peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) Met the guy through OLD. Spoken a number of times on the phone. I'm a texter..he's a phone person. Been in and out of contact for a year. We talk and then lose momentum. Last time we spoke six months ago now. He told me he feels like he's only an option to me. Im guessing its because of the on and off contact. He tried to cut if off a while back as he said he doesnt want to be a pen pal. I think he assumed things were never going to get off the ground as according to him im not doing enough to move things along. Then we started speaking again. What happened last was six months ago he asked me to meet while i was on the phone to him. I agreed. But then nothing came of it. He wanted me to send another pic of myself before the meeting. I messaged him a couple of times about other things unrelated to the meeting...so i didnt mention it..neither did he. And that was that . In hindsight maybe i should have brought it up or something. I can be very passive sometimes Any way neither of us contacted the other after that and six months went by. I would have met him then but it was difficult due to being in and out of lockdown. And i know i really should have mentioned that. And again we are in lockdown for another few weeks minimum. So i probably wont be able to meet him now. I had genuine interest in this guy..even though he assumed i saw him as an option to come back to. I just wondered how i could reach out to him now and what to say. As he maybe extra skeptical. ( if he wants to even talk to me again). My guy " friend"who is extra negative. Keeps saying he doesnt care about you..hes probably forgotten you. Which i find odd in itself. As its not like he knows the guy. But yeah we had a huge argument over him making silly comments and now we've both blocked one another. I just said to him out of anger i hope me and that guy do end up speaking again so your plan wouldn't have worked to separate us. ( hes made negative comments for a year since i met the guy which only made the situation worse). Going back to the topic..how do i convince him im serious and am genuinely wanting to start again? In terrible at expressing myself..just need some tips. P.s I've fd it up every time we spoke. He gave me chances...and even tried to get me to open up and express myself but i end up self sabotaging and then he gives up i guess. Its like a pattern. for example he straight up asked me if i like him...if i want him..and i still couldnt give a straight answer. I think i said either maybe or sometimes. Not even a yes or no Edited January 8, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Updated title
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 Since you are not ready to date and can't meet in person, what is it you wish to pursue? As an on/off chat buddy, he annoys you as well. Reflect on what your end goal is with this. 4
Mo_Do Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 I lose interest after the actual meeting takes too long, you didn't meet when you were in contact, now its been 6 months. Don't reach out unless you actually plan on meeting quickly. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 No, pass. It's been too long. He's probably dating someone else now.
schlumpy Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 I wouldn't pursue it. If you had a strong interest you would not have forgotten about meeting up. Something else is going on here other then your inability to express yourself. Do you suffer from cyclic depression? I assume you are young but I don't get a sense of energy from you. A real lack of enthusiasm. It's as if you love the idea of making your favorite meal but all you can think about is how many dishes you will have to wash afterwards. 4
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 6 hours ago, Mo_Do said: I lose interest after the actual meeting takes too long, you didn't meet when you were in contact, now its been 6 months. Don't reach out unless you actually plan on meeting quickly. A lot of people can't date normally though due to the pandemic. Its not normal circumstances now. Even when i go out for a walk during a lockdown it's dead an absolute ghost town. 1
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: No, pass. It's been too long. He's probably dating someone else now. Well I'm not dating anyone else. I don't like to make assumptions so readily.
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 Why would he want to hear from you now? He was interested in meeting. You are in another lockdown which presumably prohibits meetings & there is no where to go. We are supposed to be isolating again to reduce the spread. In the face of that are you really going to try to add a new person & all his germs / exposures into your circle? The timing is not right
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, schlumpy said: I wouldn't pursue it. If you had a strong interest you would not have forgotten about meeting up. Something else is going on here other then your inability to express yourself. Do you suffer from cyclic depression? I assume you are young but I don't get a sense of energy from you. A real lack of enthusiasm. It's as if you love the idea of making your favorite meal but all you can think about is how many dishes you will have to wash afterwards. According to my friends im pretty bubbly and fun..so no no depression going on here. Maybe its all the negative energy surrounding me...for example the friend i had who would be constantly saying negative things about me and the guy this thread is about. But hes blocked now so its all good. And no offence but i hardly see many enthusiastic people writing threads here lol. I didn't forget about meeting up. I live with people who IF i contracted the disease and passed it on would not survive it. I don't understand why others don't get that . The time he asked to meet me was during a previous lockdown! But its ok for him since he's going out and about because his job requires it and his parents are not as vulnerable. Edited November 17, 2020 by peach302
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 The fact that you live with vulnerable people is a very valid reason not to meet. But if you are still unwilling to meet, why reach out for a guy who is all about meeting? Just doesn't make sense to me. If you want to connect with people pick somebody else. Virtually isn't cutting it for him 1 1
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Why would he want to hear from you now? He was interested in meeting. You are in another lockdown which presumably prohibits meetings & there is no where to go. We are supposed to be isolating again to reduce the spread. In the face of that are you really going to try to add a new person & all his germs / exposures into your circle? The timing is not right The timing is never right . In all honesty he was a good option for me..and was ready to meet up and unlike a tonne of people on the app genuinely serious about something serious as opposed to gaining an ego boost or wanting a fling. Which is why i wanted to reach out to him..partly i wanted to explain why we didnt meet ...so he doesnt go on thinking he was right all along about me that i used him as a "pen pal".and then to see if we could meet at some point when its safe
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 1 minute ago, peach302 said: Which is why i wanted to reach out to him..partly i wanted to explain why we didnt meet ...so he doesnt go on thinking he was right all along about me that i used him as a "pen pal".and then to see if we could meet at some point when its safe You should have reached out way back when after 6 days or 6 weeks, not now 6 months later. To offer to see him when it's safe is more pen pal in his eyes.
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: The fact that you live with vulnerable people is a very valid reason not to meet. But if you are still unwilling to meet, why reach out for a guy who is all about meeting? Just doesn't make sense to me. If you want to connect with people pick somebody else. Virtually isn't cutting it for him I gave you a thanks because you get that i have a valid reason unlike plenty of people including friends who have made fun of me for not going out due to the elders at home. I left my job too voluntarily as i would have been exposed to hundreds of people a day. So its been far from an easy ride. The guy didnt even get it..he was jst like wear a mask..its not that simple
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You should have reached out way back when after 6 days or 6 weeks, not now 6 months later. To offer to see him when it's safe is more pen pal in his eyes. True i should have said something earlier...but i was waiting for things to die down due to the virus. (As stupid as it sounds) But it just seems to be never ending. Could be penpal in his eyes. The problem with him is he assumes far too much and even if i dispute him he still believes what he thinks is right. I will tell him i did and do have an intention to meet..and we can do that. And in the meantime its upto him whatever he does Edited November 17, 2020 by peach302
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 7 minutes ago, peach302 said: I will tell him i did and do have an intention to meet..and we can do that. And in the meantime its upto him whatever he does You may not get through. You may be blocked. Even if he reads whatever message you send, he probably won't respond I wouldn't in his shoes. I'm on your side but no matter how many times you tell him that you do intend to meet when things settle down, he doesn't see Covid from your perspective. He may genuinely think you are just wasting his time.
Miss Spider Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) I understand your situation. But I also understand his. He doesn’t want to waste his time talking to someone without meeting and that’s perfectly within his right. No way I would last six months of that. I wouldn’t want to invest that much into a person I didn’t know I was attracted to or if they were who they said they were. Sounds like you’re just incompatible and he moved on others. I think if you really want a shot you would have to make plans with him to meet. Even then, he may not believe you or he may have just moved on Edited November 17, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 32 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You may not get through. You may be blocked. Even if he reads whatever message you send, he probably won't respond I wouldn't in his shoes. I'm on your side but no matter how many times you tell him that you do intend to meet when things settle down, he doesn't see Covid from your perspective. He may genuinely think you are just wasting his time. Im definitely not blocked..i sent him a government article thing the other day..it was something important which i sent to everyone on my list... so thought may aswell...it got blue ticked. I wouldnt message i would call instead. Would be better. Well if he doesnt understand then its fine. At least i would have laid it all out. I didnt tell him before how its because of covid i didnt meet. This would be the first time. But yeah he may roll his eyes Edited November 17, 2020 by peach302
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 34 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I understand your situation. But I also understand his. He doesn’t want to waste his time talking to someone without meeting and that’s perfectly within his right. No way I would last six months of that. I wouldn’t want to invest that much into a person I didn’t know I was attracted to or if they were who they said they were. Sounds like you’re just incompatible and he moved on others. I think if you really want a shot you would have to make plans with him to meet. Even then, he may not believe you or he may have just moved on He pretty much said the way im behaving is as if hes an option. But he doesnt know that now im behaving this way as its difficult to navigate a dating life whilst in the midst of a global pandemic. I think because he assumed i was seeing him as an option..thats probably what he thought when i didnt talk about the meeting again after he mentioned it. So hes assuming its that as opposed to the covid situation. And thats why i wanted to explain Edited November 17, 2020 by peach302
Miss Spider Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) If it’s really about Covid, and you don’t plan on meeting until it’s all over, don’t contact him until it’s all over. Otherwise, it just sounds like another excuse. Particularly bad one if you never even said that before. I don’t see it working. I know there are people that are really afraid to meet because of their appearance and they keep putting off meeting in order to have that companionship through text and hope the person grows to really like them as a person so that it doesn’t matter to them. That’s always what my mind goes to when people drag out meeting, but still want to talk. He might have been telling the truth when he said that he thinks he’s just an option though Edited November 17, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: If it’s really about Covid, and you don’t plan on meeting until it’s all over, don’t contact him until it’s all over. Otherwise, it just sounds like another excuse. Particularly bad one if you never even said that before. I don’t see it working. I know there are people that are really afraid to meet because of their appearance and they keep putting off meeting in order to have that companionship through text and hope the person grows to really like them as a person so that it doesn’t matter to them. The latter is probably what he thinks. But im not being arrogant..all i have to do is step outside and there will be men trying to talk to me..the amount of times i have to hide from strangers chatting me up..as im simply trying to go about my day..is unbelievable. He did say earlier i sounded nervous when he asked me to change my whatsapp pic..because hes only seen one pic( its of me as a kid). I wasnt nervous at all .. people really need to stop assuming things!! I do not want or need a text companion it doesnt do anything for me. If he thinks that he thinks that. And hes pretty deluded since his texts are pretty bland anywayy and he barely does it. I guess because of that reason. As for contacting him after covid..when will it be over? By that time it could be another year ! I was thinking we could meet but just meet outdoors instead. As it is safer. I don't see any other way Edited November 17, 2020 by peach302 1
Miss Spider Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 Yea meeting outdoors seems fine. As long as you put that out there that you intend to meet ASAP and no more chit chat until you do. Think that’s your best bet. It would be the only thing that would work for me if I hadn’t already lost interest Good luck!!! 1
stillafool Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 You should have sent him an updated picture as he asked. A picture of you as a child doesn't cut it. He wants to know if he's physically attracted to you. When he said you see him as an option that's just player talk to get in your pants if he likes your picture. If you are in high demand by other guys to the point you have to hide to avoid them then send this one a picture and if he thinks you're gorgeous he will hunt you down. By not sending the picture there's no telling what he's thinking about your looks. 1
poppyfields Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 Just catching up here but why do you not want to send him an updated pic? 1
poppyfields Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 24 minutes ago, peach302 said: He did say earlier i sounded nervous when he asked me to change my whatsapp pic..because hes only seen one pic( its of me as a kid). I wasnt nervous at all .. people really need to stop assuming things!! Why do you think he got that vibe from you, that you were nervous? You didn't send him the pic, what did you expect him to think? You said you have men approaching you left, front, sideways as soon as you walk out the door? Something is not jiving here, sorry. 1
Author peach302 Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 19 minutes ago, stillafool said: You should have sent him an updated picture as he asked. A picture of you as a child doesn't cut it. He wants to know if he's physically attracted to you. When he said you see him as an option that's just player talk to get in your pants if he likes your picture. If you are in high demand by other guys to the point you have to hide to avoid them then send this one a picture and if he thinks you're gorgeous he will hunt you down. By not sending the picture there's no telling what he's thinking about your looks. I'll clarify. Hes had a picture of me already from before. Which hes kept. He said i am pretty. But somewhere after that he started being suspicious..due to the on and off nature of our communication. When on the phone six months ago.. he said we should meet..and to send him another photo. He also asked how come i don't change my whatsapp pic..my WhatsApp pic currently is of me as a kid.
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