Am I feeling uncomfortable with good reason?

[feelinguneasy123]

I admit I'm a person who always likes to please and avoid any type of controversy.  My bf of 15 months is very loving but can be very intrusive too and has a tendency not to be sensitive to the needs of others sometimes (including how and what he says).

Now to the issue:  I told him I needed this past weekend alone with my child visiting from far away for only a week.  Since I told him, he has been avoiding me to some extent by not calling me almost at all (he usually calls twice a day) so I have been calling him (and he is quite short on the phone). As it turns out, he has been sick since Friday, so I video called him yesterday hoping to make him feel better. Once again, he was quite short.  While I understand he may not be feeling well, when I called him today, he just wasn't himself again.  It's like he is jealous or mad that I asked him not to visit this weekend.  

While it may be he isn't feeling well and would have liked my company, it does make me concerned/hurt/uncomfortable that he can't say to me "I hope you have a nice visit", etc. He did manage to say "I'm sure you're happy to see your son".  He is also aware that I need to have a serious discussion with my child about something (the details don't matter) but suffice it to say that it is a rather serious matter.  This was the reason I gave him for not visiting me (I told him I was giving him and my other grown child a rain check this weekend; so he asked me today, "Is your other son not visiting today?").

Does he not trust me (he made a statement the other day "Are you trading me in"? "I'm insecure".. and I said "You have no reason to feel insecure with me".

Do I keep calling him? If so, do I just come out and say "Are you upset with me"?  He seems like a rather needy guy and I can't handle that.

[stillafool]

I'm confused did he not call you when your child was there or stopped calling you even after the child left?

[feelinguneasy123]

The visit didn't start until last night; leaving next Sunday. So he stopped calling before my child arrived.

[Miss Spider]

Interesting. I would not dismiss your suspicions. I have read this is a not an uncommon phenomenon. Some men ( even fathers of the children themselves) feeling jealous and resentful about the relationship their SO has with their child. If he’s a super needy guy it makes sense. That would be a super red flag to me l, personally 

Edited November 15, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[stillafool]

39 minutes ago, feelinguneasy123 said:

The visit didn't start until last night; leaving next Sunday. So he stopped calling before my child arrived.

Well if he was sick on Friday, probably Saturday too, he's actually giving you what you asked for.  I'm a woman and if a SO of mine requested a week off to be with their child they wouldn't hear from me until the child had gone.  It's polite in my opinion.  I see you also have a name "feelingsuffocated" so maybe he feels he's been crowding you and you both need a break.

Edited November 15, 2020 by stillafool

[smackie9]

Maybe if the approach was different he wouldn't feel/act this way. Say for example "Jess is coming to visit and I would like to dedicate my time to them this week, they will be here at___ and leaving at___. I will give you a call after they go to bed and see how you are doing...hope you feel better soon." The trick is to acknowledge him, show some sympathy, let him know you will be thinking of him. And nothing wrong with keeping in touch.

If this is a real issue with you, and he's gonna a be all pout-ty and ingnore you to punish you for having other priorities, it might be time to reassess your relationship with him.

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, feelinguneasy123 said:

The visit didn't start until last night; leaving next Sunday. So he stopped calling before my child arrived.

Excellent. He's giving you the space you need with your kids.

Don't coddle him. Let him have space, brood, whatever.

Just reply briefly and politely if he contacts you and get back to your visit with your kids.

Make sure you have room to breathe in this relationship and that you have good boundaries in place so that passive-aggressive manipulation doesn't sway you away from your family and other important matters.