[UPDATE] How to approach this situation after six months zero contact?

[stillafool]

23 minutes ago, peach302 said:

 

And for me i guess it was  the opposite and i finally got to the place he was in at the beginning. . But its too late

Yeah it's time to give this up and move on and do better next time.  Good luck!

[peach302]

55 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

yeah 100%... you might think some of us don't remember but we do. same story. eventually you are going to get the same answers, op.  Good for picking up on the bolded, cleverusername.

But the most surprising part of it all is. Im not either of those things....either disingenuous  or manipulative. . 

Its all assumptions and wrongful ones at that on his part. 

[peach302]

58 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

This happens, actually it's not all that uncommon.

I'm still confused why you kept rejecting him, or were otherwise running away, but IF it was a game or test, even unconsciously, next time, don't do that 

Be more genuine and honest.  It's not easy!  We risk getting hurt.

But at least we know we played it fair.  No regrets or second guessing about that. 

I wish i was honest from the beginning i really do. Thinking back on the way i behaved...it is me and it wasn't  games (unintentional) but it must have got to him. 

At one point he said he feels like a sandwich and an option the other time. 

Initally  i wasnt sure about him so i blocked him within a few weeks of speaking  to him and he was trying his utmost to get me to open up and call him on the phone but i wouldnt. And then later it was just me being me and not being a phone person and simply  preferring to message which he kept being suspicious  of and taking as me not being serious about him or anything...and i guess that opjnion never really changed. I did call him a few times. But i suppose it still wasn't enough because  the rest  of the time he was thinking im not  real.

Dealing with him was basically me having to prove myself all the time. Ive never ever had to do that with anyone ive ever met off the site. In my life. And its even worse because  i know im genuine and i know in looking for something  real. 

[peach302]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

With respect, I've only read a few pages of this thread and I find it exhausting how you dodge and weave when asked about your motives or reasons for doing the things you do.  I can't imagine how he managed to put up with 14 months of this.  If he's closed the door now (and it seems he has), let it stay shut.  Maybe take some time to think about your part in how this all played out and what you can do differently next time. 

I agree i can be evasive at times. I was with him some times. 

But he can also be 

 

Edited January 9, 2021 by peach302

[introverted1]

4 minutes ago, peach302 said:

I agree i can be evasive at times. I was with him some times. 

But he can also be 

 

It was 14 months.  It's clear you were both participants in an unhealthy dynamic.

Regardless what he did or didn't do, said or didn't say, at least half of this mess is of your doing. For YOUR sake,  you need to understand why you behave as you do and how you can develop better patterns for the future.

This is not to say that he doesn't (or does) have work to do, as well.  But he's not here posting; you are. And the only person you can work on is yourself.

This is the time for you to reflect on what you led you to engage the way you did, and what changes you want to make for the future so you can have a happy, satisfying relationship at some point.

[peach302]

13 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

It was 14 months.  It's clear you were both participants in an unhealthy dynamic.

Regardless what he did or didn't do, said or didn't say, at least half of this mess is of your doing. For YOUR sake,  you need to understand why you behave as you do and how you can develop better patterns for the future.

This is not to say that he doesn't (or does) have work to do, as well.  But he's not here posting; you are. And the only person you can work on is yourself.

This is the time for you to reflect on what you led you to engage the way you did, and what changes you want to make for the future so you can have a happy, satisfying relationship at some point.

OMG 14 MONTHS. I didn't realise myself how much time has gone.

And yes i dont disagree.

Half of it was me. Or maybe 80 per cent. If i had acted differently maybe some of the things i didnt like about him he wouldnt have done or said or whatever as it could have just been a result of the way i was behaving with him

[cleverusername]

You need to understand your actions and your words are telling us, and him, two completely different stories. Your words and your actions are in conflict, and until you get them in line with one another, you will keep running into this problem. 

You say you like this guy, but you block him? You say he's being hard headed, but he gave you 4 options to choose from to prove your real? You say you want to meet him, but avoid it and don't give a genuine reason to him? You say you're looking for something genuine, yet all your actions say you're just playing games? And all this after 6 months of silence, when he had moved on?

Quote

Dealing with him was basically me having to prove myself all the time

You say a lot, but you act very little. Why that's the case, we can't answer only you can. But I strongly advise you to do some self- reflection and figure out why. Until then, I think it might be best to take yourself off the market and avoid stress and confusion that this resulted in. 

[peach302]

15 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

You need to understand your actions and your words are telling us, and him, two completely different stories. Your words and your actions are in conflict, and until you get them in line with one another, you will keep running into this problem. 

You say you like this guy, but you block him? You say he's being hard headed, but he gave you 4 options to choose from to prove your real? You say you want to meet him, but avoid it and don't give a genuine reason to him? You say you're looking for something genuine, yet all your actions say you're just playing games? And all this after 6 months of silence, when he had moved on?

You say a lot, but you act very little. Why that's the case, we can't answer only you can. But I strongly advise you to do some self- reflection and figure out why. Until then, I think it might be best to take yourself off the market and avoid stress and confusion that this resulted in. 

We've had about four lockdowns in total over the last year where im living 

In addition im living with people who are in the high risk category of contracting the disease and dying.

When he asked to meet me in april. I couldn't for those obvious reasons. In hindsight  i should have called him up and told him i couldn't instead of leaving him hanging. That was my mistake.

I did tell him this time around that i would have met him but lockdown happened and he went along with it and said where would we have met? And he made a joke about us pretending to go n do exercise ( because that is the only reason we are allowed to leave the house now)...

But believe me when i say had it not been for the pandemic i would have met him up by now.  Him on the other hand he needs way too much proof befre we meet and needs to know im real and bla bla bla... ive spoken with a lot of men on the dating app and not one needed proof it was really me. They were all happy to meet..and two resulted in the guys wanting to become official and serious. So this specific guy has trust issues and extreme suspicion. Im sorry but its true 

For whatever  reason even after the pleasant exchanges he decided to abruptly say he doesnt want to  speak anymore. So

 

Edited January 9, 2021 by peach302

[peach302]

2 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

yeah 100%... you might think some of us don't remember but we do. same story. eventually you are going to get the same answers, op.  Good for picking up on the bolded, cleverusername.

Why was my response confusing that im not disingenuous? 

Because  im not?

There is no real concrete proof that i am.

Unless he really met me in person even for five minutes  or even had got to know me better. He would see how real i am. I guess hes too up himself to do so. 

But of course he had to follow his "logic". Even though he is wrong

 

Edited January 9, 2021 by peach302

[Versacehottie]

here's a thread of a person who had a remarkably similar dilemma to yours, around the same time frame as you/your guy, imagine that? In the many pages it went on there was lots of great advice that I'm sure would apply.  I would suggest you read it.  Here you go:

 

Edited January 9, 2021 by Versacehottie

[peach302]

4 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

here's a thread of a person who had a remarkably similar dilemma to yours, around the same time frame as you/your guy, imagine that? In the many pages it went on there was lots of great advice that I'm sure would apply.  I would suggest you read it.  Here you go:

 

How is reading another thread going to help.

Either way my point is im a real person with good intentions and its not helpful when people constantly question who i am 24/7. By people i mostly mean the guy in question

 

[introverted1]

7 minutes ago, peach302 said:

How is reading another thread going to help.

 

Many of the threads here on LS are remarkably similar.  It can be helpful to review situations that closely mirror your own as the advice in those threads can prove valuable.

[peach302]

23 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

Many of the threads here on LS are remarkably similar.  It can be helpful to review situations that closely mirror your own as the advice in those threads can prove valuable.

I dont know if that's  true..because the people the threads are about are totally different..eveyone seems to have  missed my point though . Im not a catfish or inauthentic and this guys not even appreciated that  ive come back and been honest ( which is never easy) and still gone and dismissed me.

Its like he wanted  to hear alll the compliments and then get his ego massaged n leave

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, peach302 said:

I dont know if that's  true..because the people the threads are about are totally different..eveyone seems to have  missed my point though . Im not a catfish or inauthentic and this guys not even appreciated that  ive come back and been honest ( which is never easy) and still gone and dismissed me.

Its like he wanted  to hear alll the compliments and then get his ego massaged n leave

Peach, you will never find resolution until you can be honest with yourself about how you contributed to this relationship never getting off the ground.   The guy in this discussion has done absolutely nothing wrong.  

[introverted1]

I don't think anyone has missed the point at all.

Good luck.

[peach302]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Peach, you will never find resolution until you can be honest with yourself about how you contributed to this relationship never getting off the ground.   The guy in this discussion has done absolutely nothing wrong.  

Ok I'll try to explain again.

Forget me for a second.

There are plenty of people who are absolutely fine communicating via text message. Ive had lengthy conversations with others and learnt heaps about them. Just by messaging!!if he'd bothered to do that maybe he would have  actually known me by now and not categorised me as some fake manipulative catfish person.

Im sorry but i didn't like what he did today.After me reaching out and opening up to him. I explained i would have met him just before lockdown and i was going to call him earlier about it. I explained how many people i had spoken to and they were not my cup of tea but he was. I gave him compliments about why it was i liked him above the others....so he seemed perfectly happy to hear all that . He agreed I've got great insight because i guess he enjoyed the compliments i gave him. (in other words thank you for seeing how great i am). .

Yesterday night there was no sign of any doubts from him...he asked me how my day was. I replied today .saying it was good..how is his weekend..

And he abruptly and callously ends the conversation. Says sorry i dont want to take it further and unmatched me!!!!!! So i  couldnt even reply. Making a big statement there. He did say good luck and i hope you find the right partner but those words made no difference. He may aswell have said f*** off. 

Sorry guys  i do think how he did that was him being a d***. You may disagree but i certainly don't.

 

Edited January 9, 2021 by peach302

[trident_2020]

I'm wondering how great your insight really is.

[cleverusername]

55 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Ok I'll try to explain again.

Forget me for a second.

There are plenty of people who are absolutely fine communicating via text message. Ive had lengthy conversations with others and learnt heaps about them. Just by messaging!!if he'd bothered to do that maybe he would have  actually known me by now and not categorised me as some fake manipulative catfish person.

Im sorry but i didn't like what he did today.After me reaching out and opening up to him. I explained i would have met him just before lockdown and i was going to call him earlier about it. I explained how many people i had spoken to and they were not my cup of tea but he was. I gave him compliments about why it was i liked him above the others....so he seemed perfectly happy to hear all that . He agreed I've got great insight because i guess he enjoyed the compliments i gave him. (in other words thank you for seeing how great i am). .

Yesterday night there was no sign of any doubts from him...he asked me how my day was. I replied today .saying it was good..how is his weekend..

And he abruptly and callously ends the conversation. Says sorry i dont want to take it further and unmatched me!!!!!! So i  couldnt even reply. Making a big statement there. He did say good luck and i hope you find the right partner but those words made no difference. He may aswell have said f*** off. 

Sorry guys  i do think how he did that was him being a d***. You may disagree but i certainly don't.

 

You explained. You said. But ultimately you did nothing.
 

People here have pointed out multiple times your words do not match your actions. People have offered advice that you disregarded. People have asked for more information that you didn’t provide. People have provide resources that you scoffed at. But you still want to pin this is solely on him. This has become 13 pages of you hearing but not listening. I have a hunch you’re confusing “insight” with ego.

 

good luck, I’m out. 

[peach302]

10 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

You explained. You said. But ultimately you did nothing.
 

People here have pointed out multiple times your words do not match your actions. People have offered advice that you disregarded. People have asked for more information that you didn’t provide. People have provide resources that you scoffed at. But you still want to pin this is solely on him. This has become 13 pages of you hearing but not listening. I have a hunch you’re confusing “insight” with ego.

 

good luck, I’m out. 

You saying i have an ego? 

I didnt pin it solely on him i just said what he did in the end wasn't  right. Its as good as someone blocking without an explanation in my view. Exactly the same thing. 

Can i ask you what was i meant  to do? He could see my two extra pics clearly on the app....i revealed them  a couple of days ago now. 

Its just all very general what you're  saying. 

 

Edited January 10, 2021 by peach302

[trident_2020]

4 minutes ago, peach302 said:

 i just said what he did in the end wasn't  right.

So what if you think how he ghosted you wasn't right. He doesn't care what you think is wrong or right, he's history and here you are wondering what you could have done that would have resulted in a more favorable outcome. You've gotten numerous answers and here you are 13 pages later asking the same questions.

 

Edited January 10, 2021 by trident_2020

[peach302]

12 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

So what it wasn't right. He doesn't care what you think is wrong or right, he's history and here you are wondering what you could have done that would have resulted in a more favorable outcome. You've gotten numerous answers and yet you disregarded each and everyone and here you are 13 pages later asking the same question.

Not sure why you're not getting it but I don't think there's anything anyone can say that's going to change your rather closeminded way of thinking and dealing with this particular situation.

Close minded? People on here were telling me to not even contact him again..if you read right before the update where  i did contact him!! But i went ahead and expressed myself like I've not done before. Yet it did no good anyway. 

But lets for arguments  sake say i am closeminded. Well then so is he. he wont meet anyone without ten billion steps in knowing who they are...if they text him he will accuse them of treating him like an option and a texting buddy...if they call him it still wont be enough . So whos really  the close minded and slightly narcissistic person

Ive never had to prove myself so much to anyone in my life before meeting them..or before having them bless me with their presence. It was so easy with other people on the apps...isn't  that  saying something. We would  text a bit and then meet..sometimes with only one picture! 

Edited January 10, 2021 by peach302

[trident_2020]

I'm starting to feel like that poor guy who wasted several months chatting back and forth with you and it going nowhere.

 

[poppyfields]

Oh I recall that thread V!  Good memory.

I agree reading other threads are helpful, not sure about that thread though. 

I recall it was pretty confusing, and I also recall being quite active on it and getting pretty wound up!  And being quite confused myself.  

Situations are similar.  

 

Edited January 10, 2021 by poppyfields

[peach302]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Oh I recall that thread!  I agree reading other threads are helpful, not sure about that thread though. 

I recall it was pretty confusing, and I also recall being quite active on it and getting pretty wound up!  And being quite confused myself.  

Situations are similar.  

Poppy do you think i did anything  wrong here. Not from before but the text exchanges this time around?

And apparently  my insight  is "ego"

[basil67]

1 hour ago, peach302 said:

Ok I'll try to explain again.

Forget me for a second.

There are plenty of people who are absolutely fine communicating via text message. Ive had lengthy conversations with others and learnt heaps about them. Just by messaging!!if he'd bothered to do that maybe he would have  actually known me by now and not categorised me as some fake manipulative catfish person.

Im sorry but i didn't like what he did today.After me reaching out and opening up to him. I explained i would have met him just before lockdown and i was going to call him earlier about it. I explained how many people i had spoken to and they were not my cup of tea but he was. I gave him compliments about why it was i liked him above the others....so he seemed perfectly happy to hear all that . He agreed I've got great insight because i guess he enjoyed the compliments i gave him. (in other words thank you for seeing how great i am). .

Yesterday night there was no sign of any doubts from him...he asked me how my day was. I replied today .saying it was good..how is his weekend..

And he abruptly and callously ends the conversation. Says sorry i dont want to take it further and unmatched me!!!!!! So i  couldnt even reply. Making a big statement there. He did say good luck and i hope you find the right partner but those words made no difference. He may aswell have said f*** off. 

Sorry guys  i do think how he did that was him being a d***. You may disagree but i certainly don't.

 

I understand that you like communicating by text, but the text exchange you had with him (the one you opened this thread with) was excruciating to read.  It was awkward, disjointed and completely lacking in warmth.  Add to that you STILL refused to video chat with him and didn't offer for him to see pictures he'd been wanting....further confirming his view that you were catfishing.   In the latest exchange, he asked you how your day was and the best you could come up with was a supremely dull "It was good, how was yours?"   If you want a guy to meet you, you need to be engaging.

All in all, your biggest problem was not recognising that last text exchange for what it was: Closure.