ThereSheGoes Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 So I went on a date last night. And I don't know how exactly to feel about it. So....I'm going to just describe the date, without me giving any type of context or opinion. I want to know what you gathered from it, and it will help me decide on if what I'm feeling, is actually what happened and I'm not being ridiculous. Place: Ramen bar Time: 7 P.M. He didn't actually show up till 7:08. I got there at 6:50 and grabbed a table. When he arrived, he gave me a side hug hello. He wasn't that talkative at first, rubbing his eyes a lot. But as the night picked up, he became more talkative. Topics that seemed to get the most reaction from him, was politics and sex. He was very enthusiastic on these subjects. I told him that I have gone to a strip club several times, and he mentioned if I ever get mistaken for one of the dancers when I go. He then asked me how I am dressed when I attend. On the politics conversation......standard fair. During the conversation, he tapped me excitedly on the arm. When the bill came, I told the waitress that I will be paying for myself, he insisted that he paid. After some coffee, I asked him if he would like to leave (as in, end the date) he said, yes, but then asked if he could take me home. I said sure. As we're walking out of the Ramen Bar, he puts his arm across my shoulders and pulled me to side. My hands were clutched in front of me. He helped me into his car, and then draped his hoodie across me for warmth. We go to this shopping center called Town Lake. It has a bridge and a pond, so we sat and talked, while looking at the bridge and pond. He told me some stories about his life, his family. During the story about how he lost his virginity, he kissed me. During the kiss, he touches my breasts. I put his hands back in his lap during the kiss. The hands return. I put the hands back on his side of the car. We stop kissing. Talk some more, then he goes back to the kiss. Again, the same back and forth during the kiss. Towards the end of the kiss, he takes my hand and puts it on to his penis, motioning me to squeeze. I pull my hand back. The kiss ends. We talk for a bit a more. I then suggest I go home. He takes me home, and then asks if I will be free for the next Saturday. I said I will have to see. He gives me another side hug. I get out the car, and as I am walking to my front door, he drives off in to the darkness. He gives me a "I'm home text'" ending it with a term of endearment and a heart eyes emoji. I thanked him for the night. This morning, he gives me a morning text, again with the same term of endearment that he used earlier. I responded Hello. What did you gather from this date? If this was you, would you go out on another date?
Miss Spider Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 40 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said: He didn't actually show up till 7:08. I got there at 6:50 and grabbed a table. No. Quote When he arrived, he gave me a side hug hello. Nah... Quote rubbing his eyes a lot. Nope Quote seemed to get the most reaction from him, was politics and sex Nooo... Quote stripclub ....then asked me how I am dressed when I attend. No. What? That’s just weird. Quote then asked if he could take me home. I said sure. No!! Quote During the story about how he lost his virginity, he kissed me. NO!!!!!! How fine is this guy that you actually kissed him after all that? Quote During the kiss, he touches my breasts. Nonononono Quote Towards the end of the kiss, he takes my hand and puts it on to his penis, motioning me to squeeze. I pull my hand back. WTH? H*ll no!!! Quote He takes me home, and then asks if I will be free for the next Saturday. I said I will have to see. Huh? Nuh uh? Quote What did you gather from this date? If this was you, would you go out on another date? No. And I would probably be rocking back and forth on the floor needing a really hot shower . Why would you want to go on another date with this guy? Edited November 17, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 11
basil67 Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 When I was young and silly, I probably would have dated him a second time. Now that I'm older and wiser, I'd rather be chronically single than date such a man. 5
introverted1 Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 A second date? Only if you are DTF and don't care if you never see him after that. Frankly, even if I were DTF, this wouldn't be the guy I'd do it with. He sounds out and out creepy. 6 1
Vitaminka Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 13 minutes ago, basil67 said: When I was young and silly, I probably would have dated him a second time. Now that I'm older and wiser, I'd rather be chronically single than date such a man. Couldn't have said it better myself. Everything screams that sex he is after. If you are interested, go for it. Might be a fun ride. But if you want something more serious and everlasting, NEXT. 2
Miss Spider Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, introverted1 said: A second date? Only if you are DTF and don't care if you never see him after that. Frankly, even if I were DTF, this wouldn't be the guy I'd do it with. He sounds out and out creepy. Exactly... Guy is not even Ons material. He has shown signs that he doesn’t really understand boundaries . I consider myself lucky to have never encountered someone like this. Mega creep. Edited November 17, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 4 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 Hell no. If the date was for 7:00 and he hadn't showed by 7:05, I would have got up and left, blocked, and deleted. Then touching your breasts and putting your hand on his D? This guy is trash. 7
Ruby Slippers Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Exactly... Guy is not even Ons material. He has shown signs that he doesn’t really understand boundaries . I consider myself lucky to have never encountered someone like this. Mega creep. Seriously. If you want a hookup, you can get it with a hot gentleMAN. No need to settle for a fumbling, ignorant little boy. 4
Ami1uwant Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 The stain issue is him reaching for the breast? he sounds like the date went well except for that. do you give him a second date or not? In the conversations did you think he said he’s the same on things just to please you or did he reveal it on his own. the guy shouldn’t have done the breast thing. why did you let him drive you home ?
La.Primavera Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 I give the guy the benefit of the doubt for getting the wrong idea based on the fact you were open to talk about sex and how you have gone to strip clubs on a first date. I can see why he may have thought you might be DTF. That was clearly his intention. What I do not condone is the fact that he repeatedly groped you when you pushed his hand away and then tried to make you fondle him. If he can't respect or accept a non verbal "no" he is not trustworthy or respectful. Certainly not someone who I would consider safe enough to get a lift home with let alone go on another date with. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 Terrible date. Abysmal. Guy got to sex in first conversation, seemingly out of nowhere. He kisses you without figuring out your interest first. He then persists. So let me give you the rule: If you don't know what to think, that means it was NOT a good date. If you didn't emerge from the date borderline giddy and excited, that's a bad date. This guy seems like he'll use you physically and dump you. Is that what you want? Hands on breasts in a public place? Is this high school? No serious guy tries to get hands on a woman's breast on first date ... if that happens, that happens, but you don't force it. Terrible date. Awful. And you don't have the slightest interest in him. Definitely be more forceful. You encounter a forceful jerk, stand up, pull away. Yell stop! 3 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 3 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said: asked if he could take me home. I said sure. During the kiss, he touches my breasts. , he takes my hand and puts it on to his penis, motioning me to squeeze. Unfortunately you seem focused on the wrong things such as a few minutes late or conversation topics. The real issue is boundaries on a first meet. That means hopping into a stranger's car and going to a secluded area and allowing yourself to be pawed up. Clearly he wants to hook up. Fine. But employ reasonable safety measures when dating. That means provide your own transportation and don't drag things out. 3
Author ThereSheGoes Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: 2 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: why did you let him drive you home ? That means provide your own transportation and don't drag things out. So, to be honest: I kinda didn't want to pay my Uber fee home. I was on my phone trying to order it, and he was like, nah, don't, I'll take you home. So I thought he was just going to take me straight home. Is one not supposed to linger towards the end of the date? Everything seemed fine, up until he made the comment about me at the strip club. I don't mind talking about sex, I'm a very open person. But.....open doesn't mean a slut.
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 2 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said: I kinda didn't want to pay my Uber fee home Penny wise pound foolish. Always provide your own transportation. If a guy won't meet you in a coffee shop near you. Don't meet. Bottom line about this guy? He wants to get laid. Period. You need to review your first meet criteria and strategy. Are you considering a second date? 4 1
Author ThereSheGoes Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) So, what I was feeling WAS correct. The unfortunate reality is, I have been on a lot of dates like this. Meet up with a guy, and he's inappropriate towards me. Almost like I am a piece of meat, and he's just dying to sink his teeth in to me, he can't wait. When I was younger, I thought that this was NORMAL. That thats how a date is SUPPOSED to go, but I didn't understand why I felt so violated afterwards. I'm now older, and I have gone out with guys that have been gentlemen. Respectful, chivalrous, and polite. Flirty and letting me know they were attracted to me, without being gross. So now, when I go out, I'm expecting that. This is like the first REAL date I've had in months, and I'm finding myself to be reaaaaaaaaaaaaaal selective. But last night, I was like.....maybe this is just him showing me he likes me? Maybe I'm just being picky? But the whole set up just gave me deja vu of those other guys, and so I was right. Another telltale sign for ME, if a guy is truly into me, is if he waits till I open the front door before driving off. So the fact that as I'm walking up the driveway, and he's already pulling off, just kinda.....I don't know. Lol. It kinda bothered me last night! Along with the groping, and the penis thing. Which. Sidenote: I was very very very unimpressed. But good to know what I was feeling has been validated. Edited November 17, 2020 by ThereSheGoes 3 1
Author ThereSheGoes Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Penny wise pound foolish. Always provide your own transportation. If a guy won't meet you in a coffee shop near you. Don't meet. Bottom line about this guy? He wants to get laid. Period. You need to review your first meet criteria and strategy. Are you considering a second date? Nope. I gave him a vague answer on purpose. I can back out if I wanted to. I just wanted to make sure that what I was feeling was real, and not being picky or 'choosy'. I have this habit of second guessing what I'm feeling, because I'm afraid I might miss out on a great thing. 1
Acacia98 Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 24 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said: So, to be honest: I kinda didn't want to pay my Uber fee home. I was on my phone trying to order it, and he was like, nah, don't, I'll take you home. So I thought he was just going to take me straight home. Is one not supposed to linger towards the end of the date? ThereSheGoes, you're an adult. That means you are responsible for your safety and well-being. You need to avoid putting yourself in social situations in which you are dependent on other people, especially strangers whose intentions you know nothing about. That means that, among other things, you should make arrangements for your own transport. If you cannot afford to pay for a cab or make alternative arrangements, then you cannot afford to date. It's that simple. Edited November 17, 2020 by Acacia98 1 3
Author ThereSheGoes Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 4 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: NO!!!!!! How fine is this guy that you actually kissed him after all that? I would say he was about a 5. El Salvadorian, about 5'8 or 5'9. Husky build, but you could tell he used to be really muscular. Trimmed beard, bald. Blue t-shirt, and a blue linen shorts and sneakers. Those big black square rimmed glasses, that every hipster is wearing these days. Lol. Decent looking. He wasn't ugly. 2
Author ThereSheGoes Posted November 17, 2020 Author Posted November 17, 2020 1 minute ago, Acacia98 said: ThereSheGoes, you're an adult. That means you are responsible for your safety and well-being. You need to avoid putting yourself in social situations I'm which you are dependent on other people, especially strangers whose intentions you know nothing about. That means that, among other things, you should make arrangements for your own transport. If you cannot afford to pay for a cab or make alternative arrangements, then you cannot afford to date. It's that simple. I had the money for it, I just didn't feel up to spending it. Lol. Stupid choice, I know. I was going to pay for my dinner too. I told the waitress to split the bill, and he was like, no no no, I got it.
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 17 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said: I'm afraid I might miss out on a great thing. A weirdo groping you and you hopping in some random strangers car is not "a great thing", no less "too picky". Don't let desperation cloud your judgement as far as keeping first meets safe and brief. Don't let free dinners and free rides make your choices for you. Certainly it's not worth allowing some groping. Edited November 17, 2020 by Wiseman2 1
Miss Spider Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 (edited) 52 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said: Another telltale sign for ME, if a guy is truly into me, is if he waits till I open the front door before driving off. So the fact that as I'm walking up the driveway, and he's already pulling off, just kinda..... Oh yeah I missed that. Cherry on the sht sundae that was this date. But tbh, it would be very out of character for him to start being gentleman right then Edited November 17, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 1 hour ago, ThereSheGoes said: . I just wanted to make sure that what I was feeling was real, and not being picky or 'choosy'. Who's telling you you're too "picky and choosy". It seems more like you are willing date anything with a Y chromosome, if you thought dragging out this date was a good idea. No filter, no boundaries, no screening, no attention to red flags .
ExpatInItaly Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 Almost everything about this date would have completely turned me off. No, there would be no second date with this man,. 2
introverted1 Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 6 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said: So, to be honest: I kinda didn't want to pay my Uber fee home. You should not risk your safety in order to save a few dollars! Good lord, the first rule of meeting strangers off the internet is that you don't go to their homes nor get in their cars on the first date! 3
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 11 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said: What did you gather from this date? If this was you, would you go out on another date? You are clearly more open minded than I am so my conservative nature will color my answer. Him arriving at 7:08 is not a huge problem. But the fact that you were 10 minutes early while he was 10 minutes late tells me you two may have time conflicts going forward, especially because you noted the exact minute he arrived. The person who said she would have left at 5 after was too stringent. A little flexibility / understanding is fine. For me that is a 15 minute window. The side hug bothered me from a Covid perspective but was otherwise benign. You told a man you just met that you had previously been to strip clubs & you talked about sex over the meal. Yikes! IMO you were telegraphing that you were DTF. He picked up on that message & pushed boundaries during your make out session. All in all my impression is that this man sees you as an easy lay with a hot body since he made that crass inquiry about whether you get mistaken for a dancer when you go to the strip clubs. The fact that he asked what you wore on these outings was just gross IMO. On that level your feelings were correct. Since you said you had other dates like this let me explain to you where you went wrong: 1. You talked openly about sex with a man you don't know. Right, wrong or indifferent it sends a specific unflattering message about you: that you are open to a ONS. If that is not your intent, pick a different subject to talk about on the 1st few dates. 2. When he offered to pay for the meal you still could have insisted on leaving the tip. It asserts a measure of financial independence without insulting his chivalry. 3. You got in his car & then didn't object when he clearly stopped at a make out spot 4. Moving his hand the 1st time was fine, when it came back you needed a stronger rebuke. The minute he moved your hand toward his genitals it was time to get out of the car. At that point in your shoes I would have been afraid I was about to be date raped. Make different choices on your next date with a different man & you will get a different result, possibly the relationship you want. 4 1
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