cleverusername Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 1 hour ago, peach302 said: No his ultimate desire is to be serious with someone. But he always assumes im not interested in him like that..for whatever reason. Maybe the texting and the not calling. And if you read back he asked me to meet during the first lockdown and i couldnt since im living with vulnerable family members. (I didnt explain that to him though).. So it fizzled out. N now i decided to reach out again he was commenting on how i disappeared and went off the radar etc. You’re leading this guy on. It’s coming across as disingenuous and manipulative. Don’t be surprised if he walks away, I would. 2
Author peach302 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 46 minutes ago, introverted1 said: So your choices are to video chat and possibly not be seen in the best light (although, if you are as attractive as you keep asserting you are, it's hard to believe even a poor phone camera could do that much damage) OR continue to be seen in the not best light as someone who is evasive, plays games, is possibly a catfish, etc. Either way, you are only damaging your own prospects and the longer this goes on the less likely it is that anyone with a healthy ego will be interested at all. this guy is like a yoyo. We were talking..everything was pleasant and fine. Yesterday i said after he told me i had great insight..i said i have to have insight (when i described how he is) in order to weed out the wrong people on these apps ..and then i said i did pay attention even though it seemed like i didnt (from my past behaviour). Then about 9pm he replied saying ive got my senses on lock lol (he just made a joke)..and then asked me how my day was. I didn't reply till this afternoon saying i had a good day..how is his weekend going. Next thing i know. He replies pretty quick..and says he just finished work and hes sorry but hes decided not to take things any further. So its like he finishes work early morning shift and decides bam sorry but no. Like ok.? Who does that
Author peach302 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, cleverusername said: You’re leading this guy on. It’s coming across as disingenuous and manipulative. Don’t be surprised if he walks away, I would. What am i meant to do? this guy is like a yoyo. We were talking..everything was pleasant and fine. Yesterday i said after he told me i had great insight..i said i have to have insight (when i described how he is) in order to weed out the wrong people on these apps ..and then i said i did pay attention even though it seemed like i didnt (from my past behaviour). Then about 9pm he replied saying ive got my senses on lock lol (he just made a joke)..and then asked me how my day was. I didn't reply till this afternoon saying i had a good day..how is his weekend going. Next thing i know. He replies pretty quick..and says he just finished work and hes sorry but hes decided not to take things any further. So its like he finishes work early morning shift and decides bam sorry but no. Like ok.? Who does that. Maybe i should have called him instead of doing more texting . Which is something he doesn't like. Edited January 9, 2021 by peach302
cleverusername Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 2 minutes ago, peach302 said: What am i meant to do? this guy is like a yoyo. We were talking..everything was pleasant and fine. Yesterday i said after he told me i had great insight..i said i have to have insight (when i described how he is) in order to weed out the wrong people on these apps ..and then i said i did pay attention even though it seemed like i didnt (from my past behaviour). Then about 9pm he replied saying ive got my senses on lock lol (he just made a joke)..and then asked me how my day was. I didn't reply till this afternoon saying i had a good day..how is his weekend going. Next thing i know. He replies pretty quick..and says he just finished work and hes sorry but hes decided not to take things any further. So its like he finishes work early morning shift and decides bam sorry but no. Like ok.? Who does that. Should i call him? And explain. Because texting can come across fake maybe i dunno. Leave this poor man alone. Don’t do anything. Delete his number and move on. 3 1
Author peach302 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 1 minute ago, cleverusername said: Leave this poor man alone. Don’t do anything. Delete his number and move on. Obviously im not going to bug him. But what did i do wrong? I explained myself even if it was through messages. Everything was going ok. If you read the previous messages. And all of a sudden he comes out of work messages me straight on the app and says goodbye. Like wtf. I dunno maybe he was stressed from work or something and then read my lighthearted text n was like no
trident_2020 Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 Do you really think that if you called him rather than texting the outcome would have been any different?
Author peach302 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 Just now, trident_2020 said: Do you really think that if you called him rather than texting the outcome would have been any different? Possibly. Because the whole problem was from him thinking he's a texting buddy to me i.e someone i text when im bored. And even in this message exchange he said its best to stick to old school methods. I.e calling. But obviously i still hadnt called him and it was on me to put the effort in after everything that happened before
Author peach302 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 Anyways i actually am highly disappointed. Not going to lie
trident_2020 Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 On 1/7/2021 at 9:18 PM, peach302 said: Saying no to a video call shouldn't automatically be correlated with..this person is trying to hide themselves and is fake. To me the person has something to hide. To say they "shouldn't' correlate it with being fake is just silly. You can't decide what a person should or shouldn't do. That could have been what finished him off.
Author peach302 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 2 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: To me the person has something to hide. To say they "shouldn't' correlate it with being fake is just silly. You can't decide what a person should or shouldn't do. That could have been what finished him off. well following that i explained why i dont like them ( be it by text). And he when he asked what do i genuinely want from him i explained my intentions are real. And he said i always thought u just wanted to chit chat. And i said no i have enough friends for that. N getting to yesterday night he was fine aswell making a joke about me having great senses..( Because i said i need them to weed out the wrong people on these apps). And asking how my day was? Apparently he was completely fine yesterday. I didnt reply straight away i replied today at lunch time. And i said my day was good ( as in yesterday)..hows his weekend. N he comes out with only work so far and im sorry ive decided i don't want to take this any further. So for me it came out of the blue.
cleverusername Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, peach302 said: Obviously im not going to bug him. But what did i do wrong? I explained myself even if it was through messages. Everything was going ok. If you read the previous messages. And all of a sudden he comes out of work messages me straight on the app and says goodbye. Like wtf. I dunno maybe he was stressed from work or something and then read my lighthearted text n was like no He wanted to meet you. You didn’t do it. He wanted a phone call. You didn’t do it. He wanted to skype. You didn’t do it. He wanted you to send more pictures. You didn’t do it. He told you he feels like he's only an option. He said he didn’t want a pen pal. You treated him like an option and you gave him a pen pal. You were hearing what he said but you weren’t listening. Edited January 9, 2021 by cleverusername 2 2
ExpatInItaly Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 23 minutes ago, peach302 said: So its like he finishes work early morning shift and decides bam sorry but no. Like ok.? Who does that. Someone who doesn't want to communicate anymore. At least now you know without any doubt that he's not interested and has said "no" very clearly. Time to delete his number. 2
trident_2020 Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 2 minutes ago, peach302 said: well following that i explained why i dont like them ( be it by text). And asking how my day was? Apparently he was completely fine yesterday. There is no valid explanation for refusing to video chat at that point in your relationship or whatever you might call it, given the inability or reluctance to meet. He had his suspicions you continued to dodge, he finally threw his hands up in the air and walked away. As far as him asking how your day was, that doesn't mean he was completely fine. It's meaningless.
Author peach302 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, cleverusername said: He wanted to meet you. You didn’t do it. He wanted a phone call. You didn’t do it. He wanted to skype. You didn’t do it. He wanted you to send more pictures. You didn’t do it. He told you he feels like he's only an option. He said he didn’t want a pen pal. You treated him like an option and you gave him a pen pal. That was then. I came back now and i explained i wanted to meet him m was going to call earlier but then the lockdown happened. And how my intentions are serious and always have been. I dunno maybe youre right may be it all sounds manipulative. But honestly i am a genuine person. I guess i didnt do enough to show that. Edited January 9, 2021 by peach302
Alpacalia Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 2 hours ago, peach302 said: And if you read back he asked me to meet during the first lockdown and i couldnt since im living with vulnerable family members. (I didnt explain that to him though).. So it fizzled out. N now i decided to reach out again he was commenting on how i disappeared and went off the radar etc. Why are you on OLD if you aren't able to meet because of Covid?
Author peach302 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 1 minute ago, Alpaca said: Why are you on OLD if you aren't able to meet because of Covid? My profiles been on there from before covid. And thousands of people have joined after covid? So............
poppyfields Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, peach302 said: Next thing i know. He replies pretty quick..and says he just finished work and hes sorry but hes decided not to take things any further. Like ok? Who does that. Who does that? A man who is honest and straight, and real. I give him tons of credit for that. He could have just ghosted, would that have made you feel better? He might have been interested or perhaps just messin with you a bit, who knows. Bottom line, after thinking it over, he decided he doesn't wish to continue. Be thankful he was at least honest about it. Now you can move on from your feelings and not wonder "what if." He gave you closure. I'm sorry peach and can totally relate to your disappointment. But such is life when on line dating. Or even in the real world. Give it time, you'll be ok, I promise you. Edited January 9, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1
Author peach302 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Who does that? A man who is honest and straight, and real. I give him tons of credit for that. He could have just ghosted, would that have made you feel better? He might have been interested or perhaps just messin with you a bit, who knows. Bottom line, after thinking it over, he decided he doesn't wish to continue. Be thankful he was at least honest about it. Now you can move on from your feelings and not wonder "what if." He gave you closure. I'm sorry peach and can totally relate to your disappointment. But such is life when on line dating. Or even in the real world. we didnt even meet (thank you corona) or speak or anything ...and hes decided that ..i suppose i have only myself to blame. I prefer someone to give me a proper reasoning as silly as that sounds ( because its probably obvious). But what i mean is he was absolutely fine last night..asking how i was..and it was out of left field for me thats all. Edited January 9, 2021 by peach302
Author peach302 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 1 hour ago, cleverusername said: He wanted to meet you. You didn’t do it. He wanted a phone call. You didn’t do it. He wanted to skype. You didn’t do it. He wanted you to send more pictures. You didn’t do it. He told you he feels like he's only an option. He said he didn’t want a pen pal. You treated him like an option and you gave him a pen pal. You were hearing what he said but you weren’t listening. To be honest i think you're spot on with this. I got distracted when in between he would make humorous comments and joke about..so i would assume hes in a good place and everything is fine. But at the end of the day i was missing the bigger picture or not doing what he really wanted from me or needed. And this is the end result.
poppyfields Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, peach302 said: we didnt even meet (thank you corona) or speak or anything ...and hes decided that ..i suppose i have only myself to blame. I prefer someone to give me a proper reasoning as silly as that sounds ( because its probably obvious). But what i mean is he was absolutely fine last night..asking how i was..and it was out of left field for me thats all. I know you hadn't met yet, not sure what your point is. He thought about it, doesn't wish to go further. Aren't you at least thankful he told you versus ignoring you? Ghosting? As seems to be the norm these days? Not getting why you need an explanation. Like you said, you had not met, this was not a relationship. You appear to have become quite invested; maybe for next time this happens, lower the expectations and detach from the outcome. If /when it doesn't go as hoped, you will be less disappointed and hurt. Again, I'm sorry peach. Edited January 9, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author peach302 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 (edited) 16 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I know you hadn't met yet, not sure what your point is. He thought about it, doesn't wish to go further. Aren't you at least thankful he told you versus ignoring you? Ghosting? As seems to be the norm these days? Not getting why you need an explanation. Like you said, you had not met, this was not a relationship. You appear to have become quite invested; maybe for next time this happens, lower the expectations and detach from the outcome. If /when it doesn't go as hoped, you will be less disappointed and hurt. Again, I'm sorry peach. Most likely because i was the one doing the rejecting most of the time from the beginning and he was the one chasing and pursuing me time and time again. So hes finally tired of it ... And for me i guess it was the opposite and i finally got to the place he was in at the beginning. . But its too late Edited January 9, 2021 by peach302
Versacehottie Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 2 hours ago, cleverusername said: You’re leading this guy on. It’s coming across as disingenuous and manipulative. Don’t be surprised if he walks away, I would. yeah 100%... you might think some of us don't remember but we do. same story. eventually you are going to get the same answers, op. Good for picking up on the bolded, cleverusername. 1 1
poppyfields Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 8 minutes ago, peach302 said: Most likely because i was the one doing the rejecting most of the time from the beginning and he was the one chasing and pursuing me time and time again. So hes finally tired of it ... And for me i guess it was the opposite and i finally got to the place he was in at the beginning. . But its too late This happens, actually it's not all that uncommon. I'm still confused why you kept rejecting him, or were otherwise running away, but IF it was a game or test, even unconsciously, next time, don't do that Be more genuine and honest. It's not easy! We risk getting hurt. But at least we know we played it fair. No regrets or second guessing about that. 1
introverted1 Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 On 11/17/2020 at 12:05 AM, peach302 said: Met the guy through OLD. Spoken a number of times on the phone. I'm a texter..he's a phone person. Been in and out of contact for a year. We talk and then lose momentum. What happened last was six months ago he asked me to meet while i was on the phone to him. I agreed. But then nothing came of it. He wanted me to send another pic of myself before the meeting. I messaged him a couple of times about other things unrelated to the meeting...so i didnt mention it..neither did he. And that was that . In hindsight maybe i should have brought it up or something. I can be very passive sometimes With respect, I've only read a few pages of this thread and I find it exhausting how you dodge and weave when asked about your motives or reasons for doing the things you do. I can't imagine how he managed to put up with 14 months of this. If he's closed the door now (and it seems he has), let it stay shut. Maybe take some time to think about your part in how this all played out and what you can do differently next time. 5 1
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