Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 25 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Why do you think he got that vibe from you, that you were nervous? You didn't send him the pic, what did you expect him to think? You said you have men approaching you left, front, sideways as soon as you walk out the door? Something is not jiving here, sorry. Hes thinking hes putting 2+2 together that's why. When someone is already suspicious..no matter what you do and say they will take it to fit their narrative. I wasnt nervous at all. I was quiet..i was thinking who is he to ask me to change my picture. I can have any pic i like as my main profile pic. Hes already got one main picture of me. Where he said i am pretty..and some other weird metaphors. Yes i do have men approaching me a lot. I have no reason to lie. The other day a man i came across on the street said " youre f****** beautiful". Im not going to go into what else he said as i don't want to seem as if im bragging. Maybe he thinks its too good to be true or i dunno. On the phone he told me he doesnt like messaging as he finds it disingenuous. Whatever that means. Plenty of men have been fine messaging me andthen asking to meet from there. This one is extremely paranoid. Im just a young woman. What am i going to do to him Im always misunderstood by him! No matter what i do Edited November 17, 2020 by peach302
poppyfields Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 28 minutes ago, peach302 said: I was thinking who is he to ask me to change my picture. I can have any pic i like as my main profile pic. Yes i do have men approaching me a lot. I have no reason to lie. The other day a man i came across on the street said " youre f****** beautiful". Im not going to go into what else he said as i don't want to seem as if im bragging. I wasn't suggesting you were lying about men approaching, talk about assuming. Lol Not sending him a recent pic was what was not jiving. And yeah I've had men say such things to me as well, I ended up dating one such man years ago, big f'ing whoop. Re bolded, who is he? He is a man you have not had contact with in six months who would like to see an updated pic. I can understand the piss poor attitude if/when he or any man asks for additional pics after seeing one or two recent, but his request was not unreasonable. Not sure why the attitude, but best of luck. Edited November 17, 2020 by poppyfields 1
stillafool Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 46 minutes ago, peach302 said: But somewhere after that he started being suspicious..due to the on and off nature of our communication. He probably thinks that due to the lockdown you've gained weight and are afraid to show a picture. You should prove him wrong and send one.
stillafool Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 41 minutes ago, peach302 said: Maybe he thinks its too good to be true or i dunno. On the phone he told me he doesnt like messaging as he finds it disingenuous. Whatever that means. Plenty of men have been fine messaging me andthen asking to meet from there. This one is extremely paranoid. Im just a young woman. What am i going to do to him No like he said he doesn't want a text pal he wants to talk, set up a time to meet and probably get sex who knows. But don't contact him again until you're ready to meet or he will think you're being silly.. 2
Miss Spider Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) Why didn’t you just give him another pic? What’s the big deal? I don’t see how it is unreasonable for him to want one more pic if he only has one( the one of you as a child really doesn’t count). Pictures are dependent on the lighting, angle, expression etc. etc. You get a better idea of what someone actually looks like with more pics. That is why you will see on dating apps almost everyone has more than one pic. It is definitely a red flag if someone is reluctant to provide this. Edited November 17, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 47 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I wasn't suggesting you were lying about men approaching, talk about assuming. Lol Not sending him a recent pic was what was not jiving. And yeah I've had men say such things to me as well, I ended up dating one such man years ago, big f'ing whoop. Re bolded, who is he? He is a man you have not had contact with in six months who would like to see an updated pic. I can understand the piss poor attitude if/when he or any man asks for additional pics after seeing one or two recent, but his request was not unreasonable. Not sure why the attitude, but best of luck. You said something isn't jiving. Hence i explained I've got nothing to hide with regards to my appearance as i get chatted up all day everyday.
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 38 minutes ago, stillafool said: He probably thinks that due to the lockdown you've gained weight and are afraid to show a picture. You should prove him wrong and send one. Where do people come up with these random ideas.? Yeah ive seen threads here where the woman gained weight and the men didnt realise due to her not updating pics.. But it doesnt apply to everyone. Ive always been slim. And nothing has changed during lockdown. Like damn its just insulting at this point. If he thinks like that. So hes stopped talking to me because in his twisted mind he thinks im not as attractive as the first pic i sent or im not that person anymore. Brill . Edited November 17, 2020 by peach302
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 9 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Why didn’t you just give him another pic? What’s the big deal? I don’t see how it is unreasonable for him to want one more pic if he only has one? It would be very unusual for me to meet someone only with one pic. Pictures are dependent on the right lighting, good angle etc. etc. You get a better impression what someone actually looks like with more pics. That is why you will see on dating apps almost everyone has more than one pic. It is definitely a red flag if someone is reluctant to provide this. Its not that its a problem to send another pic. Its all the suspicion and i am not who i say i am etc.. it gets annoying. I kind of get where you're coming from i just find the whole thing annoying. People thinking im a catfish when im not. I know a guy who i used to meet before from an app..he contacts me randomly (hes married now) but anyway he said he never understood why i don't show off more pics and change my whatsapp pro pics etc as he thinks im very attractive etc etc.. I guess im not like those attention seeking women who need to show off their beauty on insta to get validation. And if i don't do that someone thinks theres something wrong.
Miss Spider Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, peach302 said: Its not that its a problem to send another pic. Its all the suspicion and i am not who i say i am etc.. it gets annoying. I kind of get where you're coming from i just find the whole thing annoying. People thinking im a catfish when im not. I know a guy who i used to meet before from an app..he contacts me randomly (hes married now) but anyway he said he never understood why i don't show off more pics and change my whatsapp pro pics etc as he thinks im very attractive etc etc.. I guess im not like those attention seeking women who need to show off their beauty on insta to get validation. And if i don't do that someone thinks theres something wrong. It’s not even that though. This is not about a guy asking you for endless pics or flaunting yourself. It’s not even necessarily that he thinks you’re not the person in the pic. It could just be that they can’t get a good enough idea of if they would be into you or not based on that one picture. One picture can be very misleading . And if that shallowness annoys you on principle, fair enough, but you are the one making a thread trying to get this guys interest back. It seems that he does not have enough information to deduce if he wants to meet you. And I would feel the same way TBH . Do you only have one picture of him? Edited November 17, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 3
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: It’s not even that though. This is not about a guy asking you for endless pics or flaunting yourself. It’s not even necessarily that he thinks you’re not the person in the pic. It could just be that they can’t get a good enough idea of if they would be into you or not based on that one picture. One picture can be very misleading . And if that shallowness annoys you on principle, fair enough, but you are the one making a thread trying to get this guys interest back. It seems that he does not have enough information to deduce if he wants to meet you. And I would feel the same way TBH . Do you only have one picture of him? Maybe but at the beginning after seeing my one pic it seemed his interest was very high... and even when I've gone my own way and contacted him again (being on and off) he was happy to talk to me....and implied meeting. He randomly talked about catfishing though in between that. So he liked the pic but i think isn't sure it is 100% me. You're right it is the shallowness partly which is irritating. But then he is shallow as he once talked about some previous women his parents set him up with..who looked highly unattractive. He just talked about their looks and nothing else..and thats why he rejected them. Hes sent me one photo on WhatsApp. And I've seen about three on the app..two where he looks attractive..the other one i was like omg is that really him now (one was recent i think the other two were older im assuming ). But the thing is i saw them and still continued talking to him. But he doesnt know ive seen the not so attractive one as id unmatched him a long time ago.. Edited November 17, 2020 by peach302
ExpatInItaly Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 4 hours ago, peach302 said: Well I'm not dating anyone else. I don't like to make assumptions so readily. But you're also the one who dodges attempts to meet up. He isn't. You thus cannot compare yourself to him. He's more proactive and you are not. It wouldn't be unreasonable to guess that he's met other women in the meantime who he could develop a more substantial connection with. I personally wouldn't waste your time as he's very unlikely to take you seriously.
Miss Spider Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 26 minutes ago, peach302 said: Maybe but at the beginning after seeing my one pic it seemed his interest was very high... and even when I've gone my own way and contacted him again (being on and off) he was happy to talk to me....and implied meeting. He randomly talked about catfishing though in between that. So he liked the pic but i think isn't sure it is 100% me. You're right it is the shallowness partly which is irritating. But then he is shallow as he once talked about some previous women his parents set him up with..who looked highly unattractive. He just talked about their looks and nothing else..and thats why he rejected them. Hes sent me one photo on WhatsApp. And I've seen about three on the app..two where he looks attractive..the other one i was like omg is that really him now (one was recent i think the other two were older im assuming ). But the thing is i saw them and still continued talking to him. But he doesnt know ive seen the not so attractive one as id unmatched him a long time ago.. Yes. It seems like he places importance on physical attraction, as do many people. That explains why he wanted a second pic to be sure that was there. I don’t think it’s crazy to assume someone is a catfish if they are into you and want to meet, but refuse to provide a second picture of themselves. But the bottom line is that he wanted another pic to be sure he wanted to meet you. You failed to deliver, so the ball was dropped. What makes you think that’s going to change because 6 months has passed? Even in the unlikely event he’s still interested in meeting, he wants that pic. Then he wants to meet. If you’re not willing to do those two things I think you’re wasting your time. He doesn’t want a pen pal. Edited November 17, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Watercolors Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 You two should have met already. It's moot at this point. Stop dwelling on the ifs, ands, buts, and whys. Time to move forward with your online dating adventures with new dating profiles.
stillafool Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 1 hour ago, peach302 said: Where do people come up with these random ideas.? Yeah ive seen threads here where the woman gained weight and the men didnt realise due to her not updating pics.. But it doesnt apply to everyone. Ive always been slim. And nothing has changed during lockdown. Like damn its just insulting at this point. If he thinks like that. So hes stopped talking to me because in his twisted mind he thinks im not as attractive as the first pic i sent or im not that person anymore. Brill . Truth is he probably doesn't want to waste anymore of his time if he isn't physically attracted and TBH I'm a woman and I wouldn't either. Why would someone waste your time and his if he's not attracted? It's a no brainer - just send an updated picture and if you look like you say he will set something up immediately. 2
stillafool Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 34 minutes ago, peach302 said: You're right it is the shallowness partly which is irritating. But then he is shallow as he once talked about some previous women his parents set him up with..who looked highly unattractive. He just talked about their looks and nothing else..and thats why he rejected them. He's a man and looks usually come first with them whether you consider it shallow or not. If you feel he's too shallow why do you still want him? You could go for older, less attractive men who will care less about your looks but impressed to get a younger woman.
poppyfields Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 37 minutes ago, stillafool said: He's a man and looks usually come first with them whether you consider it shallow or not. If you feel he's too shallow why do you still want him? Good point. When I did OLD, I had men ask (more like harass) me for "additional" pics even though they had seen two or three recent pics, face and full body. This was annoying AF, huge turn off, next. So agree with stillafool, if you find him shallow and annoying because he asked for one updated pic, then why bother with him at all? 1
Miss Spider Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) Yep. Why have this thread if are you find him too shallow? But I would argue that this is different than having sufficient pics and asking for more @poppyfields I think OP is going to have a pretty tough road to hoe with anyone that has standards on OLD when she refuses to provide more than one picture of herself and a picture of her when she was a child. I wouldn’t say this guy is any more shallow than average based on the information provided also, I find men that have only one picture fishy, but it doesn’t have anything to do with what they look like. I tend to assume that they are uncomfortable in some way with how they look. Can’t help it Edited November 17, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: But you're also the one who dodges attempts to meet up. He isn't. You thus cannot compare yourself to him. He's more proactive and you are not. It wouldn't be unreasonable to guess that he's met other women in the meantime who he could develop a more substantial connection with. I personally wouldn't waste your time as he's very unlikely to take you seriously. Maybe. It wouldnt surprise me if he had. But as a personal choice i would rather explain my side of things...instead of letting him think he was right all along. For my own sake.
Miss Spider Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 Yeah, but even a catfish can explain for days why they can’t meet or provide more evidence... and often do.... until you actually give him pics and meet, he will assume he was right all along
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Yes. It seems like he places importance on physical attraction, as do many people. That explains why he wanted a second pic to be sure that was there. I don’t think it’s crazy to assume someone is a catfish if they are into you and want to meet, but refuse to provide a second picture of themselves. But the bottom line is that he wanted another pic to be sure he wanted to meet you. You failed to deliver, so the ball was dropped. What makes you think that’s going to change because 6 months has passed? Even in the unlikely event he’s still interested in meeting, he wants that pic. Then he wants to meet. If you’re not willing to do those two things I think you’re wasting your time. He doesn’t want a pen pal. I understand that now. Back then i was acting prideful. So yeah i would send him another picture this time around 1
Miss Spider Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 1 minute ago, peach302 said: I understand that now. Back then i was acting prideful. So yeah i would send him another picture this time around Gotcha . That’s definitely the only way to prove him wrong /get that date. It’s worth a shot if you like him. Best of luck to you 1
poppyfields Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 8 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Yep. Why have this thread if are you find him too shallow? But I would argue that this is different than having sufficient pics and asking for more @poppyfields I think OP is going to have a pretty tough road to hoe with anyone that has standards on OLD when she refuses to provide more than one picture of herself and a picture of her when she was a child. I wouldn’t say this guy is any more shallow than average based on the information provided also, I find men that have only one picture fishy, but it doesn’t have anything to do with what they look like. I tend to assume that they are uncomfortable in some way with how they look. Can’t help it Agree it's different (from asking for additional pics), I was only trying to make the point that if she (or any woman) finds a man shallow and annoying (whatever the reason), then why bother? Simply next him, there are soooooo many other man who are not. Easy peasy. 1 2
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 1 hour ago, stillafool said: Truth is he probably doesn't want to waste anymore of his time if he isn't physically attracted and TBH I'm a woman and I wouldn't either. Why would someone waste your time and his if he's not attracted? It's a no brainer - just send an updated picture and if you look like you say he will set something up immediately. Yeah i guess so. I think im a bit different as i have spoken and given chances to people i wasnt fully attracted to. But hes also weird in that he says i treat him as an option. So its like which one is it i treat you like an option or im a catfish?
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Agree it's different (from asking for additional pics), I was only trying to make the point that if she (or any woman) finds a man shallow and annoying (whatever the reason), then why bother? Simply next him, there are soooooo many other man who are not. Easy peasy. Most good looking men are. I haven't found many to be not shallow. I think with him its that overall he was taking the right steps and showing hes a serious and legit person as opposed to a nutjob or someone who wants a one night stand. Hence why i was thinking i should give him a proper chance. And hes alright looking and career driven..so he ticks a couple of my boxes at least
poppyfields Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 47 minutes ago, peach302 said: Most good looking men are. I haven't found many to be not shallow. I think with him its that overall he was taking the right steps and showing hes a serious and legit person as opposed to a nutjob or someone who wants a one night stand. Hence why i was thinking i should give him a proper chance. And hes alright looking and career driven..so he ticks a couple of my boxes at least If what you refer to as shallow is wanting to see a recent pic or pics, then most women are equally as shallow imo. Especially with OLD. I don't view a request for one or two recent pic as shallow. Harassing me for additional pics? Yes that is shallow. And annoying. That said, happy to hear you've decided to send him one! Let us know how it goes, good luck! Edited November 17, 2020 by poppyfields 1
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