave the poor guy alone. Do not reach out to him. That was full of quite a bit of emotion wasn't it? Considering you don't know me and are not personally involved . I have no problem with my appearance. Im talking to a couple of guys now and have had no trouble in uploading pics on the site. I'll admit my approach in contrast to his is/was rather relaxed but that doesn't mean im playing games or don't want anything serious. If thats how it comes across then what can i do about it Edited December 15, 2020 by peach302
Author peach302 Posted December 15, 2020 Author Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) 25 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: No, I don’t think you should do a lot. I think you just need to move on and learn from it. You shouldn’t be this invested. He’s not. He has moved on with his life. No i just explained i would have to do a lot. Which obviously i never did and wouldnt do now either. I never said i was invested though. Of course he's moved on since he was the one trying to move things forward most of the time and took action more than me. So he wouldnt regret anything. In a sense hes done all he could if i was him i would have moved on too. But im not him ..Im the one who maybe didnt do enough. That's all im saying Edited December 15, 2020 by peach302 1
Miss Spider Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) Yeah, it just seemed like it because you’ve been talking about this guy for a long time, thinking about him 6 months after, and trying to get his attention back. I am glad that you are focusing on on two new guys now. I hope it works out for you Edited December 15, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 2
Author peach302 Posted December 15, 2020 Author Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) 19 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Yeah, it just seemed like it because you’ve been talking about this guy for a long time, thinking about him 6 months after, and trying to get his attention back. I am glad that you are focusing on on two new guys now. I hope it works out for you Only because as i explained he was quite obviously interested... and he fit my criteria with regards to what i look for in someone ..and i don't find it often. But I've always been talking to other guys in between..its nothing new. From months back. And yeah like i said its hardly ever a mutual thing..it rarely happens. So i refer back to this guy because it was a mutual thing...and i left it..instead of doing anything about it. Thats all. Edited December 15, 2020 by peach302
Wiseman2 Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 Keep your distance and don't backpedal. Exes are exes for a reason. Start fresh. He's not the only man on Earth who you could find happiness with... But... You need to open your mind and let go of the past. 1
Author peach302 Posted December 15, 2020 Author Posted December 15, 2020 14 hours ago, Watercolors said: This reminds me of my 20s, when dating was done in person, since we didn't have cell phones or text messages or emails. Hell, the internet didn't exist (at least for public use) yet. Those were the days... Think it would be better if it was like that now..would cut out all the unnecessary stuff in between.
Author peach302 Posted December 15, 2020 Author Posted December 15, 2020 9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Keep your distance and don't backpedal. Exes are exes for a reason. Start fresh. He's not the only man on Earth who you could find happiness with... But... You need to open your mind and let go of the past. Yeah i guess so. But its like the last contact we had was when he wanted to meet up..so it was left at that. It would have been better if we had met n then i could have either continued on or said nah not for me and not looked back. But now all it is ...is a what if. Thanks to the pandemic
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) Hi an update. In the end i did contact him two days ago.. Heres the conversation over two days.... it almost ended with him ending things completely but by some miracle i turned it around. I just need some advice on how to navigate my way round this and not sabotage things by putting my foot in my mouth so this can potentially have a happy ending or at least a meet. Me: i rematch on the app Me: hey how comes your profile names different i preferred the old one. (He changed his nicknames on the app) Him: which hole did you pop out from? Me: good question and what you been upto? Whats your relationship status at the moment? Him: how comes you came back on here? Didnt it work out with the last person? And im single..you? Me: ive been single for a long while. You must have spoken to a lot of women by now..did no one float your boat? Him: oh right. You disappeared. Hope everything is alright with you. 2bh ive been putting my attention more on family and work..mostly due to the current situation (pandemic). Had to step up. Me: yeah i have a habit of doing that sometimes i need to try better to keep in contact with people. Him: getting better at keeping in touch is something you learn when you're a teenager? I dont mean to make a dig, im presuming you may have been going through a rough time. Im glad youre alright though. Me: its ok at least youre honest. I probably should have called you instead of leaving things for so long. Him: keep it basic ..phonecalls are best. Him: can we do a videocall? *kiss face emoji* Me: you want to see my face dont you . But ill stick with a normal call. Him: chicken . Me: im going to prove you wrong one of these days Him: i still need to video call you. Me: we will see Him: youre so nervous lol Me: you think you know everything Him: am i wrong? Me: yeah about me always Him: i hope you dont Take it the wrong way i just dont see it going anywhere Hopefully you find the right person for you. Me: why is that..you were ok one day ago? ( to me him saying lets forget it sort of came out the blue when we were getting on fine). Him: what do you really want from me? Truly? Me: i obviously had a reason to contact you Him: which is? Me : initially you may have misunderstood my intentions but they've always been legitimate ( i was referring to him thinking im using him as a penpal etc) I was going to get in touch earlier but then a lockdown happened. What are you looking for? Him: obviously something serious and i want to settle down eventually. I always thought you wanted to talk (chit chat) but nothing else. Me: noooo i have plenty of friends for that Him: where would we have met? And you're not in to video calling why is that? ( btw guys i dont like video calling also i look much better in real life than on camera .but hes assuming the worst i guess) Me: a socially distanced meet. And its just my preference. Him: its only between two people though. Me: oh btw you have no idea how many people i spoke to and rejected on the app before i started speaking to you again. So youre quite lucky Him: why did u reject them and why me Me: lots of reasons. And you..you've grown on me over time. At the start i was like wth. What's your view of me good and bad? Him: really? Ive grown on you. I thought i was rude and blunt. Lol how was i at the start And my opinion of you is youre defensive but its not always a bad thing. Me: at the beginning you were very rude and defensive .you are still rude and blunt lol but i guess i see it in a different way now. ( what i meant was i like his straightforwardness now. An d before i wasnt sure) You do need to get in touch with your feelings a bit more though. ( because he usually never says how anything makes him feel..hes very just matter of fact). Btw are you talking to anyone else atm? ____________________________ And that was the end..waiting for his response now. Sorry if that was really long. Also the time in between the messages we sent to each other varied from 1 hour to 5 hours. Hence it was over two days Edited January 7, 2021 by peach302 1
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) Peach.. I mean this in the warmest way possible, but just stop this all. Just leave the guy alone. Work on your self esteem and get comfortable with your appearance so you don’t have to do this stuff. All I see is someone that is not being transparent and someone else that is mostly fed up with it, but still curious enough to engage a little. Still doesn’t mean he will for much longer... it’s just about how bored he gets and what other options are available. And it sounds like he doesn’t want to meet before a video chat. He doesn’t want to meet someone that he might not be attracted to and right now you have put up red flags and he finds that likely. I do not blame him one bit. If you are proud of your appearance you will not play these games. You will meet people who you are attracted to in real life and have a meaningful relationship and go on to better things and then a little text conversation on a dating app... Edited January 7, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 1
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Peach.. I mean this in the warmest way possible, but just stop this all. Just leave the guy alone. Work on your self esteem and get comfortable with your appearance so you don’t have to do this stuff. All I see is someone that is not being transparent and someone else that is mostly fed up with it, but still curious enough to engage a little. Still doesn’t mean he will indefinitely... it’s just about how bored he gets and what other options are available. And it sounds like he doesn’t want to meet before a video chat. He doesn’t want to meet someone that he might not be attracted to and right now you have put up red flags and he finds that very likely. I do not blame him one bit. If you are proud of your appearance you will not play these games. You will meet people who you are attracted to in real life and have a meaningful relationship and go on to better things and then a little text conversation on a dating app... I understand your point of view. And obviously that is exactly how it looks to him but its not the case! All he has to do is see me in person and he may potentially like what he sees! Im deffo not catfishing him. It should be innocent until proven guilty ...not guilty until proven innocent smh. Also he said he wasnt sure of my intentions n thought i just wanted to chit chat..which is why he was almost cutting it off. I am proud of my appearance...i said it before i do get a lot of attention when im out and people always say im attractive etc... And I'm happy to send photos and speak on the phone and previously in the past ive met people without having to go through extra steps such as video calling. Video calling is just not my thing...id rather meet in person and that be that....also video calling is not the most flattering for whatever reason ( just like some people say photos dont do people justice etc) Actually thinking about it hes the only one who has been suspicious of me in that way...and ive spoken to tonnes of guys from these apps before. One guy i met said i looked much better than my photos..like he was amazed when he saw me in person. And he only saw photos....no video call needed. Of all the guys i ever met btw it was all from photos!! Ive probably met at least 10-14. Some continued to want to see me and date..others i ended up rejecting. Edited January 7, 2021 by peach302
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 Either have a video call with him, or stop pestering him and delete his number. 1
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: Either have a video call with him, or stop pestering him and delete his number. Thanks that was helpful
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 He replied to what i said last i.e. if hes speaking to anyone else atm. Instead of answering He asked "are YOU speaking to anyone else?" And eyes at the end lol.
Negotaurus Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) You're playing. You're not serious. Admit it and leave the guy alone. He told you what he wants, stop wasting his time, he's being genuine and it looks like you're simply feeding off of it. If you're bored or lonely, work on that. Edited January 7, 2021 by Negotaurus 1 1
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 10 minutes ago, Negotaurus said: You're playing. You're not serious. Admit it and leave the guy alone. He told you what he wants, stop wasting his time, he's being genuine and it looks like you're simply feeding off of it. If you're bored or lonely, work on that. Why do i always come off looking bad. I guess im misunderstood. No im not bored or lonely.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 3 hours ago, peach302 said: Thanks that was helpful What other help can we offer that we haven't already offered since you first posted this back in November? We're all essentially on repeat, and so are you.
poppyfields Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) 24 minutes ago, peach302 said: Why do i always come off looking bad. I guess im misunderstood. peach, I'm often misunderstood too, so I get it. There was a time I feared emotional intimacy, and my behavior reflected that. Elusive. I knew what my feelings were, but couldn't express properly. I preferred banter and jokiness to serious talk about feelings. Doing so was just too scary, emotionally. In truth, I didn't even know how! For various reasons which I won't get into now, my guard was always up. I was shut down. As an objective observer, reading your text exchanges, YOUR words come off same - elusive. HE was trying to have a serious conversation with you! But you wouldn't allow, you kept diverting it to banter and jokey. That's my read as an outsider looking in. Again, I believe you when you say your intentions are serious and genuine. They just don't come across that way to others, most importantly, HIM. They come across as a game. Please have a think about this. A serious think and stop being so defensive. This thread is a great learning opportunity for you, but you need to listen and stop being so defensive. Edited January 7, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, peach302 said: I understand your point of view. And obviously that is exactly how it looks to him but its not the case! All he has to do is see me in person and he may potentially like what he sees! Im deffo not catfishing him. It should be innocent until proven guilty ...not guilty until proven innocent smh. Also he said he wasnt sure of my intentions n thought i just wanted to chit chat..which is why he was almost cutting it off. I am proud of my appearance...i said it before i do get a lot of attention when im out and people always say im attractive etc... And I'm happy to send photos and speak on the phone and previously in the past ive met people without having to go through extra steps such as video calling. Video calling is just not my thing...id rather meet in person and that be that....also video calling is not the most flattering for whatever reason ( just like some people say photos dont do people justice etc) Actually thinking about it hes the only one who has been suspicious of me in that way...and ive spoken to tonnes of guys from these apps before. One guy i met said i looked much better than my photos..like he was amazed when he saw me in person. And he only saw photos....no video call needed. Of all the guys i ever met btw it was all from photos!! Ive probably met at least 10-14. Some continued to want to see me and date..others i ended up rejecting. Again, I think you need to become a more secure in your looks., video might not be the most flattering in your opinion, but will make your appearance more clear to him. He will still get a general idea of what you look like. It doesn’t matter if it is the most flattering or not if you are secure and how you look. You made the suggestion to meet in person and he rebuffed it. I really don’t see him meeting with you in person until he has more proof that he’ll be attracted to you. Some guys just don’t want to waste the time or are too anxious to meet if they aren’t clear on that. If you can’t get secure and become proud of who you are then you continue to just have these a text convos that end up going nowhere. (I am not saying you are a catfish but a lot of people out there are catfish/lead people on on online dating and they find enjoyment in it in and of itself.) But eventually the other person gets tired of it and moves on. From what I see he has largely moved on, but he is entertaining this because he is bored with nothing better to do. I think this is a big waste of time for both of you. No matter what you look like I’m sure there are people out there that will think that you very attractive and will want to meet/date you. no need to do this stuff Edited January 7, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes
poppyfields Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) To add to my last post, my read on why you dislike videochat. I don't think it relates to how attractive or unattractive you think you are..You know you're attractive, that is not the issue. For many people including myself video chat is awkward. It's difficult to be your true genuine self staring at a freakin phone or iPad. You're afraid of being seen and judged in that way so you avoid, I get it. Pics are safer cause there is no awkwardness and you can take a zillion pics and choose the one that reflects you in the best light. In person is the best because you're more relaxed, seen properly (not just physically) and can gauge their response to you right then and there without you having to wonder or feel anxious about it. Assuming you're perceptive and are able to read people properly. Sense the energy. I'm projecting of course, but also my take on it from reading your posts. I could be wrong. Edited January 7, 2021 by poppyfields
Negotaurus Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, peach302 said: Why do i always come off looking bad. I guess im misunderstood. No im not bored or lonely. You admitted to rejecting him. Then you admitted to continuing to reject him over and over again. Then out of the blue you show up with the classic “hey I wanna chat, but on my terms, because I’m here for me” vibe. Previously you also bent yourself into a pretzel coming up with excuses as to why you won’t meet up. You won’t even video chat with the guy. Or send a picture! Stop trying to manipulate and play innocent, most people have been through this kind of nonsense countless times. It’s very easy to catch onto disingenuous behaviour after witnessing it. I apologise for being harsh but keep it 100 or stop and evaluate yourself. Edited January 7, 2021 by Negotaurus 1
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) It may be that she is I’m just nervous/insecure on cam for another reason as well, but she has only given one picture and she has admitted that she does not find herself “flattering on cam“ her words. Not surprising at all why this guy is not wanting to meet in my opinion. If a man acted the same way there is really a low chance I would meet him too. He wants to meet to see if your pictures match up or since he has one picture of you, Perhaps what you look like in different pictures at different angles and if your figure or whatever else is what he is looking for. Basically, more clarification he has a track to you before he meets you. Also, my understanding that more and more people are doing video chat before meeting in the time of Covid. I haven’t online dated much since Covid, but this is what I hear.. So you may not just be missing out on this guy but a lot of other people who you would otherwise be compatible wwith if you don’t want to get over that hurdle or insecurity Edited January 7, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Author peach302 Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 52 minutes ago, poppyfields said: peach, I'm often misunderstood too, so I get it. There was a time I feared emotional intimacy, and my behavior reflected that. Elusive. I knew what my feelings were, but couldn't express properly. I preferred banter and jokiness to serious talk about feelings. Doing so was just too scary, emotionally. In truth, I didn't even know how! For various reasons which I won't get into now, my guard was always up. I was shut down. As an objective observer, reading your text exchanges, YOUR words come off same - elusive. HE was trying to have a serious conversation with you! But you wouldn't allow, you kept diverting it to banter and jokey. That's my read as an outsider looking in. Again, I believe you when you say your intentions are serious and genuine. They just don't come across that way to others, most importantly, HIM. They come across as a game. Please have a think about this. A serious think and stop being so defensive. This thread is a great learning opportunity for you, but you need to listen and stop being so defensive. Hey poppy! Im ngl I've been described as elusive/mysterious many a time. Like yourself. However in the text exchange i didnt feel i came off as jokey? Mybe its how it looks..because in my view thats probably the most serious ive ever been. Ive never told him what i wanted before...ive never apologised..Ive never been so direct? I even mentioned about us meeting up and how i wanted to before lockdown all of that and still if you read the past history n all that ..never done any of that either. Yet he was so close to resigning..even though i did open up. There are parts i left out where hes joking around and not answering my questions. For example i said to him i could see he was given comments such as "recommended" "serious" on his profile etc...which are indicators he did speak to someone/ or people... his response was really? I feel so legit. And totally avoiding the question i asked about him speaking to another . Another example...most recent question i asked. Whether hes speaking to someone/anyone at the moment? And instead of replying to the question..his response is. Are YOU speaking to anyone? .
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