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Ok I had a 1st date tonight and I felt it was the most positive date I had in 2020

IntBrowser

By IntBrowser
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Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

Posted
Posted
45 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Consider going for a walk.  

 

Is "ice skating" allowed??  Many years ago, (when I lived in a cold weather area) I do remember dating this one woman that loved to go ice skating.  It was an outdoor rink and we had a lot of fun.  We didn't really get cold because we were moving around.  I was just OK at ice skating, but she was great.

Just an idea...

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

I think you are going to have to suck it up & find some outdoor activity you are willing to do.  I agree with you about not eating outside.  Check around see if any local places have igloo bubbles.  Some restaurants near me have done this.  It's enclosed space for you & your party & is heated.  You will still have to wear a coat but it's not frigid.  Consider going for a walk.   Around here there are drive in theaters, drive in concerts & drive in light shows.  See if you can find some locally.  

Understand, even with Covid, she may see a request to come to your house as a too early request for sex.  You will have to work with her to find suitable, safe & mutually enjoyable activities.  

The key will be keeping the lines of communication open.  

I havent done anything outside in the winter since I was a kid.    If the temp is below freezing a hat and gloves and coat can only do but so much.   So we will see how things go

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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2 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Is "ice skating" allowed??  Many years ago, (when I lived in a cold weather area) I do remember dating this one woman that loved to go ice skating.  It was an outdoor rink and we had a lot of fun.  We didn't really get cold because we were moving around.  I was just OK at ice skating, but she was great.

Just an idea...

Im early 40's and my knees disqualifies me for ice skating lol

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

I havent done anything outside in the winter since I was a kid.    If the temp is below freezing a hat and gloves and coat can only do but so much.   So we will see how things go

Understood but maybe a walk on a sunny day if the temps are at least about 30F 

kismetkismet Established Member

kismetkismet

Posted
Posted

It definitely sounds like she likes you. There are often minor communication hiccups in the initial stages because you're trying to figure out what they're feeling and, unfortunately, cannot read minds. I'd ask her on another date soon and see if she has any suggestions for things you can do. I would wait a couple of dates before inviting her to your house for take out because she may misconstrue that as you just wanting to have sex. Try another formal date or two and then offer to make her dinner on the third or fourth.

Do you have any nice nature/sight seeing walks nearby? Maybe even snowshoeing if it's available? Any Christmas light displays or Christmas markets in December? It's good to include more formal dates in the initial stages when you can (even if they're short) because it demonstrates a genuine interest in getting to know each other. 

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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5 hours ago, kismetkismet said:

It definitely sounds like she likes you. There are often minor communication hiccups in the initial stages because you're trying to figure out what they're feeling and, unfortunately, cannot read minds. I'd ask her on another date soon and see if she has any suggestions for things you can do. I would wait a couple of dates before inviting her to your house for take out because she may misconstrue that as you just wanting to have sex. Try another formal date or two and then offer to make her dinner on the third or fourth.

Do you have any nice nature/sight seeing walks nearby? Maybe even snowshoeing if it's available? Any Christmas light displays or Christmas markets in December? It's good to include more formal dates in the initial stages when you can (even if they're short) because it demonstrates a genuine interest in getting to know each other. 

Since my city is shutting down on Friday until Jan 1st, I asked her out on a 2nd date for Thursday night since that is the last night.    I believe that will go down in History as the quickest I ever seen someone after the 1st date.  And after Thursday I guess I will have to be creative in coming up with ways to see her.    Its outdoor skating ring downtown but I dont ice skate.  Maybe Christmas Light display is an idea after Thanksgivinng

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introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

Since my city is shutting down on Friday until Jan 1st, I asked her out on a 2nd date for Thursday night since that is the last night.    I believe that will go down in History as the quickest I ever seen someone after the 1st date.  And after Thursday I guess I will have to be creative in coming up with ways to see her.    Its outdoor skating ring downtown but I dont ice skate.  Maybe Christmas Light display is an idea after Thanksgivinng

My feeling is that, with the right person, almost any activity can be fun.  So yes to looking at a light display, or anything else you can dream up.  Have fun.

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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7 hours ago, introverted1 said:

My feeling is that, with the right person, almost any activity can be fun.  So yes to looking at a light display, or anything else you can dream up.  Have fun.

Not sure what I did wrong, last night after agreeing to go out with me on Thursday she asked on the phone what did I have in mind and I told her I will think about and get back to her tomorrow.    So this morning I sent her the website of two restaurants and never got a response back and that was at 9am this morning

 

I really hate this dating s***

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

 I told her I will think about and get back to her tomorrow.    

Try to be clear, firm and have a suggestion in mind when proposing a date.

If you're not interested, simply don't ask her out again.

Phone tag gets annoying on both ends.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

Yeah, I think you should’ve already had the plans in mind when you asked her out. Like would you like to go x place with me on x day? And then a time. Also I think you may have waited a tad too long. You just seemed to lacked confidence with this whole thing

Edited by Shortskirtslonglashes
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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
21 hours ago, introverted1 said:

My feeling is that, with the right person, almost any activity can be fun.  So yes to looking at a light display, or anything else you can dream up.  Have fun.

Agree and same re the manner in which you ask her out and when. 

When a woman is truly into you, attracted to you (beyond physical), you not having a definitive time, place, plan would not have mattered. 

She'd be thrilled you asked her out, and excited about seeing you again!   I always was anyway.  

You sent her two restaurants to choose from?  If something like that turned her off, then imo she was never all that into you in the first place. 

$.02.

Edited by poppyfields
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introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Yeah, I think you should’ve already had the plans in mind when you asked her out. Like would you like to go x place with me on x day? And then a time. Also I think you may have waited a tad too long. You just seemed to lacked confidence with this whole thing

OP, this is the thing: interest begets interest.  IOW, when you're confident and enthusiastic, so is she.  Conversely, if you hesitate, then ask with no firm plan, then say you have to get back to her...  well, it can easily start to feel as though you are not really interested, which will also dampen her interest.  Going forward, try not to let your doubts take over your actions.  I think you will have a better outcome.

ETA: Just saw @poppyfieldsreply.  🤣  One of us is surely right! Probably both of us, at different times.  :)

Edited by introverted1
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, introverted1 said:

OP, this is the thing: interest begets interest.  IOW, when you're confident and enthusiastic, so is she.  Conversely, if you hesitate, then ask with no firm plan, then say you have to get back to her...  well, it can easily start to feel as though you are not really interested, which will also dampen her interest.  Going forward, try not to let your doubts take over your actions.  I think you will have a better outcome.

ETA: Just saw @poppyfieldsreply.  🤣  One of us is surely right!

Agree completely!!!  Just because I am into a guy doesn’t mean I am going to put up with anything from him. You give the impression of low interest and that could dampen someone else’s. First of all you waited several days to even ask her out. Then you seem a bit lazy about the planning, like it’s an afterthought. You literally said “idk, I’ll get back to you”! 

 

Perhaps no one is “right“. Just different people with different preferences. :) Anyway,  I would not sleep on this next time OP because it never hurts to show a little effort  

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

, last night after agreeing to go out with me on Thursday she asked on the phone what did I have in mind and I told her I will think about and get back to her tomorrow

This is wishy washy and sounds like either you did not expect her to say yes or you hoped she would not say yes.
Neither is good from her POV.. 
 

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
12 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Agree completely!!!  Just because I am into a guy doesn’t mean I am going to put up with anything from him. You give the impression of low interest and that could dampen someone else’s. First of all you waited several days to even ask her out. Then you seem a bit lazy about the planning, like it’s an afterthought. You literally said “idk, I’ll get back to you”! 

 

Perhaps no one is “right“. Just different people with different preferences. :) Anyway,  I would not sleep on this next time OP because it never hurts to show a little effort  

Agree shortskirts, it might dampen my interest, and in that case, oh well.  Next. 

But not always, there were times early on when my boyfriend(s) didn't always have a precise plan, and it didn't matter a hill of beans to me!  I was excited to see him!  Over the moon!  Counting the days!  

I knew we had a date, the day was set, and I was flexible enough to not hold him to such rigid standards as having a precise time and place right at that moment.  

This happened when I was truly into him, attracted to him.  

When I wasn't, yeah something like that could make it or break it, most likely break it.

 

Edited by poppyfields
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

I guess I wouldn’t know how I’d feel because I’ve never had a guy ask me out on a second date several days later and when I asked him where, he said idk. That seems a bit weird 

Edited by Shortskirtslonglashes
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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
22 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I guess I wouldn’t know how I’d feel because I’ve never had a guy ask me out on a second date several days and when I asked him where, he said idk. That seems a bit weird 

Fair enough.  For me, I rarely asked him where, most of the time, we'd decide together the day of. It was a mutual decision which is how I preferred it.

Tbh, early in, I actually never liked it when a man had it all planned out, without my input.  I've had it happen, and the guy turned out to be controlling AF, no thank you!  Lol

We are on a date together, let's decide what to do together. It was all very natural and free flowing. 

The only time I liked/loved it is after we'd been dating awhile, he knew what I liked, and he'd plan a surprise or something, say on my birthday. 

But other than that, preferred to decide together. 

No right or wrong, different strokes and all that.

Edited by poppyfields
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)


Just offering OP explanation for what may have caused a decline in her interest. I would agree that if he had asked her the following day or the night of if she would like to hang out on x day, the question of when and where would have been less important. It was a combination of waiting a long time, not having a place to meet in mind, and coming back with two suggestions for her to have to plan that she  may have interpreted as lack of interest /lack of confidence /laziness 

 

she may have not had enough  interest in the first place but that’s not really anything op could have done after 

Edited by Shortskirtslonglashes
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

she may have not had enough  interest in the first place but that’s not really anything op could have done after 

^^100% agree with you ss.  

introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted
33 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Tbh, early in, I actually never liked it when a man had it all planned out, without my input.  I've had it happen, and the guy turned out to be controlling AF, no thank you!  Lol

 

Yep - I've dated that guy!  Ugh.

In OPs case, it may just be that there wasn't enough interest on either side to make it a go. Or it could be (outside chance) that she is researching the 2 restaurants he proposed and will reply later. @IntBrowserhas she responded?

 

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

I would guess that she would’ve got back that day. It had been since 9 AM. With no response? I do not think that is a good sign at all. 

Also, I think if you dated a controlling guy that suggested a date venue and time that was just a coincidence. I don’t think that it means someone is necessarily is a sign of control issues for someone to say ‘would you with me to the light show at 8 Friday?” If it were every or most dates. But this is just the second date. It simply shows planning and initiative
 

Another possibility, and I think this would be the biggest one for me. Is that it looks like you do not have any confidence in this. Don’t think that she cannot read that. First, you interpret her saying that she had to get off the phone as disinterest. Then you took forever to ask her out... And then you went through this whole dilemma on where to go( shouldn’t be that hard of a decision) Sounds like you are overthinking things and just not being confident.sorry if this sounds too critical. Just trying to help for next time

Edited by Shortskirtslonglashes
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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
17 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I don’t think that it means someone is necessarily is a sign of control issues for someone to say ‘would you with me to the light show at 8 Friday?”

You're right, your above example is not controlling, it's nice!   And I loved when that happened, assuming I was into the guy.

That wasn't what I was referring to though when saying I did not like when he had everything all planned out, like the restaurant or what we would do, after asking me out and me agreeing. 

I recall one time when this happened and while at the restaurant (of HIS choice) he proceeded to order for me, without asking me first if it was something I even liked!  🤣

Lordy, I could not wait to get outta there. 

I realize some women might like this, and that's fine.  Not for me. 

ss, agree with your assessment, OP lacks confidence and this girl, not all that into him. 

Edited by poppyfields
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introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted

My experience was a guy who planned out an elaborate day together to do something that was actually abhorrent to me.  He wouldn't tell me what we were going to do, but only what to wear, how far away the place was, how long to expect to be gone, etc.  That's all fine once someone knows me and knows what I like, but it's way OTT for a second or third date.  And yeah, he ended up being a control freak and never getting past date 4 or 5. 

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

Ohhh okay. I see. No, that actually seems a little bit weird too. Like wouldn’t they usually ask what kind of food you’d want to have if they suggest a place to eat???Though I guess women that like dominant, authoritarian men might like a man who doesn’t even inquire about her preference. Different people though. You are right 

Anyway, Poppy. You seem like a super intelligent woman, so am I sure your intuition is not far off about the guys you date 

Edited by Shortskirtslonglashes
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

OK, Opie this is how I would like to be asked out for food. It has usually gone something like this: 

 

What would you like to get dinner on Friday night ?

-Sure

  OK what sounds good to you? 

Chicken tenders 

okay let’s go to this awesome chicken tenders place I know of 

——

Never has a guy been like :

Want to go out with me on Friday night?

Sure 

OK I don’t know what to do but let me get back to you on that one

Ok

OK. Would you like to go to either of these two places? 
 

—— 
weird flex... And I think that strategy will hurt you with a lot of women. Anyway, I would not accept a second date from guy two days later bc I would assume I’m a back up option or something. If the date goes well we want to see each other again ASAP and it doesn’t take 2* days to figure that one 

 

Edited by Shortskirtslonglashes
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