babybrowns Posted November 15, 2020 Posted November 15, 2020 Hi all I’m having a bit of bad luck in Online Dating- every time I exchange messages with a guy he disappears after 2 messages. This never used to happen to me before, in fact I met my ex partner of 3 years on OLD, as well as a few other good prospects over the years. There is nothing particularly weird or offputting about the messages exchanged which would make someone go off the radar. But perhaps because OLD is more common than it used to be and almost everyone is using it now, as well as the fact that I live in a very big city, I feel there is lots of competition. In that men disappear when they have their inboxes crammed with messages from many different women. I’m wondering if anyone could recommend ways to beat the competition and get ahead? Like perhaps suggesting a video chat in the first couple of messages? Thanks for your help
SSM3 Posted November 15, 2020 Posted November 15, 2020 How do the messages start and what are your typical replies? 2
smackie9 Posted November 15, 2020 Posted November 15, 2020 4 hours ago, SSM3 said: How do the messages start and what are your typical replies? Yes give us some examples.
Wiseman2 Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 19 hours ago, babybrowns said: I’m wondering if anyone could recommend ways to beat the competition and get ahead? Like perhaps suggesting a video chat in the first couple of messages? Start by staying away from free/hookup apps. Get a good profile and pics on quality/paid dating apps. Screen and use appropriate selection criteria. Only communicate with people who want to meet in person in a timely fashion. Keep texting very brief and forget about lateral side-stepping such as video chatting. Messaging is a brief introduction and means to set up meeting in person. Don't think of it as "competition", think of it as better apps, screening and selection to avoid burn out. 1 1
Miss Spider Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 (edited) Don’t think of it as if you are competing. It’s about attracting and keeping the interest of people who think you’re a match. If there is attraction and a connection in the conversation, they are going to stay interested. If these conversations are just, “hey what’s up””Not much you” type things, there really doesn’t appear to be much there; so yea they’ll lose interest for the next shiny. Be engaging and show the real you. also, I feel like people that have good pictures do better.Just doesn’t just mean ones where you look good, though that helps. But you can tell a lot about personality by pictures as well. If you’re really into reading, take a pic near your bookshelf. Motorcycles, have a picture on a motorcycle. If you like dancing, take a picture in the club. Pictures with context that someone you’d like could relate to can do better than a bunch of sexy selfies, especially if you want more than a hookup And this principle applies both on paid sides and less serious apps. I’ve met two boyfriends on tinder. And they were perfectly cool people and would be great life partners for someone else. Edited November 16, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 4
Shining One Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 On 11/15/2020 at 9:50 AM, babybrowns said: In that men disappear when they have their inboxes crammed with messages from many different women. There are plenty of men (I would guess the majority) who don't get their inboxes crammed with messages from many different women. Are you going after men who are statistically in high demand? 4
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 On 11/15/2020 at 6:50 AM, babybrowns said: Hi all I’m having a bit of bad luck in Online Dating- every time I exchange messages with a guy he disappears after 2 messages. This never used to happen to me before, in fact I met my ex partner of 3 years on OLD, as well as a few other good prospects over the years. There is nothing particularly weird or offputting about the messages exchanged which would make someone go off the radar. But perhaps because OLD is more common than it used to be and almost everyone is using it now, as well as the fact that I live in a very big city, I feel there is lots of competition. In that men disappear when they have their inboxes crammed with messages from many different women. I’m wondering if anyone could recommend ways to beat the competition and get ahead? Like perhaps suggesting a video chat in the first couple of messages? Thanks for your help Lower necklines... Just like on hot or not dot com Same woman, same day, lower necklines will always draw a higher score on hot or not. It doesn't really matter if/that you don't want it to be true. (and I'm not saying you have to show-off anything that isn't safe for work, so to speak, but it would be a sad-yet-telling revelation if someone were to do a fair study on the effects of lower necklines on online dating responses) And SIZE doesn't matter enough to ponder it... so this isn't about implants or anything like that... just... the implications (be they accurate, or FAR-out) perceived about lower necklines will draw more attention. In addition, it would be a gross error to think men at online dating ever have inboxes that are 'crammed full'. All it takes is ONE person... who lives nearer, meets more quickly, OR has a lower neckline... You can't help where you live (relative to the next schmuck on OLD, I mean), you don't want to meet these people more quickly... so lower necklines are it. 1
stillafool Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 1 hour ago, Shining One said: There are plenty of men (I would guess the majority) who don't get their inboxes crammed with messages from many different women. Are you going after men who are statistically in high demand? Aren't they all?
stillafool Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 Maybe you've been on those sites too long - overexposure. 2
Mo_Do Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 Are you asking him questions to keep the conversation moving? I ask you, you ask me, I ask you, you ask me. If you send 1-2 answers with no questions for me I stop bothering, because you aren't conversing and its one sided.
Mo_Do Posted November 17, 2020 Posted November 17, 2020 9 hours ago, stillafool said: Maybe you've been on those sites too long - overexposure. That doesn't really matter, people are deleting apps and downloading them all day, every day. Always new people on them
Author babybrowns Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 Thank you all for your replies so far. I have tried the paid as well as the unpaid apps, I do agree that people are slightly more responsive on the paid apps. I use Bumble a lot, which is where the woman makes contact first. My opening messages tend to be more “hi, how are you”- but, when I have opened with a more interesting message that is more personalised based on the person’s profile, they’ve replied to it but then not continued the conversation after 2 messages. I do feel that this is because of the nature of an urban environment where there’s loooads of prospects- when I travel to more rural parts of the country I get way more matches. Perhaps moving out of town is an option
peach302 Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 On 11/15/2020 at 2:50 PM, babybrowns said: Hi all I’m having a bit of bad luck in Online Dating- every time I exchange messages with a guy he disappears after 2 messages. This never used to happen to me before, in fact I met my ex partner of 3 years on OLD, as well as a few other good prospects over the years. There is nothing particularly weird or offputting about the messages exchanged which would make someone go off the radar. But perhaps because OLD is more common than it used to be and almost everyone is using it now, as well as the fact that I live in a very big city, I feel there is lots of competition. In that men disappear when they have their inboxes crammed with messages from many different women. I’m wondering if anyone could recommend ways to beat the competition and get ahead? Like perhaps suggesting a video chat in the first couple of messages? Thanks for your help Im one of the competition lol. I don't usually have that problem. They will ask for my number pretty much straight away and want to speak/meet up. If you wanted you could suggest a video call. No problem with that. Personally i would say be yourself. No need to change drastically just to impress some strangers.
Mo_Do Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 5 hours ago, babybrowns said: Thank you all for your replies so far. I have tried the paid as well as the unpaid apps, I do agree that people are slightly more responsive on the paid apps. I use Bumble a lot, which is where the woman makes contact first. My opening messages tend to be more “hi, how are you”- but, when I have opened with a more interesting message that is more personalised based on the person’s profile, they’ve replied to it but then not continued the conversation after 2 messages. I do feel that this is because of the nature of an urban environment where there’s loooads of prospects- when I travel to more rural parts of the country I get way more matches. Perhaps moving out of town is an option The problem with dating apps and smaller towns is after a decent swipe session you've run through everyone that was on the app, don't ask how I know lol 2
Miss Spider Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) Xxxxxxx Edited November 21, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Commongoal123 Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 (edited) Just be yourself and put whoever you are out there authentically. Be proud of who you are. Loads of people on social media, which includes dating sites, basically put out a fake or over inflated personality and life. And that's probably most of your competition. That being said, do you really want to meet someone who thinks you're someone you're really not, or put your energy into putting out an image of yourself like that? Personally I'd rather enjoy my life happily single than do that. Edited November 23, 2020 by Commongoal123 Clarity
Wiseman2 Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 On 11/21/2020 at 8:35 AM, babybrowns said: Thank you all for your replies so far. I have tried the paid as well as the unpaid apps, I do agree that people are slightly more responsive on the paid apps. I use Bumble a lot, which is where the woman makes contact first. My opening messages tend to be more “hi, how are you”- but, when I have opened with a more interesting message that is more personalised based on the person’s profile, they’ve replied to it but then not continued the conversation after 2 messages. I do feel that this is because of the nature of an urban environment where there’s loooads of prospects- when I travel to more rural parts of the country I get way more matches. Perhaps moving out of town is an option Excellent. Stay on quality/paid dating apps. Definitely have a template for opening messages. Wassup,etc is no good. Start with a greeting, something in the profile you found interesting, a connecting point (eg: I'm a xyx fan also) and close with the suggestion that it would be nice to meet for coffee. Moving is a silly solution. Just be patient, have a strategy and hope for the best . 1
peach302 Posted November 23, 2020 Posted November 23, 2020 On 11/16/2020 at 8:28 PM, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Don’t think of it as if you are competing. It’s about attracting and keeping the interest of people who think you’re a match. If there is attraction and a connection in the conversation, they are going to stay interested. If these conversations are just, “hey what’s up””Not much you” type things, there really doesn’t appear to be much there; so yea they’ll lose interest for the next shiny. Be engaging and show the real you. also, I feel like people that have good pictures do better.Just doesn’t just mean ones where you look good, though that helps. But you can tell a lot about personality by pictures as well. If you’re really into reading, take a pic near your bookshelf. Motorcycles, have a picture on a motorcycle. If you like dancing, take a picture in the club. Pictures with context that someone you’d like could relate to can do better than a bunch of sexy selfies, especially if you want more than a hookup And this principle applies both on paid sides and less serious apps. I’ve met two boyfriends on tinder. And they were perfectly cool people and would be great life partners for someone else. I matched with a guy a day ago. He doesn't reply that quick and i guess i don't either so cant complain necessarily. His messages are so boring..and we've hardly even exchanged that many. But ones we have are making me fall asleep as well as thinking he has no enthusiasm to talk. I asked what happened with previous matches and hes like its not just about physical attraction its about s9meone i can get on with and have fun with...he said they didnt go anywhere because there was no connection. And im just like does he expect to message that unenthusiastically and expect the woman to entertain him . My point is it has to really be very mutual. Both have to try. At this point i may delete the guy lol 1 1
Miss Spider Posted November 24, 2020 Posted November 24, 2020 11 hours ago, peach302 said: I matched with a guy a day ago. He doesn't reply that quick and i guess i don't either so cant complain necessarily. His messages are so boring..and we've hardly even exchanged that many. But ones we have are making me fall asleep as well as thinking he has no enthusiasm to talk. I asked what happened with previous matches and hes like its not just about physical attraction its about s9meone i can get on with and have fun with...he said they didnt go anywhere because there was no connection. And im just like does he expect to message that unenthusiastically and expect the woman to entertain him . My point is it has to really be very mutual. Both have to try. At this point i may delete the guy lol I agree. A lot of people who say that “no one knows how to carry your conversation on OLD“ don’t really know how to carry a conversation either. Conversations are not a single player sport 1 1
SushiX Posted November 24, 2020 Posted November 24, 2020 Most men do not have their inboxes crammed with messages from many different women. You must be shooting for dudes way above your league. Gangsters need love too!
Love2share Posted December 1, 2020 Posted December 1, 2020 I've been using the Facebook Dating feature and encountered a similar issue. Except, over 100 men initiated contact by giving me their phone number and telling me to call them. I got a Google Phone number so I won't have to give out my personal number. It seems online dating is literally: dating online. Especially during the pandemic, a lot of people have no intention of meeting in person.
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