[UPDATE] How to approach this situation after six months zero contact?

[peach302]

10 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

So, what's changed on your part?  Why should he buy into your message that you've changed?

He should buy into it but obviously whatever  i said when i messaged him on the app didn't do the trick .

I've  changed. Well ive realised how i should have called him much earlier and all the things  i failed to do which are usually demonstrated by someone who is looking for something serious.

 But again. He may not buy it. He is far too suspicious and untrusting of me. Even his messages  on the app had undertones of frustration and a little bit of hostility. 

Edited January 22, 2021 by peach302

[chillii]

4 hours ago, peach302 said:

It happens to me all the time actually. Yesterday in fact. Sometimes guys have ended it or its been a mutual thing...only for them to come begging for me back...so as you can see its not always black and white 

It depends on who it is. If i genuinely  like/liked the person i maybe would be open to speaking to them. If you read the whole thread it was him making most of the effort most of the time. 

If its someone i dont like...from the get go and i say no. Then it would be annoying.

 

 

 

Peachy Peachy Peachy , read the whole thread you kidding , how many people could be effd for one poster in one forum , lol  !!!!  l couldn't even find the last damn page for an update from wks ago last time l looked , it kept going to even more.

Anyway first up and if it's already in there somewhere sorry but how old are ya btw , tell me to mind my own business if you like ? At any rate , doesn't sound good that he said those things but at the same time l get your thinking on still calling . You've got a lot of character l'll say that much, admire your persistence and sticking with it too even if a lot of the reasons were self inflicted , kinda cute and you must feel something about this guy keeping you stuck on it , which is very cool in this day and age. Buttt , no idea at this stage though he'll take some bringing round l'd say and eh , a video call too could help haha - your pet hate .

But what to say when you call , without sounding like a blubbering idiot if he does answer. Maybe a combo of winging it and just slipping in a few explanations here and there along the way if you can both get talking again.   You can say you wanna explain a few things and hopefully you two will talk a bit from there and you could touch on things as ya go. Or he might be a cold fish about it straight off and just say ok , start talkin- awkwarddddd , be prepared for either . 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 22, 2021 by chillii

[peach302]

9 hours ago, chillii said:

Peachy Peachy Peachy , read the whole thread you kidding , how many people could be effd for one poster in one forum , lol  !!!!  l couldn't even find the last damn page for an update from wks ago last time l looked , it kept going to even more.

Anyway first up and if it's already in there somewhere sorry but how old are ya btw , tell me to mind my own business if you like ? At any rate , doesn't sound good that he said those things but at the same time l get your thinking on still calling . You've got a lot of character l'll say that much, admire your persistence and sticking with it too even if a lot of the reasons were self inflicted , kinda cute and you must feel something about this guy keeping you stuck on it , which is very cool in this day and age. Buttt , no idea at this stage though he'll take some bringing round l'd say and eh , a video call too could help haha - your pet hate .

But what to say when you call , without sounding like a blubbering idiot if he does answer. Maybe a combo of winging it and just slipping in a few explanations here and there along the way if you can both get talking again.   You can say you wanna explain a few things and hopefully you two will talk a bit from there and you could touch on things as ya go. Or he might be a cold fish about it straight off and just say ok , start talkin- awkwarddddd , be prepared for either . 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks chilli that was a nice post. oh and im still in my twenties.

Knowing me I'll probably sound like awkward af anyway. And since im calling after he said lets not go further..he may not be best pleased im contacting him so. But ill have to wait and see . 

Is there a way to ask him why he did it....without sounding confrontational or him assuming that? Probably not lol.

Ill just go with whatever i have to say instead of asking him too much

 

 

Edited January 22, 2021 by peach302

[amygirl908]

12 hours ago, peach302 said:

like i said. Context. Not black and white. 

People reject those they like all the time ...for any number of reasons. Its not like I've given my all to him and smothered him with love and he said no thanks. 

Yeah back when we were on the playground and the boy who likes you pushes you, but we're (mostly) adults now. If a guy is interested he will definitely show you.

This is so black and white and has nothing to do with context. You either want to call him or you don't. Your "two weeks" is pretty arbitrary and inconsequential. You've already waited so long already, what's the point? These are the kind of games that make men on OLD get frustrated.

 

12 hours ago, peach302 said:

Not to mention the part where i said how many guys  i rejected  before i reached out to him again Lol. Talk about spoiling it for myself.

I was trying to show i was getting attention from others but didnt want it ...without thinking it sounded like i spoke to many guys on the app and rejected them all then went back to him. Which sounds sooooo bad.

And then he kept  asking why not them and why me continuously .

And just before he decided and told me he  doesn't want to take it further ..i told him people want to get to know me (but the feeling isnt mutual)...in response to him asking  if i was speaking to anyone else at the moment. Which is basically the same as me matching people/speaking to people on the app still and then deciding they're not for me. 

I don't understand the point of disclosing that information to him. Are you trying to get him to think you're some sort of prize? It's almost spiteful. He's asking these questions to find out if you're serious and your answers aren't serious and they're kind of immature.

Try calling him and then move on.

[peach302]

7 minutes ago, amygirl908 said:

Yeah back when we were on the playground and the boy who likes you pushes you, but we're (mostly) adults now. If a guy is interested he will definitely show you.

This is so black and white and has nothing to do with context. You either want to call him or you don't. Your "two weeks" is pretty arbitrary and inconsequential. You've already waited so long already, what's the point? These are the kind of games that make men on OLD get frustrated.

 

I don't understand the point of disclosing that information to him. Are you trying to get him to think you're some sort of prize? It's almost spiteful. He's asking these questions to find out if you're serious and your answers aren't serious and they're kind of immature.

Try calling him and then move on.

I understand that if a guy likes you he will show you etc etc but like i said there are exceptions and you do have to take past history into account. Hes already shown me hes interested plenty of times. You also need to understand how i acted towards him too. And what i was saying is its not like i gave him my all..so that would eventually effect his actions in  moving forward/or not. 

Me waiting isnt a game. Its a decision I've made for reasons which i mentioned  earlier. He said he doesn't want to go further so me calling him straight away would be pointless...once hes been given some space and time to think the outcome may be different. Not that it will be a 100% but at least there would be more of a chance than if i bugged him as soon as he ended things.

I said it to show that  i do have people who are interested in me but ultimately he's the one im interested in. I dont know how he would take that  though.

When i asked him the same question back he was like WELL OBVIOUSLY PEOPLE WANT TO GET TO KNOW ME TOO. So his response wasnt that mature either

[trident_2020]

13 hours ago, peach302 said:

Not to mention the part where i said how many guys  i rejected  before i reached out to him again

I was trying to show i was getting attention from others but didnt want it ..

 

That's just a silly game of saying "look I'm valuable because all these other guys want me but I'm saving myself for you"

Once you grow and mature you'll realize that sort of thing just doesn't work at all.

A person is either attracted to you or not, it's nothing to do with "perceived value to others".

 

 

[peach302]

6 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

That's just a silly game of saying "look I'm valuable because all these other guys want me but I'm saving myself for you"

Once you grow and mature you'll realize that sort of thing just doesn't work at all.

A person is either attracted to you or not, it's nothing to do with "perceived value to others".

 

 

And did you see his response. "Well obviously people want to get to know me too" Him trying to show how wanted he is n all

Edited January 22, 2021 by peach302

[stillafool]

15 hours ago, cleverusername said:

Two weeks does nothing. As a man, the longer you wait the less I care about you and further I move on.

Two weeks is way to long. More like 2 days at most. He’s probably already getting ready to ask another woman out. Call tomorrow or it will definitely be a “no”. 

Asked another woman out?  Are you kidding he's probably in a happy relationship by now.  Good guys are hard to find and smart women get right to it.

[amygirl908]

34 minutes ago, peach302 said:

I understand that if a guy likes you he will show you etc etc but like i said there are exceptions and you do have to take past history into account. Hes already shown me hes interested plenty of times. You also need to understand how i acted towards him too. And what i was saying is its not like i gave him my all..so that would eventually effect his actions in  moving forward/or not. 

Me waiting isnt a game. Its a decision I've made for reasons which i mentioned  earlier. He said he doesn't want to go further so me calling him straight away would be pointless...once hes been given some space and time to think the outcome may be different. Not that it will be a 100% but at least there would be more of a chance than if i bugged him as soon as he ended things.

I said it to show that  i do have people who are interested in me but ultimately he's the one im interested in. I dont know how he would take that  though.

When i asked him the same question back he was like WELL OBVIOUSLY PEOPLE WANT TO GET TO KNOW ME TOO. So his response wasnt that mature either

In some instances there are exceptions but you have jerked this guy around for so long I really don't see an exception in your future for this situation.

Just because you've justified it to yourself doesn't make it any less of a game. Putting a time constraint on that is silly and petty. I've done it before and the two weeks means nothing. I promise you there is no two week formula or equation that is magically going to grant your desires.

It's just like talking about an ex with a new love interest... it's just in bad taste to talk about those things. It doesn't reflect well on how the person perceives you.

This isn't a contest for who can be the most immature, they're not giving out trophies. Often times taking the high road is the best way to handle something like this. His response was pretty appropriate given the current situation. 

[peach302]

4 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Asked another woman out?  Are you kidding he's probably in a happy relationship by now.  Good guys are hard to find and smart women get right to it.

Highly doubt it. After eight months he told me hes still single...i  asked found anyone to put a ring on? He answered  no.

But don't get it twisted i know he will be talking to other women. And exploring his options. 

Also right in implying ive not been very smart at all. 

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Also right in implying ive not been very smart at all. 

I wasn't implying you aren't smart.  From the way you post about this guy it doesn't seem that you are too keen on him anyway.  A woman who actually wanted him would be smart to show him that.

[peach302]

5 minutes ago, amygirl908 said:

In some instances there are exceptions but you have jerked this guy around for so long I really don't see an exception in your future for this situation.

Just because you've justified it to yourself doesn't make it any less of a game. Putting a time constraint on that is silly and petty. I've done it before and the two weeks means nothing. I promise you there is no two week formula or equation that is magically going to grant your desires.

It's just like talking about an ex with a new love interest... it's just in bad taste to talk about those things. It doesn't reflect well on how the person perceives you.

This isn't a contest for who can be the most immature, they're not giving out trophies. Often times taking the high road is the best way to handle something like this. His response was pretty appropriate given the current situation. 

He once stated on the phone to me he should dm my friend just because i said she  receives a lot of money for being a carer at home. "Should i dm her".. and started laughing as if it was funny...so lets just say hes no stranger  to playing actual games.

 i wasn't  trying to be hurtful  intentionally.

You are right though this isnt a competition. 

I'll do what  i can anyway in order to get him on my side again. And if its not enough then i don't think ill care to this extent anymore.

[peach302]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I wasn't implying you aren't smart.  From the way you post about this guy it doesn't seem that you are too keen on him anyway.  A woman who actually wanted him would be smart to show him that.

i felt like when i texted him on the app i did show him i was interested turns out it wasn't enough. 

Its like what does he actually want. I finally tell him what hes wanted to hear for so long..that  i am serious and don't just want a texting buddy.

 

 

[cleverusername]

Why do you ask questions if the only answer you listen too is your own?

[trident_2020]

29 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Why do you ask questions if the only answer you listen too is your own?

She listens to answers that match her expectations.

 

[peach302]

57 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Why do you ask questions if the only answer you listen too is your own?

I do listen to others.

But if i don't agree with something or if there is more information to add when the person may not know the full extent of the situation then i will. 

[peach302]

30 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

She listens to answers that match her expectations.

 

Not true

[amygirl908]

1 hour ago, peach302 said:

Highly doubt it. After eight months he told me hes still single...i  asked found anyone to put a ring on? He answered  no.

Just cause he didn't find someone in 8 months doesn't mean he's only hung up on you all it takes is one day then poof not single anymore.

1 hour ago, peach302 said:

He once stated on the phone to me he should dm my friend just because i said she  receives a lot of money for being a carer at home. "Should i dm her".. and started laughing as if it was funny...so lets just say hes no stranger  to playing actual games.

i wasn't  trying to be hurtful  intentionally.

I'll do what  i can anyway in order to get him on my side again. And if its not enough then i don't think ill care to this extent anymore.

You guys are BOTH playing games but that still doesn't justify the behavior. "I'm doing it because the other person did it" is so elementary and a cop out for taking responsibility for your behavior.

Low key you wanted him to be jealous there's no other reason to say those things

What makes this any different from before? And why do you need him back on your side? To me I've found you to be very indifferent do you even like this guy?

Edited January 22, 2021 by amygirl908

[peach302]

2 minutes ago, amygirl908 said:

Just cause he didn't find someone in 8 months doesn't mean he's only hung up on you all it takes is one day then poof not single anymore.

You guys are BOTH playing games but that still doesn't justify the behavior. "I'm doing it because the other person did it" is so elementary and a cop out for taking responsibility for your behavior.

Low key you wanted him to be jealous there's no other reason to say those things

What makes this any different from before? And why do you need him back on your side? To me I've found you to be very indifferent do you even like this guy?

Yeah you know what fine it could happen. I find his personality to be very distrusting of others so i  find it hard to believe.. i mean look at how distrusting he was of me...and im genuinely a sincere person. But again you just never know!

No i didnt want him to be jealous ..i don't play the jealous games. Part of me wanted to show i wasnt desperate in reaching out  to him after an absence of all these months. As usually its typical of people to assume she/he didn't find anyone else and is back to me now. Which here is not the case.

 If you lot on this forum  can't  see im not indifferent...imagine what hes thinking when i come in and out of his life . 

I didnt fully and wholeheartedly commit in spending time on him before when he was trying to be involved in my life. 

I would like a chance to do that now  whether  i get the chance or not is yet to be seen

 

 

[LynneVicious]

I honestly find all this an incredible amount of energy, time and thought on someone you don’t even know who cut things off with you. 
 

can you not date locally and free up your energy on someone else with potential? This all seems to be such a waste of time. 
 

and I think you’ve built up expectations of him so much that you’ll only wind up disappointed in the end result. 

[peach302]

2 minutes ago, LynneVicious said:

I honestly find all this an incredible amount of energy, time and thought on someone you don’t even know who cut things off with you. 
 

can you not date locally and free up your energy on someone else with potential? This all seems to be such a waste of time. 
 

and I think you’ve built up expectations of him so much that you’ll only wind up disappointed in the end result. 

I get what you're saying. But he initially  did the same and approached me in a very serious manner and showed a lot of interest. Normally  i don't  do this. If they cut it off ( usually) its me but i wont look back. But he put in a lot of effort  when i didnt.

Im just going to make a call...do what i can for a bit and if it doesn't work I'll move on.

But i haven't made effort with anyone in a long  time not just him..but if i want anything to ever go anywhere im going to have to. He kept saying multiple times its not going anywhere..usually because  i guess i didn't make the effort and he probably wanted more.

And with covid around its hard to date locally atm . We're  in lockdown oncee again

[lionheart153]

I don't know if this has been said by anyone yet because I couldn't go through 23 pages of this. You know what I'd like if I was him?

Just lay it all out. Be upfront and say: Hey I like you and I want to see where this might go. I know that we didn't talk for 6 months but I don't want to play this game anymore. Lets plan a meet up and make it happen. 

If he isn't interested then that's your sign to walk away. I truly think honesty can sometimes be the best policy. I know that's what i'd like if I was on the other end. 

There is to much ego involved in dating. And I wish people could just cut the bulls***. its been 6 months of dancing with a total silence inbetween. The games have to stop imo. 

Edited January 23, 2021 by lionheart153

[peach302]

49 minutes ago, lionheart153 said:

I don't know if this has been said by anyone yet because I couldn't go through 23 pages of this. You know what I'd like if I was him?

Just lay it all out. Be upfront and say: Hey I like you and I want to see where this might go. I know that we didn't talk for 6 months but I don't want to play this game anymore. Lets plan a meet up and make it happen. 

If he isn't interested then that's your sign to walk away. I truly think honesty can sometimes be the best policy. I know that's what i'd like if I was on the other end. 

There is to much ego involved in dating. And I wish people could just cut the bulls***. its been 6 months of dancing with a total silence inbetween. The games have to stop imo. 

Hmmmm. I kind of said some of that in our recent text exchange on the app right before he said he doesn't want to take it further. Like i finally told him i am serious and not just messing around ( because he always used to say he doesnt want to be my pen pal).. and i also said i know i should have called a lot earlier instead of waiting...and how we could have met up..and he was interested then saying how and where  would we have met.  I didnt say  i like him though as directly as that . Dont think i ever have. 

And then following all that i kind of mentioned how hes lucky because i rejected so many guys before  i spoke to im again (dont ask why i said that lol).

And he kept continually asking why me and why not them..and i sort of briefly said he's got a couple of good qualities  i.e hardworking..goal oriented  etc..and he said ive got good insight.

Oh and then i asked him if hes talking to anyone else he didn't answer and just directed it back at me and i said lots of guys  are trying to get to know me  but its not mutual i asked him again and hes like obviously people want to know me..

Anyway then he asked how my day was ..i replied the following day instead of on the day he messaged. I said my day was good..hows your saturday And without any warning he abruptly ends it all...and just says  only work so far ..anyway  i dont want to take this any further. Good luck. And he unmatched me before i even had a chance  to say anything else....

Your guess is as good as mine..

I think when i call him in going to mention meeting like you said..but before all that ask him why he changed his mind or what exactly happened.

 

[Wiseman2]

When was the last time he initiated communication with you? 

If it is over 2 weeks, simply delete and block him.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 1/22/2021 at 2:42 AM, cleverusername said:

Two threads and 40 pages later and still no progress.....

I think this is just how OP baits people into conversation. 

Peaches, I don't know if you're lonely in real life and don't have many people to talk to - but this thread (and the others) seem much more like your social outlet so you get people to pay attention to you by asking questions your know will get posters responding to you.

From where I'm sitting, this whole saga stopped being about this specific man a long time ago.