Author peach302 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Posted November 18, 2020 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: peach, reading the above, specifically the bolded, guy is totally playing you. Happy messaging without meeting? You're the one? Getting carried away with himself? Girl, you've never even met, come on. I've been through same with many guys, they're all over the internet. They all turned out to be "players" for lack of a better word and 100% full of ****. I'm sorry, I hope I'm wrong but any man who tells, suggests, implies, hints that "you're the one," before ever even meeting, do yourself a huge favor and block/delete. Nothing good or positive will, or very rarely, come of that. Next. He did say the option thing. He said it factually ..not like hes hurt .. He just said he thinks i found someone else and came back to him when that ended...as in im stringing him along like a last option sort of thing. That was his implication 1
poppyfields Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 4 minutes ago, peach302 said: I think that came out wrong..as in i described it in the wrong way. But hes not one of those types i know. I know which ones you mean..the f boys. He doesnt come across like that to me..hes pretty serious..usually straight forward..and very expressive..basically all of the things im not .. ok im serious but i dont express or communicate as well as he does. So yeah dont worry hes not the player type. I can smell those a mile away. .ive had plenty of experience on OLD Okay, whew! Trusting your judgment on this, send the pic then, and good luck! 1
poppyfields Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, peach302 said: He did say the option thing. He said it factually ..not like hes hurt .. He just said he thinks i found someone else and came back to him when that ended...as in im stringing him along like a last option sort of thing. That was his implication Got it, thx for clarifying. That said, all this sounds a bit heavy for having never met, but if it works for you, cool beans. Edited November 18, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Author peach302 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Posted November 18, 2020 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: And this crap about feeling hurt or whatever he's feeling because he thinks you consider him an option? That one's funny. He's messing with you! Like I said before, of course he's an option, you know it, and he knows it. And you are an option for him! It would be absurd to think either of you were anything other than an option, you've never even met! He is so totally messing with you peach. But if you can detach from the outcome and have fun with your on line interaction, go for it, have fun with it. Just don't expect anything to become of it. I dont know how but im very good at detecting a player/ f boy/love bomber. A few weeks ago i spoke to a guy..and just from his voice alone..within the first five minutes of him speaking on the phone i said...you sound like a player. And guess what i looked through his instagram and i was completely on the money..he was following like 200 women..and liking every single girls pic..like it was his hobby. I nexted him pretty quickly. The guy this thread is about is 100% A serious relationship sort of guy.
Author peach302 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Posted November 18, 2020 53 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Got it, thx for clarifying. That said, all this sounds a bit heavy for having never met, but if it works for you, cool beans. True it was a bit heavy. Some people can't help but get caught up..i dunno. But yeah at least he expressed himself unlike me lol
Author peach302 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Posted November 18, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, basil67 said: Did he respond with thanks? If he did, then you may well get a conversation going again. If he didn't, this would indicate that he sees you as not even worth the effort of sending a 'thumbs up' emoji. Nope he didnt respond. My guess hes butt heart from me not sending him a pic when he asked and mentioning the meeting. So yeah i guess his ego feels that way. Just saw he read it. Blue ticks and all. Edited November 18, 2020 by peach302
Author peach302 Posted November 18, 2020 Author Posted November 18, 2020 2 hours ago, boymommy said: I'm not sure how compatible you guys really are...he's a phone person you are a text person. He wants to get a relationship off the ground, you come across as hot/cold, sometimes into it, sometimes not. You can tell him you want to get a relationship off the ground all you want but in reality actions speak louder then words. Your ACTIONS dictate this really is not what you want..at least not with this man. He'd be better off finding a person with whom he can find more consistency and someone who is looking for the same things. Because if there is one thing I have learned, no matter how much you SAY you want it or may THINK you want it...your actions will almost ALWAYS show the real story. You aren't interested in this man so pursue someone who you are interested in. It will save you both time and hassle later. Edit: I just read you have yet to even MEET this man. Well then there isn't anything to pursue yet! You don't know if you will even like each other. Meet him and then determine if there is anything there to pursue! yes i have to meet him first. Sometimes my pride gets in the way..Sometimes im terrible at communicating/verbalising stuff to do with the connection. Most of it ..if not all has come from him. I need to work on that. Sometimes what i want and what i show are contradictory. I think he thinks the way you do here aswell. That my interest is low
Author peach302 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Posted November 19, 2020 1 hour ago, boymommy said: Why are you annoyed? It stands to reason someone would think they are potentially dealing with a catfish if they had been talking to someone for that long but had yet to meet (and that person had been evasive/avoidant). I personally think I dealt with a few catfish as well when I was doing OLD. It was just a hunch. It was mainly in cases where I felt like guys were into only texting but avoiding actually meeting me. Because why would anyone go on a dating site but not actually want to meet someone? That seems counterproductive True. But he only asked properly that one time six months back about meeting. The rest of the time he was implying it. But didnt actually ask..or try set a time or date. He kept making side comments like "if we met i would show you my holiday pictures"..and "oh youre too scared to meet me i forgot".. and "i need to take you there one day" ...
Author peach302 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Posted November 19, 2020 2 hours ago, basil67 said: Did he respond with thanks? If he did, then you may well get a conversation going again. If he didn't, this would indicate that he sees you as not even worth the effort of sending a 'thumbs up' emoji. He always said he finds people can hide behind texting and be disingenuous..which is why he prefers phone calls only. He never liked to text..but when i called him he would pick up instantly
basil67 Posted November 19, 2020 Posted November 19, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, peach302 said: Nope he didnt respond. My guess hes butt heart from me not sending him a pic when he asked and mentioning the meeting. So yeah i guess his ego feels that way. Just saw he read it. Blue ticks and all. No. To be 'butt hurt' he'd have to actually care. To be honest, assuming that he's butt hurt is kind of egotistical on your part. More likely, he's just written you off as another OLD time waster. If he had even the slightest bit of interest in you, he would have responded asking how you are. Edited November 19, 2020 by basil67 2
Author peach302 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Posted November 19, 2020 (edited) 45 minutes ago, basil67 said: No. To be 'butt hurt' he'd have to actually care. To be honest, assuming that he's butt hurt is kind of egotistical on your part. More likely, he's just written you off as another OLD time waster. If he had even the slightest bit of interest in you, he would have responded asking how you are. Look i dont know either way. And neither does anyone here a 100%. Youre a total stranger to the situation. Its not egotistical...this is what i genuinely think currently. Anything could be a possibility. I have interest but havent contacted him in six months. So go figure Edited November 19, 2020 by peach302
stillafool Posted November 19, 2020 Posted November 19, 2020 14 minutes ago, peach302 said: I have interest but havent contacted him in six months. So go figure Nor has he contacted you in the same 6 mos. He may not even remember you at this point.
Author peach302 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Posted November 19, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, stillafool said: Nor has he contacted you in the same 6 mos. He may not even remember you at this point. Yeah and i said anything is a possibility. i love how everyones jumping on the bandwagon. But the point has been missed. I haven't contacted in 6 months either. From what ive seen overall..people love that narrative. The He isnt into you one. Edited November 19, 2020 by peach302
lee179108 Posted November 19, 2020 Posted November 19, 2020 6 hours ago, peach302 said: There are a mixture of reasons why that happens in your case or any case..and they all differ. With regards to this initally he was very responsive even to messages ..as time went on he started ignoring my texts. But basically it got to the point where if i wasnt giving him what he wanted specifically at the time he would stop responding. Anyway now i will try to be direct and say i want to meet at an appropriate time after the lockdown..and when cases have settled down a bit. And see how he reacts to that. Its difficult as the date we meet will still be multiple weeks away. Not to mention the stuff that's gone on before and the fact theres been a gap of six months since we spoke properly. Being direct is the best way, and I understand how having to wait is annoying especially with the gap... I can only tell you of my experiences when hot and cold behaviour has happened to me. My relationship ended this year and a lot of that was happening untillike over a month ago where its now completely silent. 6 months of no contact is a long time though.. weird that you kind of got back talking after that much time..
poppyfields Posted November 19, 2020 Posted November 19, 2020 (edited) 22 minutes ago, peach302 said: Yeah and i said anything is a possibility. i love how everyones jumping on the bandwagon. But the point has been missed. I haven't contacted in 6 months either. From what ive seen overall..people love that narrative. The He isnt into you one. Well if the shoe fits, just sayin. Good looks can take a person just so far. But you're right, none of us knows what's going on in his brain, it's all speculation. I still think he may be a player, just a really good one that you couldn't smell like you typically can. But who the hell knows. All I know is when a man is interested and he doesn't live hundreds or thousands of miles away, he wants to meet you. You not contacting him doesn't mean a hill of beans, men are the pursuers, they'll move mountains when interested. He would have reached out. Not let six months go by, sorry not gonna happen. Just my take. Have you sent him the updated pic? Edited November 19, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Author peach302 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Posted November 19, 2020 8 minutes ago, lee179108 said: Being direct is the best way, and I understand how having to wait is annoying especially with the gap... I can only tell you of my experiences when hot and cold behaviour has happened to me. My relationship ended this year and a lot of that was happening untillike over a month ago where its now completely silent. 6 months of no contact is a long time though.. weird that you kind of got back talking after that much time.. Yeah thanks. Oh a month is nothing. Six months went by real quick though. We haven't even spoken yet. My plan was to call him and see what hes been upto what hes feeling..whats been happening in his life. Now people here are basically saying he probably doesnt give a toss anymore. .
Author peach302 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Posted November 19, 2020 6 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Well if the shoe fits, just sayin. Good looks can take a person just so far. But you're right, none of us knows what's going on in his brain, it's all speculation. I still think he may be a player, just a really good one that you couldn't smell like you typically can. But who the hell knows. All I know is when a man is interested and he doesn't live hundreds or thousands of miles away, he wants to meet you. You not contacting him doesn't mean a hill of beans, men are the pursuers, he would have reached out. Not let six months go by, sorry not gonna happen. Just my take. Have you sent him the updated pic? No i don't get player vibes. But everyones entitled to an opinion. He did pursue plenty of times. Im looking at the bigger picture and the whole context from his point of view. He asked to meet and send an additional pic..i didn't do either or mention it again. Even before then he was pretty proactive..in fact if i compare him to some of the other guys i met on OLD ...hes been one of the more proactive ones overall. And if you saw how i behaved and acted towards him you probably wouldnt blame him for not bothering anymore. On the contrary if id put in tonnes of effort..and he was ignoring me ..then yes id totally agree there is no interest or ever was. Not sent the pic. I wanted to call first and feel out his current situation and go from there. This isnt like me at all i tend to avoid situations where i have to be the initiator at all costs!
poppyfields Posted November 19, 2020 Posted November 19, 2020 4 minutes ago, peach302 said: Yeah thanks. Oh a month is nothing. Six months went by real quick though. We haven't even spoken yet. My plan was to call him and see what hes been upto what hes feeling..whats been happening in his life. Now people here are basically saying he probably doesnt give a toss anymore. . No we're not, no one knows. I like the give him a call idea, gauge his response. Not quite sure what you're waiting for, all this second guessing isn't getting anyone anywhere. 1
Author peach302 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Posted November 19, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: No we're not, no one knows. I like the give him a call idea, gauge his response. Not quite sure what you're waiting for, all this second guessing isn't getting anyone anywhere. I took the attachment style test. Apparently im an avoidant? A dismissive/fearful one of those. Im waiting for a good time..i think im thinking of what im going to say properly because if i don't i know ill mess it up all over again
poppyfields Posted November 19, 2020 Posted November 19, 2020 1 minute ago, peach302 said: And if you saw how i behaved and acted towards him you probably wouldnt blame him for not bothering anymore. Well then I'd hurry up and give him a call then! It's possible he has written you off or can't be bothered precisely because you've made little or no effort. It happens peach. Call him now! Leave a sweet message. 1 1
basil67 Posted November 19, 2020 Posted November 19, 2020 11 minutes ago, peach302 said: Now people here are basically saying he probably doesnt give a toss anymore. . Come on...he couldn't even be bothered sending you a ,. let alone type 'thanks' when you sent him an article he may have been interested in. If that doesn't scream "not give a toss", I don't know what does. 1 1
poppyfields Posted November 19, 2020 Posted November 19, 2020 Just now, peach302 said: I took the attachment style test. Apparently im an avoidant? A dismissive/fearful one of those. Im waiting for a good time..i think im thinking of what im going to say properly because if i don't i know ill mess it up all over again Excuses. Typical avoidant, lol. What are you so afraid of? Afraid he will reject you or be chilly? Don't overthink it, you will overthink yourself right out of it! 1
Author peach302 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Posted November 19, 2020 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Well then I'd hurry up and give him a call then! It's possible he has written you off or can't be bothered precisely because you've made little or no effort. It happens peach. Call him now! Leave a sweet message. I would call now but its past 2am where i am .
boymommy Posted November 19, 2020 Posted November 19, 2020 2 hours ago, peach302 said: yes i have to meet him first. Sometimes my pride gets in the way..Sometimes im terrible at communicating/verbalising stuff to do with the connection. Most of it ..if not all has come from him. I need to work on that. Sometimes what i want and what i show are contradictory. I think he thinks the way you do here aswell. That my interest is low Yeah I mean it's common sense to think that someone is loosing interest/has lost interest if they are behaving in a way that is evasive or hot/cold. I have most recently held my boyfriend more accountable for this type of behavior. He swears up and down he doesn't want to break up and he's not loosing interest but his behavior (at times) says otherwise. Step up or step out buddy. I don't have time for contradictory or confusing behavior. I want someone who is serious and don't have time to babysit grown adults in the dating world. I would work on knowing what you want and if you actually DO want to pursue something with this man, I would apologize for confusing behavior and SHOW him you are intestered in him because it seems he does want an actual relationship. Are you ready for that and do you want that with him? Now if he continues to be a little passive with you or doesn't follow through with an actual date then I think you just cut your losses and move on for good. Because maybe the issue IS something with him as well. But he may have gotten thrown because he deemed you as "not into him" so he became more passive or backed off in an attempt to avoid getting hurt or overly involved. Clearly he keeps coming back though so must still have some interest. I wouldn't prolong it though if you aren't intent on actually remedying things. 1
Author peach302 Posted November 19, 2020 Author Posted November 19, 2020 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Excuses. Typical avoidant, lol. What are you so afraid of? Afraid he will reject you or be chilly? Don't overthink it, you will overthink yourself right out of it! All of the above! Im also afraid this is the only chance i have and i won't be able to express myself well enough to get him on board. Or basically make it up to him. .If that makes sense as so much time has gone by now.
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