poppyfields Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, trident_2020 said: So what if you think how he ghosted you wasn't right. He doesn't care what you think is wrong or right, he's history and here you are wondering what you could have done that would have resulted in a more favorable outcome. You've gotten numerous answers and here you are 13 pages later asking the same questions. Agree except for the part he ghosted. He was honest with her, brutally honest. peach, I know it hurts. In the end, you opened up, became a bit vulnerable by telling him what made him different from the other men you talk to (which is what he'd been asking for), and BAM, he rejected you, then blocks. Wow. Which leads me to suspect he may have been messin with you, gaming you a bit which happens a lot on line, but that's part speculation, part projection. Or simply just a ton of mixed messages on both sides. And he burned out. In any event, think about how you would feel if he had chosen to not respond at all and simply ignore/ ghosted. I realize this wasn't the outcome you expected or hoped for which is why I am such a HUGE proponent of lowering expectations and detaching from the outcome. Enjoy the chat, have fun with it, play the long game until such time you can meet in person. Nothing more, nothing less. If they drop off, or YOU decide to drop off , so be. Yes it's disappointing but the journey continues. I'm sorry peach. ((Hugs)) Edited January 10, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1
trident_2020 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Agree except for the part he ghosted. He was honest with her, brutally honest. You're correct he didn't ghost her, my bad. 1
Author peach302 Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 52 minutes ago, basil67 said: I understand that you like communicating by text, but the text exchange you had with him (the one you opened this thread with) was excruciating to read. It was awkward, disjointed and completely lacking in warmth. Add to that you STILL refused to video chat with him and didn't offer for him to see pictures he'd been wanting....further confirming his view that you were catfishing. In the latest exchange, he asked you how your day was and the best you could come up with was a supremely dull "It was good, how was yours?" If you want a guy to meet you, you need to be engaging. All in all, your biggest problem was not recognising that last text exchange for what it was: Closure. Ok im clearly useless at this type of stuff. Purely for my own education. How would you have worded the messages instead..how would you have changed them for it to sound warmer. I actually have a lot more warmth inside than it sounds . But i always hold back for fear of doing too much. In terms of the pictures i unblurred mine a couple of days into our conversation. So he would have seen my two extra pictures on my profile about two days ago. The video chat. Yes i can't argue with that. And he literally put a kiss face emoji . When he asked for one. Hes literally hot n cold himself
Author peach302 Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 58 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Agree except for the part he ghosted. He was honest with her, brutally honest. peach, I know it hurts. In the end, you opened up, became a bit vulnerable by telling him what made him different from the other men you talk to (which is what he'd been asking for), and BAM, he rejected you, then blocks. Wow. Which leads me to suspect he may have been messin with you, gaming you a bit which happens a lot on line, but that's part speculation, part projection. Or simply just a ton of mixed messages on both sides. And he burned out. In any event, think about how you would feel if he had chosen to not respond at all and simply ignore/ ghosted. I realize this wasn't the outcome you expected or hoped for which is why I am such a HUGE proponent of lowering expectations and detaching from the outcome. Enjoy the chat, have fun with it, play the long game until such time you can meet in person. Nothing more, nothing less. If they drop off, or YOU decide to drop off , so be. Yes it's disappointing but the journey continues. I'm sorry peach. ((Hugs)) 9/10 times i do detach. Because this has happened before. Actually its usually me saying im not feeling it to the guy ..as in its me doing the rejecting a lot of the time. But with this guy i had hope as i knew hes not the type to mess around and hes genuinely looking for something serious its just a shame he couldn't see that i wasnt just an f girl or a catfish or a penpal. And thats exactly what im happy with doing playing the long game..be it texting or whatever but he made it clear he prefers faces and voices so with regards to getting to know someone texting doesnt work for him.
Author peach302 Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 1 hour ago, trident_2020 said: You're correct he didn't ghost her, my bad. He didnt tell me why though. Especially after i explained i had legitimate intentions...he still did what he did
trident_2020 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 He doesn't owe you an explanation, nor do you need one. You've gotten the answer even though they it didn't come from him. You had opportunity but you didn't give him what he was asking for. Actions speak much louder than words. Especially words that are TEXTED. Better luck next time.
Author peach302 Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: He doesn't owe you an explanation, nor do you need one. You've gotten the answer even though they it didn't come from him. You had opportunity but you didn't give him what he was asking for. Actions speak much louder than words. Especially words that are TEXTED. Better luck next time. I don't like the whole you weren't owed an explanation because youre not together...you wernt anything etc etc. Everyone deserves something. Fair enough if was like one day or a few days. But this wasnt that. He was talking to me as normal for a while before he did it. And hes not the type to kept talking for no reason. And right as soon as he finishes work he does something so drastic. He probably acted on his feelings since it came out the blue. And tomorrow or a week from now or whenever he may feel differently. Since feelings change all the time. Even with regards to mine...there were so many times i was like why should i contact this guy since he didnt contact me. .hence it took me so long to even message him in the first place. But anyway i get the point i suppose. Edited January 10, 2021 by peach302
trident_2020 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 3 minutes ago, peach302 said: I don't like the whole you weren't owed an explanation because youre not together...you wernt anything etc etc. Everyone deserves something. It doesn't matter that you don''t like it. It doesn't matter that you believe everyone deserves something. You aren't going to get it. Game over.
Author peach302 Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 3 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: It doesn't matter that you don''t like it. It doesn't matter that you believe everyone deserves something. You aren't going to get it. Game over. Well you made it sound like its not something that is owed. And that type of mentality is wrong. Sorry.
trident_2020 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 (edited) Ok, it's wrong. So what. Life isn't fair. People are wronged. It happens. You can sit there and complain about or you can make adjustments to favor your results next time around. Edited January 10, 2021 by trident_2020
basil67 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 2 hours ago, peach302 said: And hes not the type to kept talking for no reason. Indeed. This is why he's stopped talking to you - he sees no reason to continue 2 hours ago, peach302 said: And right as soon as he finishes work he does something so drastic. He probably acted on his feelings since it came out the blue. It's not drastic to end it with someone who you think is a catfish. And ending wasn't out of the blue - you guys haven't talked in months and it was obvious in the text exchange which you opened with that he wasn't interested in pursuing anything with you. 2 hours ago, peach302 said: Ok im clearlHow would you have worded the messages instead..how would you have changed them for it to sound warmer. I actually have a lot more warmth inside than it sounds . But i always hold back for fear of doing too much. In terms of the pictures i unblurred mine a couple of days into our conversation. So he would have seen my two extra pictures on my profile about two days ago. For his question of "how was your day?" I would have answered with what I did and how I'd been feeling. Like "had a lazy morning, had a long over due chat with my BFF, cleaned the house. And have been binge watching a new show called A" What about you?
Author peach302 Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 (edited) 41 minutes ago, basil67 said: Indeed. This is why he's stopped talking to you - he sees no reason to continue It's not drastic to end it with someone who you think is a catfish. And ending wasn't out of the blue - you guys haven't talked in months and it was obvious in the text exchange which you opened with that he wasn't interested in pursuing anything with you. For his question of "how was your day?" I would have answered with what I did and how I'd been feeling. Like "had a lazy morning, had a long over due chat with my BFF, cleaned the house. And have been binge watching a new show called A" What about you? My reply should have been more interesting yes. I didnt get the impression he was totally closed off to it. Otherwise he wouldn't have mentioned a call in the first place..or even carried on talking for days. Once he saw it was going back to the old patterns and habits he decided he'd had enough in a flash...and decided to end it. That's my view of it all. I know what its like because I've done something similar with another guy i was chatting to a few months back.. We'd been talking for ages and he kept sending endless silly texts..i took it as he enjoyed pestering me but wasnt looking for anything else. Then he matched me on the same app..started doing the same old bull**** and i had enough n blocked him. Didnt give any explanation or warning..just got in my feelings and did it. Edited January 10, 2021 by peach302
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 Dating sites aren't the best place to find text buddies. Make sure you have a good profile with recent pics and use appropriate matching and screening criteria. If someone won't meet in a timely fashion, delete and block them. If you like texting all day, find friends for that.
Author peach302 Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Dating sites aren't the best place to find text buddies. Make sure you have a good profile with recent pics and use appropriate matching and screening criteria. If someone won't meet in a timely fashion, delete and block them. If you like texting all day, find friends for that. He equated me texting him to being uninterested which was simply just not true. I dont even text all day. Gets boring after a while.
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 3 minutes ago, peach302 said: He equated me texting him to being uninterested which was simply just not true. I dont even text all day. Gets boring after a while. Then don't chitchat and exchange banter with guys you're not interested in. Especially why resurrect dead matches? Move forward, not backwards. Reflect and decide what you want from dating apps. 1
Author peach302 Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Then don't chitchat and exchange banter with guys you're not interested in. Especially why resurrect dead matches? Move forward, not backwards. Reflect and decide what you want from dating apps. I saw potential in this guy. He didn't like messaging. I messed it up by messaging and not calling
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 Are you at least going to stop contacting him now? That's what matters most here. 1
trident_2020 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 6 hours ago, peach302 said: I saw potential in this guy. He didn't like messaging. I messed it up by messaging and not calling 14 pages of advice and you still think your only screwup was text messaging versus calling? 3 1
Author peach302 Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, trident_2020 said: 14 pages of advice and you still think your only screwup was text messaging versus calling? Id like to say no. But yes. You can list them all though if you wish to. Edited January 10, 2021 by peach302
trident_2020 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 I’d like to say I would but it would be an exercise in futility. 2 1 1
Author peach302 Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 11 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: I’d like to say I would but it would be an exercise in futility. Genuinely. I want to know. Doesn't have to be extra long. Just quick points.
trident_2020 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 I'm starting to think you're messing with me. 1 1
Author peach302 Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: I'm starting to think you're messing with me. No really sincerely. A concise summary of all i did wrong. Since you say it wasnt just the medium via which i was communicating Edited January 10, 2021 by peach302
trident_2020 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 2 minutes ago, peach302 said: Since you say it wasnt just the medium via which i was communicating I didn't say that. In fact that's the root of the problem right there.
Author peach302 Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 36 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: I didn't say that. In fact that's the root of the problem right there. Ok so what else? But at one point you did say if i had said all of that what i had said on the phone would it have worked
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