[UPDATE] How to approach this situation after six months zero contact?

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, peach302 said:

I would call now but its  past 2am where i am .

 

Oh I see, okay.   Then call him tomorrow, quit stalling!     It's the only way you're gonna solve this mystery once and for all.

Right now you've got it in your head he's butt hurt (which means he IS bothered = cares) which may not be what's happening at all. 

I mean it's possible, hard to say, I don't know the man.  What I do know from personal experience is that when we like someone, we have a tendency to project our feelings to them and assume they must like us too!

Sadly, that's not always the case. 

[peach302]

6 minutes ago, boymommy said:

Yeah I mean it's common sense to think that someone is loosing interest/has lost interest if they are behaving in a way that is evasive or hot/cold. I have most recently held my boyfriend more accountable for this type of behavior. He swears up and down he doesn't want to break up and he's not loosing interest but his behavior (at times) says otherwise. Step up or step out buddy. I don't have time for contradictory or confusing behavior. I want someone who is serious and don't have time to babysit grown adults in the dating world. 

I would work on knowing what you want and if you actually DO want to pursue something with this man, I would apologize for confusing behavior and SHOW him you are intestered in him because it seems he does want an actual relationship. Are you ready for that and do you want that with him? Now if he continues to be a little passive with you or doesn't follow through with an actual date then I think you just cut your losses and move on for good. Because maybe the issue IS something with him as well. But he may have gotten thrown because he deemed you as "not into him" so he became more passive or backed off in an attempt to avoid getting hurt or overly involved. Clearly he keeps coming back though so must still have some interest. I wouldn't prolong it though if you aren't intent on actually remedying things. 

Basically this!

Yeah here's hoping he hasnt found someone else. As hes someone who moves pretty quick. 

I mean all the serious talk was six months back..a lot could have  happened in that time

I think im ready  . Im just gonna take it day by day for now and see what happens after i call him

[boymommy]

6 minutes ago, peach302 said:

All of the above!

Im also afraid this is the only chance i have and i won't be able to express myself well enough to get him on board. Or basically make it up to him. .If that makes sense as so much time has gone by now. 

 

Being vulnerable and putting yourself out there is always a risk. Even if it doesn't work out in your favor it's great growth for you! You can take it as a learning experience. I'm a firm believer that whats meant to be is what is meant to be. If this man is meant to date you then that will happen in some way shape or form. Or it could just be a stepping stone to your own growth and development to the next great experience in finding future happiness. But I don't think you can really LOSE by putting your cards on the table. You will come out a winner either way. 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, peach302 said:

All of the above!

Im also afraid this is the only chance i have and i won't be able to express myself well enough to get him on board. Or basically make it up to him. .If that makes sense as so much time has gone by now. 

 

Why not message him instead?  That way you can say everything you want/need to say without fumbling words due to nervousness or fear of screwing it up.

I dislike talking on phone for that reason, much prefer email.  Do you know his email address?  He'll see it when he wakes up.

Type it out, we can help you with it if you like.  Posters have done that. 

[peach302]

8 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Oh I see, okay.   Then call him tomorrow, quit stalling!     It's the only way you're gonna solve this mystery once and for all.

Right now you've got it in your head he's butt hurt (which means he IS bothered = cares) which may not be what's happening at all. 

I mean it's possible, hard to say, I don't know the man.  What I do know from personal experience is that when we like someone, we have a tendency to project our feelings to them and assume they must like us too!

Sadly, that's not always the case. 

Yeah u know what... initially i rejected him quite quickly..and then came back but continued to reject him or display behaviours which seemed like a rejection to the point he had enough  i think. 

So now yeah its entirely possible he doesnt want anything more any longer

Edited November 19, 2020 by peach302

[peach302]

7 minutes ago, boymommy said:

Being vulnerable and putting yourself out there is always a risk. Even if it doesn't work out in your favor it's great growth for you! You can take it as a learning experience. I'm a firm believer that whats meant to be is what is meant to be. If this man is meant to date you then that will happen in some way shape or form. Or it could just be a stepping stone to your own growth and development to the next great experience in finding future happiness. But I don't think you can really LOSE by putting your cards on the table. You will come out a winner either way. 

Thank you. That's helpful! 

Its a great way to look at things 

[peach302]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Why not message him instead?  That way you can say everything you want/need to say without fumbling words due to nervousness or fear of screwing it up.

I dislike talking on phone for that reason, much prefer email.  Do you know his email address?  He'll see it when he wakes up.

Type it out, we can help you with it if you like.  Posters have done that. 

He hates messages lol. He made it clear. Hes more likely to pick up a call than text back..well that was back then..now he may not respond in any way lol. Case he does probably need to write a script for myself and then read it word for word . 

I dont usually fumble words lol..ill end up saying the opposite of what  i intended to say. So if im meant to say i like you..  ill end up saying i don't like you .  OR ill be friendly but in a guy ish kind of way if that makes sense . 

But thanks anyway  ill have to blag my way through somehow. 

 

Edited November 19, 2020 by peach302

[Wiseman2]

Do you work or go to school either online or in person?

Do your parents discourage you from going out due to covid restrictions?

Have you tried working from home or taking classes online to further yourself?

It sounds like you are bored, lonely and isolated (like many others) because of covid restrictions.

Since you can't date or aren't ready, willing or able to meet anyone, why not redirect your focus on friends, family, online working/classes, etc.

This way you won't have this much time on your hands to engage in this much internet/social media nonsense.

Find some chat buddies, but fill your time with more important pursuits.

[peach302]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you work or go to school either online or in person?

Do your parents discourage you from going out due to covid restrictions?

Have you tried working from home or taking classes online to further yourself?

It sounds like you are bored, lonely and isolated (like many others) because of covid restrictions.

Since you can't date or aren't ready, willing or able to meet anyone, why not redirect your focus on friends, family, online working/classes, etc.

This way you won't have this much time on your hands to engage in this much internet/social media nonsense.

Find some chat buddies, but fill your time with more important pursuits.

No disrespect but im not any of those things. Bored..lonely..or isolated. The answer to your questions in order are im making money from home so yes, yes and yes.

If i hadnt been spending my time on other pursuits or doing other things...six months wouldnt have gone by without contacting this person in question. 

In fact i spend more of my time overall pre covid times..and after covid on my own hobbies/interests/work/friends/socialising.

And the least on relationship stuff and dating..because i usually can't be bothered with the hassle or lose patience half the time. In other words i neglect that side of things. Otherwise i more than likely would have either this person or at least someone  right now.

And its been like that  most of my life! In fact this is one of the rare times im thinking i will actually endeavour to try again...and follow through. 

In contrast..if for say you see my friends..they spend or almost dedicate the majority of their time on men either dating multiple men or on men they are committed to. 

So in conclusion yes i see what you're saying..and my answer is this is not something which is usual for me. 

 

 

[stillafool]

36 minutes ago, peach302 said:

So in conclusion yes i see what you're saying..and my answer is this is not something which is usual for me. 

Well what was so special about this guy that makes you still want him after 6 months and never even seeing each other.  I'm not getting it.

[peach302]

27 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Well what was so special about this guy that makes you still want him after 6 months and never even seeing each other.  I'm not getting it.

I already explained before but ill explain again.

He has/had serious intentions and was trying to move things along in a consistent manner..he wasnt hitting me up for a one nighter or trying to get his way into my pants short term. As I've  experienced before from OLD...or a total nightmare of a person..eg. one guy was getting aggressive simply because i asked him what hes looking for..he was like DUH what do you think im looking for. 

But anyway  before anyone  else says he might not give a damn now. I would like to revisit this and see for myself. Because he seemed pretty genuine. That's all really. 

And obviously if he isn't that great a person in reality i will find this out when i meet him in person. 

Edited November 19, 2020 by peach302

[lee179108]

13 hours ago, peach302 said:

Yeah thanks. Oh a month is nothing. 

Six months went by real quick though. We haven't even spoken yet. My plan was to call him and see what hes been upto what hes feeling..whats been happening in his life.

Now people here are basically saying he probably doesnt give a toss anymore. . 

Well shes deleted my number from her contacts so i don't know if shes stored it somewhere or just put me under archived messages on whatsapp. That being said I dont expect her to ever reach out again..  at the end of the day we can all on here tell you to do this and that.. but YOU are the one who needs to decide whats best. If you want to know what hes feeling ask him. 

[peach302]

37 minutes ago, lee179108 said:

Well shes deleted my number from her contacts so i don't know if shes stored it somewhere or just put me under archived messages on whatsapp. That being said I dont expect her to ever reach out again..  at the end of the day we can all on here tell you to do this and that.. but YOU are the one who needs to decide whats best. If you want to know what hes feeling ask him. 

So would you not reach out to her again? Ever?

How do you know she's  deleted you?

And yes its upto me you're  right its my life after all. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, lee179108 said:

If you want to know what hes feeling ask him. 

When are you going to do this?

[peach302]

29 minutes ago, stillafool said:

When are you going to do this?

Very soon. 

[lee179108]

1 hour ago, peach302 said:

So would you not reach out to her again? Ever?

How do you know she's  deleted you?

And yes its upto me you're  right its my life after all. 

Im not reaching out no because after I confronted her about being on tinder when she said she wanted to be single  she told me she has no feelings for me and I need to move on. Even though this is the type of stuff she did and said the first time we broke up. There's no point me saying more as it will only make things worse.  

I noticed she deleted me off whatsapo as once you delete someone from your contacts their profile photo disappears. I confronted her and she told me she had.. as we need to move on.  Again, I dont know if shes just deleted me out of her contacts and kept my number somewhere else.. or if she knows it in her head.. but she has my email and knows where I live.  Im not contacting her as it will only make things worse. But thats my situation.. everyone's different. 

[peach302]

14 minutes ago, lee179108 said:

Im not reaching out no because after I confronted her about being on tinder when she said she wanted to be single  she told me she has no feelings for me and I need to move on. Even though this is the type of stuff she did and said the first time we broke up. There's no point me saying more as it will only make things worse.  

I noticed she deleted me off whatsapo as once you delete someone from your contacts their profile photo disappears. I confronted her and she told me she had.. as we need to move on.  Again, I dont know if shes just deleted me out of her contacts and kept my number somewhere else.. or if she knows it in her head.. but she has my email and knows where I live.  Im not contacting her as it will only make things worse. But thats my situation.. everyone's different. 

Oh i get you. I asked because i wanted to see it from the point of view of the guy. 

You can delete someones number off whatsapp and still be able to see them online and their profile photo.. because the person the thread is concerning said he deleted my number ....and when i called i said how did u know it was me and he said  i recognised the last few digits of your number (apparently). Even though i hardly have ever called him...and hadnt in months at the time. But he picked up instantly..pretty much after one ring. Not talking about now..this was a while back. 

So yeah blocking is different to deleting. What your person did was block you so you wouldnt be able to contact her at all. Whereas the guy i know deleted my number back in the days which is different to blocking because  i can still get a hold of him if i wanted.

And you're right in your situation she specifically told you to move on. Sorry to hear but you did the right thing in not contacting her after that.

Edited November 19, 2020 by peach302

[lee179108]

No she didnt block me as i could still text her in which i did... and i could now... she deleted me and confirmed that.  Like I said she told me to move on the last time and then she missed me after 2 months..  i dont know if she ever will miss me or reach out again but i know if she does there would always be worry in the back of my mind that this would happen again. Is strange from your perspective tho reaching out after 6 months of no contact!  thats a long time. 

[peach302]

47 minutes ago, lee179108 said:

No she didnt block me as i could still text her in which i did... and i could now... she deleted me and confirmed that.  Like I said she told me to move on the last time and then she missed me after 2 months..  i dont know if she ever will miss me or reach out again but i know if she does there would always be worry in the back of my mind that this would happen again. Is strange from your perspective tho reaching out after 6 months of no contact!  thats a long time. 

I was talking about whatsapp. When you can't  see a profile pic that means youre blocked. She sounds like she needs attention or something..hence coming back after "moving on". Dont worry about it just  don't give her a chance to do that again. Not that  i can talk because this guy did give me lots of opportunities

I dont see it that way as its like unfinished business. Or a potential missed opportunity. Since he asked to meet and i didnt fully take him up on the offer...thats not the same as your situation where by one of you said to the other to actually move on.

Hows it strange..do you know the number of men who have contacted me again after months/ a year / a couple of years? Its not unusual at  all. One example..a guy who i used to meet up with kept coming back and eventually said he has feelings for me and i hurt him badly. At the time i had no idea of his feelings. i was surprised.

But yeah back to my original point. Im shocked you've never heard of people contacting one another...after lengthy periods of time. 

Edited November 19, 2020 by peach302

[poppyfields]

peach, get back to us after you've reached out to him,.okay?  I'm on pins wondering how this all plays out!  

[peach302]

18 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

peach, get back to us after you've reached out to him,.okay?  I'm on pins wondering how this all plays out!  

Sure thang !!

[gamon]

5 pages of this nonsense and only one poster suggested an obvious solution to the "should I send another picture" problem, which was to VIDEOCHAT.

We've all got webcams and smart phones and it's a simple matter to communicate with a person virtually face to face and eliminate all doubt.

Yet that question was IGNORED by the original poster who will probably ignore my only question which is where in the world are you in such a "lockdown" that you can't even leave your house and meet the guy in a park somewhere while maintaining social distance?

<<sound of crickets>>

[peach302]

1 minute ago, gamon said:

5 pages of this nonsense and only one poster suggested an obvious solution to the "should I send another picture" problem, which was to VIDEOCHAT.

We've all got webcams and smart phones and it's a simple matter to communicate with a person virtually face to face and eliminate all doubt.

Yet that question was IGNORED by the original poster who will probably ignore my only question which is where in the world are you in such a "lockdown" that you can't even leave your house and meet the guy in a park somewhere while maintaining social distance?

<<sound of crickets>>

I'm not going to meet during a lockdown when infection rates are high and i live with high risk people. If i lived on my own that could be done. So it will have to be after we are out of it at the very least.

I don't live in the US. Like a lot of posters on here. 

[gamon]

1 minute ago, peach302 said:

I'm not going to meet during a lockdown when infection rates are high and i live with high risk people. If i lived on my own that could be done. So it will have to be after we are out of it at the very least.

I don't live in the US. Like a lot of posters on here. 

We both know that you could stay a safe distance apart and not expose yourself to any risk. Are you home 24/7? You never leave the house? You're never in close contact with other people?

I notice you sidestepped the videochat question, no surprise there.

 

[boymommy]

2 minutes ago, gamon said:

We both know that you could stay a safe distance apart and not expose yourself to any risk. Are you home 24/7? You never leave the house? You're never in close contact with other people?

I notice you sidestepped the videochat question, no surprise there.

 

Online dating during covid is a risk just like anything else. You can get covid from doing anything including dating. You don't avoid buying groceries though, you avoid dating due to your attachment style under the excuse of covid. I think if you really aren't going to give this guy a fair shot then stop messing with him and let him go. Work on yourself for awhile and why you keep making the choices you do.