basil67 Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 (edited) @peach302 he gave you a firm but polite ending. And he unmatched you. It's over. I don't know which part of his words makes you think he ever wants to hear from you in the future. If you reach out again, you are very likely to get a not so polite ending. If you do reach out again and he tells you exactly what he thinks of you, will you accept that you had it coming? Or will you blame him for being rude? Edited January 11, 2021 by basil67 1
cleverusername Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 1 minute ago, peach302 said: I chose the wrong words ok in error. Im not certain on it being over for good. But i have to do it right this time. So clear this up then so people can help you; Which words did you choose wrong? The words where you claimed to have “insight”? The words where you said that you knew it was over but we’re going to contact him anyway? The words where you ask for advice but say you don’t want to listen? All your words that you’ve given us? Because it’s starting to seem like all your “words” are the wrong ones....
trident_2020 Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 8 minutes ago, peach302 said: Why do guys think asking a question is confrontational its just for my own info. Because it will put him on the defensive. Because he will be put in a position where he has to explain himself. Because you are making the topic of the conversation about you, and getting answers to your questions and only thinking about your own needs. Because you are doing this to a guy who already wants nothing to do with you. Does that make any iota of sense to you? 1 1
Author peach302 Posted January 11, 2021 Author Posted January 11, 2021 4 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Because it will put him on the defensive. Because he will be put in a position where he has to explain himself. Because you are making the topic of the conversation about you, and getting answers to your questions and only thinking about your own needs. Because you are doing this to a guy who already wants nothing to do with you. Does that make any iota of sense to you? Yes i get it now totally
Author peach302 Posted January 11, 2021 Author Posted January 11, 2021 6 minutes ago, cleverusername said: So clear this up then so people can help you; Which words did you choose wrong? The words where you claimed to have “insight”? The words where you said that you knew it was over but we’re going to contact him anyway? The words where you ask for advice but say you don’t want to listen? All your words that you’ve given us? Because it’s starting to seem like all your “words” are the wrong ones.... The second is wrong. No not everything i say has zero credibility . He said what i said about him was insightful. I cant remember where i said i had insight
Author peach302 Posted January 11, 2021 Author Posted January 11, 2021 11 minutes ago, basil67 said: @peach302 he gave you a firm but polite ending. And he unmatched you. It's over. I don't know which part of his words makes you think he ever wants to hear from you in the future. If you reach out again, you are very likely to get a not so polite ending. If you do reach out again and he tells you exactly what he thinks of you, will you accept that you had it coming? Or will you blame him for being rude? Probably accept i had it coming. Hes never been particularly rude to me on the phone so cant imagine it. But could happen. It will just be one phonecall to clear things up once and for all.. Obviously i dont want to bug him but i can't let him go on thinking im a disingenuous person either. Just got to put out my side of the story once and for all.
Author peach302 Posted January 11, 2021 Author Posted January 11, 2021 33 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: You'd know for sure. Yeah i know ive experienced that with someone else and they were less than pleased to hear from me. It was literslly like within a week and they were still pissed off
basil67 Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 1 hour ago, peach302 said: Hes never been particularly rude to me on the phone so cant imagine it. But could happen. It will just be one phonecall to clear things up once and for all.. You're right that he hasn't been rude to you, yet you called him names anyway. Things are cleared up already. The long text you had was him giving you closure. You called again and so he spelled it out clearly. There's nothing more for him to say except to start getting rude to you.
Wiseman2 Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 (edited) There's a 50/50 chance he could be one of those toilet texters. Edited January 11, 2021 by Wiseman2
Author peach302 Posted January 11, 2021 Author Posted January 11, 2021 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: There's a 50/50 chance he could be one of those toilet texters. Lolll whats that Hes just someone whos very busy working all the time ..even has night shifts thinking about it. Therefore texting and getting to know someone is probably not the most convenient for him. Unfortunately i was so wrapped up in me and how i dont like to call people...being more a lazy texter..i didnt take this into consideration.
Author peach302 Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 (edited) Hi guys. I've decided i will CALL ( not message) the man lol in about a week to two weeks time definitely. At the risk of sounding like a broken record. Any ideas on how to start up this hella awkward conversation and have a pleasant one without him wanting to put the phone down or get irritated (provided he actually picks up the phone that is). Because as you all know he isn't seeing me in the best of lights atm. Thinking about it right at the start when i blocked him by phone and messenger..he called me every single day for seven days..so i dont feel like a total loser . I mean im only making the one call funny how the situations turned around! . Obviously the outcome i want ( which currently seems impossible) is to meet him after lockdown and keep in touch and keep the momentum going ..as opposed to it all ending for good. At the end of the day i know I'm a genuine and sincere person who did want to get to know this man and see where things could lead. But i wound up completely pushing him in the other direction and giving him the impression i was some flakey fake person who basically doesn't give a s***. Edited January 12, 2021 by peach302
Wiseman2 Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 1 hour ago, peach302 said: I've decided i will CALL A new study says that 75 percent of Americans admit to using their smartphones while on the toilet. Toilet texting is particularly popular among those 28 to 35-years-old, with a reported 91 percent of that age group admitting to the habit. Why wait to call? What if he talks to you from the bathroom? Do a videochat to avoid that. 1
Author peach302 Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: A new study says that 75 percent of Americans admit to using their smartphones while on the toilet. Toilet texting is particularly popular among those 28 to 35-years-old, with a reported 91 percent of that age group admitting to the habit. Why wait to call? What if he talks to you from the bathroom? Do a videochat to avoid that. Lol. Waiting be cause he doesnt want to talk everrr. So waiting till hes less negative .
trident_2020 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Why wait to call? What if he talks to you from the bathroom? Do a videochat to avoid that. Who cares if he's taking a dump at the same time he takes her call? I do some of my best phone chatting when I'm pinching out a loaf because there's nothing else to do so I'm focused. Although there might be some unexpected grunting 1
Author peach302 Posted January 13, 2021 Author Posted January 13, 2021 34 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Who cares if he's taking a dump at the same time he takes her call? I do some of my best phone chatting when I'm pinching out a loaf because there's nothing else to do so I'm focused. Although there might be some unexpected grunting I sincerely hope tht dont happen EVER
poppyfields Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 35 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Who cares if he's taking a dump at the same time he takes her call? I do some of my best phone chatting when I'm pinching out a loaf because there's nothing else to do so I'm focused. Although there might be some unexpected grunting
basil67 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, peach302 said: Hi guys. I've decided i will CALL ( not message) the man lol in about a week to two weeks time definitely. At the risk of sounding like a broken record. Any ideas on how to start up this hella awkward conversation and have a pleasant one without him wanting to put the phone down or get irritated He's probably blocked you. But on the off chance that he hasn't, if you call him again, you will be demonstrating that you don't respect his boundaries. His boundary being that he has no interest in speaking with you futher Why do you think that a show of disrespect will make him interested in you? Back when I was dating, nothing would push me further away than someone not respecting my boundaries. If there is to be another chance, as he's the one who said No, he must be the one who reaches out. Edited to add: what is your history regarding your inability to accept a "no" from someone else? Were your parents weak and would succumb to continual pushing on your part? A bit of self analysis may be helpful for your development of being able to respect others. Edited January 13, 2021 by basil67 1 1
Author peach302 Posted January 13, 2021 Author Posted January 13, 2021 (edited) 17 minutes ago, basil67 said: He's probably blocked you. But on the off chance that he hasn't, if you call him again, you will be demonstrating that you don't respect his boundaries. His boundary being that he has no interest in speaking with you futher Why do you think that a show of disrespect will make him interested in you? Back when I was dating, nothing would push me further away than someone not respecting my boundaries. If there is to be another chance, as he's the one who said No, he must be the one who reaches out. Edited to add: what is your history regarding your inability to accept a "no" from someone else? Were your parents weak and would succumb to continual pushing on your part? A bit of self analysis may be helpful for your development of being able to respect others. Excuse me? Any way im not responding to that. Especially bringing parents into it. Have a good day . Also if you read my earlier message properly. You would have seen where i stated he called me every SINGLE DAY for seven days when i blocked him a while back... sometimes a few times each day. But of course you didn't pick up on that Edited January 13, 2021 by peach302
poppyfields Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 (edited) 26 minutes ago, basil67 said: ..if you call him again, you will be demonstrating that you don't respect his boundaries. If there is to be another chance, as he's the one who said No, he must be the one who reaches out. That's a good point. He was straight with you peach and shut that door, and it's important to respect that. Perhaps this is why people ghost, one reason anyway, I am sure there are many! But essentially it leaves the door open for further communication down the road. So if someone wants to avoid that and wants that door shut, it's best to be straight about it which is what he did. Just another point against ghosting imo, which he could have done, but chose not to. He chose to be straight and tell you, and shut that door. That said, he could always come back and re-open the door, but that would be on him to do, since he shut it. I would do nothing peach, seriously. Perhaps when covid is over and you can actually MEET and if you click in person, date, he will wish to re-open that door. But again that would be on him. Edited January 13, 2021 by poppyfields 1
basil67 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 27 minutes ago, peach302 said: Excuse me? Any way im not responding to that. Especially bringing parents into it. Have a good day . Also if you read my earlier message properly. You would have seen where i stated he called me every SINGLE DAY for seven days when i blocked him a while back... sometimes a few times each day. But of course you didn't pick up on that I didn't mean to offend. My words came out harsher than I intended and I'm sorry I hurt you. What I hoped to for was to suggest you look at why you feel it's OK to disrespect someone's boundaries in order to meet your own ends.
Author peach302 Posted January 13, 2021 Author Posted January 13, 2021 7 minutes ago, basil67 said: I didn't mean to offend. My words came out harsher than I intended and I'm sorry I hurt you. What I hoped to for was to suggest you look at why you feel it's OK to disrespect someone's boundaries in order to meet your own ends. Ok maybe. But i mean he did the same..he was worse as he wouldn't stop calling. However since id blocked him the calls wouldnt come through n went straight to voicemail.. only when i unblocked him i realised he called about ten times in a week. At least with me im giving it a few weeks for it to blow over. And i really think he was in his feelings when he did that.. and as you know feelings change very frequently.. Maybe by then he would even be ok with it.
trident_2020 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 If his feelings change that much, then maybe he'll reach out to you.
Author peach302 Posted January 13, 2021 Author Posted January 13, 2021 (edited) 1 minute ago, trident_2020 said: If his feelings change that much, then maybe he'll reach out to you. He's too proud to do that. . He probably won't want to look stupid. This ones on me i think given the mistakes i made Edited January 13, 2021 by peach302
trident_2020 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 Makes sense. Just remember to make it all about him. Consider being prepared to video chat and get yourself all dolled up for him. 2.5" of cleavage would be about right. Depending on cup size of course. 1
basil67 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 54 minutes ago, peach302 said: Ok maybe. But i mean he did the same..he was worse as he wouldn't stop calling. However since id blocked him the calls wouldnt come through n went straight to voicemail.. only when i unblocked him i realised he called about ten times in a week. At least with me im giving it a few weeks for it to blow over. And i really think he was in his feelings when he did that.. and as you know feelings change very frequently.. Maybe by then he would even be ok with it. When he kept calling you, had you told him that you never want to hear from him again? If so, he was disrespecting your boundaries. Two wrongs don't make a right. Still though, like it or not, you are disrespecting his boundaries. Why do you put more importance on your own needs than his? 1
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